Chapter Twelve:

Arctic Battles


"How is one to live a moral and compassionate existence when one is fully aware of the blood, the horror inherent in life, when one finds darkness not only in one's culture but within oneself? If there is a stage at which an individual life becomes truly adult, it must be when one grasps the irony in its unfolding and accepts responsibility for a life lived in the midst of such paradox. One must live in the middle of contradiction, because if all contradiction were eliminated at once life would collapse. There are simply no answers to some of the great pressing questions. You continue to live them out, making your life a worthy expression of leaning into the light."

Barry Lopez, Arctic Dreams

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

Note: The title for this chapter was inspiried from the book the quotation is also from.


The last week has passed by in a blur. We are almost there to the Northern Water Tribe. Lord Iroh has constantly been in meetings with Zhao and his commanders or sleeping. I finally saw my charge briefly the other day with Lord Iroh. When I say briefly, I mean as in I saw him for several moments while Lord Iroh spoke to him. His face, usually so smooth with his white skin, had been marred by bruises and a nasty looking black eye. Souvenirs from his ship exploding, I had a few of my own as well. I did not get a chance to speak with him. Other than that there is little to write. I have maintained my training and stuck to Lord Iroh's side. He has been rather quiet of late, much to my preference. I still find myself not wishing to speak with him, not since that last conversation. Things should be impersonal between us. His friendship only confuses me even more about things.

Admiral Zhao kept his distance from me for the first week or so of the voyage. Except for his eyes occasionally on me, there was only one incident. I was never alone with him, for the only time I was in his company was when I was with Lord Iroh. One time I was exiting the small chamber I had been given besides Lord Iroh's, starting to make my way for my morning exercises. The sun had not even started to rise yet. I walked down a small, red lighted corridor, the shadows bounding along the walls and ceiling. My feet clanked with every step and the hall was stuffy. I breathed deeply, letting go of the feeling that I could not breathe. My claustrophobia still bothered me. I turned around a corner when low and behold I stopped at the sight of Admiral Zhao coming down the hall. He stopped as well when he saw me. Zhao stood only several feet away, but his face was half in the shadows. There was surprise in that face that instantly turned predatory with pleasure when he saw who I was. "Ah, the little bodyguard, what a distinct pleasure it is to run into you," he sneered. Around Lord Iroh this man put a charming pretense, but dropped it when he was around me. I was clearly beneath him in his eyes, just as he was nothing better than vermin in mine. Yet I knew that he…ugh, I cannot even write the words. "What are you doing up at this early hour?"

I refused to look at his eyes, to acknowledge him in a respectful manner. "Training," I replied blandly, "I will be going now."

Zhao's face split into a grin, with just a smudge of viciousness there. He folded his arms into his chest in a manner that reminded me of my charge. "I've been waiting for a chance like this," he said slowly, intoning each word with anger and something else, "I'm not about to let it pass on by. Not since you refused me." He is not a man used to getting NO for an answer apparently. I kept the revulsion out of my face and attempted to walk by him without another word. An iron hand snaked out and grabbed my arm. It took all of my self-control to not strike him back. I could not afford to do so. My charge and Lord Iroh needed me. I could not get into trouble with this repulsing man! His voice was threatening and low when he spoke next, "Did I say you could leave?"

"Let go of me," I said back through gritted teeth. He kept his tight grip on my arm and stepped closer to me. I could feel his warm breath on my face, which actually did not smell horrid as I would have expected. Another hard hand touched the few strands of my hair that had escaped from their knot in a caressing way. I shuddered inside. Suddenly he let me go with a darkly humored laugh. "Clearly you're not used to a man's touch," he chuckled, "We will have to remedy that, won't we?" He stepped away from me and started to walk down the hallway without another word. I have avoided any possibility of being alone with him since.

That was until today...


