A/N: Thanks, as always, for the warm reviews. I'm glad you are all enjoying the story. Casey's a little spacey in this one, and I feel like Charlie gets to start acting a little... um... like the Charlie we all want Casey to leave. Steple, this is your concept, let me know how you think this is going. :) Everyone else, enjoy. DMAA

(12)

Picking up a slice of pepperoni pizza, Casey groaned. "Charlie, I'm so done with this class," she bemoaned to her boyfriend of eleven months. They had the same ethics professor, though were in two different units of her class, and that put them with the same weekly reading assignments and essays. It helped when they were doing the work, then, to bounce ideas off each other, particularly since Charlie had a better grasp over the difference between legal ethics and Catholic ethics.

"That's because you don't like the fact that sometimes, doing the right thing is illegal," Charlie pointed out, moving his laptop from his lap before grabbing himself a slice. He had brought over the pizza for their weekly, Monday night study date. Since their first argument involving Charlie's drinking, he had stopped as far as Casey knew, and she appreciated it. In the back of her mind, though she thought he still drank, just not on the nights they had plans because there were days where she would run into him on campus and he would be acting strange. Usually, it was before an exam, and Casey chalked it up to him needing to deal with the stress. She had kept that much to herself, though, knowing that if she vented to Alex, Alex would go to Charlie and chew him out. She appreciated the blond looking out for her, but it made her feel as if she were too immature and incapable of talking to Charlie herself. That she was was beside the point. She would not know how to approach that conversation even if she thought about it for several days.

In fact, she did not know how to approach most conversations with Charlie. "I don't know which is the better thing to be," Casey mumbled, setting her pizza down, suddenly not hungry. "Right or legal."

"Depends what you're doing at the time. As a lawyer, you want to be both."

"I can't be both, Charlie. The law doesn't work like that." Casey sighed, leaning back against the couch. They were both sprawled out on the floor of Charlie's apartment since his place had more room than Casey's.

"Okay, I stand corrected. You want to be legal and win."

Casey laughed. "Yea, that sounds about right." Almost halfway complete with her second year of law school and, therefore, halfway complete with her law degree, Casey knew she had changed from the naïve little creature her parents had sent out of New York to Massachusetts. It was strange to think that law school had corrupted her, but it was less law school and more Alexandra Cabot. The blond had her saying a variety of words comfortably in public that Casey had never thought she would even say, let alone would fly out of her mouth as expletives in a time of startlement or anger. She also had never thought about using the Lord's name in vain, but goddammit had made it onto the list of her most commonly utilized phrases.

Her personality changes had made her relationship with Charlie easier, too. He did not seem to be walking on eggshells around her nearly as often around her, though she had never really understood why he had in the first place. Andy had told her that it had to do with him watching his mouth, something he was apparently not accustomed to doing. Casey had to take him for his word because she never voiced that to Charlie. Casey was becoming more laid back with her clothing, too. By the beginning of December, she no longer had to borrow clothes from Alex to go out. She owned several of her own slightly more risqué tops and jeans that buttoned lower than her waist. Alex had convinced her to buy a pair of pre-ripped jeans, too, telling her that it was the style of the day for women their age. Casey still was not totally convinced, though many of her classmates that she saw in the cafe where she worked wore that style.

Casey had been promoted to part time server and part time hostess that semester as well, and now that she was a second year, the school did not care that she had a job to attend to as well. It made for an exciting time trying to get everything done. What she had thought were a lot of sleepless nights the first year had more than doubled, and even the weekends left her exhausted.

"What's got you thinking so much?" Charlie asked her after several minutes of silence between them, Casey neither in a book nor on her computer. "You alright?"

"Yea," Casey said, biting her lip. She had not talked to Alex any further about their slightly more than friendship encounters, and since the day they had gone swimming in the pond, there had been others. Nothing nearly so secret, but as Casey's experiences grew with Charlie, she began to recognize some of the same actions shared between her and Alex. And, it was hardly Alex that initiated them all. "Can we take a break from studying?"

"Sure. What's going on, Casey? Talk to me, sweetheart." Charlie set the remainder of his food back on his plate and wiped his hands.

Licking her lips, Casey moved to her hands and knees, crawling towards him. "Lay down and close your eyes," she muttered, her own lids low. She caught the dilation of her boyfriend's pupils as he opened his mouth. She pressed a finger quickly to his lips silencing the question she knew was coming. She had grown to expect him to question her moving forward with their relationship, and though she still would not have sex before marriage, she had adapted to be somewhat more touchy than she had been in the summer time. "I want to try something. I promise nothing."

