A/N: Alright, so I'm not sure if I'm going to carry on and turn Convalescence into one GIANT story, or if I'm going to wrap it up soon and start a sequel to it. I feel like we could be close to the end of Convalescence, but I already have an idea for a sequel (which I would probably write more from Alec's POV)… I'm still trying to decide. I'll keep you guys posted! Feel free to let me know your thoughts about either keeping it all together or breaking it up and telling the next part from Alec's perspective. Thank you!

This chapter is dedicated to Anna, because she was instrumental in bridging the gap between where the story was and where I needed it to be in order to reach this point. The football jersey and coat (complete with pictures and letter) for Alec were her ideas and she very generously let me borrow them! Thank you so much for supporting this from the start, and for indulging me in-between chapters too!

The story is dedicated to you all because every single person who read it, favorited it, followed it and/or left a review is amazing, and I owe all of you guys. Thank you for being so encouraging and motivating.

If you'll forgive the initial angst, this chapter is pretty fluffy! I kind of think these two have earned it…don't you? THANKS AGAIN!


Chapter 12.

Tom and Fred are both asleep, and Ellie knows she should be as well. Daisy will be headed back to her mother's on Monday, and court will be resuming. She's got one day left to rest. Still, much as she would like to drift away into unconsciousness, she can't. She sucks in a deep breath and tries not to think of the way she and Hardy had parted earlier in the day.

She should have told him about the envelope in the coat pocket, but the moment had passed too quickly. Whenever she closes her eyes, she sees his: sees the hurt and anger in them as they fought on his doorstep.

She gets out of bed, grabs a robe and finds her way to the kitchen, trying to distract herself. She could try warm milk, maybe it would help soothe her to sleep. She hates warm milk but she's desperate: she'll be useless tomorrow if she can't get some rest, and her thoughts are relentless.

She pulls the milk out of her fridge and pours some in a saucepan, warming it slowly on the stove. She stirs it as she wonders if Alec will find the envelope on his own. A flush comes to her cheek as she remembers what she wrote in the note, and she thinks maybe it's better if he doesn't. She sighs as she watches the spoon make eddies in the milk.

She's so lost in her own thoughts that the knock on her front door makes her heart jump to her throat. She's glad no one is awake to see her jump halfway out of her skin. She turns off the burner and waits a moment for her heart to stop hammering before she moves toward the door. She grabs her robe from where it hangs over one of the kitchen chairs since she's only wearing a thin nightgown. In the past, these late night house-calls were usually Beth wanting to chat privately. But she knows this time it isn't Beth. There's only one person who would be on her doorstep tonight, and her heart is thumping hard in her chest as she turns the locks and opens the door.

"Ellie," Alec says, his accent thick. His eyes are stormy and though he is stationary, there is still something about his body language which gives her the impression that he is restless, his muscles coiled under his skin. It doesn't help her already erratic pulse much.

"What are you doing here at this time of night?" she asks, her fingers knotted tightly in the robe she's wrapped around her shoulders.

He doesn't answer immediately. Instead, he steps toward her. It's just one long step across her threshold, and it places him firmly in her personal space. She tips her head back to look at him. Christ, he's intense, and butterflies are loose in her stomach as she holds his gaze.

"If I had any sense at all," he says, and his voice is throaty, almost guttural, "I'd leave in the morning and let you alone for good."

Her heart stops for a second. What the hell is she supposed to say to that? She stares at him with huge eyes, wondering if she's actually asleep and dreaming this whole strange, intense encounter. Alec is quiet for a moment, studying her face very, very carefully.

"I never wanted to stay here, you know. Never liked it. Too much sky. Too much water. Too many people in too small a town, all of them too bloody interested in everyone else's business."

She says the only thing she can think of because she has no idea how he's expecting her to respond.

"There's got to be some reason you've stayed." Did her voice really waver? Her cheeks start to flush.

His eyes are still intent on her face. He's staring at her like the answer is obvious, like she should already know. His response is a single syllable.

"You."

Her heart trips and in the space between its beats, she becomes sure she hasn't heard him right.

"What?"

"You. You're why I stayed."

"Because…you wanted to help me. Because we're friends," she argues, but her voice lacks strength because he's already shaking his head.

"No. Not just that. Because…because you infuriate me. Because you nag at me about my health. Because you bought me a bloody winter coat in the middle of spring. Because when I decided to get my heart surgery, you were the reason I was doing it even if I didn't want to admit it. You made me want to live. Because you make me happy."

It would be funny, the way he snarls the last part, except for the fact that he's serious and she can't believe what she's hearing.

"That's not…that can't be…"

"It is."

She stares at him, struck silent, her pulse throbbing irregularly at the base of her throat. He lets that silence stretch for a long time.

"I care for you." His eyes are on hers and there are no shadows in them now. She's looking right into him, she'll fall into him if she isn't careful.

"I care for you, Ellie."

