Hey, Readers!
I'm baccckkk! Here's chapter 12! Ugh so much feels in this chapter. Get your hearts ready...and tissues...
Thank you all for the favorites, follows, and reviews. When I started this story I never knew how many people would like it and now I'm baffled at how much you all enjoy my writing. This story wouldn't be where it's at without you guys. For that, thank you so much!
F.Y.I. this chapter deals with depression.
Also, I'm changing the rating on this story to M for Chapter 13 because it's going to deal with some mature stuff. And I'm going to say this now, that there is a trigger warning for chapter 13 because it deals with thoughts of suicide. (This story is becoming more and more serious.) But don't worry, it's only a little section of the chapter then it's smooth sailing from there. It's just a warning for those who are triggered by it.
Alright moving on:
Enjoy~
The next morning I awoke with a start. My mind had one goal for the day. Treat Prince Joshua like nothing had happened, then unleash my anger when the time is right. I sighed, 'It's not that I didn't like the kiss...the kiss was amazing. But I want a kiss that means something, that symbolizes love for one another. Not some lustful bullshit 'cause my clothes were revealing.' I felt myself getting worked up again and shook my head, "Nope don't let Prince Douche get to you. Just remember..." I held a dark look in my eyes, "good things come to those who wait."
-Joshua's P.O.V-
I began the preparations for the upcoming ball. Last year Altaria had held it and before that, Phillip. Now it was our turn, and we need to execute it flawlessly. 'Everything will be planned out before hand and nothing will be out of order.' I thought while continuing to fill out documents. These past weeks I've been consumed with paperwork, the most I've ever been given. But that doesn't affect my work ethic; I will complete all of these to my best ability.
My pen halted as I heard a knock on my office door. "Come in." I replied. She entered, adorned with her uniform and pushing a cart with my morning tea. My gaze automatically went to her pink lips. How could I not when I'd already received taste of them. I wanted more. I wanted the feel of her body pressed up against mine, her lips captured by my own. How her soft skin would press against m- "Good Morning, your highness. Today I've prepared a simple tea blend with toast and strawberry jam. If you need anything else please don't hesitate to ask me." Her sweet voice interrupted my flood of thoughts.
"Thank you." I inwardly sighed, 'Well it's better then never...' I looked her in the eyes, "Cassie, about last night I-" Her voice halted my own, "Your highness, please do not apologize for I will not accept it." Her words dripped with anger and pride. She continued, "Your actions have spoken wonders about you, your highness. And now you've lost my trust." Her eyes were those of a predator looking at their prey. Ruthless. But her face held only kindness. "I hope you have a wonderful day and please contact me if you need anything, Prince Joshua." She left without a moment's hesitation. The women who was docile yesterday, utterly weak against my touch, was filled with fire and power. Her speech had taken me by surprise. I hadn't known she would get that angry. I had known though, that any chances I've made to having her remember we're diminished. I feel lost, "She doesn't trust me..."
I didn't finish my paperwork that day.
Cassie's been different lately. She's not as...feisty as I remembered her to be. She's only spoken to me when she's had to. Never voicing her opinion. I don't like it.
She's been clouding my thoughts. Jan says I'm acting different and says he's worried. I don't believe him, I'm just thinking more. I didn't finish my paperwork today.
I drank 3 bottles of wine today. I'm numb. Completely numb. I feel nothing, the pain I've felt these past few weeks is gone. Even though I know she doesn't care anymore, my mind still forces me to believe she does. I don't want reality to come back. I don't want these precious moments to fade away.
I drank again and snapped at Jan today. Sometimes he cares too much. He said, "Your highness, you're not yourself lately. And your paperwork isn't even at your deadline yet. What's gotten into you lately?" I turned around from looking out the window, "Why don't you mind your own business! How dare you question ME, your superior! I could fire you right on the spot. So watch your mouth, you peasant." I spat the words at him, truly enraged. As he left with hurt in his eyes, I understood what I had done. Jan my butler, the closest thing I have to family, my friend, I've hurt him. I haven't cried since I had left Cassie and my parents when I was little, I had broken that streak.
