CHAPTER 12: Temporary respite

A/N:

Not slash, nopey nope.

For those who're getting impatient with the glacial plot movement, just wait two more chapters. Don't forget, we still have to return to the original timeline—this was a massive flashback; starting with chapter 5! And for those who like the insane level of fluff, enjoy it while it lasts!- there isn't much left…


Harry swooped down on his Firebolt, smiling like a maniac. The sun was shining bright; he was flying invisibly on the Quidditch pitch at Hogwarts in the summer instead of being stuck at the Dursleys: life was good at the moment.

He looked down, knowing a black clad figure was standing on the pitch, also invisible, but watching over Harry.

It was also nice to fly without fear of punishment by either the Bond or Snape. He was in his five year old body again (flying was much more fun in a smaller, lighter body), only with his physical abilities intact. Snape had Disillusioned both of them and his broom, and insisted on watching over Harry as he flew.

"How will you be able to watch me if I'm invisible?" Harry had asked as he gulped down the potion and began shrinking. He smiled when Snape fixed his clothes size with two slashes of his wand.

"I have my ways."

"Won't Death Eaters have ways to see me, too?"

"Harry James Potter, I strongly advise you to leave me to do my job; when I need your advice I shall ask for it. Now get on that unruly, flying twig of yours before I change my mind." Harry waited for Snape to cast the Disillusionment Charm on him before rolling his eyes. Why Snape had switched from using his surname to his full name, he couldn't understand. It had more of James Potter in it!

Harry executed a perfect Wronski Feint, added a few more loops for flair, and then flew down to the pitch to where he knew Snape was.

"Sev?" He whispered cautiously, before tripping right over the man's leg and tumbling to the ground.

"On display: Gracefulness of the youngest Seeker of the century," said a sardonic, disembodied voice a little away from him.

Harry sniffed, opening his mouth to retort, and then stopped, tilting his head towards where the sound had come from. "Severus? Are you lying on the ground?"

The Disillusionment Charm lifted, and Harry saw that he was right. "Close your mouth, Potter," Snape said mildly. "Yes, I am relaxing in the sun. I am human. Oh the horror."

Harry couldn't reply from the pain that had just clamped around his head like a vice. Realising it was because he was lying on the same level as Snape without any physical contact, he dragged himself towards the man. Snape helped him at first, then went still when he realised what Harry was doing, and at last shoved at him once he had settled.

"Harry, you may not use me for a pillow."

Harry yawned and dug his nose into Snape's stomach. "Why not? I've been doing it for a while now." He was feeling tired, so he closed his eyes, not waiting for a reply. "Why did you lift the Charm? Aren't we still in danger of being seen?"

Snape had apparently given up trying to push him off. "Your demented devotee is taking care of it."

Harry frowned, and decided he meant Dobby.

Snape was still talking, and he didn't sound very happy. "I should have locked you up for your behaviour these past few days. Flying without permission or protection, drinking yourself into oblivion*..."

"Hey, the Cruciatus is a little difficult to handle without you close by, okay?" Harry suddenly realised he hadn't meant to reveal that. "I-I mean..."

"I know exactly what you mean." Snape's fingers began carding through his hair. He sighed. "But drinking was not wise." He smartly tapped Harry's nose when he began grumbling. "Quiet, brat."

"I'm not a brat! And you're acting silly and drunk!" He shut his mouth with a click of his teeth, wondering why he always had to say the wrong things. Not that he thought he was wrong; Snape had a relaxed look on his face that just looked wrong, though surprisingly pleasant.

Snape did not disappoint. "Watch your cheek, Potter," he growled, the half-smile gone from his lips.

Well, it was true, Harry thought rebelliously.

"I know it's true," Snape said, and Harry choked on air.

"What!"

"I know I sound drunk," Snape said with a sneer. "In fact, I feel drunk. Your mind has that effect on mine."

"Oh," Harry said in a small, shocked voice. "Sorry."

Snape didn't reply. Harry would have worried if it weren't for the fingers entangling themselves deeper in his hair. Snape pulled Harry closer, and when he finally spoke, his voice was very soft. "You should've been mine."

