Chapter 12

Monster Mash

When Professor Hebbes walked into the office, he was somewhat disconcerted to find Miz Iz hanging by her knees from a bar on the ceiling. She was apparently doing upside down sit-ups. As usual, the music blared. Kansas, this time. He looked around for Poldra, but she was nowhere to be seen.

"Tiny!" he yelled. "What in the name of the seven gods are you doing?"

"Hebbie!" she yelled back, "thank goodness you're here. I got stuck. Give us a hand, will ya?"

Shaking his head, Professor Hebbes walked over and calmly lifted her down. Miz Iz turned the music down, and flopped in her chair.

"Remind me not to do that again." she said, gulping at a bottle of water. Instead of her usual kilt and combat boots she was wearing exercise tights and a sports bra.

"What gives?" he asked her.

"Poldra got over her crying jag. She's a little snappy right now. So when she threw me on the practice mat the first three out of five, I decided to do a little more working out. But then I got a cramp, and well, you saw the rest. Let's face it, I'm not seventeen anymore."

"You might want to cut down on the cigarettes. Besides, don't you get enough of a workout with me?"

She shook her head. "Not the same, Hebbie. Anyway, with all this paperwork, I'm getting cabin fever. Just look at it all"

He glanced at the desk, with it's litter of paper. "Yes, I can see that you've been working hard" he remarked sarcastically.

"Silly," she said, playfully smacking his arm, "you're the organizational genius around here. You'd be in charge, if you weren't so charming. The students are already all over you. Me, I'm the nasty one."

"Not so's you'd notice." he remarked to the ceiling. "Anyway, let's get down to business shall we? What I want to know is should we save the pig from the minis? They are determined to make her into bacon."

Miz Iz lit a cigarette and smiled. "Not yet."

Tiffany let out a scream that sent Polamber clambering up to the top of her dresser. Cyralyn and Zandara came crashing into the room. Tiffany continued to scream at the top of her lungs.

"What is it?" Cyralyn yelled over the noise. Zandara faced Tiffany and shook her. Xynthie poked her head in the doorway.

"What in the seven hells is going on?" she yelled.

Tiffany continued her hysterics, while Polamber pointed to the bed. "Under there!" she shrieked. "She was looking under the bed!"

Cyralyn lifted the blanket to get a look under the bed. "There's a mini under here!" she screeched, scrambling backward.

Xynthie wasted no time. She flew and Tiffany and applied a few slaps to her face. "Knock it off," she hollered at Polamber.. "You want the same?" Polamber and Cyralyn suddenly became silent. Tiffany was now sobbing into Zandara's shoulder.

"Monsters under the bed. For the love of Mike." Xynthie said, reaching for the sword Tiffany was supposed to be practicing with. She could barely lift it. She dragged it to the bed and started poking underneath it.

"Are you crazy!" Polamber shouted. "That's a mini-eldrak!"

"This," Xynthie commented, continuing to try and flush out the mini, "is the Goddess of Angrak. I've already chased her out of my bathtub. She was hiding from Poldra behind the shower curtain. Honestly, don't you guys keep up with the news around here?"

The other girls looked at her in horror. "You chased her out?" Zandara asked in a quiet voice.

Xynthie let out a sigh and gave up her jabbing. She put down the sword, lay down on the bed, and hung her head down to look underneath. "Yep, it's the Goddess. Listen," she addressed the mini, you can stay under there for now, but no more scaring people." A pathetic yip answered her. "I'm going to tell them what's going on. If you come out after me, I'm going straight to Poldra. Got it?" There was a rustle, a growl, and a small yelp of agreement.

The Dryad sat up and looked at the girls. "What?" she asked.

"You do know that's a mini, right?" Zandara asked dryly.

"We're in some unusual circumstances here." Xynthie replied. "You know how Poldra's been going soft lately? Well, that's due to Gandlad preferring the Goddess here," she gave the mattress a poke, "to herself. I don't pretend to know what goes on in the impassioned heart of the eldrakyn in love, but Poldra seems to have decided that the best way to get Gandlad for herself it to kill the Goddess. Or at least to maim her beyond recognition. And the only thing that scares a mini is another mini with a vendetta. Thus we have the Goddess hiding anywhere she can, and Gandlad's making himself scarce."

