Crack Weddings!

DeidaraXHinataXNaruto

A/N: ZOMG! I actually convinced meself to make another chapter! I might even make more if yall like this! So, if you don't mind, you can continue with requests! XD


Twas the night before Christmas, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse… Well, actually, there was a lot stirring…

"Clay-kun?" Deidara called, searching the entire Akatsuki base for his "spouse". "Clay-kun! Where's my clay, yeah?"

Then, he stood before Itachi's bedroom, the only room he hadn't checked.

He drew in a deep breath and let it out in a fearful sigh.

"Okay, just get in, look for Clay-kun and get out, yeah," he whispered.

He opened the door to see… Oh, the horror! Oh, the humanity! Oh, the pancakes! Wait… Pancakes?

He saw Sakura and Itachi sitting on the bed… Sucking… Sucking a cherry lollipop!

Itachi looked at his blonde comrade and extended the hand holding the lollipop to him.

"Wanna lick?" he asked.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" he yelled, running out of the room.

He ran and he ran and he ran… He ran until he was almost at Konoha.

"And after all that work to find a perfect partner," he whined. "Well, I knew it couldn't last… Looks like it's back to the drawing board…"

"No!" he heard somebody yell.

He looked to see Hinata walking very quickly with the blonde Kyuubi container following her.

"C'mon, Hinata-chan!" the blonde whined. "It's not what it looks like!"

"Wasn't it?" she asked. "You were in bed with that hussy!"

"Well, it's not like it was the first time!" he exclaimed.

"Ugh!" Hinata exclaimed and walked off.

"Hinata-chan!" called the Kyuubi.

"I never want to talk to you again!" cried Hinata.

Then, a light bulb went off over his head and he exclaimed, "Idea, yeah!"

He followed the girl the Kyuubi called Hinata and waited until he was sure they were far away from the other blonde.

"Uh, hi, yeah," he greeted.

She gasped and whirled around to face him.

"Sorry, yeah… I saw you walk by and I fell immediately in love with you," he lied. "Will you marry me? I would never cheat on you and I think I'd make a good husband, yeah…"

"Hm…" Hinata mumbled, deep in thought. "What if I just use you to make another man jealous?"

"Good enough for me, yeah!"

"C'mere, Hubby!" she exclaimed and they kissed.


Weeks later, the wedding preparations were all ready and the wedding was to be in mere moments.

"How do I look?" Hinata asked, turning to Sakura.

"Fit to be married to an evil psychopath that's out to kill, kill and marry random women…"

"That's exactly the look I was going for… But…"

"But…?"

"Well, you see, I-I don't know if I'm a good kisser…" she answered, blushing.

"Naruto never told you if you were or not?" asked the pink-haired kunoichi.

She shook her head,

"Oh, well, we have a few minutes…

Hinata looked to her friend in puzzlement.

"When the priest says, 'You may now kiss the bride', you take him by his arms and pulls his body close to your own…" she showed her by doing just what she was saying. "Then, you pucker your lips like this… And you kiss him… Like this…"

And they kissed.

Their luck must've been terrible this day because just as their lips touched, the door swung open and Hidan saw the two sucking face.

The girls' lips broke apart and they stared at Hidan in surprise.

"Holy shit that was cool… Do it again…"

The girls stared at him in surprise.

"And what if we say no?" asked Sakura.

"I said, 'Do it again', Bitches!"

And the seemingly religious man charged at the girls with his grim-reaper thingamajig, only to be tripped by a lump in the carpet.

He landed face first into the floor and he let out a muffled, "Ow…"

He sat up and brought his knees to his chest and whimpered.

"Oh, what's the matter?" asked Sakura in a baby-talk voice.

"I hurt my knee!" he cried.

"Aww, poor baby!" exclaimed Sakura.

She picked him up bridal-style and threw him out the window.

Needless to say, Hidan was out of commission…

"Take that, Pervert!"

"W-Was he our priest?" asked Hinata.

"Um… Probably…"

"…"

"…"

"I-I won't tell if you won't…"

Sakura smirked and the two stole one more glance at the seemingly-lifeless body three stories down.

"Bye bye, Priesty!" exclaimed Sakura, laughing.

Neji appeared and said, "I am to give you away because Uncle is still having a fit about you marrying Naruto…"

"Oh, uh, okay…"

And Hinata took Neji's arm and they started toward the place with the aisle and alter.

The wedding jingle started and they started down the aisle where Deidara was standing.

When they got there, Hinata looked around, trying to find Naruto so she could gloat… He was nowhere to be found.

Deidara looked around for Hidan or whoever the priest was going to be this time, but found nobody where the priest was supposed to be.

The entire church was so quiet, crickets could be heard chirping… Indoors…

"What now?" asked Hinata.

"I'll do it!" exclaimed that all-too-familiar voice of Rock Lee's.

He stood at the end of the aisle, doing the Nice-Guy pose and his hair blowing in the non-existent wind.

"How does his hair do that?" one of the people in the audience asked.

Lee walked down the aisle and stood in the Priest's spot.

"Oh, dear Sakura-san!" he exclaimed. "I shall show you how superior I am to any man by showing you how great I am at being a Priest-dude!"

Sakura chuckled sheepishly and bit her lower lip.

"Okily dokily… Do you, odd female-looking dude take my archrival's cousin to be your wifey-wife?"

"Uh, yeah, yeah…"

"Okay, do you, my archrival's cousin, take this female-looking dude to be your hubby?"

"Sure, why not?"

"Yay!" exclaimed Deidara.

"Hold it!" somebody yelled, throwing the doors open.

In stormed Hidan.

"You're alive?" asked Sakura. "I-I mean, you're late! You have a lot of 'splainin' to do, Mister!"

"Shut up, lady-kisser…" Hidan commanded. "The only person that gets to do weddings is me!"

"Uh, okily dokily?" Lee replied, looking nervous.

"How dare you do such a cheap impression of Ned Flanders?!"

"Sorry!" Lee yelled, running off.

"Okay, the dude that uses his hands to make-out with himself is marrying the chick that's just using him to get back at the Kyuubi container… Isn't this a nice, normal wedding?"

"Okily dokily," Hidan mumbled, putting on a pair of reading glasses.

"Heeeeey!" whined Lee.

"Shut up!" Hidan yelled.

Then, the doors swung open and in came Naruto, red faced and sweating.

"Quick, Deidara! Kiss me!" Hinata commanded.

"Hold it!" the other blonde yelled. "Hinata-chan! I didn't cheat on you!"

"But you admitted to it!"

"Well, we both took what the other said the wrong way… By 'hussy' I thought you meant ramen!"

Silence ensued.

"Ramen?" asked Hinata.

"Yeah!" exclaimed Naruto. "You see, you didn't actually walk in on me, you heard something that sounded like kissy noises, right?"

"Uh, yeah…"

"I was having a late-night snack of ramen! You heard me slurping the noodles!"

"So… You didn't cheat on me?" asked Hinata, shiny-eyed.

"Nope…"

"C'mere, Hubby!" and the two ran off.

"That was odd…" stated Sakura.

"Okily dokily, who shall I let marry next?"

"Why, you slimy piece of burning shit!" everybody heard somebody yell.

In stormed Ned Flanders, angry and swearing out the whoozah…

"So, that's what he's like off-air…" mumbled Sakura.

"How dare you fucking do such a cheap fucking impression of me, you fucker!"

Ned Flanders took Hidan by the ear and dragged him out of the church, saying, "You are going to be doing penances till the die you fucking die!"

And Deidara was forced to find a new partner while Hidan did his penances…


A/N: O.o Ned's scary… :Shudder: Lotsa swearing…