Her heart is a hummingbird in her ribcage. She can feel lightning crackling across the inside of her lungs, burning up her oxygen.

"But…no, that's not…when?" she asks, and there's an unexpected anticipation mixed in with her breathless agony.

"About the time I realized Joe was the killer." He breaks eye contact at last and pinches the bridge of his nose. "It wasn't just some lightning bolt. I didn't fully understand it then. But I knew I wanted to help you, protect you if I could. I needed to make sure you were going to be okay. Then, a little alter, I realized why I needed those things so much."

He looks over her head at the wall for a moment while she tries to process all of this.

"You have to understand…it's the last thing I wanted. My life was over, Ellie. Everything in it that was good was gone. So when I found out about my heart, well…I was pleased. I thought, 'Good, I should just have enough time to solve Sandbrook.' I took the job here so I could look into the case without distractions, and I knew I'd probably die here. It was as good a place as any."

Bands of ice are strangling her heart. She shivers and he starts removing his coat, but mechanically, almost as though he doesn't even know he's doing it. He settles it over her shoulders. It's still warm from his body.

"Danny was killed and the thought that I might not have time to solve both cases…it pissed me off. Gave me the energy I needed to see it through. And then there was you, and you were warm and you were trusting and you refused to set that aside for the job. I didn't know what to do with that. I'd never run across it before.

"By the time Joe confessed, you were well and truly under my skin. It broke me to tell you that it was your husband that killed Danny. I wanted to shield you from it, from all of it, in any way I could. I didn't exactly know what that meant, but I knew I wanted to be there until you and Tom and Fred were back on your feet. I wanted to protect you until then. The only way to do that was to have the surgery. And somewhere in there I finally realized I wanted to live, that I was starting to enjoy living again, and it was because of you. You and Daisy, more precisely."

"But you've…you never…why didn't you—?"

"You've been married up until now!" Then, quieter: "And with everything that's happened, I wasn't sure if…"

Ellie hesitates. "Alec—"

He's been expecting this, her hesitation doesn't surprise him.

"I know. You make me happy, Ellie, but believe me, I know I can't do that for you in return."

That isn't what she was going to say…but she doesn't know what she was going to say. Her brain is still trying to process what he's told her, and it's hard when she's got his coat on and his scent is surrounding her and his eyes are so intense.

"It's alright." She can tell that he means it, though it costs him. "It's too much, too soon, and it's from the wrong person. I understand."

He leans over and kisses her forehead, and she can see the goodbye in his eyes.

"See you later, Miller."

He turns to leave, stepping back outside, and for one eternal moment Ellie is frozen on the spot. Then she reaches after him.

"No, wait, you can't just…don't do that to me! I just need a second to think…"

He's walking away, moving quickly now, and he's impossibly tall and impossibly lonely. Her eyes blur with tears and she steps out of her little house.

"Alec!" she calls, but he rounds a corner and disappears, ignoring her shout. She nearly goes after him anyway, wearing nothing but a nightgown and his coat, her feet bare and her hair in crazy corkscrews. It's late and it's cold and she still starts to follow him…

But her courage fails her. She doesn't know what she'd say if she did catch him, and there are two children asleep in the house behind her. So she stands in her doorway, gripping it for support, and stares after him for a long time.

She thinks she'll find him in the morning, after she's had some time to think. By then she'll have figured out what his confession means to her.

She's wrong. By morning he's gone, and he doesn't answer his phone when she calls.


She doesn't sleep. How could she, after that? Instead she lies in her bed and stares at the ceiling. She's still wearing his coat. She's pulled it tight around her body while she replays his words in her head over and over.

Alec Hardy…Alec Hardy has been carrying a torch for her. He seriously cares for her.

Her heartrate picks up at the thought of that. She closes her eyes and tries to imagine it. On the one hand, he can be a huge jerk. Colossal. Legendary, even. They'd called him shit-head around the police station for months! He makes her angry faster than anyone else she's ever met…

On the other hand…her mind is flooded of images of him making faces at Fred, hugging Tom, laughing at Daisy's stories, reaching for her from his hospital bed…

Is she really considering this? Starting…something…with Alec Hardy? Was that even what he was asking her for?

By the time Fred and Tom are awake, she's not feeling any more certain of her feelings than she had when Alec had left. She manages to fix eggs for the boys but she's incredibly distracted. She can't figure out what she wants, can't figure out what to tell him. As soon as the boys have had some breakfast, she retreats back into her room.

You asked him to stay, a voice whispers.

She had, and she still wanted him to stay. But…in what capacity?

You can't picture life without him. Not if you're honest.

Okay, that's true enough. Her brain will not let her pursue the thought of his absence from her life. That means something, doesn't it? She's been turning to him for months, trusting him with the deepest, darkest side of her. She trusts him more than anyone else in her life, and she cares for him as much as she's ever cared for anyone. His need to protect her is something she understands because she feels the same need.

Alright, so she cares about him. But…does she want him?