"You're kidding, right?" Polamber asked, going pale.

"Nope, I saw part of the drama this morning. Gandlad and the Goddess were tearing after a bear in the forest. Poldra dropped out of nowhere, landed on the Goddess and tried to tear her horns off. Gandlad started burning a little brighter, some of the trees started smoldering and then Poldra hissed at him." Somehow, the thought of Poldra hissing sent chills down the girls' spines.

"What happened then?" Cyralyn asked from the top of the dresser she was sharing with Polamber.

"Gandlad backed down. The Goddess was fighting for her life." A small whimper came from under the bed. "She's good, but no match for Poldra in this mood. Anyway, it might have ended right then, but Belding showed up." Xynthie gave a shudder at the memory.

"I don't speak mini, but I think he was reading them the riot act. Poldra turned on him, and the Goddess wriggled out of the choke hold she was in. She and Gandlad took off in an awful hurry. Then Belding and Poldra hissed, spit and swore at each other for a while. I don't know what Belding told her, but she finally left and went looking for the other two. Belding muttered to himself for a while, then he left. And when I got back to my room, there was the Goddess in my tub. I just had to mention Poldra, and she snuck out, and down the hall. I guess this is where she went."

"What on earth were you doing in the forest?" Zandara asked her. Tiffany had stopped sobbing and was looking a Xynthie with a mixture of respect and incredulity.

"Well," Xynthie said, blushing a little, "if you must know, I was up a tree. Don't laugh. I'm a Dryad, and I thought maybe I should see if I could hear the tree."

"Did it work?" Zandara asked, plainly interested.

"I think it was starting to, when the chaos broke out. But I'll tell you something weird. I'm not afraid of the forest anymore."

"Excuse me for breaking up this fascinating conversation," Polamber interjected, "but how are we going to get the Goddess out from under the bed." They all looked at her.

"She can't stay here." Polamber said, firmly. "I'm not sharing a room with that horror, even if she's hiding. Besides, what if Poldra finds her in here?"

The blood drained from Tiffany's face. She had begun to feel a bit responsible for this whole torrid situation. If she had bothered to check on how to spell Angarak, the Goddess wouldn't be here, Gandlad might well have fallen for Poldra instead, and she would not be stuck in this predicament. A vision of a blood maddened mini-eldrak tearing the room and all it's occupants apart in her rage swam before her eyes.

"We need a plan." Cyralyn said.

All eyes turned to Zandara. She sighed. "Okay, this is what we'll do.

Poldra terrorized the campus all day. Lessons were interrupted by her breaking into locked classrooms and pulling chalkboards off the walls. The sound of her claws on the blackboard sent scores of fainting Mimbrate girls to the infirmary. Lunch was interrupted by a fiery flash as Gandlad ran through the dining hall, setting the dessert table on fire. Xynthie was incensed.

Miz Iz responded to the panicked pleas of the students by telling them to mind their own business. The minis would sort themselves out, she had said. And then, with that terrifying look of hers, she asked for volunteers to reason with Poldra. Complaints had died away after that. Students were now flocking to Professor Hebbes, who seemed to be an island of calm. He was surrounded by a throng wherever he went. Polamber had attached herself to him early in the day, and regaled the girls at dinner with her observations about his kindness and his hair.

Tiffany told Polamber that she felt Professor Hebbes' main role in life was to talk Miz Iz out of some of her more calculated mayhem. And then Zandara had stunned them all by sedately announcing that she had improved their plan for the Goddess. As she outlined the amendments, they had looked at her in horror.

Later that night, the girls gathered in Polamber and Tiffany's room. Xynthie was on her knees by the bed, trying to coax the Goddess out with pieces of bacon. "It's okay", she murmured, "we're going to take you somewhere safe." A quiet chirping came from under the bed.

"She's not listening to reason." Zandara told Cyralyn as she arrived with a wheeled laundry hamper.

Polamber was white with fear and muttering. "It's not going to work, Poldra's going to kill us all".

"What happens if Poldra finds us?" Tiffany asked Zandara.

"I've got a decoy set up. Don't worry, it's the one place Poldra would never think to look."

"This is ridiculous!" Xynthie exclaimed. Her voice dropped to a harsh whisper. "Now lookit, Goddess, you are coming out of there right now!" The bed vibrated with a low rumble.

