Hello, my lovelies! (Okay, that was a slight bit creepy for an intro, I might add.)

So I've got news. Fun news… okay *drum roll*… there's a NEW CHARACTER COMING IN! Yahoo!

So I got the awesome character from Corrupted Justice, who was awesome to share, so might as well, right! There is a fine example of a review. (Speaking of, REVIEW!)

So here are the comments back to you excellent folks that responded:

-Mmyself29: Well, awesome! Glad you couldn't stop laughing! (I'm not really a comedian, but I made stuff no as I go, hehe) and yes, I adore Grandma Badass, and she adores you. Thanks!

-Kakashi Forever: Yes. YouTube is God. Jashin has nothing on the land of the internet. Awesome, glad you liked it, and thanks for commenting, like, forever!

-jestie kiryuu: Wow, that's a lot of letters to express one's self for this story, and I know what it means and everything, so, well, BIG FREAKING THANKS TO YOU! *throws a cookie… no, wait… a CAKE to you* I APPRECITATE YOUR ENTHUSIASM!

Well, also, I want to note that I don't own Akatsuki (BUT I REALLY WANT TO), Naruto Abridged (if you haven't seen it, go on the holy site! YouTube, for all you pricks who don't know what that is), and George Washington (yeah, you'll see if you read).

Have fun, read, REVIEW, and well, um… HAPPY TURKEY DAY! :P


12

Here we are again, same old place, same old pavement… wait… WHAT?

My eyes opened, seeing wooden butt. That's attractive. "Hey Gingie! Might wanna stop dragging me on my face, or you'll be the wood for the fire out on our next camping trip!" I pouted, about to smack Sasori-no- get a clue. Pinocchio dropped me on my ass again, and then I realized my hands and feet were tied. Hey! The Worm is back, everyone!

"Might wanna recap on that one. Why don't you send yourself back to Disney? Your creator still might have his head frozen somewhere in the freezer."

A simple no was heard. Then I saw a shadow approach me. I looked up; there was a perfect lock of blonde hair. "Hey there, Goldilocks! Can you be a nice girl scout and untie me?" Heh heh. So I was with the two lovebirds this round of the trip. More blackmail means more torture for them! I wanted the cue for the thunder and lightning; I guess that didn't work.

Dei-dei sighed, bringing me up to my feet and only untying the feet. "You're walking, hm."

"What, no little art project? I was expecting a big chicken to soar us to Wonderland," I made a whinny face and stayed in my place. Sasori walked to me. Slowly and sexy like. Mhn hm, work it, boy.

"Listen girl, I don't stand nonsense. I expect you to be silent throughout the entire trip to our next destination, or your head might be decapitated from your body. Understood, girl?"

I nodded, but interrupted. "Wait! Can I at least get something off my chest, first?"

"No-"

"FUUUUUUCCCCKKKKK!" I yelled my brains out, enjoying every bit of little freedom. "DEIDARA AND SASORI ARE GOING OUT BIG TIME! OH LALA! Oh, okay, I think I'm done now, redhead." I breathed out intentionally, loving this. Deidara showed hints of red on his face. Aw, how cute. "I can't believe we can't kill her, hm."

"Yeah, what a shame," Sasori replied, still thinking about what to do with me. "But we can make her shut up. You've got your clay, right?"

"Yeah, hm, tons of it." Oh shit. This is going somewhere, and not good on my part.

Deidara gladly passed him a little, and just before I knew it, he slapped it on my mouth before I could even breathe. That was nice, Haley. Way to get out of it. "Hm mmm mn hm!" I tried to scream, but the Barbie's art project was dead on sticky. I wish one of Barbie's professions wasn't to be an artist, because the doll right here is a failure at that. We continued walking, and Deidara was having a good old time, laughing his ass off because my mouth was covered. Bitch.

. . .

It was getting hot, and we were on the highway to the west, and I needed to piss. I mean, like, fire hydrant piss. And without my mouth, the two boyfriends couldn't hear me, so made an attempt at trying to communicate. "MHM!"