Charlie nodded, obeying Casey's command to lay down, his eyes closed. Casey crawled over his legs and straddled him across his hips. She rested her hands on his chest and closed her own eyes, feeling his breathing change beneath her hands. He shifted his hips slightly. "Sorry," he murmured.

"Shh," Casey ordered. Charlie fell silent as her hands moved over his chest and stomach. Her fingers danced up his torso to his neck, tracing the collar on his shirt. She moved her hands over her shoulders and down his arms, trying to focus on the sensation of her fingertips more than where she was touching. Eventually, her fingers grazed the stubble on his chin, the soft fullness of his lips, the rough of his cheeks where his beard was trying to grow back before he shaved again. Her fingers touched his nose and dragged over his eye lids. Charlie lay still beneath her, and she knew he was afraid to touch her, afraid to frighten her off. It was then that she realized how intimate the gesture really was, and she pulled her hands away, coiling them to her chest.

"Don't move, just talk to me," Casey said, her voice low. "Do you think it's possible to have romantic feelings for your best friend?"

Charlie nodded. "Yes, Casey. I have them for my best friend," he whispered, his hands tracing her legs and resting on her hips. She covered his hands with hers, her thumb rubbing circles in the space between his index finger and thumb. "Why?"

"It seems weird to me. Your best friend is supposed to be a part of your family."

"Your partner is a part of your family. If the person you have these feelings for is also your best friend, Casey, then you probably found a perfect match." Charlie smiled, his hands moving up Casey's body. She did not stop him, too lost in her own thoughts to stop him from moving. As he reached her chest, though, she batted his hands away automatically. Certain parts of her body were off limits by reflex alone, and her chest and between her hips were the two big spots she even felt uncomfortable with her doctor touching. "You okay?"

Casey nodded, looking down at Charlie before remembering his eyes were closed. "I'm okay."

"What was the experiment for?"

"I had no idea how intimate touching someone was when I couldn't see them."

Charlie nodded. "You been reading or something?"

"No," Casey answered. "You can open your eyes now." He did. She leaned down and kissed him reassuringly.

"Have you done it before?"

"No," Casey lied, laying her head on Charlie's chest as she did so. She still had a tell when she lied. She still blushed like mad, and she knew he would know she was lying if he saw her blush.

He accepted her words as truth, stroking her hair and back as she lay on top of him. "You've been more open of late, Casey. What's up?"

She smiled. This lie, she had practiced because there was no way she could tell her boyfriend that her comfort level was changing because of Alex. "I guess I'm just more comfortable around you the longer we're together."

"Good," Charlie muttered, "because I hope this lasts long after law school is over."

Casey sat up. "What do you mean?"

"I mean I got an internship for the summer at a law firm in New York. You told me you were going to intern for Judge Hermann in the courts, and I don't want to spend summer without you."

Her eyes lit up with excitement. "Really? That's so great, Charlie." And, despite her confusion, she meant it. She thought she really might love the man, though she had no idea how to say it. She had no idea if it were appropriate being that it was her first relationship. And, she had no idea who to ask. Alex was helpful, but she generally let Casey learn from her own mistakes and intuitions. In all honesty, though, Casey appreciated that more than she would a hand through everything.

"So, you're glad?" Charlie asked, hesitant.

Nodding, Casey leaned down and kissed him again. "Of course I am. My parents have been wanting to meet you for months."

The smile faded off Charlie's lips, and he sat up under Casey. "Casey? Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

Casey shrugged. "I don't know. I just – I didn't want to ask if you didn't – I don't know what the fuck I'm doing, Charlie." Sighing, Casey rolled back to sit on Charlie's thighs. "If you meet my mother, she'll get all marriage happy on us, and I don't want that."

"Wouldn't you want to get married?" Charlie asked, sitting up more completely and sliding Casey into his lap.

Biting her lip, Casey adjusted, unable to get comfortable. "Well, yes, someday, I supposed I would be married. But, Charlie, I want a career first. I don't want ten children and a stay at home mother job. Not that I don't appreciate my mother, but that's not me. It's just not me."

Charlie stroked Casey's cheek. "What if you get married but don't have kids?" he asked. "At least, not until much later?"

Laughing, Casey curled against him, not quite comfortable but not quite not, either. It was as though she were somewhere in between satisfied and disquieted, and she was unsure as to which side she leaned more total to. "That's going to be a bit of an issue unless I marry a man who is okay not having sex until then."

