"I…" Yuri had no idea what to say. Why would Otabek ask him such a question anyways? Why would he care about why the Russian did such a stupid thing? Yes, the blonde boy regretted what had happened earlier that day. Not because he didn't like it which was absolutely not the case. It was because he had enjoyed it so much. He was afraid that this experience would make it impossible for him to be with anybody besides the Kazakh. Their first time together had already had such an impact on what he was searching for and what he desired, although he didn't even remember it until this morning. He really wanted to be with Otabek and he would be the happiest person in the world, if his friend wanted the same things. However, Yuri wasn't sure if he could start a relationship with the brown-haired boy right now, if the slightest chance existed that the latter had feelings for him as well. Everything that had happened so far had really hurt Yuri and although he was sure that Otabek had a good reason for acting and behaving the way he did, his endless trust in him was now shaken. Yuri also regretted giving in to his desires and wishes, because it led them to this very situation. If he hadn't been so tired, if he had had more self-composure, they wouldn't be standing in front of each other now, not talking to another. He wouldn't be moving to Mila and Otabek wouldn't look at him the way he did. Somehow, he even wished that he wouldn't have remembered the night of the wedding, because it made everything a lot more difficult.

He hadn't noticed that Otabek had taken a few more steps forward, so that he now stood directly in front of Yuri. The heat of his body torn the younger boy into pieces. He wanted nothing more than to touch him, to feel that heat on his skin, but on the other hand, he wanted to run away. Slowly, the Kazakh raised his hand and placed it on the Russian's cheek. "Yuri, look at me." For one second, the addressed couldn't hold himself back and their eyes met – the biggest mistake he had done so far. All those emotions that could be seen in this dark brown of Otabek's made his heart race.

He turned away again, because he was not able to stand the sight of his friend being in such a state that was caused by only him. He still couldn't think of a reason why the brown-haired boy wanted to know about his reasons to kiss him so badly. What did it mean to him? There were several options that Yuri tried to consider, because depending on Otabek's motives and his answer, a lot of things could happen. However, as the blonde boy tried to sort his mind, he felt that the source of heat coming closer to him. So close, that their bodies were nearly touching. The hand that was still on his cheek started caressing him. An instinct inside him told Yuri to close his eyes, to lean into the hand, but that wasn't the time to do so. He truly wanted to think about the best way to end this situation, but he wasn't able to concentrate with Otabek so close to him.

"Take back your hand", he screamed lifting up the Kazakh's hand from his skin and threw back at the older boy. "Yuri…I…" Otabek looked shocked. At the same time, a hurtful expression formed on his face again which made Yuri turned around, supporting his arms on the armrest of the couch. He didn't want to see his friend like that anymore. It broke his heart, every time he saw a little glimpse of pain in the brown-haired boy's eyes. He tried to calm his breath, but he felt that all the emotions inside him were running wild and he had no idea how much longer he could keep them inside. Then suddenly, he felt a warm shaking hand on his shoulder. Furiously he turned around, just to see Otabek so close to him again. "Do not touch me!" The latter drew back, the hurtful expression increasing more and more. "Do you hate me so much that you can't stand being touched by me anymore?" he whispered. "No, that's not it. It's…." – "Then tell me, why do you hate being touched by me?" – "Because I cannot think straight!"

Before he has had the opportunity to think about his answer, the words had already come out. Although he wished that he would be able to shut his mouth, more words came bubbling up. "If you touch me, my head goes blank. I can't concentrate on anything else besides you. I try to understand all of this, but I don't know what to think anymore. I can't think anymore. I'm trying so hard to think everything through. I'm trying to find the right words. But with you so close to me, I can't keep my distance up. But I need it. I can't be close to you right now and I can't say want you want me to. I just….I just can't."

"But why? Why can't you tell me why you kissed me this morning?" Otabek sighed. "It's the only thing I really want to know." He looked so exhausted and troubled, it broke Yuri's heart. He wanted to tell him, but he had no idea why the words didn't want to come out." Just tell me and you can leave." The Russian teared his hair. The Kazakh's calm voice made him go crazy. The confusion and the pressure that swung along with it made his shell he had tried to keep up the whole time crack more and more. "I don't really understand why you can't tell me and that's why I want to know even more. I promise, if you tell me, I will never bother you again." But Yuri wanted to be bothered by him, he didn't want to leave in the first place. However, he still couldn't tell Otabek. Something held him back. On the other hand, he had to make Otabek shut up. Every word, every phrase found his way inside him and with every syllable spoken out with that beautiful yet sad voice, he broke into more and more pieces. "Yuri…" Otabek's voice was so close to his ear, he could feel his breath on his skin. 'Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!' That was not good at all. His heart skipped a few beats and his legs were shaking once more. "Yura…" 'He needs to shut up! Now!' Without giving it much thought, the Russian crawled his right hand into Otabek's hair, pulled him down and kissed him.