"Don't give me that!" Xynthie told her. "You come out right now and get in this laundry hamper or I'm marching myself right down to Poldra this second and telling her where you are. You can't take all of us out before someone yells. This whole campus would love to get this over with. I missed my dessert because of you!" A feeble yip answered her.

"Oh wouldn't I?"

A worn and bedraggled mini crawled out from under the bed. Cyralyn tentatively pushed the laundry hamper towards her. A look from Xynthie convinced the beaten down Goddess to climb into it. Xynthie then piled dirty towels on top of her.

"I can't believe how you talk to her." Tiffany told her, with admiration. Xynthie shrugged.

"Now, Polamber, you stay in the hall and keep an eye on the stairs. If you see anything, yell." Zandara said, starting to push the laundry cart.

"Oh, I'll yell, don't you worry." Polamber said, sarcastically. The other girls continued down the hall, out the door and around to the kitchens. Leaving Cyralyn as lookout, they quietly made their way through the building.

Tiffany made a quick reconnaissance of the kitchen. There was no one there. Once they had gone through the double doors, Xynthie let out a sigh of relief. Then she jumped as she heard a noise. Her back hit the stove.

"Ow!" she yelped. A muffled growl came from the cart. Zandara took command.

"Shush!" she hissed at the laundry. "Are you okay?" she asked Xynthie softly.

"It's hot!" Xynthie whispered back. "I wasn't expecting that."

"I'm just on my way to the dorm with some clean bedding." A male voice came through the dark room.A tall boy started towards them with an identical cart. Tiffany thought he walked with a bit of a limp.

"It's okay, Ram-Dorn. It's only us." Zandara whispered into the darkness. The tall Algar pushed his hamper towards them.

"Ram-Dorn?" Xynthie exclaimed. "What's he doing here?"

"He's our decoy. You can kill him later." Zandara said. "Now be quiet, while I check the stove. You're right, it is hot. I wonder..." She opened the door. A sheet of flame shot out. Tiffany saw a bit of a wing, glowing. Zandara slammed the door.

"Is that..." Tiffany started.

There was a crash from the dining room. "Okay, Ram-Dorn, you're on. Good luck."

He made his way through the double doors and called out loudly, "Good evening, Poldra, Miz Iz.. I'm just taking some clean bedding back to the dorm. Yes, Professor Hebbes okayed it earlier."

"Move!" Zandara hissed, pushing the hamper so hard Xynthie fell into it. There was a muted grunt from the Goddess. The girls ran through the rest of the kitchen, and into the adjoining laundry facilities. While Zandara started filling a washing machine with the towels, Xynthie grabbed the Goddess. Tiffany had already started prying a board from a small hole in the wall. As soon as she had uncovered the opening, Xynthie pushed the mini into it. She stuck her head in afterwards.

"Stay put." Tiffany heard her tell the Goddess. "She won't look here." She pulled her head out, and helped Tiffany replace the board.

Poldra and Miz Iz bashed into the room just as Xynthie finished spilling fabric softener on the floor.

Poldra growled suspiciously. Miz Iz seemed to take in the scene with remarkable calm. Zandara looked up at her.

"Aren't you finished yet?" Miz Iz asked her.

"Just putting in the last load now."

"Well, it seems to have been a night for laundry. Xynthie, I expect that mess to be cleaned up immediately."

"Yes, ma'm." Xynthie replied meekly.

Miz Iz turned to Poldra. "You look worn out, luvy. Why don't you head back to the bell tower? I can handle this on my own. You've had quite a day." Poldra chirped and headed back through the door. Miz Iz came closer to the girls.

"This is it," thought Tiffany, "we're busted." But Miz Iz smiled. Not her horrifying smile, but an actual one that reached her eyes.

"Nice work, girls." she murmured softly. "You have learned an important lesson about why the Bel/Mal universe works the way it does. Zandara, putting the Goddess in Poldra's old den was a stroke of genius. And your Algar did well. He almost had me believing that he was on laundry duty." She looked significantly at Xynthie.

"Now, get this cleaned up, and back to your rooms. Don't forget to round up your lookouts. Goodnight, girls." She turned on her heel and strode out of the room.

As always, after a run in with Miz Iz, Tiffany felt confused. What had they learned?