"Casey, I'm confused. Why would that be an issue?"

"I won't have sex outside of wedlock, and I won't use contraceptives, Charlie. Whatever God gives to me, whenever He gives it is fine by me. I'll just ensure that when He does, I'm financially able to care for children and that I'm stable enough in a career to raise a family by not doing anything to expedite the issue prior to that time."

Charlie shook his head. "You baffle me, Casey."

Lifting her face to his, Casey kissed his chin. "Good. It's nice to know I confuse some people." She lay against him in a mess of papers, books, computers, plates, and a pizza box wondering what her life would become. She was not naïve enough to not know what Charlie had been digging at, and she was most definitely smart enough to know better than to open her mouth. So, it was in silence that she sat against him, him holding her. She knew he would never allow someone else to hurt her. Her father had always said that she ought to find a man like that, a man who would defend her and her honor. Charlie would. She felt absolutely certain about that fact.

"Charlie-"

"It's okay, Casey," Charlie murmured, combing her hair with his fingers.

Reaching over, she grabbed his hand, again, an automatic reflex. "Don't. Please. It hurts." She bit her lip and pulled out of his arms.

Charlie's brow furrowed. "Are you sure you're okay? You sound like you've been doing a lot of deep thinking. What's going on?"

Shaking her head, Casey sighed. "I've wanted to go to law school since I was a little kid. Now that I'm halfway done, I'm just that much closer to my future, and I don't know if I'm doing it right or not."

"What's wrong with it?"

Casey shrugged. "I don't know, Charlie. You ever get that nagging feeling, though, that you've missed something incredibly important?"

With a sigh of his own, Charlie shook his head. "No, Casey. I feel like my life's on the right track, really and truly."

"You think?"

"Yea, Casey, I really think so. Are you happy?"

Casey nodded. "Very." Charlie pulled Casey close to him. "Why?" She let him hold her against him, his fingers running up and down her arms and across her stomach. She closed her eyes, letting herself enjoy the sensation, but it was not his touch that first crossed her mind, and she startled, panting in his arms. "Charlie, I-"

He kissed her neck. "It's okay. I won't do anything you don't want me to."

"I know," Casey mumbled, resting her hand on his so that her hand followed his across her stomach and up from her navel to her chin. Her gasp was automatic as his index finger grazed over her lips. He slid his fingertip into her mouth, and she closed her mouth briefly around his finger before turning her head from him, pressing her face into her own shoulder. "Charlie, I can't."

He stroked her hair. "Okay," he murmured. "I'm sorry. Honey, I don't want to make you uncomfortable. I care about you too much for that."

"I know," Casey mumbled again, talking into her shoulder.

Charlie tucked his finger under her chin and drew her face to him. "Hey, look at me, sweet heart. I love you, okay? I would never hurt you."

Looking over to Charlie, Casey crawled away, quickly turning to face her boyfriend, eyes wide. "What?"

"I love you, Casey." Charlie paused, looking at her with concern in his eyes. "Is that okay?"

It took Casey a while to get her mouth to work with words again as she sat back on her haunches. "I- yea, I mean, they're your emotions, but I – um, I-"

Charlie chuckled. "You don't have to say it back. I have to admit I was hoping you would, but if you're not ready to yet, that's okay."

"No. No, Charlie, I love you. I do."

"But-"

Casey shook her head. "No buts, Charlie. I do love you." She moved back close to him, her mouth closing over his. "I love you, Charlie Rhoads, but don't ask anything more of me yet."

"I don't want to ask anything of you, Casey, except that you tell me the truth, even when you don't think I'll like it."

Casey nodded. "It's late, Charlie," she whispered, her fingers touching his lips as he moved to kiss her again. "I have a bus to catch."

"You can spend the night here."

"No, Charlie."

"Why not, Casey? You can sleep in the bed. I'll sleep on the couch. Hand to God, Casey, I won't try anything guyish."

Casey shook her head. "I know. That's not the issue."

"What's the issue, then? You're tired. You need sleep."

Standing, Casey picked up her books, tucking sticky notes to mark the pages she was on. "I can't. I have to get home and sleep so I can change in the morning and go to work. I have to open the cafe tomorrow, that's at five am. Charlie, please, can we discuss this later? I need a night to just sleep. I barely got any this weekend."

Casey began placing her books in her bag. She slung it over her shoulder, kissing Charlie lightly over the lips. "Night, Charlie. I'll see you Thursday."

Reaching forward, Charlie grabbed Casey's chin, pulling her back to face him. "Casey, you're being unreasonable."

