Chapter 12
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Roger had returned home the next afternoon. When April asked him where he went, he refused to answer and he had sat silently sat on the couch for the rest of the day. Nobody had attempted to talk to him until Collins suggested that they all go out for dinner in honour of Roger and April's marriage. Everyone was enthusiastic about the idea except for Roger, who responded with a sullen shrug and a grunt.
The group walked over to the Life Café, joking and playing around. Benny was once again out with Mimi, and it was Noah in his place. Everybody had become well-acquainted with Noah, as he had been at the loft several times since they first met him. Everybody agreed that he was a lot of fun and just what Collins needed in his life.
The group finally made it to the Café after what seemed like far too long in the bitter late January cold. They were seated almost immediately and greeted by Eddie who took their drink orders and returned with them very quickly.
"I believe congratulations are in order!" Collins laughed from his seat across from Roger and April. Roger had his arms crossed over his chest and was leaned back in his seat, sulking. April was trying to make the best of the situation, forcing herself to smile and laugh with the rest of the group. She was trying to ignore Roger's morose attitude and pretend that everything was peachy keen. As far as she knew, Collins didn't know about her HIV status, and she wanted to keep it that way for a little while longer.
"Hear hear!" Mark lifted his glass and the other four did the same. They clinked their glasses together, and took drinks from their cups as Roger rolled his eyes and rubbed his face with his hand. April noticed this, and as the others continued to talk and scan their menus, she turned to Roger. She spoke quietly.
"Roger, please don't do this."
He turned his face away from her and she gently placed a hand on his arm.
"Stop it, Roger," she whispered harshly. She was tired of the attitude he had been giving everybody since he got home. He refused to talk, refused to even tell April where he was or what he was doing, even though she had a pretty good idea.
April shook her head and turned herself back to the others. She didn't want to deal with him right now. Mark, who was red in the race from laughing, nudged April in the shoulder to get her attention.
"So Mrs. Davis," he held his fist to his hand, talking into it as if it were a microphone. "Why'd you do it?"
"Because I love him!" April sang, giggling. She heard Roger snort from behind her, but she ignored him. "Where's Eddie? I'm starving!"
Collins looked around and shrugged. "Should be here soon, I guess." He took Noah's hand in his own and smiled. Everything was wonderful in his life. He just wished it were the same for everybody around him, too. Well, at least it was for Mark and Maureen, who were currently all over each other at the other end of the table.
"Are those two ever not . . .doing that?" Noah asked with a wrinkled nose.
"Well, hey, you've only been around for the last relatively peaceful week. Sometimes it gets really scary and Maureen turns into Satan and tries to kill Mark and will eat your face if you get in the way," Collins said, trying to sound serious.
April and Noah laughed and Maureen broke away from Mark.
"I can hear you!" she screeched.
"Indoor voices, Maureen," Noah laughed. She rolled her eyes and giggled, returning her attention to Mark.
April laughed and tried to ignore the fact that Roger's eyes were glued to her back. She smiled when she saw Eddie appear at the table and sighed. "Finally!"
"April," he nodded to her. "Patience is a virtue." She stuck her tongue out at him and he turned to Collins and Noah, taking down their orders quickly. He looked over to Roger who shoved his menu in Eddie's direction.
"Burger."
Eddie took his menu and raised an eyebrow. "Okay." He stared at April as he turned his entire body to Mark and Maureen, who were still attached at the mouth.
"Wow, that's unpleasant," he pretended to cringe. "Can I get you two anything?"
Mark's arm flew up into the air and he pointed repeatedly at Roger. Everybody burst out laughing, except of course for Roger, who found this offensive.
"You want Roger for dinner? You know, that's cool if that's what you guys are into. . ." Everybody knew very well that Mark was trying to say that they wanted the same thing as Roger, but they found it more fun to screw around with him instead.
After much arm-waving from Mark, Maureen pulled away from him.
"We both want hamburgers, the same as Roger!" she explained.
