Chapter 12

a/n thank you all for your support and reviews. I will keep all of your requests in mind. This is a long and angsty chapter. Please let me know what you think. Also I was inspired by Sarah's Key in the chapter. If you get a chance read the book and or see the movie. there is one scene that was really easy to write because of a scene in the movie. Please review


It took about twenty minutes for the intern to explain to Shelby how the infection drains worked and how they would be cleaned. It took another ten to convince Quinn that she couldn't walk out to the car and that she needed to sit in the wheelchair. It all made Santana annoyed. It was seven and she was hungry.

"Quinn," Shelby said. "Get in the wheelchair."

Santana rolled her eyes. Apparently they were still arguing about it.

"I want to walk," Quinn said with a tired air.

"That's not really an option," Shelby said with a look that Santana knew meant that it surely wasn't an option.

"Sit in the damn chair," Santana said with a sigh.

"Santana!" She heard her mother scold her.

Santana felt a nudge into her side and looked down. Rachel was looking at her with disapproving eyes. She gave a sigh.

"Please?" she asked with an eye roll.

Quinn shot her a look. Santana recognized it. The bitch is back, she thought. Santana arched her eyebrow and glared at her. She could hear Rachel's head turn from side to side as it ruffled against her coat.

"Enough, Quinn," Shelby finally said. "Get in the chair."

Quinn frowned but conceded. Santana watched as the blond sat in the chair that had been prepared for the girl with a donut pillow. She could see the irritation on the captain's face.

Santana nodded and decided to take the credit for the girl's forfeit. Her brother had been sent out to retrieve the car. She has desperately wanted to go with him, but her mother gave her a look telling her to stay. Santana felt a jealous surge in her chest as she spotted Rachel's hand on the arm of Quinn's wheelchair as they made their way out of the room. However, her unruly jealousy tamed, as soon as they all started following Quinn down the hallway. At that moment, Santana realized why her mother asked her to stay. Rachel wrapped her hand tightly around Santana's hand even though her hand was tucked and hidden in the side pocket of Santana's letterman jacket. She gave a small smile; it was always funny how Rachel's tiny hand managed to squeeze itself into the smallest places. She gave an even bigger smile as she squeezed Rachel's hand. The tiny girl had let go of Quinn's wheelchair and was gripping onto her hand. Her smile faded slightly as a medical team walked past them pushing a hospital gurney. She felt Rachel move closer to her. She held her tighter.

Santana felt her own heart clench as she approached the sliding doors of the hospital. She hated those doors. It wasn't coming into hospitals that made her despise them, but leaving them, that surfaced a degree of insecurity that she couldn't fathom, one that she was never able to shake.

Santana pulled her laces as tightly as she could. She gave a frustration. It was hard to tie her shoes when her arm was broken. She frowned. The Natalie lady was outside her room. She was supposed to go and see Noah. She was eager to see him but she hadn't seen Rachel. She gave a small sigh and looked at her hands. She hadn't seen her since they had both came in last night. She had only seen her tiny form briefly amongst the chaos of the ER and the fury of her own heart. However, at eight years old she couldn't articulate any of that. She couldn't even feel all of that. It was too much.

Natalie has told her that she might see her mother. She squeezed her eyes shut. She had wanted her mother every night since she was taken away from everything she thought she knew about the world. She looked around, but she needed to see Rachel. At that moment she felt so alone, but she knew that Rachel needed her. Rachel was all that got her through this. Noah too, in his own way, but Rachel saved her because she physically needed Santana to do something. Noah needed Santana as a sister, but Rachel needed her to hold her and whisper that she was okay. It gave Santana a purpose.

Santana stood with a grimace from her bed. Pumpkin-Poops, it hurt to move. She saw Natalie still talking to the nurse. She needed to get out of there. She spotted a gurney being wheeled past. She strategically, quietly and painfully hid herself beside it and down to the Pediatric ICU. That's where a nurse told her she was. She looked through five doors, when finally she spotted her inside the fifth room.

Rachel was laying flat on the bed. Her eyes were closed and her breathing was amplified by the mask that was covering her face. Monitors seemingly blared in Santana's ears. Rachel had a giant bruise on her eye. She had gotten that when she had tried to get up and run to Santana before all of it started. Santana wanted to look away, but couldn't. There was a thing on her finger but it looked like it was taking up her whole finger when on a normal person it just would have been the tip. And there was a bag on the side with a little bit of yellow liquid. Santana sighed. Her father had been so close to having Rachel potty trained. And then he died. And everything happened and Rachel struggled with the lack of consistency. Santana and Noah had tried but they couldn't. The bag was a reminder of that failure. Of all of her failures.

Don't cry, Santana told herself. She could feel as bottom lip and chin trembled as she took in Rachel's tiny form. She was clenching a bear and holding onto something else in her other fist. Her fists were so tiny and there was something colorful peaking out of the end. Santana then let out a tiny sob. It was the bracelet she had given her.

She gave a shuttering breath. She just needed to hold her. She still heard her father's voice in her head. "You can always come back to each other, Sanny. Always. All you have to do is touch to realize that you're not alone." She was without him now. And in this hospital at this moment as the monitor's loudness surrounded her, she never felt so alone. She knew she needed to move forward. She was only eight years old, but she knew that was what nature required of her. However, she was stuck. She was stuck in the moment as she witnessed the evidence of her failure.

She let out a sob.

"Rachel," she whispered. She took a step toward the bed, or that was her intention, but instead she crumbled on the floor. Her sorrow masked her pain that rippled through her body as she fell.

"I-I-I'm sorry," she sobbed.

