The dream was foggy, muffled and unfamiliar. Truly I can barely recollect it but I remember being... Frightened. So frightened and so skittish. I wasn't skittish, I've never been skittish, its a flaw really. But wherever I was in this grand and golden shimmering hall, I was scared. My hands quivered and it was evident to the all the blurred shapes of people scattered about from the chattering of a silver platter that shook I'm my hands.

"You're making a racket." Hissed a woman's voice beside me. It caused me to quiver even more, I was just a child... How could they expect me to learn so quickly? The woman hissed at me to stop again but I couldn't.

"I want my mother." I whispered but the woman just got angrier.

"I want my mother..." I said again, though my voice not as child like.

Then I felt the world shake and the fade filtered away and Varric was looking down at me curiously.
"You okay there Trixy?" Behind him the sky was turning orange so it must have been morning. It took me a few moments to realise that yes, I was in fact awake but when I did I stretched and nodded lazily.

"Fine, just a bad dream is all."

"You were speaking all kinds of crazy..." He said with an arched brow as he passed me a bowl of porridge. I could only chuckle slightly and nodded.

"I had no idea you were so fluent in Elvhen." Solas' voice drifted across from the other side of the camp, he sounded almost accusatory? I turned and scoffed.

"As if, I can barely say Andaran atishan without fumbling."

"And yet you spoke in fluent, if incoherent, ramblings." He said taking a bowl for himself. Something in me twitched. I became nervous, defensive and god's know why but I felt bloody well attacked. What happened to our truce?

"Well maybe it's a subconscious thing, I don't know maybe all elves know it and we just don't know we know it. We're a strange people like that."
Solas frowned briefly but that was it. We managed to avoid an altercation and continued on our day with relative peace. Apart from the odd wolf attack and the one rift, we were making headway on our journey back to Haven. Two days after we arrived relatively unscathed apart from this damned graze on my knee that stung like a thousand bees at once. I returned to my shack on the outskirts of the village and flopped on my bed. Oh sweet comfort, how I missed you. In the Hinterlands you couldn't turn left nor right without a great dirty root digging into your back. It was torturous really. But now we were back safe and sound and ready for a proper meal that wasn't half cooked by Varric. I changed from my armour and through it in a bucket to wash later. I put on warm things, accompanied with the scarlet scarf Mahanon had given me as a parting gift. He looked so painfully sad when I left and I didn't even see it. I was too bitter, too angry at the rest of them and their guilty looks that masked their fear. They thought I was no better than a demon, just like the Shems... It seems no one particularly trusted my magic on sight apart from Mahanon... Solas too strangely enough. It wasn't the uncontrollable magic that was his cause for concern, it was my heritage, and frankly I didn't know which insulted me more. Just as I was about make my way to the tavern, the door sounded with a brief knock. I shook off my surprise and hesitantly pulled it open but I pulled it open fully when I saw who stood behind it.

"Evening lady Lavellan." It was grant and he had a small smirk on his face. Even with his hood up I could see it. It made me curious.

"Evening, Grant." I said leaning against the door frame. His smirk broadened and he presented me an envelope.

"It seems I have been demoted to postman."
I chuckled and his remark and took the letter.
"Thank you."
"My pleasure, m'lady." He bowed his head a little and smiled once more before leaving. It was only then did I feel the heat rise in my cheeks and I hastily shut the door. Grant was a pleasant individual and that little smile was... Well, pleasing to the eye to say the least. But I had a letter to open and it looked strange. Dirtied and crinkled and it smelt of earth, not like the official letters I had seen Leliana sort through. This was especially for me. I sat on my bed and gently tore the thick envelope. The writing was instantly familiar and I ripped it out with sheer excitement.

"My Dear little Nev," it began and I smiled at the familiarity of Mahanon's nickname.

