Every night I almost call you,

Just to say it always will be you,

Wherever you are."

Santana's POV

Bushwick, NY

Taking the train back to Bushwick was rather relieving after spending nearly an entire week in my hometown – a trip that was full of drama, misunderstandings and all kinds of plot twists that made me never want to return to Lima again.

Turns out Rachel and Kurt had made up while I was gone, thus our insufferable primadonna had moved back in with us. I had a hunch that her return would result in a lot more arguments between us, but I was honestly too exhausted to give a damn about it.

'Should I take you home?' Dani asked carefully, staring through the windshield of her car in the parking lot, near the train station.

She knew about the feud between Rachel and me. However, I didn't go to depths about the seriousness of the situation.

Dani must've sensed my reluctance, because she turned the key in the ignition and flashed a welcoming smile at me:

'Or maybe you could spend the night with me' she offered with her cutest selfish smirk. 'You know I don't like sleeping alone' she added.

'That's too tempting' I admitted.

She trailed her fingers along my inner thigh, leaning towards me to place a kiss on my lips.

'Tell me about it'

'I should go back home though' I resisted the temptation to rip her clothes off. 'Rachel and I have some issues to work on'

'But she's moved back, right?'

'Yes...' I hesitated.

When Dani's lips curled into a wide, victorious smile, I knew I had lost this fight.

'So she's not going anywhere in the near future, right?' Dani tapped my thigh as she didn't even bother to wait for my confirmation. 'That means she'll still be there tomorrow'

'Good reasoning, I'll give you that' I gave in.

'Good reasoning just got me a night with my girlfriend'

'I hate you so much sometimes' I said, discrediting my words with a kiss placed on her lips.

The smile plastered on her face was annoyingly wide and it refused to fade even after we'd arrived to her apartment and I realized I had forgotten to pack my phone charger in the morning and therefore left it in Lima.

'You can use mine' she wobbled her charger in front of my eyes.

'I'm so fucking pissed'

'Pissed why?!'

Dani threw her suitcase on the bed and unzipped it. She took out a giant nylon bag with her laundry systematically placed in it and grimaced upon seeing the wrinkled clothes at the bottom of the suitcase.

'I don't know. I just am'

Which was the closest I could get to the truth, because the fact is, I was furious and I had no idea why. It might've been because of that last conversation with my abuela, or the frustration I felt over the confrontation with Rachel. Or maybe for some simple, stupid reason, like leaving my charger in Ohio. Either way, I felt like a volcano ready to erupt and I didn't want Dani to witness that side of me again.

'Give me that' I asked, reaching for a dark blue flannel she had just taken out of her suitcase and casually putting it on.

Her scent slowed my racing heartbeat down and I enjoyed as the fluffy, warm feeling her closeness caused, arose in my stomach and rushed through my body.

'Looks good on you' she winked.

Dani folded a pair of ripped jeans in half. I watched as she pulled out a drawer and placed them inside, then carried a heap of laundry to the bathroom.

I had a sudden urge to do it for her; to do anything at all that would reassure her of how much I cared, because she deserved it more than anybody ever had.

So I followed her to the bathroom, laughing at the number of dirty clothes lying around and Dani's confused face as she was trying to sort them.

'I got it, baby' I smiled, bending down to pick up a red push-up bra.

Dani remained silent while I organized her laundry, loaded the washing machine with a heap of clothes and tapped a combination of buttons on the interactive screen.

'I could get used to this' she said a couple of minutes later, staring contemplatively at something over my shoulder.

'Well, don't' I playfully stuck my tongue out at her.

Her gaze dropped at my face.

'That was very not nice of you to say' Dani pouted and threw one of her dirty thongs at me.

The underwear landed on my shoulder. I gasped in mocked indignation.

Dani laughed as I grabbed her by the waist and smacked her ass. It always amazed me how fast I could go from relatively calm to sexually aroused around her.