She suddenly felt a pair of arms around her picking her up. They were taking her from the room. "I'm sorry, Rach! I'm sorry, bug! I'm so sorry!"

Her sobs took over as she was carried from the room. She tried to kick her legs to get to her. She couldn't leave her. At that moment, she realized if she was leaving, she was alone. "No!" she screamed as she tried to elbow whoever was holding her in the face. "No! I can't leave her!" She turned and looked at the young male intern that was holding her and then looked over at Natalie. "She needs me! I can't leave her alone! I can't leave her! She needs someone to hold her! She needs me!"

"Santana, please breathe. Please calm down. You will be able to see her in three days. You and your brother," Natalie attempted to assure. "She's too heavily medicated. "Listen to me. You need to breathe."

But she couldn't. She couldn't hear any of it. She scrambled out of the arms that were holding her. She ran toward her sister. She grabbed the bars of the bed.

"I'm so sorry, Rach," she sobbed. She reached up and kissed her on the forehead. "Please wake up. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. Please wake up."

Her hysteric screams were loud and seemed to distract her from her anger as she hit a nurse approaching her. She didn't realized there were so many people trying to get her attention. She didn't realize that she hit two nurses and kicked another. Finally a pair of arms grabbed her sobbing form and rocked her gently as they carried her out of the room. She gave in to all that she had been feeling and crumbled. All she knew was that she was letting Rachel down again as she was carried away from the unconscious form.

"San?"

She was brought out of the memory with a tug on her hand. Rachel was still holding her tightly. She looked down and saw Rachel looking down the hallway behind them at a gurney that just passed.

"Will they be okay?"

"I hope so, bug," she said quietly. "Come on. Let's get out of here."

She grabbed Rachel's hand tighter and led her down the hallway. She needed to get out of there. They needed to walk away for all of that.

….

Quinn looked down at her food. She didn't want to eat this. She was sitting on an inflated pillow, called a donut. She was in a house with people that she felt so hot and cold with. She couldn't really focus. Every moment she felt like pinching herself. This couldn't possibly be her life right now. This persistent denial with her own situation was annoying her, she was sure she was annoying everyone else. However, sixteen years couldn't be undone. What she knew was abruptly taken from her. It wasn't as easy as waiting for her prince to come in and save her. Why hadn't anyone put that in the children's books? Rapunzel certainly couldn't easily live happily after once she got everything she wanted. She had been the girl that had been locked up in the tower from the rest of the world for too long. Happiness didn't miraculously take over with a savior. Happily ever afters were over rated.

She looked up from her food and watched as Santana pushed her food around on her plate. Quinn felt a pang in her chest. Knowing that she and Santana and even Rachel had something in common didn't provide comfort to Quinn. It didn't make her feel less alone. It made her shoulders feel heavier. It made the world seem less appealing. She didn't want to know that more people were hurt especially people that she knew.

"Aren't you going to eat anything?" Rachel asked, interrupting Quinn's thoughts.

She gave a small shake of her head. "I'm not very hungry."

Rachel reached for her smoothie. "Would you like the rest of this? You need to eat something to keep your strength up."

She gave a small sigh at the girl's offer. "What will you eat?"

"The stir fry is vegan," Rachel said proudly. "Mom just puts meat in it for San and Noah. I have plenty of nutrients." She offered her the rest of the shake with an outstretched hand. "Please take it. You need to strength. I don't want you going back to the hospital."

Quinn frowned but took the shake. She told herself that she wasn't taking it for herself but for the girl who wanted so desperately to be needed.

Santana watched her sister's care and tenderness toward the girl. It made her feel oddly jealous, but she couldn't really understand why. Rachel was her sister, not Quinn's.

Quinn winced later that evening as she pulled on a loose pair of sweat pants. She hissed back the pain.

"Are you alright?" Rachel asked from the doorway.

"How long have you been standing there?" Quinn asked standing up straight and turning to look at the young girl. She scoffed internally. "Are you sure you're not a midget?"

"No," Rachel shot back. "I'm just small for my age," she said indignantly. "Do you need anything?"

"No," Quinn said as she rummaged through the suitcases.

"You can unpack you know," Rachel said as she sat casually on Quinn's bed.

"Why would I do that?" Quinn snapped.

"Don't be angry at me," Rachel said quickly trying not to cower. "We're better than any group home. You know I'm right."

"What would you know about it?" she asked quickly barely looking up.

"Why do you keep doing that?" Rachel asked quietly. Quinn looks up and watches the tiny girl wring out her hands. "Why do you….. why do you keep trying to push us away?"

Quinn searched the girl's face, her postures, anything. She needed to find something so that she could lie to her. Her vulnerability struck her too hard though. It hurt too much.

"Because, Rachel," Quinn said quietly. "I don't want get to know you. I can't."

She finally met Rachel's eyes. Instead of the hurt that she expected, she saw something different. She saw a bravery that she hoped for in herself, but was never able to obtain. And she saw understanding something she never thought could be so full in someone's eyes, especially in an eleven year old's eyes. The girl looked away and began to speak.

"I….. I know that you're scared, Quinn. I … I get it….." Rachel's voice was very quiet. She looked up from her hands and met Quinn's eyes again. "You don't have to let me know all your secrets. You just…. You have to know that I … I'm good listener. And I'll be here, when you're ready to tell me. I know…" She swallowed and her eyes began to mist. Her tiny palmed wiped them. "I know what it's like to feel scared and alone. I really… I want you to know that you have me." She watched Quinn's face carefully. She began to talk very rapidly. "I know that I'm young. And people baby me. I just…. I want you to know that…. I'm here. I already think of you as my sister. And … I just.. I don't want you to be alone. You might feel like if but you're not. You don't have to be and—''

Rachel stopped speaking when Quinn placed her hand on hers. "Rachel," she said with a slight tremor in her voice. "I've known that you were on my side since you gave me your monkey. And….. I wanted to thank you for my lamb. I'm just afraid of you getting hurt by all this."