"Ahh," Eddie pretended he came to a realization and laughed.
"Now me. . ?" April jokingly asked meekly.
"Alrighty, Miss April, what can I get for ya?"
"Life salad, please," she smiled.
"Certainly. Be back in a bit!" He turned on his heel and disappeared into the slowly growing crowd in the restaurant.
"Mo, Collins told me that you're in a play," Noah told Maureen. Her face lit up and a grin spread across her face.
"Yeah! I'm playing Cecily in The Importance of Being Earnest!" she replied loudly. She was clearly a little tipsy, but she continued to tell Noah and anybody else who would listen about how she was playing a lead and how rehearsals were going.
Roger grasped onto April's arm. "What the hell was that?" he asked her.
She turned her head to him quickly. "What was what?"
"All that with Eddie, April. What the hell were you doing?"
April looked at him, baffled. "What are you talking about?"
"Uh, I dunno, we're supposed to be married and you're flirting with our waiter. That's what I'm talking about."
Roger watched her stare blankly at him. "What? I wasn't even, Roger. . ."
"Bullshit. You didn't want to marry me. Why did you, April? Why?" he asked. His voice was slowly raising and his temper was climbing.
"Baby, I love you. You know that. I wasn't flirting with him."
Roger still looked skeptical.
"Roger, believe me, okay? You're just cranky because you're crashed," she replied turning back to the group who had heard most of the argument but chose to ignore it, not wanting to get involved.
"God, you don't even know!—" he yelled.
"Roger, be quiet. Please," April looked down, resting a gentle hand on his arm. The table had stopped talking, and the couple was getting a few stares from some nearby patrons.
"You be quiet!" Roger stood up quickly. "You guys— Ugh! Just leave me the fuck alone!" Roger stormed away from the table and out of the Life quickly, leaving a silent April behind. An awkward hush fell over the table and most of the restaurant, but soon enough, the other tables were talking once again.
April sat hunched over with her arms crossed over her stomach. A few tears were rolling down her cheeks, though her expression was blank.
"Are you okay?" Collins asked gently. April shook her head and immediately felt stupid for causing such a scene.
"You'll feel better when you eat something," he tried to help.
April shook her head again and tried to stop shaking. "Can we just go?" she asked quietly.
Everybody nodded dumbly.
"You can stay with us tonight, honey," Maureen offered. April nodded and stood up, carefully sliding into her coat. She picked up Roger's jacket which he left behind. Mark and Maureen followed suit, and Collins and Noah stood up. Collins embraced her took her face in his hands.
"I'm spending the night at Noah's, but will you be okay with those two?" her jerked his head over to Mark and Maureen who were playfully slapping at each other, giggling like school children. April let out a small laugh and nodded.
"Yeah. Go, I'll be fine." She hugged him back and said goodbye to Noah. She wandered out of the Café, clutching Roger's old leather jacket tightly. Maureen walked up ahead with her and Mark stayed behind at the table.
"I feel like we're dining and dashing or something," he grimaced. "I'll pay you back when you come back to the loft," he told Collins who laughed and shook his head.
"No, it's fine. It's not like you have any money to begin with," Collins joked.
Noah laughed, but Mark reassured him. "No, it's true. I live off the meals I eat at my mom's. Poverty line, buddy!" he grinned. "See you two later." He pointed at them and raised an eyebrow. "Be good!"
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April, Mark, and Maureen reached the loft and found it empty. They assumed Benny was still with Mimi, and nobody knew where Roger went.
"Will you be okay tonight?" Maureen asked. Mark tugged on the sleeve of her shirt and shook his head at her. "Oops. . ." she giggled.
"Night, April. Holler if you need anything," Mark said, leading Maureen over to their bedroom.
"What I do?" she asked as they stood at the foot of the bed, wrapping her arms around Mark's back.
"Nothing," he laughed. "Go to bed."
"Okay," she replied, kissing him quickly. "I'll just go use the washroom and be back in a sec, okay?"
