Insomnia.

It's the nights when sleep eludes you.

It's the nights when your mind races, thoughts flying past as you futiley try to quiet your mind.

It's the nights when you simply need to do something other than sleep.

It's the nights when you refuse to sleep because you feel as if you'll miss something important.

It's the nights when stress reaches its limit but you know sleep will only make it worse because there is so much to do, and so little time.

It's the nights when I wake up, a scream caught in my throat from the nightmares that plague me.

It's the nights when I won't sleep simply because the dreams feel too real and I cannot get caught up in them.

It's the nights when his side of the bed feels colder than usual and I want nothing more than to cuddle up to him.

It's the nights when the only time I can speak with him are in the early hours of the morning before he goes to work.

It's the nights when the loneliness really hits me, but the one being who could comfort me besides him now lies in a rock covered grave.

It's the nights when I remember that I had to bury my best friend, the one that never left my side and always wagged his tail whenever he saw me.

It's the nights when I remember all the people I've loved and lost, who I pray are always watching over me.

It's the nights when the depression takes hold and not even a phone call from my love will help.

It's the nights when that happens that I wish I still had my best friend, when the betrayal of him is still fresh as if it happened yesterday.

It's the nights when I wish I could just go wake up my mom and tell her that I want to stop being sad, that I want to stop being so tired all the time.

It's the nights when that happens that I stop myself because I know it'll only make her sad and I hate the look in her eyes when she is.

It's the nights when I remember the horror, guilt, sorrow, and pain on my parents faces when I told them I no longer wanted to live.

It's the nights when I remember that awful time that keep me from revisiting that pain, that remind me there is more to life than right now.

It's the nights when the insomnia takes hold and I step outside to look at the night sky.

It's the nights when that happens, I only smile as I have come to appreciate the beauty of the night as much as the day.

It's the nights when I do this that I'm proud of myself for how far I've come.

Insomnia.

It's the nights when I remember the person I am and will become.