"You could never hurt me," Rachel said quietly. "Trust me…"

The look in the girl's eyes broke Quinn's heart because it told her simply that someone already had hurt her.

Rachel looked at her hands. "I just. You're my friend. And I care about you like I care about San, and I …. I don't want you to be alone. You don't have to get to know me…. But I hope….. I hope you'll let me get to know you."

Quinn watched the small girl. She searched her eyes.

"Rachel, I….."

"Bug, it's time to get ready for bed," Shelby said from the doorway.

Quinn looked up and saw Shelby leaning against the doorway of door that led to the hallway.

"What are you doing?" Santana asked from the adjoining bathroom.

Rachel nodded and stood from Quinn's bed and started for her mother.

"Rachel," Quinn called out to her.

The tiny brunette stopped and turned to Quinn. The blond gave her a small smile. One could barely see it but Rachel knew it was there, hidden under the armor.

"I'll try," Quinn said. She gave her a serious look. "But no promises."

Rachel gave a nod and smiled enough that it met her eyes.

Shelby came into the room and closed the door behind her.

"Santana, please get Rachel ready. I really want you guys to all go to bed early," Shelby said with a slight arch to her eyebrow.

Quinn watched from the corner of her eye as Santana disappeared into her room.

"How are you feeling?" Shelby asked as she stood and closed the bathroom door.

"Stop asking me that," Quinn said as she stood up.

She walked with an obvious discomfort to her bags.

"Well, I need you to tell me," Shelby said. "You need to get your rest and take care of yourself."

"Stop," Quinn said with a fierceness in her eyes. "Please just stop."

"Tomorrow morning we'll need to change your bandages," Shelby began.

"We are not doing anything," Quinn said facing the woman. "I have it under control. I can do it myself." She threw up her arms and turned away from the woman. "I will do it after my shower."

"Calm your attitude, Quinn," Shelby said. "Plus, you can't shower with your bandages."

"What?" Quinn practically screamed. This couldn't be happening. "No! I can take care of it myself!"

"Quinn, the drains cannot get wet. I can help you with a sponge bath or you can wash your hair in the sink. It's just for the weekend –'''

"No!" Quinn yelled. "No! This is not happening! And we're not…. You CANNOT tell me this now!"

Shelby searched the girl. She could see was on the brink. Now? She thought to herself. She kicked herself internally. Of course, she thought.

"Quinn, you are safe in this house," Shelby began.

"Don't try to shrink me!" Quinn hissed lowering her voice. She ran her hands over her face. Her breathing was shallow. "I…. I need to do this myself! And you're telling me that I can't bathe?"

"It's only for two days and you can wash in the sink or in my shower, but you can't get the drains wet," Shelby said gently.

"Get away from me!" Quinn said backing up from the woman. "I need …. You don't understand. I need to….. stay clean!"

"I understand that you—'' Shelby began.

"No! No! You don't understand!" Quinn said with a yell. She threw her clothes down. She looked angrily at her door. "I need a lock on my door. I need one! I don't know you! I don't …. I don't know what can happen."

Shelby put her hands up. "Calm down, Quinn. You are not getting a lock on your door. No one has them."

"What if something happens!" She asked as she pushed her chair over. "This chair won't protect me. You won't let me do anything. I can't….. I'm trapped here. And now you're telling me that I … I can't … bathe." She looked at her with tears in her eyes. "You don't understand! I need to!"

"Quinn!"

The blond girl couldn't handle this. "No! Don't! You can't protect me. You can't make me better!" Quinn shot her hands up and walked very closely to Shelby. She pointed toward the door and said in a very low voice, "Look at your own children! Look at Rachel! They are broken! I am broken and we're not fixable!"

Quinn breathed deeply into her chest. She was breaking so heavily that it took her a couple seconds before she realized that Shelby wasn't saying anything. She looked up and saw that the woman was pacing slightly away from her. The first thought was that she hoped Rachel didn't hear what she said. Quinn wasn't able to get to the second.

"Quinn," Shelby said calmly. "You are not broken." Her voice was steady. "And neither are they. Your outbursts are expected but they are unacceptable. Your grounding has been extended by two more weeks. We might be able to negotiate if your behavior improves but—"

"Stop being so damn calm," Quinn hissed. "Your quote unquote punishments are full of crap! Just hit me!" She took a step closer to Shelby. She didn't realize that she was shaking in front of the woman. "Go ahead! Hit me."

Shelby watched as the girl got closer to her. "I said hit me! I know you want to. Hit me! Hit me!" Quinn reached out and tried to push Shelby. "Hit me!"

Shelby tightened her jaw and wrapped her arms around Quinn. "Hit me," she heard the girl sob into her chest. She felt the girl try to push her away with her weak body. Shelby held her closer. "Hit me," she sobbed. "Please."

Quinn's legs buckled under her. "Please."

She felt Shelby's arms around her. The comfort seemed so foreign, but she sank into it.

After a few moments, she sat up away from the woman. She looked at her apologetically, but she didn't say anything. Shelby helped the girl sit on the bed. She handed her a couple pills.

"It's the antibiotic and something for the pain," Shelby said handing her a glass of water.

