DC: Te he, sorry for not updating as promised. I got a new video MP3 player and filled it with crap. Does anyone know how to download videos? I can't get it to work…

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After killing Tweedle-Sak and Tweedle-Uk, Temari continued down a conveniently placed path until she arrived at a large house. Shukaku was standing out side looking impatient.

"There you are Mary Anne," he said when he saw her. "Go and fetch me my hat."

"I'm not Mary Anne!" protested Temari. Shukaku shook his head.

"No excuses." Shukaku pushed Temari towards the house. She shrugged and went inside.


After wandering around for a bit, she found a plate of cookies labeled 'Eat Me'.

"SQUEE! Cookies!" exclaimed Temari as she ate them. Suddenly, she started growing and growing until she took up the entire house. Her feet stuck though the front and back door, and her arms through the windows.


"OMFG!" exclaimed Shukaku when he noticed. "MONSTER!" At that moment, Gai came walking down the path. "Good golly Gai! There's a smexy monster in my house!" Gai struck a pose.

"Fear not. My youthful student Tenten will get it out". Tenten came running.

"Screen time!" she exclaimed as ran up to the house.


"Crap," thought Temari, "I'm allergic to people who don't have mad skills." Temari sneezed explosively, sending Tenten flying over the hills and far away.


Gai shook his head.

"There goes her screen time. Nevertheless, my better-then-Kakashi skills are more than enough to eliminate that monster." Gai rushed at the house.


"Wait, I still have this bottle," thought Temari as she somehow drank some. She instantly shrunk just as Gai reached the house.


"SUPER-SPECIAL-AWSOME-MIGHT-GAI-MEGA-PUNCH, GO!" Gai slammed the house, sending Temari flying away.

"My crib!" wailed Shukaku. He looked at his watch. "Oh, poopy, I'm late!" Shukaku ran away to get to where he was needed.


Temari landed several miles away in a bush.

"Ah, smexy from the sky," said a man sitting on a giant mushroom smoking what suspiciously like crack. Temari looked up.

"Shino?" asked Temari. The guy shook his head.

"Pretty much. Now, who…are…you?"

"You know me. Temari." Shino shrugged.

"Not ringing bells. Anyway, what brings you here?"

"I'm trying to find my way home." Shino scratched his head.

"Well, all I know is that one side makes you larger, and the other makes you smaller."

"The hell?" asked Temari.

"One side, small. One side, large," repeated Shino.

"One side of what?"

"THE MUSHROOM!" exclaimed Shino instantly violent. He took several drags from his crack and exploded.

Well, that was odd," muttered Temari as she grabbed some mushroom and walked away.


After several hours Temari came to a fork in the road.

"I wonder who lost a fork," she muttered. She eventually arrived to a cross roads.

"Now, which way to take."

"That depends where you want to go," said a random orange jumpsuit guy in a tree. Temari looked up and saw Naruto with a huge almost maniacal smile plastered on his face.

"What are you doing here, Naruto?"

"Naruto? No, I'm the Cheshire Fox. And like I asked, where do you want to go?"

"Uh…it doesn't matter," stammered Temari. She was quite unnerved by the smile.

"Then does it really matter which way you take? Either way, I would recommend going left. The Mad Hatter and March Pervert live that way."

"I don't like the sound of either of them. Do you know anyone not mad or perverted?" The Cheshire Fox's smile somehow grew larger.

"In Wonderland, everyone's either one, or the other, or both." The Fox started laughing as he slowly melted away.

"Sigh. I guess I might as well go left," thought Temari as she did so.


"Hey look. Smexyness!" exclaimed Jiraiya as Temari approached. He and the Third Hokage were seated at a large banquet table with infinitely many teapots and teacups.

"Why does everyone here think I'm smexy?" asked Temari.

"Because you are," said the Hokage, "Anyway, there isn't any room."

"What!?! There are, like, 27 chairs free."

"Perhaps," said Jiraiya, "But there isn't any room."

"I don't care. I'm thirsty." Temari walked up and took a seat.

"So…care for a cup?" asked Jiraiya.

"Just a half." Jiraiya took a filled teacup, sliced it in half and handed it to Temari.

"Uh…okay." Temari took a sip of her 'half a cup of tea'.

"So anyway," began the Hokage, "I'm the Mad Hatter; probably because of this thing on my head." He gestured at his hat. "And my friend is the March Pervert."

"I couldn't have guessed," muttered Temari noticing Jiraiya was checking her out.

"How is a hamster like a bowl of pudding?" asked the Hokage suddenly.

"What?"

"Really. How is a hamster like a bowl of pudding?" Temari scratched her head.

"I don't know. How is a hamster like a bowl of pudding?"

"BLASPHEMY!" exclaimed Jiraiya. "That's ludicrous!"

"True that," agreed the Hokage.

"But you just asked me!" The Hokage shrugged.

"I don't recall." Suddenly, Shukaku came running.

"Don't worry, I'm still late!" exclaimed the raccoon.

"Hey, come here," said Jiraiya grabbing him. "I think your watch is broken!"

"No it's not!"

"Of course it is," agreed the Hokage. "It needs butter." The hokage grabbed a spoon of butter and spread it in the watch.

"The hell!?!" exclaimed Shukaku.

"And jam!" chimed Jiraiya.

"You people are insane," said Temari. "I'm out of here." Temari got up and left the tea party.

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…go insanity! Next chapter: Temari meets the Queen (?) of Snakes! Plus: An author appearance? REVIEW (and stay tuned…)!