Harry looked up at him in surprise. Where did that come from? Snape simply looked back at him, and Harry smiled. The sun suddenly seemed brighter. "I think I'd have liked that."

Snape speared him with another intent glance, and then seemed to relax. "You wouldn't have turned out this well if you were my son," he said, too casually.

Harry couldn't believe his ears. Where was the proud Slytherin who never admitted weakness? "You're far better than the Dursleys!"

"Am I?" Snape's voice still had that oddly light quality; as if his thoughts were far away.

Harry took a deep breath and reminded himself he was a Gryffindor who had faced down Voldemort several times. "Can't I be yours now, still?"

Snape immediately snapped to attention. "What?" he said sharply.

Harry wondered if there was a spell to stop one's own blushing. "Well, the Weasleys aren't my blood relations, but they're like family to me. Can't we be family too?" Harry looked at Snape pleadingly. "What's going to happen when school starts? We can't go on like this in public, can we?"

Snape was silent for so long Harry thought he wouldn't answer. "We won't have to," he said finally. "The headmaster is confident he'll have a solution by then; a way to break the Bond."

Harry gaped. While only a few days ago this might have been welcome news, now...

"You don't seem pleased," Snape observed flatly.

Harry buried his nose in Snape's chest again. "I'm pleased I won't have to impose on you anymore."

"But?"

"Is everything going to go back to the way it was?"

Snape exhaled. "Harry. Believe me, that's how you'll want it to be, once the Bond is broken."

"I don't believe that!" Harry said hotly, starting to get up. "I won't let it happen!"

Snape's reply was to pull Harry down and carefully rolled over so Harry was now half under him, holding him so tightly Harry couldn't move anymore. "We shall see," he said quietly. His cool breath fell on Harry's ear.

Harry ignored him, taking comfort from the embrace instead. If there was one thing he had learnt from this whole experience, it was that Snape's actions counted more than his words. And at the moment, the man was holding him as though he never wanted to let go. Harry was content... for now.


He was in a dark room. He looked around, and recognised it as Snape's office. There was even a Penseive on the table, full of shimmering threads of thought. He looked away, feeling very uneasy. Where was Snape?

"So, Mr Potter." Ah, there he was. The man emerged from the shadows, stalking towards Harry. "You think of me as a father now?" A horrible smile stretched his lips, revealing yellowed teeth. " Such sentimentality. Why in Merlin's anme would I wish to plague myself with Potter's son?"

Harry took a step back without meaning to. This wasn't the amn he had come to know and… dare he think it?...love, as almost like a father. This was Professor Snape, ex-Death Eater, spy, and Harry's tormentor for years. And after knowing the other side of him, seeing him back to the old nature hurt. Badly.

"Stop," he said, and was ashamed to hear his voice tremble.

"You will never be more to me than a copy of your worthless father, with nothing in you of your mother's."

"That's not true! You said I wasn't like that, Severus!"

"How dare you," Snpe's face twisted, turning an ugly red. "You will address your teacher and Master with respect!"

It was getting difficult to breathe with every word that came out of the man's mouth. "But—"

"Do not question me," Snape hissed, wand now in his hand. "Kneel! Apologise!"

Horror and betrayal paralysing him, Harry began to kneel. He wished the ground his knees were about to touc would swallow him up.

Harry snapped awake, breathing hard. He shut his eyes tight, trying to erase the image of a scornful Snape rejecting him, all the while knowing it wouldn't work. The image was permanently burned into his eyelids. His mouth felt dry, but he felt too tired to get a glass of water. That had been a regular nightmare, not a memory, but still no less disturbing. His hands automatically reached for Snape, but closed on air. He opened his eyes.

Snape wasn't there beside him.

Harry got up at once, chest pounding. Was Snape with Voldemort? But no, Harry would've felt the summons. Pushing aside his irrational panic, he struggled into a robe ( Snape had threatened him with dire consequences if he wandered around in the cold without warm clothing) and rushed out of the bedroom. He stopped dead when he came to the sofa.

Snape was lying on it, asleep. Well, almost. He seemed to be in the middle of a nightmare too, judging from the twisting and murmuring he was doing.