Shelby watched as the girl drank the water and took the pills. She took the glass of water and set it on the dresser.

"Let's get you under the covers," Shelby said gently.

"I would rather….. I would rather sleep on the floor," Quinn said quietly.

"No, Quinn," Shelby said calmly. "It's not good for your body. Plus you have wounds that are healing. In bed. Now."

Quinn was starting to lose it. Exhaustion was taking over. Tears began to flow again. "Please no. Please."

"Quinn, this isn't up for discussion, sweetheart," Shelby said gently. "You're safe in this house. Would you like me to stay here until you fall asleep?"

Quinn frowned. "No," she said quickly.

Shelby watched her face. She met the girl's eyes.

"Well, I'm going to stay for a bit," Shelby said quietly. "Alright?"

Quinn didn't respond. Shelby laid back against the pillows. "Lay back. Come on. How about this? I'll lay here for twenty minutes. If you're still awake in twenty minutes you can sleep on the floor."

"I'm not stupid," Quinn said as she lay on the bed with a smile. "You just drugged me with sleepy pain killers." Her smile faded. "I just….I really hate being in beds."

"I know you do, Quinn," Shelby said. "And that's alright, but we need to work together to help you not be afraid of them." She met your eyes. "You're safe here."

Quinn shook her head. However, with a sigh she let herself relax against the pillows and gave into sleep.

….

An hour later, Shelby crawled out of Quinn's bed. The girl had let sleep give in. She removed herself from the covers and tucked the girl in. She gave her a soft kiss on her forehead and slowly crept out of the room.

She looked in on Noah who was sound asleep as always. However, he hadn't always been easy to go to his own room. None of them had. Shelby opened Rachel's room. Her heart naturally leapt out of her chest when she saw that the bed was empty.

She walked across the hallway and gave a heavy sigh. Rachel was sleeping soundly in Santana's arms in Santana's bed. She gently and quietly lifted Rachel's sleeping form from the bed. She was thankful that Rachel's natural instincts where to wrap around Shelby in her sleep.

As Shelby made the walk back to Rachel's room, she thought about this battle of the beds. It was one that she had been fighting since the day the kids came home. After endless tears, groundings and restrictions, and eight years, Shelby was still fighting this battle. Quinn's words echoed in her brain. They weren't broken. They weren't sleeping independently because Shelby hadn't put her foot down earlier. She had been lenient in that department. She had hoped that they would grow out of it, grow out of that need. She didn't realize how unrealistic she was being, but the girls were now sixteen and eleven and they were more than dependent on each other.

She carefully laid Rachel down in her bed. Her youngest daughter stirred slightly. Shelby soothed her back into sleep by humming quietly as she tucked Rachel under the blankets. She kissed her forehead. No, she thought to herself. They weren't broken. None of them were.

…..

Quinn awoke the next morning with a groan. God, she felt so uncomfortable. She only had two drains but still all she wanted to do was to rip them out. She crawled out of bed and went into the adjoining bathroom. She spotted Santana still sleeping in her bed. She shook her head and rolled her eyes. She closed the door and turned around. Slowly she removed her sweatpants and looked at her wounds. She winced at the sight.

She could take care of herself. She always had been able to. Her ability to control that felt as if it was taken away. She was always able to take care of herself.

Fifteen year old Quinn looked at herself in the mirror. She had her nightgown bunched at the waist and a tube of cream in her hand. She winced as she made contact with her backside and back. She couldn't really reach where she needed to. He had really laid it to her.

She heard the creak on the loose floorboard. She jumped when she saw her mother at the door. A blink of hope urged her to ask her mother for help. She had a vague memory of her mother holding her. She blinked quickly. She looked at the crystal glass in her mother's hand. Her hope was gone.

"You deserved what you got, Quinn," her mother slurred. "You always do."

Quinn looked at her. She stood there vulnerable as she watched her mother walk away.

She knew that. She knew that she always deserved it, but it didn't make it hurt any less.

"Quinn?" she heard a knock on the door. The girl carefully pulled up her sweatpants and opened the door.

Shelby stood there with a small basket of supplies.

"What's that?" she asked motioning for a tube that Quinn was holding.

"Something that Coach Sylvester gave to me," Quinn said quietly.

Shelby set the things on the counter. She looked at the girl. "Coach knew?"

"She never said anything. She just…"Quinn looked down embarrassed. "Once after a late practice she caught me putting cream on in the locker room. She uh….. She never said a word, but she threw me this tube of cream instead and said it was better because it had come aloe in it. She never said a word though." Quinn looked down. "Or at least I thought she didn't, until right before I came here, she called me into her office….She was the one that called CPS once…. That got me one hell of a beating… well, she uh… she apologized and…. She always put a new tube of this stuff in my locker every month. I didn't really understand why until that moment when she told me that she was the one that called. It wasn't guilt over not telling, it was pity that she couldn't fix it."

"She's been a great advocate for you, Quinn," Shelby said. "More than you know." Shelby paused. "See you're not alone." She took a deep breath. "How do you want to do this?"

"You're not touching me," Quinn said quickly.

"Can you reach back there to clean and change the bandage?"

Quinn looked at her defiantly. "Yes."

Shelby arched an eyebrow. "Would you like to try or would you like me to get it done in five minutes and then be done with it?" She saw the girl examine her face at the possibility. "You can time me if you would like."

"This is humiliating," Quinn grumbled as she turned around.

"Imagine how much worse it would be if they got worse," Shelby replied as she cleaned the wounds.