"Sure." Mark was already turning down the covers and rubbing his eyes. Maureen smiled and walked back out into the loft. She noticed April was still sitting on the couch, so wandered over in that direction.
"Not going to bed yet?" she asked, looking around the room.
"No, just not tired." April sniffed and rubbed at her nose.
"Oh," Maureen responded, walking over to the kitchen, rummaging over the top of the counter and the island.
"Ah-hah!" she exclaimed triumphantly, raising the phone in the air. She tried to do her best Terminator impression and pointed the phone at her. "I'll be back," she laughed at her own joke and sighed loudly walking into the bathroom, making sure the door was tightly shut behind her.
She sat down on the edge of the bathtub and turned the phone on. She slowly dialled the phone number and waited for an answer.
"Hello?"
a groggy female voice asked."Hey, Joanne? It's me."
"Honeybear! How are you?"
The voice suddenly sounded more aware and perky."I'm good. Uh, listen Pookie, did I leave my watch at your house the other night?"
"You did. I thought it was yours, but I wasn't–"
"Good. Do you think I could. . .pick it up sometime soon?"
"Of course, what kind of question is that? Of course. Why don't you come over now?"
That question hung in the air uncomfortably. Maureen had to admit, she did kind of want to go and see Joanne, but she couldn't. She was happy with Mark, she reminded herself."You know I can't, Jo," Maureen tried to reason. "Tomorrow, maybe, okay? After rehearsal I'll try to drop by your office."
"Sure,"
Joanne sounded kind of hurt. "I'll see you then?""Yeah. Bye Pookie."
"Bye."
Maureen hung up the phone and rubbed the back of her head. She didn't want to hurt Joanne like that, but she had to. She couldn't be with her anymore. She had to draw the line. She stood up quickly and exited the bathroom. April was still sitting on the couch, and since Maureen didn't feel like talking to her, she took the phone into the bedroom with her. She crept into the room and noticed Mark asleep, face down in the pillow. Maureen smiled to herself and put the phone on top of the dresser. She quickly got changed out of her clothes and into something more comfortable and slid under the covers with him. She turned on her side to face him and kissed him on the cheek, resting a hand on his back. She'd go and get her watch from Joanne tomorrow, and everything would be back to normal.
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April studied her fingernails and continued to chew on her thumbnail. She wanted to kill Roger, but at the same time she wanted to able to kiss him and make everything better. She didn't know why he refused to get help. He was stubborn, but not so stubborn that he would refuse help from his own wife. She thought she had gotten through to him lately. She wanted to move on from this horrible time in her life and work towards a better future with Roger. Unfortunately, that was harder than she thought it would be.
She stared at the coffee table and traced over the wood grain with the tip of her finger. She wanted to go to rehab and get better, but she wasn't sure if she was strong enough to do it alone. She wasn't strong enough to deal with what was going on now. She couldn't handle feeling so physically uncomfortable and sick all the time, and she knew that she couldn't keep using. That would just make her worse. It killed her to think that everything that was happening was actually happening to her. She wanted to wake up and realize that this was just a horrible nightmare. There was no escape, though, and she knew that. Unless. . .
April's mind drifted back to the image of the hot pink razor floating in her bathtub that was engraved into her memory. She had played out the scenario several times in her head. She knew that if she had gone through with it, everybody would have been better off. Roger wouldn't be missing, her parents would be saving money, and Roger's friends wouldn't have to pretend they cared. She sighed out of frustration and tried to stop thinking altogether without success.
She couldn't do it without Roger, and she hated herself for that. She wanted desperately to assert her own independence, but couldn't. She had always been too sheltered and never had the chance to do anything on her own.
Fuck it all. She was gonna do it. If other people could, so could she. With or without Roger she would fix her life and improve it as much as she could. Roger could do whatever the hell he wanted with his life, it wasn't her problem.
She stood up with a new sense of strength and went into to Roger's bedroom, shutting the door behind her.
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