L is for Lost

Being lost or feeling lost wasn't something that was new for Cody. He remembered the feeling in his first moments out of the tank, his first moments breathing real air, his first moments not floating in the tank with nothing but his flash training and vague shapes. He remembered the feeling as he met his pod for the first time, all of them so young, so afraid. He remembered it all too often in training, his instructors tearing him down and rebuilding him. He remembered it when Kal Skirata had pulled him aside for a "good job, son". He remembered it when his brother had taken a live round through his chest in training and hadn't gotten back up.

He remembered it when he and his brothers had hit the ground for the first time on an unknown and foreign planet with nothing but orders and the training they'd been pushed through. He remembered feeling so lost when he had gotten to the other side of that battle and Windu had congratulated him even through his brothers, what was left of his pod, was lying in mud not but a few yards away. He remembered it when Windu had later introduced Kenobi and said that the Jedi was being assigned to Cody and 7th. He remembered it when Obi-wan had asked why he was still a Captain even thought he was doing a Commander's job.

He remembered all the times he and Kenobi had gotten lost one way or another on their missions. He remembered it from when Rex had come to him talking about Ahsoka and women and love. He remembered it when Kenobi had changed to Obi-wan. He remembered when Obi-wan had told him he mattered, that he needed to live and to not close his eyes. He remembered it when he'd woken up and Obi-wan was there and looked so relieved.

He remembered it when Obi-wan had kissed him it that side alley with his arms on fire and a holocron in his pocket.

He remembered it when Obi-wan had smiled at him before the attack on Utapau before they could even talk about the kiss.

He remembered it when Palpatine had give the order and he'd watched his Jedi fall from the cliff side into the water below.

He remembered not feeling it when the trooper had told him they hadn't found a body.

He remembered not feeling it when Palpatine had summoned him back to Courasant not a week later.

He remembered not feeling it when the Chancellor had screamed at him and flung lightning at him because Obi-wan wasn't dead.

He remembered feeling it when he'd been sent back to the front lines with his head still attached to his shoulders.

He remembered it when the orders came to kill all Jedi, to kill anyone who sympathized or protected them, to use any force necessary.

He remembered it when his men glared at him and avoided him, when they started disappearing, when soon none of them were left.

He remembered it when he was training the new recruits, all natural borns and no more clones now. From the millions that had once fought to defend the universe, it was down a few hundred, most in officer positions; part of the 501st, or in special operations. He only saw a fellow clone every so often and most often they didn't acknowledge each other. They weren't anything anymore, just more soldiers to be used as cannon fodder.

He remembered it as he stood in the muddy trenches on Cato Neimoidia, watching as the enemy, the rebels, appeared at their rear, cutting through the back of his lines like cannon fodder. His ships were trying to take off, trying to get troops out of the losing situation, but the heavy guns from the front lines of the rebels were cutting them down. This was going to be end for them and there was nothing he could do. His information had been wrong, there was only suppose to be a small force on the planet, not a full on army so he had only been sent here with a small battalion. They were being decimated before his eyes and there was nothing he could do.

He didn't feel it when he came to the realization that he was going to die here, in the mud and rain on this godforsaken planet amongst men and women who weren't his brothers or sisters, who only acknowledged him because he was their superior. He was going to die to the rebels, to a group made up of people and species from all over the galaxy that hated him because he fought for an empire he didn't support but that he couldn't leave because there was nothing out there for a commander of the Imperial Navy except pain, torture and death. He was going to die here because anything less would be a disgrace to those who had died before him to let him get here.

He didn't feel it as he charged with the last of his soldiers in their final stand, hitting the surging rebel ranks with a cry a fury. He cut through the first few rebels with ease, but then one of his people fell, then another and another and another. They filled in the gaps as best they could, but soon the rebels had weeded them down till only a few remained and easily moved between those left. The close quarters forced Cody to abandon his rifle and pull out his long knife, slashing through those closest. The rebels realized they were outmatched and shifted till those better suited for hand-to-hand combat were in closer. The rest moved back and formed a ring around them, seeming to be happy to watch their fellow man or alien take down an Imperial officer.

He didn't feel it as his blade sunk into rebel after rebel, ending their lives with the ease he had been taught on Kamino and then refined under Kenobi's tutelage. He dodged attacks when needed, deflected a few and let one or two hit their marks as he saw fit. He was easily taking the rebels down, his training far more advanced than what they had received it seemed. Most probably just thought what training they had made them experts. Poor rebels, Cody mused, to not have gotten proper military training.

He didn't feel lost when he heard the snap hiss of a lightsaber behind him and lunged forward, hearing the familiar thwump as the lightsaber passed over his head. He turned the lunge into a roll and came up with his own lightsaber on, his blade stowed away for the time. His blade turned his scuffed and mud stained armor blue. The Jedi before him held two blades, both green. One was of normal length while the other was slight shorter. Cody only knew of a handful of Jedi who fought like this and he knew the one standing before him quite well. Ahsoka Tano glared back at him, looking all the part of a young woman now rather than the girl he had known back in the wars. She looked ready to kill him and Cody had no doubt she would.

Cody didn't feel lost as he stood, lightsaber at the ready, glaring back at his fate.