If Shelby thought that she had made a giant stride with Quinn that morning, her accomplishments were snuffed as soon as the rest of the family woke up. Santana and Quinn were practically ready for battle once they saw each other. The girls continued to bicker around the breakfast table about everything from cereal to the routines in Cheerios. Noah begged to be dismissed from the table, but because rules of grounding, he was forced to stay. Rachel watched with interest. Noah tried to distract her from the craziness but he was failing.

"Girls, knock it off," Shelby said with frustration.

The phone rang and Shelby started toward the phone. "I'm serious," she said as she picked up the phone. "Hello?...Oh, hi Valerie… Yes…. "

Santana and Quinn immediately looked toward Shelby. Shelby caught their eye and turned away.

"Yes. Well, everyone is grounded. ….. Yes….." Shelby looked directly at Quinn. Her eyes indicated interest and hope. Shelby was surprised. She was expecting hesitation. She nodded into the phone. "Actually, yes…. Let's do…..I think that's a good compromise… Yes, ….. I will let them know… Yes…"

"What's happening?" Rachel asked as Shelby hung up.

"Brittany's coming over for a short visit with Quinn," Shelby said sitting back down at the table.

"But we're grounded," Rachel said. She almost fell out of her chair when Santana nudged her.

"It'll be a quick visit," Shelby assured.

Quinn watched as Santana immediately became more tolerable. She and Puck began arguing about his own lack of friends and how that was the reason why Puck wasn't allowed to have anyone over. Rachel was attempting to mediate but failing. Quinn used the argument as her cover as she walked over to Shelby at the sink.

"Yes, Quinn?" the mother asked without looking at her.

"How long will they be staying?" she asked.

"I'm not sure. However long you want them to," Shelby said drying her hands and looking at her. "Brittany does not know about your situation or the details. Mr. and Mrs. Pierce have been respectful of you to answer those questions when you are ready. Do you want to see Brittany?"

"Well she knows I was in the hospital and living here she knows something," Quinn said with a growl.

"Yes, she knows you're living here and that you had a minor surgery at the hospital," Shelby assured. "You do not have to answer any questions if you don't want to. She is your friend still isn't she? And she's worried. Make it casual, light."

"I want Rachel there," Quinn suddenly blurted out.

Shelby gave an amused smirk. "You want her there because she's a distraction?"

Quinn didn't respond at first, but finally, she added. "Santana can come too."

"You don't need them as diversions," Shelby said quietly. "But alright." Quinn gave a nod of appreciation. "This is a quick visit though, Quinn."

"I know."

…..

Santana was grateful for Quinn because of her ability to hang out with Brittany. She had previously thought of using it to her advantage, but Brittany beat her to it. She felt her heart skip a beat when she answered the door. She gave Brittany a grin as she let her and Valerie come in the door.

"Because we're grounded we have to stay in the family room," Rachel announced.

"Rachel," Santana hissed.

The tiny girl shrugged. "What? It's a factual statement."

"Doesn't mean it needs to be announced," she replied.

"Why are you grounded anyway?" Brittany asked Rachel with a smirk as the three of them joined Quinn on the couch.

Rachel sighed. "It's a long story."

Quinn interjected. "You should tell it."

"Really, Quinn?" Santana asked somewhat annoyed.

"Guys," Rachel muttered.

Santana took a deep breath and settled next to Brittany in the family room. She met her mother's eye in the kitchen quickly but then looked away. She settled.

"How are you?" Brittany asked breaking the silence.

"Fine," Quinn said folding her arms. She looked fine, didn't she? "Are you sure you don't want to talk about that thing that you did that got you grounded?"

"I'm glad you're here," Santana said to Brittany with a smile.

"Me too," she said with a smile. She turned back to the blond. "So do you like living here?" Brittany tried again.

Quinn was about to throw out an insult about how it was one of the worst places she had ever stayed but she caught the eyes of the eleven year old.

"It's alright," she finally said. "But I won't be here for long."

Brittany nodded trying to pace herself carefully. "Okay."

"Wait, where will you go?" Rachel asked looking up at Quinn.

Quinn looked over at Rachel and struggled to find an answer.

"I … " She suddenly lost her words. She had been so careful never to let anyone in. And here was this kid with her frank optimism sneaking her way into her life and forcing her to care.

"Yeah, Quinn, where would you go?" Santana sneered. "Are you sure there are any other people in this town who would take you in?"

Brittany shot Santana a glare and the brunette immediately recoiled. "I mean," she attempted to cover. "Don't you not want people to know you were living here? You can't bounce from place to place. You'll blow your secret."

"Shut up, Santana," she hissed.

"Don't tell me to shut up," Santana barked.

"San," Rachel said pleadingly.

"Sorry," she muttered.

"Santana, why don't you help me with some tea please?"

"Mom," Santana began to protest.

"Santana," Shelby said more sharply.

Shelby watched as her eldest daughter stood and went into the kitchen.

"Can you get the mugs please?" she asked.

Santana was watching Brittany talk with Quinn. She watched Rachel lean against Quinn's shoulder. It was bad enough that the night before Rachel and Quinn had a long intense conversation and then on top of that when Rachel fell asleep in Santana's bed, Shelby took her away. None of it seemed fair. Now Brittany was here and Quinn was not even answering her questions.

"Santana," her mother called. "The mugs?"

She nodded and started to bring out the mugs.

"Rachel, have you been giving Quinn a hard time?" Brittany asked with a smile. Santana didn't need to face the blonde to know that she was smiling.

"I have attempted to be the best host that I can be," Rachel said.

