"Derek, why don't you just blow this off?" Addison whined.
Derek sighed as he gazed at his girlfriend sitting beside his half full suitcase. They had been having this exact argument for the past month since he had been asked to attend the conference in Boston and she hadn't been. "Callihan will kill me," Derek sighed, missing the old days of Webber.
"Come on, Derek," Addison pleaded.
"No, I'm going," Derek argued. Because Boston was Meredith.
She wasn't there. He knew that. Just under a year ago he had gotten a post card from France, assuring him that she had indeed made it to Europe, despite what her mother thought best. And that she would definitely be calling him the second she got home. Because she needed him. That was the exact wording of the post card, not just his wishful thinking.
So Boston was Meredith.
He fully planned to revisit the restaurant where they had shared their kiss, drive by her house and see if there was an activity. He just wanted to go home. And Meredith was home, and therefore Boston was home.
"You hate these things, Derek," Addison moaned.
"They're part of the job," he shrugged. Even though he knew had this conference been in any other city he would not want anything to do with it. But this was Boston, Meredith's city.
"If Webber was still here, you'd fight him tooth and nail on this," Addison pointed out.
No I wouldn't, Derek thought silently. "If Webber hadn't moved to Seattle he never would have sent me," Derek argued. He missed his mentor desperately. It wasn't the same since he had moved back to the hospital where he had started.
"Well, still….this isn't you Derek," Addison sighed.
"I'm going and that's final," he said pointedly.
"Derek, this really isn't you. At all," Addison shook her head emphatically.
"And you would know," Derek groaned, rolling his eyes.
"Well I have been your girlfriend for eight years, so yes, Derek I would know," Addison shouted.
"No you wouldn't, you have no idea who I am," Derek sighed. They fought constantly, but never about this. This was a fight Derek avoided, completely avoided. He didn't need this fight. It was pointless as it would never change. Addison didn't know him, Addison didn't want to know him. She wanted to know Derek her perfect boyfriend, not the person he really was.
That was Meredith, only Meredith wanted to know him. Really know him.
"Oh, and who are you? That stupid bike, is that the person you are? You and that stupid bike," Addison groaned.
"Seriously?" Derek said, disbelief in his voice. "You're making this fight about the bike? Seriously?"
"Derek, you're a grown man…" Addison said.
"Yes, I'm a grown man. With a motorcycle!" Derek shouted.
"Derek, you're going to have to give it up so…." Addison started.
"I'm not giving it up," Derek rolled his eyes. This fight he was far too familiar with, it was constant. Addison wanted him to give up his motorcycle for whatever reason and he refused to hear any part of it.
"….we can get married one day soon," Addison finished as if he hadn't said anything.
"Married?" That stopped him in his tracks. Because in all the crazy things Addison had said in the past marriage had never come up. They had talked about it years ago and both agreed neither wanted it.
Well Addison didn't want it. Derek just didn't want it with her.
"Yes, married Derek," Addison sighed. "Usually what couples do after being together this long."
"You said you didn't want to get married," Derek pointed out zipping his suitcase closed.
"Well people change their minds," she shrugged.
"Addison…" Derek sighed. He didn't want to marry Addison. He barely wanted to be with Addison. He needed to talk about this one. But right now he just wanted to leave, to go to Meredith's home. "I have to go."
"You don't have to," she smiled.
"Yes, I do," he nodded, picking up his bag and walking towards the door without kissing her goodbye. Without even thinking of kissing her goodbye.
"Think about it Derek," Addison murmured in from of a goodbye.
Think about it. Not that there was much to think about. Addison wasn't the one, she had never been the one. He knew who was, even though it was complicated and there was no possible way they could be together, he knew who was the one. He knew who he was in love with. They couldn't be together. At all. And he was with Addison. Marrying Addison might be sane. It would probably be the best idea. Even if he didn't love her it was who he could be with.
He wanted to be married. He wanted the family. He wanted the kids. Addison could offer him all of that.
Meredith couldn't.
And I miss you, like the deserts miss the rain.
So Derek is missing Meredith to the point he's going to the city she's from even though she's not there just so he can be in her place. And at the same time, Addison has finally decided she wants to get married. But Derek doesn't want that with her. He wants with with Meredith who can't give it to him so maybe Addie is better than nothing. Hehehe.
Next update will be up immediately following this one.
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