-Cassie's P.O.V.-
It's been a month and I haven't had any free time to myself. Wake-up, serve Prince Joshua, complete maid work, help others, help Jan, serve Prince Joshua, go to sleep. It's been non-stop day after day, but finally I have a break before I go to sleep. An hour break, and with that hour I will be relaxing in the confinements of my room. That was the plan until I heard muffled sobs coming from Prince Joshua's chambers. 'What the hell?! Who's in there? It couldn't be Prince Joshua, he's to stoic.' I hesitantly opened the door without knocking to not disturb whoever was inside. I was paralyzed by shock as I gazed at the person sitting on the bed holding their head in their hands. "P-Prince Joshua..." I whispered, but it must've been loud enough for he raised his head and looked my way.
His eyes widened and his mouth was moving like he wanted to say something. 'I know I said I wanted revenge but this is too much! No...this can't be from me...can it? I hadn't done anything except for that one day. I can't handle seeing him like this...I want to make him feel better, to cradle him and hold him...' That's right, even though I've been angry at Prince Joshua this past month or so, I haven't lost my feelings for him. They were just buried underneath my anger.
I walked over to him and stood in front of him. I didn't say anything and neither did he. As I crouched down, I got a really good look at his face. 'He looks like he has been through hell. What happened...' I wiped away the tears from his eyes with my finger but then he grabbed my hand and put it on his face. "Why..." His voice cracked, "Why didn't you talk to me..." I titled my head in confusion and was about to ask what he meant but was interrupted, "You've been so distant...I missed talking to you..." His voice shook and was slurred. I blushed and then could smell the strong scent of alcohol on his breath. "Prince Joshua, have you been drinking?" I asked gently. He only nodded his head, then proceeded to rub his cheek against my palm. "How much did you drink?" He mumbled, "A lot..." I grew impatient and stood up, taking my hand away from him.
Looking around the room I spotted 4 wine bottles, 3 empty and one with almost a glass left. My eyes widened, "You drank 3 whole bottles of wine?!" Prince Joshua shrank away from me into the safety of his sheets. As I got closer to the bottles I realized they were the really strong type with a high percentage of alcohol. "Are you trying to kill yourself?! Do you even know how much alcohol is in just one of these?!" Prince Joshua seemed to have been not listening for his back was facing away from me. I put down the bottle and walked over to the bed and sat down. I shook his shoulder, "Hey! Are even listening to me? Prince Joshua?" His voice sounded surprisingly sober, "Just Joshua."
I was a taken back, "What?" He turned around on his other side so he was facing me. "Just call me Joshua." I shook my head, "I couldn't that would b-" He grasped my waist and pulled me towards him. I squeaked when he rested his head on the side of my stomach. Prince Joshua sounded like he would start crying again, "Please..." I couldn't handle him in this state and just did as he asked, "Okay...Joshua." I blushed a dark red at saying his name so casually. He just hugged my waist tighter, seemingly growing happier at the sound of his name. He pulled me down so I was lying next to him, his arm still holding my waist while the other rested under his head. "Say it again." I blushed and looked away, "Joshua..." He smiled and pulled me into his chest. "I've missed you so much. I missed the way you use to talk to me, how you always voiced your opinion." His voice cracked, "W-Why did you neglect me?"
My eyes widened, 'It's cause of me he's crying.' I felt a pang of guilt in my stomach. If it wasn't for what I've done he would've never drank all those bottles of wine and would've never been crying. I wrapped my arms around his torso, as my blushed deepened, "I-I never meant to cause you this much pain...All I wanted to show was that your kiss upset me...I-I'm so s-sorry." My own voice started to crack as I relinquished in the sorrow of which was caused by myself. "I'm sorry I kissed you. I couldn't help myself, if you knew how I much I've missed you all these years you'd understand."