"What, hm?" Deidara grumbled in a bitchy way. Oh yeah… he was a drama queen. Never forgot about that part. He came to me and ripped it off my mouth. "OWWWWW! Geez, you wanna rip my lips off?"

"Partially yes, hm."

"Okay, I gotta piss like a racehorse."

"Have fun. There's no restrooms."

"Well, no shit, Sherlock," I retorted, screaming and blowing saliva all over his pretty little face. Sasori looked back at us. "What?" he asked plainly, not really caring.

"She's gotta go, you know… pee."

I almost collapsed in laughter. Never have I heard anyone feel some uncomfortable about pee in my life. Wait 'till it snows… he'll be seeing yellow spots all over the snow, like gross lemonade slushiness. And the funny thing is that he was telling this to his puppet boyfriend. Like they haven't talked about 'down there' before.

"Okay, okay, fine," Sasori sighed, untying my wrists, "Just go in the bushes in the woods." He finally got me loose, and I scrammed to the nearest bush. Yes, I did my business, and then I pulled up my pants, secretly hoping that those two didn't see me do it in action. Nah, they probably were too grossed out to be seeing girl parts. But then again, Deidara was a girl. Eh, whatever. I started to walk back when out of nowhere; someone grabbed my leg and pulled. When I was pulled under the trees, there was a girl. A psycho girl I knew with short black hair, was shorter than Sasori-no-height, and wore red, white, and blue. Oh, of all people, it had to be one of my best friends.

"Haley, I'm here to save you! Don't worry! It's going to be okay, just shut up and stay still!"

The girl had unrolled the deadly duct tape. No! God damn it, I thought I was out of here! Before I could react, she duct taped my mouth and my body. Then she started dragging me. "OH-M-F-GEE! You're hallucinating! Maybe you've been hypnotized my Itachi! Oh my god, that's it! Or maybe-"

"MHNN HMM!" (I'm going to friggin' kill you!)

"Don't worry… Justice is here to save the day! Well you know, Haley, me, Justice, and the other supreme justice of America! It's my new trademark. You like it?"

She let go of me and I fell to the ground like a tree to the ground. Timber. "Wow, to think that my best friend robbed a bank with… Hidan! Oh my Jashin, that guy is soooo freaking hot that it would take the whole New York Firemen to cool him off! I can't believe that you're with the AKATSUKI!" Yeah… did I mention she was a fangirl? If you thought that, give yourself a round of applause. You're not an idiot. Justice had finally ripped off the duct tape, and I winced in pain.

"OWWW! You wanna fucking rip my mouth off my face? But… as good, as it is, I'm really happy to see someone I know." The girl had put me in stranglehold of a hug. "Okay, kay, I love you to, Justice."

She released, giving me the whitest smile. Then her big brown eyes widened. "Oh yeah! We have to get you out of here! You robbed a bank! You were on TV, and it's all over the national news! And then I was looking on YouTube, and Kakuzu was getting his ass kicked by an old lady-"

"YOU SAW THAT? YESSS! That was my recording, thank you very much." I bowed to her, and she clapped amusingly. "7 million views and counting!"

We both squealed. Yes… best friends tend to do that together. Justice looked at me innocently. "Wait… we have to get you outa here! As a member of the United States, I have the right to kidnap you back!"

"I don't think that's a good idea," one particular blonde snickered playfully while his boyfriend creeped up behind him. Ew. Puppet sex. Our faces were of horror, and I cried out: "You two are sick! I can't believe you saw me going to the bathroom!"

Sasori crossed his arms. "But we didn't-"

Justice's eyes widened. "Okay, what the fuck? You guys can't do that! Besides…" she took a slide step near Deidara, raising her eyebrows, making a move on Barbie. "…if you wanna check out a girl and ask her to lunch… call on me, k?" She smiled, those pearly whites coming out. Deidara was practically twitching, seeing a girl hit on him… oh sorry about that… her.