The answer comes quick, far quicker than she expected it to. She thinks about him turning down the woman in the bar, thinks of his intense eyes, the way he puts on his tie, the belt that's still coiled up in her bedroom, thinks of him shirtless in her sitting room in the wee hours of the morning, thinks of him stepping over her threshold to stop just inches from her…and she realizes that, yes. She wants him. She's wanted him for a little while now, without really realizing it.

Her heart is hammering again. She reaches for her phone with trembling fingers and tries to call him.

There's no answer. Not the first time or the second time.

"Oh, well done, Ellie. Way to cock this all up," she mutters.

"Mum!" Tom's voice drifts through her closed door. "Where's my football uniform? I'm going out to practice!"

"In the dryer!" she calls back, still distracted by the implications of her own thoughts, and by the fact that Alec is not answering his phone. A few minutes later, she hears the front door slam as Tom leaves.

She dresses and goes out to get Fred. Alec's coat is still lying across her bed, his belt still on her dresser. He may not be answering her calls, but it will be much harder to ignore her when she's on his doorstep.


He isn't in.

Ellie stands there, hoping for some indication that she's wrong, but there's not a hint of life around the tiny little flat. Alec isn't home and neither is Daisy.

She sits down on the little step in front of the door, staring at Fred in his pram. The toddler is cooing happily at the world around him, fascinated with the glint of sun off of the water or else with the birds that are fluttering down to roost in a nearby tree.

She covers her face with her hands. Is it possible that he's left Broadchurch for good? The idea that he might have cuts her deeply, and her throat swells.

"Oh, God, Fred. I'm such an idiot. I really am," she says. "Why didn't I just go after him last night?"

She drags herself back to her feet, feeling her lack of sleep keenly now, and decides there's nothing else to do but head home again and hope that at some point, Alec answers his phone. She starts back down the street, wishing she could go back to the day before, when they had all been together celebrating Alec's birthday, watching him reluctantly make a wish and accept gifts—

—gifts like a football jersey. So he could practice with Tom.

Of course. Why hadn't she thought of it the second Tom had left?

"Last chance," she says to herself, and she changes direction. She doesn't run to the football field, but she wants to.


He's there. He's running across the field, rushing to meet Tom as her son attempts to slip around him for a goal. He's wearing his new football jersey, and when Tom spins around him and makes the shot, he smiles broadly and ruffles the boy's hair.

"Well done!" she hears him say, and Tom is beaming up at him with pride.

Warmth spreads through her at the sight. It isn't quite strong enough to overpower her intense nervousness, but it does give her the courage to keep crossing through the grass toward them. Alec looks up from Tom's triumphant face and spots her as she wheels Fred closer. His shoulders stiffen a bit but he stays put.

"Tom," Ellie says, "would you mind taking your brother for a few minutes?"

Tom starts to protest – he wants to keep playing – but he quickly realizes that there won't be anymore football practice today until they're done dealing with…well, whatever they're dealing with. He takes Fred's pram and pushes it toward a nearby sidewalk, promising not to go out of sight.

"You ran away last night," she says when her son is out of earshot. Alec tugs on his earlobe.

"I…" He takes a breath. "It hurt."

"I thought you'd left town."

"I thought about it."

She stares at him for a long moment, her hands on her hips as she takes in his face. His expression is shuttered. He's trying not to let his nervousness show, but she knows him too well by now.

"It's…it's a bit soon for me, Alec. I trust you, but…I wasn't even thinking about a…a relationship. Not with anyone. And I'm not divorced yet. And there's still Joe's legal team to deal with."

"I understand." His tone is even, careful. His eyes are a dead giveaway though: she can see that he's starting to think maybe this won't all be bad news.

"You've got to promise to stay. I won't even consider…this…unless you're staying. And that's not just for me. It's for Tom and Fred too."

He nods. His eyes are warming as she speaks, and they are an impossibly rich brown in the clear morning light. She shivers a little at the sight of them, and oh yes, she wants him. Standing before her in a football jersey with his hair disheveled from the practice match with her son, staring at her with those eyes…yes, she wants him very much. How she hadn't noticed before is astounding.

He sees her shiver and his gaze dips to her mouth. Suddenly those eyes of his aren't just warm, they're hot. It's breathtaking to realize that he wants her too.

She's not ready yet…not yet…but the desire for him to kiss her is so intense that it's a fire in her blood. She takes a deep breath to try and cool herself down.

"Okay, good. I'm glad. Because I care about you too, Alec."

He reaches for her, pulls her into his chest hard. She wasn't expecting it and it catches her off guard, but then she puts her cheek against his chest. She can hear his heart pounding under her ear, just as hard as hers, but his lips are gentle as he brushes them over her temple.

"Ellie..." His voice is quiet, tight with emotion. "When you're ready…I'll be here."

She buries her face in his chest to hide her sudden tears and holds him tightly for a moment, because she knows he will be. He always has been.