I pulled back from our embrace still blushing yet confused, "Y-Years?" Joshua nodded his head, "You don't remember, but I will help you if you let me, Cassie." As my name slipped off his lips, my head became clouded with only him. I could understand how he felt when I said his name. I could feel my cheeks getting hotter as I stared into his purple orbs, 'This is super intimate! We shouldn't be doing this, he's totally drunk! When did I get on a first name basis with him? And why are we hugging in bed?...who cares...this is what I've wanted.' I replied to his statement, "Okay, help me remember."
His smiled widened and he hugged me so tight I couldn't breathe. "J-Joshua I can't breathe..." He only loosened his grip, "mmmm...sorry." He mumbled while resting his chin on my head. "You smell nice." My cheeks that had just calmed down now ignited again, "T-Thanks." I could feel his breathing slow as his embrace became a little bit tighter. "Joshua?" My eyes widened, 'Oh no! He's asleep! How am I supposed to get to my room now?!' I tried to pry free but to no avail, "Ugh, this isn't working...Joshua wake up..." I tried shaking him a little bit but that only made him hold me tighter. "Joshua, please!" That seemed to wake him up a little bit, "Mmm, what is it?..."
I looked at his half asleep state, "Can I go now?" His eyes narrowed, "You're leaving me again..." I shook my head, "Not forever! I just want to sleep in my own bed..." He replied with a frank "no". I started to get agitated, "Why not?!" He looked at me calmly not fazed by the situation at all. "You're sleeping with me tonight." My whole face turned beet red. "B-B-But..." I frantically searched for an excuse, "...I need pajamas!" He let go of me and I immediately sat up, "You may go get your pajamas, but I expect you to be back here. Understood, that is an order!" I realized I couldn't disobey my bosses order and went to change. All the while blushing super crazy at the thought of sharing a bed with a boy.
'M-Mother will be most displeased.' I made it back to his room like I promised and he was surprisingly still awake. 'I thought for sure he would pass out and I could go back to my own room.' I stood there for a minute. "Don't make me wait any longer. Just get into bed." I did as I was told and slipped under the covers along with Joshua. He wrapped his arms around me. "Goodnight." He groggily mumbled. "N-Night." I was so nervous, I stayed awake for a little while. But sooner or later sleep sulked its way in slowly and I surrendered myself to it. The last thing I was conscious of was the scent of geraniums on his shirt.
As I awoke from my sleeping state, still groggy though, I felt a presence next to me. I opened my eyes wide to find Prince Joshua sleeping. "P-P-Prince J-J-Joshua?!" I squeaked. His eyes fluttered, then completely opened. He stared at me with shock, as I did the same. We both sat up, "W-What are you doing here?" I asked. His eyes narrowed, "The question is: what are you doing here? This is my room." I quickly looked around an realized this isn't my room at all. The memories from last night flooded into my mind. I blushed, "Do you remember anything from last night?" Prince Joshua shook his head but then grimaced, "Damn...my head really hurts. What happened?..." I sighed, 'Great, he's hung-over and doesn't remember a thing.' I thought.
"I guess I should explain. Well, I found you in your room completely smashed from drinking 3 whole bottles of wine. Then you started saying some things..." I blushed, "but they weren't of importance. Then you proceeded to order me to sleep with you last night." My blush darken as I spoke the last part. Prince Joshua also had a faint blush to his cheeks, "I kind of remember...did I ask you to say my name without formalities." I nodded my head, "Yeah...but I know it wouldn't be appropriate to do, so I won't." Prince Joshua casted his eyes down at the sheets, "You can still call me by my name...I don't mind." I smiled, "Alright...Joshua."
His eyes widened still looking down and a blush formed on his cheeks. "T-Thanks." I tilted my head, "Hm?" He looked away flustered, "N-Nevermind!" I smiled and then dropped back down into the comfort of his bed. "H-Hey! What are you doing?!" I looked at him, "I'm going back to sleep...it's still only 5:30 in the morning." I made myself comfortable and closed my eyes. I could feel the weight shift as Joshua lied down as well. "D-Don't get used to this..." I smiled as I felt him put an arm around my waist. "Okay, I won't."