Santana slammed the cabinet shut. Rachel's smile faded as she looked over the back of the couch and into the kitchen. She met her mother's soft smile. The older woman gave her an assuring smile. Rachel looked back over at Quinn. Brittany looked back over at the mothers and Santana. She heard Santana slam another drawer. Brittany looked at her mother who gave her a small nod asking her to continue.

Brittany continued with her small talk with Quinn as she hoped to find a glimpse of the friend that she grew up with.

Santana handed a mug of tea to Mrs. Pierce.

"Thank you, dear," Valerie said with a grateful smile.

"You're welcome," Santana muttered.

Shelby poured the last four mugs of hot water into the mugs with tea bags. "Here you are," she said quietly. She held onto the first cup for a moment as she scanned her eldest daughter's eyes. "If you need to," Shelby said quietly, "take a breath. Alright?"

"Fine," Santana said with a whisper.

Santana handed the three girls a mug of tea. Brittany gave a small smile trying to ease her frustrations.

"I don't drink tea," Quinn said setting the mug loudly on the table.

Santana opened her mouth. She was about bark something at her but she caught sight of Rachel looking at her with pleading eyes.

"Fine," Santana said sipping her own tea. "Suit yourself."

A silence fell over them. Rachel looked between the three girls.

"I'm glad you're here," Rachel said breaking the silence.

"I am too," Brittany said quickly and with a genuine air. "The Corcorans are good people." She met Santana's eyes. "They might be tough, but they're good."

Santana felt her cheeks redden. She looked at her hands that were wrapped around her mug.

"Like I said," Quinn said, breaking Santana's thoughts. "I won't be here for long."

"Listen," Santana said setting her mug down with a clang. "We have been more than hospitable. My sister is more than kind to you. And you keep throwing it back in our faces."

"I didn't ask to be here," Quinn spat. "I thought we've been over this. Why are we talking about it again?"

Rachel looked between the girls. Their anger seemed to have formed an imperishable wall around them.

"I know you don't want to be here, but I'm glad that you are," Rachel said quietly.

"Guys," Brittany began. "This is ridiculous. Calm down."

"No, Britt," Santana said. "She has been so rude since she's gotten here."

"Well, consider what she's been through," Brittany began but then immediately regretted it.

"What I've been through?" Quinn repeated. "What the hell do you know? Don't you dare think that you know anything about me."

"Quinn, that's not what I –''

"Don't yell at her!" Santana interjected.

"I think it it's time that we go home," Valerie said exchanging a look at Shelby and Brittany.

"I'm sorry, guys," Brittany said as she stood up.

"No!" Santana said. "This was her!" She pointed at Quinn. "Why are we all being punished."

Shelby watched Santana on the verge of a breakdown. They were too tired for this. She took a risk and they weren't ready for visitors.

"Say goodbye, girls," Shelby said in tone that left no room for interpretation.

Rachel stood and looked up at Mrs. Pierce. "I'm sorry," she muttered. "They're just mad. I know they're happy to see you."

Valerie pulled the girl into a quick hug. "I know that they are too, sweetheart. Thank you for having us."

"This is such bullshit," Santana said in a hushed tone as she glared at Quinn.

"I know, but you need to stop biting each other's heads off. There will nothing left," Brittany gave a small laugh. She let her smile fade. "But seriously."

"Thank you, Quinn," Valerie said with a smile as she put a hand on Quinn's arm.

Quinn stared at the hand as if it was a foreign object. "Uh…. You're welcome. But I don't understand why you're thanking me." She measured out her words carefully. "I want to apologize for Santana and my snappy behavior."

"Always had such great manners and grace," Valerie said. "If you need anything, let me know."

Quinn searched Valerie's eyes. As soon as the words fell out of her mouth, Valerie knew the trap that she created for herself. She knew that she had just opened up a can of worms that she wasn't able to truly open. She and Tom couldn't take the girl. They weren't as strong as Shelby. It was one of those situations where the choice that you hoped you would make was the opposite of what you were actually able to do.

"I'm sorry," Valerie said suddenly.

"I know," Quinn said quickly. "It's fine." She met Valerie's guilt ridden eyes. "It's fine."

"Well come for a visit again," Valerie said finally.

Quinn looked down at her feet. "Yeah that's fine."

"Bye, Quinn," Brittany said as she pulled the other blonde into an unexpected hug. She felt Quinn stiffen in her arms. "I'll see you later, alright?"

Quinn gave a small smile. "Yeah. See ya."

"Thank for the tea," Brittany waved once more from the door.

Shelby let the silence of the room settle on them. Santana was shifting her weight aggressively from side to side. Quinn was looking defeatedly at her feet.

"I don't understand why I can't go home," Quinn said suddenly. It was argumentative. It was deflated and weak. "My mother is fine. I just don't—''

"No, you don't," Santana interrupted. "You don't get it. They didn't remove you for fun, Quinn."

"Why did they remove you from Shelby then huh?" Quinn asked.

"Mom?" Rachel asked quietly.

"Bug, please go out to the basement. Your brother is working out down there. You can watch a movie."

"But we're all grounded," Rachel protested.

Shelby gave her a small smile. "You're being let off for good behavior temporarily."

"And because you want me out of the room," Rachel said as she went down the basement steps.

Once she disappeared from sight, Shelby turned to the girls. Quinn shook her head and started towards the stairs. She opened her mouth to speak but Santana beat her to it.

"What could you possibly think would happen?" Santana erupted. "Your mother is a drunk! You are here because she allowed your father to beat the shit out you and I don't know what the fuck else he did!"

"Santana!" Shelby scolded.

"No," Quinn said as she gritted her teeth. "Let her finish."