"Harry," Snape called, and Harry started. Snape sounded scared. "Pleas…lemme…'splain," he went on, "Don't leave."

Harry's chest tightened, and he almost went back to the bedroom, feeling guilty at what he had just witnessed. Snape would be furious. He took a panicked step back when Snape's eyelids fluttered.

"Harry," Snape pleaded.

That decided Harry. Snape was right, it is convenient to be pint-sized, he thought ruefully, and climbed up on the sofa.

"Accio blanket!" Harry whispered, and then spread the blanket over them both. Snape had stilled as soon as Harry had climbed up beside him. Now he let out a squeak of surprise when Snape's arms encircled him and pulled him close.

"Mm," Snape said in his sleep, sounding contented.

Harry grinned and closed his eyes.

..

Harry watched as Snape opened his eyes and looked down at him. It really was amazing how the man could go from fast asleep to wide awake in a matter of seconds. Snape stared at Harry for a second, then shut his eyes and groaned.

Harry suppressed at a grin at the man's dismay. "Well, at least it worked," he said cheerfully. "You didn't have any nightmares after I came yesterday night."

"After you snuck in yesterday night." Snape's eyes were still closed, and Harry noticed he hadn't removed his arms from around Harry's miniature body.

"I got up for a glass of water and I saw you, um, thrashing in your sleep. Why did you come to the sofa in the middle of the night?"

Snape's lip curled. "To wrestle with guilt," he drawled, "not that it's any of your business, you impertinent brat."

"Guilt?" Harry repeated, but quieted at Snape's warning glance. Even the admission was a rare thing for Snape, and he'd take what he got.

"I see silencing charms are in order considering your continuing lack of regard for privacy."

"Hey!" Harry scowled. "I just wanted to help! You help me when I have nightmares; why can't I help you—"

Snape suddenly sat up, pulling his arms out from under Harry. "Because I am the adult here, and I am responsible for your well-being; not the other way around."

"I'm not a child, Severus. And I care about y—" Harry stopped when Snape grimaced and stormed into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. Harry slowly got out of bed, resisting the urge to yell at Snape through the door. He had first felt a twinge of gult for hiding what he had heard Snape say in his sleep last night, but now he was certain the man would blow up if he told him.

Something was wrong, Harry was sure of it. He might have ignored the sudden flashes of sadness on Snape's face sometimes. Or the way the man sometimes hugged him as if he were afraid of losing Harry any minute. Once, Harry had worked up the courage to ask him why. Snape had looked away.

"Physical contact exponentially increases the influx from your mind," Snape had said. At Harry's blank stare, he had smirked. "That means you get very excited when you're held, and I can feel it. It is…not unpleasant, but overwhelming and sometimes distracting."

"Well, why didn't you just say so?" Harry had known he was almost pouting, but it was worth it to see Severus Snape's eyes twinkle enough to rival Dumbledore, and his body shake with suppressed laughter. Harry had stared in delight.

In many ways, having Harry's emotions inside his head seemed to have knocked Snape completely off balance. Harry didn't know whether to feel pleased or guilty about that. Of course, it was possible that he hadn't known the real Snape before at all and that this was just a side of him that Harry hadn't known existed; though he doubted it.

But now, Snape had become distant. It was like invisible but very real walls separating the two of them when they were in the same room. These episodes never lasted long, but they were getting frequent enough that it was starting to bother him. He had tried subtle probing, to no good.

The direct approach, then. "Severus? What's wrong?"

It was immediately after breakfast. Harry had barely eaten because of nerves. Snape, who was reading a potions journal, barely glanced at him. "I don't know what you mean."

"Don't say that; you know it isn't true. Is it…V—him? Or something to do with your work there?"

Snape's eyes snapped up, and the fury in them took Harry by surprise. "And since when do you consider yourself entitled to know everything that goes on in my mind?"

Harry was shocked. "That's not—"

"Oh? Isn't it?" Snape's tone was mockingly earnest, and then it turned vicious again. "Then perhaps you need to be cured of the moronic notion that the great Harry Potter can solve everything, can shoulder any burden, including those of the others around him. Leave well enough alone, Potter, I have put up with enough from you without having you play mind healer as well."