We slept for another 3 hours before a flustered Jan entered our room. "My Prince! The King and Queen request you and Miss Cassie immediately." Prince Joshua gripped my waist tighter. "Alright, Jan. Take your leave now." Joshua said half awake. Jan elegantly bowed and gave a smile. "As you wish, your highness." He raised his head and gave a wink to my flustered form peeking from under the sheets. My face became a darker shade of red. He then left.
Joshua sighed, "What do they want now..." He left the bed and stretched. I stared at his back muscles through his tight t-shirt and how they rippled as he reached his arms towards the sky. 'These men have the most glorious muscles at the manor.' I dreamily sighed. Joshua turned his head over his shoulder and raised an eyebrow, "What is it? You heard Jan, we were summoned by their majesties." I blushed and held up the sheet so I covered my face. "I-It's nothing!" I shook my head clearing the thought of how attractive Joshua is when he glares. He pulled down the sheet, "What is it?" He asked again using a gentler tone.
I stayed silent, just staring at my hands. It was only when I felt his hand on my cheek that I looked up. His purple orbs were filled with joy as he looked at my own. "Cassie..." He inched his face closer, "Please tell me." I closed my eyes and awaited, what I thought, a kiss. Only to feel his lips graze across my neck. "Please..." He spoke. I stifled back a moan as he found my weak spot. "J-Joshua!" I pushed him away. "Please stop!" He just smiled and placed a kiss on my forehead. He entered his bathroom and I could hear the shower run. All the while I sat there with a hand on my forehead, on the spot where he kissed. I didn't move as I was too shocked. This man, this incredible man, has taken my heart filled with love and had given it love in return. 'This is what I've wanted...I-I'm so h-happy...' I felt a few tears run down my face. But they were falling for a different reason then all the times before. These were tears of happiness. These few months have dragged on; I forced myself not to converse with Joshua on a friendly level.
Only to talk to him professionally and only when it's needed. But now I see those months not only effected myself, but him as well. From the first time I met Prince Joshua, I could tell something was going to happen. It was the moment when I gazed into his purple eyes on the dance floor, I knew he was for me. I may not have realized it then but looking back on it now, it was really meant to be. 'My own fairy tale...how cliché.' I laughed quietly, wiped my tears and stood up.
Stretching my muscles, I heard someone singing. "Is that...no...it can't be." I whispered to myself. As I got closer to the bathroom door, I found my answer. The person who was producing such a rich and smooth voice, was none other than Prince Joshua. I leaned against the closed door and listened. I would've never thought the Prince of DresVan would ever have such a remarkable talent which I was entranced by. I may not be up to date with the princes, but I definitely know that this talent of Prince Joshua's is not known to many. 'I wonder why he doesn't sing a lot. This whole time I've been here I've never heard him sing. He has such a lovely voice.'
He stopped and the shower did as well. I hurried away from the door and jumped into the bed, trying to make as little sound a possible. That didn't work out too well. As I tried to make my way to the bed, I stubbed my toe on the bed post. Leading me to yelp. "Ow...jeez. Stupid bed post! Who even put one there!" I spoke trying to whisper. "Cassie? Are you alright?" I heard his muffled voice from inside the bathroom. "Just peachy!" I said trying to sound as perky as possible without being sarcastic.
Joshua then emerged from the bathroom only adorned in a towel. His chest was exposed and his hair was still wet. "Are you sure you're okay? Tell me if you're hurt." My mouth hung open a little bit as I gazed at his form. I gulped, "No...I'm fine." Joshua then grabbed some clothes from his bureau and motioned for me to enter the bathroom. After I showered and dressed in my uniform we went to the throne room, but before we entered Joshua grabbed ahold of my arm. "Don't worry. Everything's fine." It was more like he was telling himself that than me. We entered the room.