"I mean it, Quinn," Santana burst again. "What the fuck could you possibly think! This is not the ideal situation for me either! But I would appreciate it if you would stop pissing on everything that my mother is doing for you."

"What do you know, Santana?" Quinn challenge.

"Quinn, don't start," Shelby said.

"No!" the blond fired back tearfully. "If she can dish it out, she can handle it! Can't you, Santana? Who are you to criticize me? Look at you! Look at your family. You pretend to be all whole and healed. Well, let me bring you down from your high horse!" The three of them looked toward the basement door. The music that was humming slightly in the background was cranked up. They all knew that Noah was attempting to shield Rachel from this argument.

"Quinn, stop," Shelby said stepping between the girls even though they were yards apart. Their venom seemed to bring the room to a stand still.

"NO!" Quinn said again. "NO! NO!" Her body was growing weak and exhausted. She shook her head and looked away to regain her momentum. She finally found her words again. "Your family thinks you're all high and mighty for taking me in, the abused run away.—''

"Quinn, stop it!" Shelby said. Santana's hardened face was beginning to fall.

The blonde continued thanks simply to her own rage. "Don't look at me like I'm the fucked up one, Santana! You're just as fucked! Mine happened recently….. You! Look at you! It happened eight years ago!" She took a step toward Santana. With a shaking breath and a pointed finger and met the brunette's eyes. "Don't you dare. Don't you dare! You're just as fucked up as you were then!"

"That's enough!" Shelby screamed. "Upstairs, now, Quinn! Come on!" She turned to Santana, who was frozen in place. "Go into the study and wait for me." The girl didn't move. I'm serious! Go!"

…..

Shelby walked up the stairs behind Quinn. The girl stormed into the room, but still Shelby knew that she was fighting exhaustion. They entered the girl's bedroom that she was so determined not to call her own.

"Quinn, lay down," Shelby said. "Or at least sit down."

"Leave me alone!" Quinn barked through her tears. "Please just leave."

She saw the rage melt from the girl. She was giving in to exhaustion. She just couldn't fight it anymore.

"Quinn," Shelby started again.

"I said leave me alone."

Shelby stood up. "I don't love you any less," she said as started out the door. "We will be talking about this later."

Shelby gave a sigh as she walked away from the room. She could hear Quinn's muffled sobs as she descended towards the stairs. When she reached the bottom of the stairs she saw Santana standing at the front door with her arms wrapped tightly around her body.

"San?" Shelby asked carefully.

"I can just walk out, Mom," Santana said. Her mother could tell that she intended the statement to be snappy, but it came out more defeated.

"I know you can, Taz" Shelby said with a small sigh as she carefully approached her.

"You can't call me that!" Santana barked. "I'm not that little girl anymore!" She released a shuttered breath. "And Daddy gave me that name! Don't! Don't use it! Especially now! I'm upset! Can't you see that I'm upset!"

Shelby finally reached her and wrapped her arms around Santana. "I know, San. I'm sorry."

Leroy had nick named Santana Taz because of her determined nature. She could still hear her ex-husband's voice in her head. "She is a Tasmanian Devil that one," he had said with a laugh. "It doesn't matter if it's physically impossible, that girl of ours will get it done." Shelby had laughed. "That she will."

She returned to the present and felt her eldest daughter shaking in her arms.

"Don't," Santana said quietly as she tried to push Shelby away. "Just don't."

Shelby allowed her daughter to pull away from her. She felt her heart shatter. She wasn't sure at what point in the past eight years that Santana pushed her away. However, in that moment, as she watched Santana sit as far away from her on the study sofa she knew that Santana was the furthest she had been. Even further than she was eight years ago. When had she built that wall? Why hadn't Shelby seen it?

"Let's do this quiet time," Santana said with a huff.

Toys were scattered everywhere. The chair was overturned and the coffee table was tipped over. Shelby surveyed the damage with exhaustion. Eight-year-old Santana sat sullenly with her knees pulled up to her chest on the couch. She had just thrown one of her massive tantrums. Shelby had asked Noah to take Rachel downstairs to watch one of her many movies. She knew that Santana felt guilt about that, but she needed to be consistent with the kids. Quiet time. It was basically time out, but instead the parent sat with the child. They both had to sit there. No talking, no toys. Nothing, but silence. Remarkably, it worked. It calmed Santana down. Shelby watched Santana carefully. The girl hadn't had a tantrum like this since they did their visits at CPS. She wasn't sure where this was coming from. However, she reminded herself that it has still only been a month since she got her kids back.

"Santana," she said finally. "Your quiet time is over. Can you please come over here?"

Santana stood in front of her mother.

"I'm sorry," she said with a sullen tone.

"It's okay to be angry, San," Shelby said. "But it is not okay to throw things. Do you understand?"

"Yes," she muttered.

"We need to clean all of this up and then you can go and play," Shelby said. "When you get angry, remember that your safe space is always there. Remember we talked about it?"

"When I get upset, I go there," the young girl said quietly. "I remember." She sighed. "I just…. I got mad."

"I know you did," Shelby replied. "You can be upset about things. Sometimes we know and sometimes we don't. Can you tell me why you were angry?"

"I didn't want her to be alone," Santana said quietly. "I could have just laid with her. I would have let her sleep."

Shelby watched her daughter carefully. "Was that the only thing?" She searched the girl's dark eyes. "I felt as if you were upset when I took her to the bathroom earlier. I also felt that way when I took her binkie. What were you feeling then?"

Santana looked at her hands. "It's my job. All of that is my job." She met her mother's eyes. "I didn't want you to take her binkie. She needs that. She was upset too."