"Okay." Harry was surprised at the steadiness of his own voice. He turned to leave, but there was no stopping his thoughts. I understand perfectly; I'm nothing to you except your slave, and I should mind my place. Got it.

"Harry—"

Harry shut the door behind him and promptly doubled over in pain. The door flew open and Snape yanked him forward.

"I believe there was a rule about losing your temper at me and then running away so I cannot help you with the pain."

Harry didn't reply. He wasn't returning Snape's hug.

"Four hundred lines, Harry." Snape waited for a few moments, and then said, "I… didn't mean any of that."

Then why'd you say it?

Snape seemed to struggle for words. "I am a... weak man, Harry; I lash out at those…precious to me when I really need to turn to them for comfort. You saw it already, in the Pensieve." Harry buried his face in Snape's shoulder and brought up his arms to surround the man, feeling embarrassed and pleased. Snape spoke almost tenderly now. "I know how you feel about me. I know you wish for a father. No, child," he took Harry's blushing face in his hands to stop his squirming. "Listen. You have chosen the worst possible candidate for that role. You know that."

"No, I don't know that," Harry forced himself to speak around his tight throat. He owed Snape that much after his honesty. "Severus, I—I…"

"You love me," Snape said, looking impossibly sad and sorry. "Harry, it's all a lie. The Bond has made you believe that. You have forgiven me things that are impossible for anyone to forgive, and you continue to overlook my treatment of you as though it were nothing. I could go on. You still don't believe me?"

"I do believe you. I believe everything you've done all these days is real!"

Snape gave him a gentle shake. "Once the Bond is broken, everything will be back to normal- you will be restored to the pleasure of all your former dislike of me."

"No, I won't! I won't let that happen! I know things about you now, it's not just the Bond that makes me want you! "

Snape winced as though in pain. He gently, but firmly, disentangled Harry's arms from around his neck. "I shall have to prove it to you, then."

"What do you feel for me, then?" Harry felt as though he really were five years old, outright asking for reassurance. "I know you can't still hate me."

"I wouldn't be so sure, child."

Harry shook his head. "It's no use, Severus. It's too late to turn back now. I don't want to turn back now."

"You will."

With that ominous prediction, Snape was gone.


Harry landed on the ground with a hard bump. He gritted his teeth against a groan.

"On your feet," Snape said coldly.

Harry obeyed, still grinding his teeth, now in anger. Defence lessons had started weeks ago, but Snape had been acting like this for only a few days now. Harry had tried speaking to him, but to no avail—the man seemed determined to remain distant. "Protego!" Harry gasped just in time as Snape silently sent a blasting curse at him. The shield protected him, but then Snape sent three more spells that Harry didn't recognise, in quick succession and through the shield.

This time he did groan when he smashed against the wall. He crumpled to the ground and found he couldn't get up. Snape muttered another spell, and Harry cringed, only to find a vial of potion popping into existence before him. He gulped down the healing agent gratefully.

"Up," Snape commanded.

Harry stayed where he was. "No." Snape's eyes narrowed. "Stop this, Severus. I love Defense, but I'm human, not a practise dummy."

"You are in no position to advise me." Pain had begun washing over Harry, but then the cloud descended over his mind. When it lifted, Harry found himself on his feet.

"Stop it!" he cried. "You can't do this, you don't have the right!"

"This is your punishment," Snape began, but Harry interrupted.

"My punishment was unfair, and you know that! Stop bringing it up over and over!"

"Just as I thought," Snape said, and the old sneer was back on his face. "Potter's son indeed. You feel no regret for your mistakes, then? You feel you deserve no punishment for them?"

"I don't think I deserve to be a slave, no!" Harry shouted. "And if we're talking about mistakes, what about your punishment for getting my parents killed—" Harry stopped. Snape had gone paler than ever, and actually swayed on his feet. His own fury ebbing, Harry looked down, feeling a twinge of shame for bringing up the subject after the man had already apologised…But no. Harry looked up again, squaring his shoulders. Snape had brought up past mistakes first, and Harry had apologised, too.