I pressed my lips against hers and she kissed back, even though the look in her eyes was distant, like she was stuck in a different universe, disinterested in everything that was going on in the current one.

We spent most of the night cuddling and teasing each other, then I remember falling asleep with my legs wrapped around her waist. At around 2 am, Dani's voice and quiet whimpering awoke me; she was talking in her sleep, but I couldn't make out any words. A teardrop rolled down her cheek when I gently caressed her arm and pecked her lips.

'It's okay, baby' I whispered, feeling her body tense up next to mine as my touch roused her from sleep. Her eyes slowly opened.

'I had a bad dream' she mumbled right away.

'Do you want to talk about it?'

'No, I can't... relive it'

I was convinced she wouldn't remember this in the morning. I brushed a strand of hair behind her ear.

'I love you'

'I love you' Dani whispered.

I let her pull me back on her chest, throwing my arm around her waist and listening as her chest began moving at an even pace. Within a short period of time, she fell back asleep.

'What did you dream about last night?' I asked while taking a seat at the diner table the next morning, holding a mug filled with coffee.

Dani furrowed her brows. 'I don't remember. Why?'

'You were talking in your sleep' I said catiously.

Dani froze. She grabbed her own mug and sat across from me at the table.

'What's happening...?' my voice was more worried than I intended.

'I need to ask you something' she finally admitted. I nodded, brushing off a very uncomfortable feeling. 'But promise me you won't get pissed'

'Babe, you're scaring me…'

Dani took a deep breath. I'd never seen her so nervous (or excited?) before. As a way of contradicting her serious tone, Dani's lips curled into a half-smile and the warm pair of hazel eyes sought comfort in my glance.

'I want you to move in with me' she said without sugarcoating.

My jaw dropped.

'Am I rushing things? Because then I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pressure you to do something you don't want to' she gabbled. 'I just thought that maybe, you know, you'd want to take this –'

Dani's face turned from nervous to hectic. I couldn't help but smile at her jabbering.

'It would be a pleasure to wake up next to you every day' I cut her off gently.

My girlfriend grinned. 'I was hoping you'd say that'

'You just want someone to do your laundry, huh?' I teased her.

Dani's smile slightly faded. 'Yeah, I mean, the way you push those buttons is so sexy I can't not see it on a regular basis'

I chuckled at her response. The realization that we had just taken our relationship to the next level and were about to start a new life together began sinking in and I felt the muscles in my face go numb from smiling so wide.

'You scared the shit out of me' I then knitted my brows, reaching out to nudge her hand. 'I thought there was something wrong'

'I'm sorry' she neglectfully apologized.

She walked up behind me and gently wrapped her arms around my shoulder.

'You make me happy' Dani whispered, the warmth of her breath tickling my cheek.

'I would say the same, but that would be an understatement' I replied.

She kissed my temple.

'I literally cannot wait to piss you off with all my bad habits' Dani playfully remarked.

I stood up to face her.

'Then again, I could say the same, but that would be an understatement'

She scoffed, shaking her head in pretended disapproval. 'You're a real pain in the ass'

I opened my mouth to respond.

'Hold that thought' she raised her index finger before I could say anything at all. 'I have some errands to run, so why don't I take you home so you can pack your stuff?'

I nodded. 'Sounds like a plan'

Ten minutes later, Dani reversed out of the parking lot, took a sharp left turn and reluctantly drove me home, her movements so slow and full of hesitation, that it was obvious she only brought me back there, because she was so keen on having me move in with her.

The minutes continued passing by, Dani took two right turns and then drove a couple of miles on the highway and by the time I recognized the familiar ten-story buildings, she pulled over to the side of the road in front of the apartment I wasn't particularly welcomed in. I squirmed on the passenger seat. Dani noticed the goosebumps all over my arms.