"Santana," Shelby started. "I'm your Mom. Yours, Noah's and Rachel's. You're my daughter and I want you to enjoy being an eight year old kid as long as you can. If you take my jobs, what would I do?"

Shelby grinned trying to relax the girl. She held her hands in front of her expecting Santana to take them. Instead she stared at them quietly.

"San?" Shelby asked quietly. "San?"

"What if it has to be my job again?" Santana asked quietly. "Daddy said that we needed to keep things the same for her so she doesn't get confused…. And you left….." Shelby watched her form her words. "What if you leave again?"

"Look at me, San."

Her daughter looked at her with big eyes.

"I will not leave you again," Shelby said.

Santana wrapped her arms around her mother's neck and rested her head on her shoulder.

"But you will," Santana whispered.

"What?" Shelby

"Some day you will," the girl whispered again, almost lower. "Like Daddy."

Shelby gave a deep breath.

"Yes, Santana," Shelby said carefully. "Some day I will leave you like Daddy but hopefully not for a long time. Not until way after you grow old. Maybe you'll be married. Maybe you'll have beautiful children. But I promise you, Sanny, that I will never leave you by choice. You're stuck with me. I'll stick around as long as possible. I would give you forever if I could."

"Forever?" Santana muttered into Shelby's neck.

"Forever."

"Are we finished?" Santana finally asked. "Mom?"

Shelby looked at her. "It's been ten minutes," her daughter said.

She took a deep breath and looked at the beautiful young woman. However, all she could see was a sad young girl.

"San," she started.

"I'm sorry," Santana interrupted. "Okay? I was upset."

"Talk to me, sweetheart," Shelby pleaded. "Is having her here too much?"

Santana looked at her. "You're not going to just drop her because it's hard for me," she said almost furiously.

"Of course not," Shelby said. "But I need you to talk to me. It's okay for this to be tough. It's bringing up a lot. Stuff that while we've worked on for the past eight years doesn't mean that it's not just as hard."

"I know, Mom, okay?" Santana said shaking her head. "Okay?" She bit her lip and gathered her thoughts. "I just need some time. Okay? I …. I am upset, but I just…. I can't do this…..I can't do this with you. I can't talk to you about this.….. Not yet at least."

Shelby nodded tearfully.

"What do you need?"

"I don't know, Mom," Santana said exhausted. "I need for people to be better and for me to have a handle on my verbal vomit. I just…." She sighed. "I need for people to be better." She shook her head. "I don't want to talk to you about what I feel because you're just going to try to convince me that it's not true. That we're not broken and fucked up, but we are, Mom. I can barely let Rachel out of my sight. Noah can't let anyone get close to him besides us. Rachel can't cope with fire drills. I mean really, Mom. I'm happy that you took in, Quinn." She met her mother's eyes. "I never said that by the way." She took a deep breath. "I just….I can't hear you tell me that it's not true. That Quinn was wrong, because we both know that she was right." She stood up. "I'm calm, okay? I'm sorry for my attitude and my behavior in front of the Pierces." She met her mother's eyes. "Can I go?"

"We're not finished with this," Shelby said calmly. "But I won't push you." She watched her daughter turn to leave. "Santana?" The girl stopped. "You need to find some kind of compromise with Quinn. I am not going to have these screaming matches every other day with you two. It's just not okay." Santana gave a nod. "Also, San I know that you believe all the things that you just said. However, it's harder to feel all of that. It's hardest to follow through on it. And it's okay if it's too much."

"It's not," Santana said quickly as she straightened. "I can handle it."

"Okay," Shelby said. She looked at her daughter one last moment before she gave a nod. "Thank you for calming down. Let your brother and sister know that it's time to do homework."

Santana nodded silently and left the room.

..,…

She needed a distraction. She needed something to focus her energy on. She busied herself with Rachel as they sat down to work on their school work. Noah even huffed to his seat. He looked over at his sister. Santana caught his eye. She was expecting disapproval. Instead she saw worry. What on earth was he looking at? She frowned.

"Stop staring at me," she hissed as she looked at her history book aggressively.

"San?" Rachel asked quietly.

"What?" Santana asked with a sigh.

"Never mind," Rachel said quietly.

The doorbell echoed in the house.

"I'll get it," Rachel murmured as she stood.

Santana listened to Rachel leave the room and watched as her brother looked after the girl's exit. She met her brother's eyes again.

"What?"

…..

Shelby watched her eldest daughter leave the study. She gave a sigh and headed back up the stairs. Fucked up, she repeated in her head. Were they all just fucked up?

She opened Quinn's door quietly. The girl was curled in the corner of the room in another make-shift bed. Her eyes were closed and she was sleeping soundly. Shelby was thankful she remembered giving her the pain killers. The girl's body was exhausted and it was clear. It was all exhausting.

She pulled the comforter off of the bed behind her and tucked it around the girl. She leaned forward and kissed her.

She heard the doorbell ring. Who could that be? She stood and looked once more at the sleeping girl. She sighed.

….

Santana looked at the brother as she heard Rachel approach the door. He gave her a look that he always gave her telling her to get her act together and fix it. She gave another heavy sigh and stood from the table and walked toward the front of the house.

"Rach," she called out as she entered the foyer.

When Santana rounded the corner all she saw was the figure at the door with Rachel pinned up against the wall and her feet dangling in the air, and in that moment, Santana felt her blood reach its boiling point.

As always this chapter was supposed to be a little longer, but I realized that it needed to end where it ended. Don't hate me because of the cliff hanger. I've already started on Chapter 13. I hope to have it up asap! PLEASE REVIEW!