Sasori, being the deceptive little red haired midget that he is (no, seriously, he's 5 foot 3, and I'm 5 foot 5. Beat 'cha!), grabbed Justice by the neck collar and Deidara grabbed my wrists that were still held together with the evil stuff known as pink duct tape. "Hey, let go of me, Pincchio!"

I laughed. "Heh heh… that's what I call him."

She faced the puppet man in attempt to slap. "If you think you're kidnapping me, you've got another…"

I gasped. No way, you crazy yaoi obsessor! Justice's head slumped and Sasori-no-pinchie… well, you know from previous times. I could hear Justice snore. She was known for that. "Hey, Barbie! Let me go and I'll give you my sparkly pink hair brush!" Attempted smile, succeeded fail. "Stop calling me that name, hm!"

Well, here was the rest. Sasori carried her the whole time, and boy, she would have loved it, well… if she weren't knocked out. I, on the other hand, had the bad end of the deal. Barbie was behind me, holding my wrists together. He looked around a lot, his beautiful ponytail flowing in the breeze. Come to think about it, his hair was blonder and prettier than mine! No fair, he's from the opposite gender and still can pass as a more attractive girl that me.

"Hey, drama queen."

No response.

"Hey there, Barbie, it's me, Ken."

Nothing.

"I decided a different tactic. "He's a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world-"

I got through to him. "Shut the hell up, hm! Or else I'll have to tie you onto the bird."

Whoa, whoa. BIRD? "We're taking the chicken-mobile?"

Deidara looked particularly insulted. "It's a bird that flies, hm! Chickens don't fly! And don't insult my art! One more word and I'll have to show you what a real bang is, hm!" He let go of my wrists as he made his little hand signs of doom. Then with his hands- OH GOD! Those things were on my hands and EW!- chewed a piece of clay and he dropped it on the ground. It exploded, and the chicken was here. "CLUCKY!" I yelled, waving my hands in the air! (A/N: I love Naruto Abridged, so there may be a few references in here)

"What the hell just happened?" Guess who's awake? Justice was rubbing her scalp, not realizing she was being carried. Then she looked up and saw No-Danna narrowing his eyes at her. Nope, sorry Puppet Boy, no Sharingan for you. Justice looked at me, and she realized her captor was Pinocchio in the flesh. "Aw crap!"

We hopped on the bird, and Deidara cackled slightly while making his little hand signs, flying Clucky into the air. While we were up, Justice sniffed. "You might want to add this little sign to your jutsu." And then the best thing happened. She flipped off Deidara and Sasori at the same time. I almost fell off the bird, laughing my ass off, and Sasori rummaged through his bag hidden under his cloak.

"Oh! Mysterious bag of surprises!" Justice cooed; brown eyes wide, "Is that where you keep all your spare parts? Or maybe it's full of crap to feed the giant pigeon!"

From the background, I heard: "It's not a pigeon, hm!"

Sasori grabbed the object. A needle. "Oh, some sewing, then? To make Dei-dei a pink fluffy sweater?" I asked innocently. We both laughed at the pathetic puppet known as Sasori-no-balls.

"No. This is for my jutsu to make you my servants and hopefully do as I say temporarily-"

"Oh, ha-ha!" I snapped, "I looked this up on Narutopedia! And with Yura! That guy was no fun. He died for Itachi! That was awful; I thought Dr. Shmex would at least loose a limb or something!"

"Uh, I don't think he's kidding, Haley," stuttered Justice, pointing at the needle. "You may be screwed, but I'm not! Small brain, remember? He can't bury a needle in me!" She smiled as she knocked on her noggin. Never did she realize that she wasn't the brightest bulb, either. Well, she wasn't an idiot, but more innocent and beginning to learn that anything else.

Sasori started to smile, those stupid George Washington wooden teeth showing. Oh no. We were screwed if this happened. "If I don't come back, tell Kakuzu that I love him!" I screamed as the needle was coming my way. Justice blinked and smiled. "Congrads, Haley! Oh, I'm so proud of you! Where's the ring?"

As I stated, we were screwed.