I stood slightly behind Joshua and bowed. "Your majesties, you've summoned us." Joshua spoke. The King narrows his eyes, "Yes, there's been" He looked my way, "a problem." I looked down at my feet, 'What is he implying...' The King continued, "We know of your current situation and we strictly prohibit it. You know the upcoming ball is not just for the annual occasion but for you choosing your bride." His powerful voice echoed through the room and through my mind. 'A-A bride?!' I understood what the King was saying. He knows of Joshua and I's quick starting relationship and wants it to end before the ball. Joshua spoke, "Yes, I know." He clenched his jaw. "Then Miss Cassie." I looked up at my name. "Yes, your majesty." I responded. "You will leave the manor immediately for the sake of Prince Joshua choosing his bride." My eyes widened and sadness erupted through my body. But my mind put on auto-pilot and replied, "Yes, your majesty." Joshua looked frantically between the King and me. "Father, you can't make her leave!" The King stood up, "What I said is final, Joshua!" He then stormed off into the room behind the thrones.
The Queen who's been silent, spoke. "My son, I know you want her to stay. But the rules won't allow your relations to go any further. I'm sorry." She then exited through the way the King had. I stood there a moment before exiting and leaving Joshua in the throne room. I traveled to my room with a blank mind. As I packed my belongings, my mind was still blank. And as I changed into my regular clothes my body began to fell numb. I was still not convinced I'll never see Joshua again.
(For additional feels listen to Stay With Me by Sam Smith; if you want (✖╭╮✖))
I walked towards Joshua's office with my bags in hand. I knocked, and the door flew opened. Joshua pulled me into a tight embrace. "I'm sorry..." I dropped my bags and wrapped my arms around his waist. "Don't be...it was never meant to be. You're a Prince and I'm just a commoner. It would've never lasted anyway." I smiled sadly knowing this is the last time I'll feel his touch. "Don't say that!" He said angrily. "We can make this work...we will..." He muttered.
He pulled back a little bit and stroked my cheek. "Cassie..." Just like this morning he inched his way towards my face. Our lips connected gently. Then separated slowly. My eyes still closed I sighed. "I'll miss you, Joshua." I opened my eyes to look into his own. "I'll miss you as well." He said sadly. I smiled, "Don't think this is goodbye. Just...a see you soon." I said trying to lighten the mood. He smiled, "Yes. A see you soon." We stared at each other for a while. Then he pulled me again into a tight embrace until Jan came.
"It's time to go, Miss Cassie." I looked at Jan who was also saddened by my departure. Jan had become like a best friend to me over these months and it was sad to leave him as well. "I'll walk you out." Joshua said. We now stand in front of the castle. My bags are put into the trunk of the black car and the driver waits for me to say my final goodbyes. I say goodbye to Jan and he pats my head with a smile. I then turn to Joshua. I smile at him, "I'll never forget you. Thank you for the fond memories you've given me by working here. I'll never forget them." I walked forwards and placed a kiss on his cheek. I leaned towards his ear and whispered, "I'll always love you, Joshua Lieben." I then walked away towards the car and got in.
The driver drove away slowly. I looked back out the rear-view window and saw the standing figure of the man I loved. Tears fell from my eyes as I looked at his fading figure. "N-No...don't leave me again." My eyes widened. "Again..." Memories of the past filled my mind. "I k-knew Joshua as a child...we played together in a field with a stream...A-And we watched the salmon run together!..." I smiled through my tears, "I-I remember..." My smile quickly turned to a frown, 'M-My parents died...I ran away from the people who tried to take me away and got lost...Joshua found me and became my friend...I lived in the field by myself for 2 years...how did I survive?...then Joshua left and didn't come back...I ran away from the field and ended up at Mothers orphanage. I guess I passed out at her doorstep 'cause of fatigue.' My breathing sped up. "This is what happened...all of those years of wanting to know ends up leading me to the saddest thing! My parents are dead and Joshua's leaving me for a second time!" I sobbed. "Miss? Are you alright?" The driver asked worried. "Yes...I'm alright." I then had an idea. "Sir? Can you perhaps drop me off somewhere else?" The driver looked in the rear-view mirror, "Of course. Where?" I looked out the window, "The Lieben River Field." The driver nodded his head.
'Joshua, my love, I'm sorry...'
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Reminder: next chapter has a trigger warning and this stories rating is changing to M after this chapter