'Hey, it's going to be okay' she tenderly caressed my cheeks. 'And if anything goes wrong, you just text me and I'll be here to pick you up'

I slightly nodded. I wanted to tell her how grateful I was for her unconditional support, but I failed to get my brain to formulate comprehensible sentences. So instead, I just kissed her and promised to send a text as soon as Rachel and I had fixed our issues, which was highly unlikely to go down in a calm manner, but still. I had no intention to end my friendship with my two - now former - roommates on bad terms. In my own twisted way I still loved them and I didn't want any bad blood to be between us.

As I unlocked the front door, Kurt's sympathetic face was the first thing that caught my attention. He peaked at me from behind the kitchen counter and I had a feeling Rachel was sitting at the diner table, but I couldn't exactly see her from the wall separating the kitchen from the foyer.

'Hey guys' I greeted them half-heartedly.

I heard a chair creak and a moment later, Rachel pulled me in a warm embrace, expressing her condolences for my grandfather. I was caught off guard by the move, mostly because the last time I saw her she ripped a photo of us in half and stormed out of the apartment.

The embrace was a couple seconds longer than necessary, but to my surprise, it felt nice.

'I know I blew the whole understudy thing out of proportion' she explained quickly, her voice honest and regretful. 'I've been doing a lot of thinking, and you really are my only friend out here'

'Hey!' Kurt furrowed her brows.

'I mean, my only girl friend' Rachel corrected herself.

'It's okay, Rachel' I replied, still shaken up by her unexpected apology. 'I just wanted to settle things before I moved out'

They both protested.

'No, no, you don't have to' Rachel lifted her palms. 'I don't intend to be a bitch any longer'

'Plus, the apartment is way too quiet without you' Kurt added.

I smiled at their attempts to keep me from moving out. It was getting harder than I assumed; looking around the apartment that used to be my home for over a year brought so many flattering memories forth that I teared up.

'Well, I didn't just want to drop a bomb like that, but Dani asked me to move in with her' I said before my emotions took control of my rationality.

Kurt shrieked and jumped out from behind the kitchen counter, nodding enthusiastically and pulling me in tight hugs. Rachel did the same thing, except her face was reserved, like she couldn't decide if she should share some dirty secret with me before saying goodbye.

'I'm really happy for you, Santana' she then said, her voice unusually deep and false.

Kurt gave her a serious look. I furrowed my brows, shifting my gaze from Rachel to Kurt and vice versa.

'What's going on?'

'I need to show you something' Rachel slightly nodded after making the confession, then turned around and disappeared in her room, just to show up five seconds later with a piece of paper in her hand that looked like a handwritten letter.

'If you're about to confess your love to me in that letter, let me tell you that it's not the right time' I remarked, trying desperately to lighten the mood.

'Not this time, Santana'

A tiny smile appeared in the left corner of her mouth, then she handed the paper over.

'It's a letter Finn wrote to you. Back in senior year'

My heart sunk into my stomach. I shook my head, subconsciously retreating from Rachel and Kurt, holding the paper a good ten inches away from my body.

'Why would he do that?' I asked the first question that popped into my head.

My roommates exchanged meaningful glances.

'We never read it' Kurt quietly answered. 'We know it's from senior year, because of the date on the back' he pointed at the back of the letter. 'But it has your name written on it, so...'

I slumped onto the couch.

'This cannot be fucking happening'

That was all I could recite over and over again, constantly torn between reading the letter and tearing it up, promising myself that once I die, I'll follow Finn Hudson to the darkest, deepest pit of hell and haunt him for the rest of eternity as a punishment for making me care about him and then walking right out of my life.

'How did you even get this?'

My two friends stood in front of me, exchanging anxious looks and shifting their weight from one leg to the other.

'His mom called, said she'd found some stuff in Finn's room that might belong to us' Rachel explained. 'She sent that letter in a box, among other things' she added.

I slightly nodded, accepting the explanation, while feeling as if the walls that had been isolating me from his painful memory had started caving in.

'I need some alone time' I stated, getting on my feet and heading towards my room.

I locked the door behind myself. My hands were shaking and because of the growing lump in my throat, I could barely breathe. I unfolded the paper. My eyes watered upon seeing the familiar handwriting.