"Charlie, let me go." Casey jerked out of his grip, her own hand closing on the strap of her pack tightly. "I'm leaving. I'll see you Thursday." Charlie grasped Casey's upper arm, turning her back to him. "Charlie, stop."

"Why do you do this to me, Casey? Why do you lead me on then vanish? Don't give me any of your naïve Catholic crap, either/ I'm not buying it. You've been doing this for a couple of months now, and I'm getting tired of it. I can't help but think you're doing something behind my back."

Yanking her arm away from him, Casey glowered. "What would I be doing, Charlie? What do you think I've gotten in my head?"

"The way you talk, the way your eyes are absent when we kiss, it's like you're thinking about some one else. Are you?"

Casey backed up against the wall. "I'm not, Charlie. Stop this nonsense. I just told you I loved you. I've never told anyone that before, and I mean what I say. Charlie, why are you acting so strange? There is no one else that I know to think of, no other man. Charlie, I have no one else." He leaned over her against the wall, his hands on her sides, pinning her. "Charlie? What are you doing?"

"Who are you going to run to after this, huh? After our little spat? You ran to Alex last time. What about now?"

Casey curled deeper into the wall, tears catching at her eyelashes. "Charlie, stop. I just want to go home and go to bed. I have to be at work early tomorrow." Casey ducked under Charlie's arm and grabbed the door, yanking it open. She raced out into the night. Charlie did not follow her out, instead, slamming the door shut behind her.

At the bus stop, Casey curled up, her bag tucked against her stomach. The cool December air nipped at her until she shivered under her shirt, her jacket still in Charlie's hall closet. Teeth chattering, Casey stared at her watch, counting down the minutes until the bus was due to arrive, but it never came, and forty minutes later, she was still shivering, curled up against the shelter as tight as she could be to try and stay warm.

She was too tired to try and walk to her apartment just outside of town. It would take several hours, and by the time she wound up home, she feared she would be half frozen. Pulling out her cell phone, she debated calling a memorized number. Flipping open the phone, she tugged the antenna up. "Please, pick up," she whispered.

"Hello?"

"Charlie? I'm sorry. My bus didn't come. I'm really sorry. It's so cold. I can't feel my fingers. Can I come inside?" Casey chattered, sobbing.

"I thought you wanted to go home. Why don't you just call Alex? She's got a car. She can drive you home."

Chewing on her lip, Casey flexed her fingers, trying to regain feeling. "Charlie, I don't want to call Alex, not when you're here. I'm scared, Charlie. I'm alone at a bus stop in the dark, and I can barely move, it's so cold."

The line went dead, and Casey tucked her head, crying, folding the cell phone back into her lap, coiling around her bag. For several minutes, she held herself tightly. She did not want to call Alex. If she called Alex, she would have to explain about the argument she had with Charlie, and she knew if she ever revealed that Charlie had grabbed her, the next thing she would find herself doing would be sitting in an empty car while Alex had a 'talk' with Charlie. But, the fight was her fault. She should have just shut up. She should not have opened her mouth and argued or picked a fight.

She could not call Alex because even though the woman would undoubtedly pick her up and drive her home without complaint or second thought, she would also insist on being told what was wrong. Alexandra would not find fault in Casey for the argument. She would find blame in Charlie, and only Charlie. And, to Casey, that was wrong. Casey felt that she deserved most of the blame. She could not deal with the guilt of Alex's care and love when she did not feel she deserved as much. She needed to be the one to make amends with Charlie, to show him she was sorry and hope he forgave her enough to let her stay the night since she was stuck more or less.

If he turned her away, she would call Alex, but she was hoping to avoid that talk, that lecture. She just did not think she could stomach it.

A hand on her shoulder made her startle, and she bit back a scream. "Charlie?" she whined.

"Hey, it's me, Case. Come on. You are cold. You're freezing." Charlie held out his hand and Casey took it, letting him pull her to a stand. "Christ, woman, what are we going to do with you?"

Shaking, Casey leaned against Charlie. "I'm cold, Charlie. Can we go inside? I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

"I forgive you, Casey," Charlie murmured, wrapping his jacket around her. "Come on. Let's get you inside. You can take a warm shower while I changed the bed sheets. I mean it. I'll take the couch."

"Th-thanks, Charlie." Casey pressed her face against his chest, cuddling to the warmth of his body heat for just a moment before he pulled away, guiding her back to his apartment just a few blocks away, his arm wrapped protectively around her.