"Things are awfully quiet now around here without you causing a fuss. Everyone has been on standby with both bucket and sand for days now waiting for you to loose your temper. But how I miss you, Dhalen. I am well and I hope you are too, though I wish it was more than rumours I knew about this Inquisition you have joined. Though I know for certain this cause is just, (you would not be there if it weren't) all I ask is that you be wary. I know you Nev and careful is something you aren't but you must learn to be, for my sake as well as your own. Mythal only knows what I would do knowing you are no longer here to brighten the world. So be safe, don't let those Shemlens bully you and for Gods' sake try to keep your temper. I highly doubt they would take kindly to your *unique* form of magic, if they haven't discovered it already! The clan is well Dhalen, in case you have forgiven them, I know they miss you. The keeper does especially, I see it in her face when she speaks with the first. None of them hold the magic that you do. You are special, unique and an utter treasure and I want you to remember that always. The children ask for you and I know little Ellana misses you, she didn't stop crying for the first week, mythal bless her. Please, I know the keeper would not forbid the odd visit, Nevalla, if you can find it in your heart to forgive them then please come and visit. We are staying outside Wycome for a time, until the mage templar conflict eases at least. If that changes I shall let you know.
Write soon ma Dhalen and may the Dread Wolf never catch your scent.

Mahanon."

I only realised the tears brimming in my eyes when I read his name. I missed him. Somehow I still needed him to take my hand and tell me everything was going to be alright. I folded up the thick paper carefully and put it into the nightstand beside the bed. Truth be told... I missed them all. I missed the keepers exasperated glances, I missed Nehn scolding me then patting my head, I missed little ellana's limitless energy and penchant for wild tales... I missed being home and I wondered for the slightest moment, if I would be better returning. I was not truly needed here, I was more like a liability really. But then I remembered my pride and I remembered that they were no longer my clan.
But that didn't mean I missed them any less. Hastily wiping my tears, I found parchment and an ink well and began to write my letter home.

"Dear Mahanon

I do miss you dearly, in fact I miss you all. This world is strange and quick and so unlike what I have known. The people are hardened and stern but they are doing what they must to save the world. I saw the breach up close and personal so believe me when I say this: it is the justest cause I think there ever was. It's quite frightening really but I must do whatever I can to help, they may need me yet. As to them discovering my magic, they really didn't take kindly to it. Nothing I couldn't handle, don't you worry. As I say the people are harsh but I think they're warming to me. The Herald of Andraste is very young, but bright and good and I believe with help from her advisers she will do well. The rest of us are just here for the ride. There is a Dwarf, Varric who is endlessly witty and friendly however sneaky he may seem I do believe he is good at heart. Then there is Seeker Cassandra. We got off on the wrong foot, but now I'd like to say she is fast becoming my friend. Yes a Shemlen Seeker, my friend! Don't tell Nehn! Then there is Solas. He's an elf and he's very odd. He doesn't hold much esteem for the Dalish, yet he holds even less for the chantry and their circles. He seems to be very much on his own and I find him endlessly peculiar. He's good though, he's saved my life on more than one occasion and for that I am grateful. Something stops me from fully trusting him, however. I feel as though he's hiding something and... Well, my gut has always served me well. That's the other thing, Leliana, the spy master has appointed me her unofficial spy on the inside. I am to watch and report if I doubt anyone's loyalty or if I believe that they compromise the Inquisition in anyway. It's quite the responsibility but I got my own pet crow, so that sort of sweetens the deal. He's called Captain. I do truly hope that you and the clan are all well and safe and I want to apologise for my bitterness. You are my family but..."

Something stopped me from finishing that sentence. I couldn't say 'I am a danger' because it wasn't true. I still didn't understand why I was cast out. But I forgave them for it anyway. I was not a danger. I had never unintentionally hurt anyone with my magic... So I scribbled out my 'but' and continued.

"And I forgive you all, if you'll allow it. I do wish you all well, truly I do, and I hope this all gets sorted out quickly so I can visit. That's all I want really, to see you all again. The crowds here make me terribly homesick for the forests, that is my soul complaint. Other than that, I am well and I intend to do good here. Please write again soon.
Dareth shiral, with love
Nevalla."

I signed my letter and gave it a small kiss, hoping it would makes its way safely and soundly. As I left, I called Captain and tucked it safely into his message belt around his leg. He chirped once before taking off into the crisp evening air, I had to sheild my eyes as he disappeared into the sun.
With a satisfied sigh, I turned back to my shack hoping to wait out the rest of the evening in peace until dinner time at least.