Dear Santana!

You know I'm not too good at expressing myself verbally – well, I'm sure everyone who's ever had a semi-serious conversation with me is aware of that. But there's something I feel the need to tell you, even though it was a lifetime ago, I still think about it sometimes.

I've always wanted to apologize for outing you. But each time I thought I'd built up the courage to do so, I chickened out. So I thought I would write it down, but then again, I probably won't be brave enough to hand it to you anyway.

I can't make any justifiable excuses for myself. I was mad, so I hit you where I knew it would hurt the most. That was nasty. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry that that national commercial aired and I'm sorry for not letting you finish your coming out process the way that you wanted to. I'm starting to see how important this must've been for you and I ruined it without thinking about the consequences.

I don't know what the future holds for either one of us; I have a strong feeling you can't wait to get rid of all this glee club drama so you can move to New York to live your very own American dream. I hope it works out for you, because that is exactly where you belong. I'm also hoping you'll keep Rachel company – I've always thought you guys rivaled because of Rachel's obsession with solos, then I realized it was because of how different you two were. I think you'll get along just fine though.

I can't help but think of a quote I'd heard a while back. I don't recall the exact words, but it was something about having to carry on fighting, even when you feel like the whole world is out to get you. I'm not sure if that makes any sense. But I'm asking you to keep fighting. (Cheesus, I'm starting to sound like a teacher here.)

Anyway, I hope one day you will be able to forgive me and I hope we can wipe the slate clean and base a friendship on trust and acceptance, because no matter how hard you try to conceal it, I know you're capable of that. I know there's so much more to you than sarcastic remarks and dramatic outbursts.

Since I'm getting way off topic now, I think it's time I finished this letter.

I will always believe in you, Santana.

Yours,

Finn

I read the letter over and over again, until tears began smearing his messy handwriting and even when my blurred vision and aching heart screamed at me to stop, I forced myself to reread it, squinting at the paper as if it was glued to my fingers.

'I forgive you' I quietly sobbed. 'I forgive you'

He was so close yet so far. I blamed myself for holding him responsible for my confrontation with my grandmother; but in reality, I had forgiven him a very long time ago. So many words were left unspoken, because I never felt the need to utter them. And now it was too late. He was long gone and I was here, stuck in my misery, surrounded by pain and never-ending guilt I could no longer stifle and I honestly, passionately hated myself for thinking that putting on a brave front was more important than reassuring Finn of my forgiveness.

I collapsed on my bed, convinced that I wouldn't make it to my new home tonight. I wanted Dani to be there with me, to hold me tight and whisper „it's going to be okay" even though I know it isn't.

I sent her a brief text, hoping she would understand and accept my staying here for another night.

Then I faltered to the door, pushed down on the door handle and approached the only person I was capable of sharing my pain with.

'Rachel…' I called her name, my voice raspy and weak from crying.

She sat on the couch, staring blankly in front of herself. Upon hearing my voice, she turned around and motioned me to take a seat.

As I sat next to her, I noticed the tears streaming down Rachel's face. She held a light blue, checked flannel in her palms, staring down at it in silence. I recognized the shirt; the last time I saw it was when Finn Hudson put it on at the choir room with a wide grin plastered on his face.

'I miss him every single day' Rachel said. Every word she spoke was like a stab to the heart. 'We had it all planned out, you know. I keep wanting to call him everytime… something goes according to plan, but then I remember: he's not going to answer. Ever again' the last two words escaped her lips in the form of a quiet sigh. I wiped a tear rolling down her cheek.

'He thought I was still mad at him for outing me'

'He believed in you'

I tried to speak, but the tears suffocating me made it impossible to articulate a single word. Rachel pulled me in a tight hug and for the first time in weeks, I let all the pain overrule my attempts to suppress it and we cried in each others' arms, knowing that neither one of us will ever deal with the loss of the awkward drummer who lacked all kinds of ability to learn the simplest of dance moves.