"Do you have any idea," Snape hissed, "what you did when you broke into my mind? Do you realise that you have morally bound me to allow you to invade my privacy, my life and my freedom?"

Harry stared at him, suddenly feeling sick. Snape's lip curled.

"Yes, Potter," he said. "You have not been living the life of a slave, have you? Ever since we…came to an agreement, it's been the other way around; I have given up my freedoms for your comfort. Do not speak to me of punishment."

Harry opened his mouth, but couldn't find anything to say.

"Go to your room. I have had my fill of your ungratefulness for one day."

Something snapped inside Harry. "Oh, you have, have you?" he said. "Has it occurred to you that you're the one who started this?" Harry gestured violently between them. "You're the one who's targeted me since the day I set foot in Hogwarts, you're the one who made my Potions classes a hell ever since; and don't tell me it was all an act for Voldemort! You were simply being a bully, yeah, a bully like my father, and you were the arrogant one you always accused me of being!"

"Potter!" Snape shouted. His eyes were wide and wild.

Harry matched his tone. "You made it so I couldn't trust you, you're the reason I suspected Sirius' murder wasn't just Bellatrix's doing, you're the reason I broke into your mind!" he shouted back. "And you— deserve— it, Snape."

There was dead silence for a moment. Snape's wand hand twitched as though he was dying to curse Harry. The sight spurred Harry on. He knew he was getting to Snape.

"I don't deserve the Bond, Snape. I see your memories; you get to see mine in return—that's fair. Slavery makes no sense!"

"Oh?" Snape said very softly, stalking towards Harry. A trickle of unease went up Harry's spine. "You believe the memories of fifteen of your pathetic years are equal to thirty-five years of my memories?"

All of Snape's memories that Harry had seen so far came rushing back. James Potter's torment. Joining the Dark Lord, staring in horrified fascination at the brand of honour on his forearm. Carrying the Prophecy to Lily's future murderer. Changing sides. Not truly belonging on either side. Still enduring torment at his old master's hand, and bowing to the monster

"No," Harry said, breathing hard. "But your hard life didn't give you the right to mistreat me, and my mistake doesn't give you the right to treat me like a slave either!" He glared at the black eyes boring into him. "In fact, if slavery was the way to repay old debts, then I wouldn't be your slave, it'd be the other way around!"

The silence drew out, and slowly, Snape's face blanked of emotion. He turned away. "Dismissed," he said coldly, his back to Harry.

Harry stood where he was, half-shocked at the return to master-and-slave roles.

"Dismissed, Potter."

'Potter' over and over. Haven't heard that in a while. Feeling numb, Harry began to kneel, expecting Snape to turn around and stop him. Nothing happened. Snape remained with his back turned.

Harry gasped as a new sensation overtook him, something like a darkness over his mind, like when he went near the Dementors. "Severus," he said, "what are you doing?"

"Occluding," Snape said. His voice was still cold. "Properly, this time. I have no wish to be inside your mind at all, at the moment, just to feel you moping."

The insult barely registered with Harry. "Yes, well, I don't think the Bond approves," Harry croaked.

"I don't care, Potter."

"Severus," Harry tried again, "you're hurting me."

"You are not in pain. I would know."

"Not physical pain, no, but—Severus?" Harry watched in disbelief as Snape left the room with not so much as a glance at him.

Now a lump rising in his throat, he left for his room. Once there, he threw his mind back to the Occlumency lessons. Snape doesn't want me in his mind? I can arrange that. Gathering every last scrap of strength he had, he began Occluding as fiercely as he could. When that was done, he just managed to tumble into bed and crawl under the covers. Pulling them over his head, he miserably thought how strange it felt to be sleeping alone after just a few weeks of being coddled.

He lay awake for some time hoping Snape would come, but oblivion overtook him without warning. The last thought on his mind before he lost consciousness was whether Snape would care that he had missed dinner.

..

A/N:

My first cliffhanger? Is it? I don't remember.

*For those who don't remember what this is about, it's from Harry's flashbacks at the start of the story. I'm not going to rehash those again, that would be (yawn) boring.

Thanks again for all the reviews (really missed those) and favs and follows!

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