Zhao stood in front of us on the top bridge of his ship. Before us the pale ocean seemed endless arched by a clear sky. Except for all the smog from the ships that hovered above us. I stood behind Lord Iroh, who was positioned closer to the right of Zhao. We were almost there to the Northern Pole. "This one will truly be one for the history books, General Iroh," Zhao boasted with satisfaction. His back was to me with a wind tugging at his red cape. Lord Iroh was dressed in a red robe with his back to me as well. I could not see their faces, but I did not want to have Zhao's eyes on me, so I was partially pleased with this. "Just think, centuries from now, people will study the great Admiral Zhao who destroyed the last of the Water Tribe civilization," he continued, "You're lucky you're here to see it."

"Be careful what you wish for, Admiral," Lord Iroh advised warningly, "History is not always kind to its subjects."

Zhao turned his head towards Lord Iroh. "I suppose you speak from experience?" he said with a recognizable taunt, "But rest assured, this will be nothing like your legendary failure at Ba-Sing-Se."

"I hope not, for your sake."

"Tell the Captains to prepare for first strike," Zhao ordered briskly. Lord Iroh turned to leave and I readied to follow. Zhao's voice wafted into the air. "Leave your bodyguard, will you? I could use the company."

I looked at Lord Iroh, even conveying a plea in my eyes. Don't leave me with him. The response in Lord Iroh's eyes was sympathetic but determined. I realized then that he was going to meet with my charge. I nodded in understanding and he went his way. Zhao's back was still faced towards me. "Come stand by me," he ordered.

I approached him cautiously and stood by his right several feet away. He looked pleased like he had already won the battle. "Tired of serving that disgraceful, old man yet?" he inquired scornfully. I looked ahead and realized that I could begin to see a white blur on the horizon that was not the ocean. We were there. I ignored Zhao. Soon I would not have to tolerate him anymore. "Answer me," he demanded, vexed by my silence. I had noticed that he did not like my silence when it was just him and I. What can I say? I might as well irk the hell out of him while I can. He turned to me with an impatient glare. "You don't like to talk...I always liked that in my woman."

I knew he said it to get a reaction from me and I knew better then to give him any satisfaction. Yet as time and time again had proven to me, I lacked control over myself. I turned to look at him with glowering eyes that would have made the dead turn in their grave (at least that's what I was going for.) Before I could stop the words, they fell from my mouth of their own accord. "Before this is over, I will see you finished." I would have expected a typical angry Zhao retort or some other sort of menacing reaction.

But he laughed instead.

I cannot even begin to tell you how that set me on fire. I was beyond angry! He then looked at me with amusement in his eyes. "You're determined. I respect that," he said delighted, but his voice turned hard at his next words, "When this is over, you'll be mine." My stomach dropped as his eyes locked onto mine. He did not think it possible that he could lose at all. He then waved his hand for my dismissal and I left hurried without looking back.

The bombardment began only minutes later when we had drawn close enough. I could see the Northern Water Tribe city nestled in between the cliffs of ice. It seemed tiny from the ship. A small group of waterbenders managed to raise one of the ships up from the water with jagged ice. I was by Lord Iroh the rest of the day, who in turn was by Zhao most of the day. Streaks of the fireballs could be seen like fireflies across the sky, till they smashed into the icy wall of the city ahead. It was almost pathetic to watch. The Water Tribe had no chance, even I could tell from that. There were reports of the Avatar seen attacking ships in the fleet, but I never saw him. I did glimpse that bison creature of his flying in the sky like a small, white cloud.

Finally when the sun was setting I followed behind Lord Iroh as he entered the command deck. Zhao stood watching through a window as the fireballs were released upon the battle worn city. Smoke rose in the distance against a darkening sky. His hands were clasped behind his back and the cape from earlier was absent.

"It's almost twilight, Admiral," Lord Iroh spoke with his own hands in their usual clasped position, hidden in voluminous grey sleeves, "As your military consultant I must advise you to halt your attack. The waterbenders draw their power from the moon and it is nearly full tonight. You should wait and resume the attack at daybreak."

"Oh, I'm well aware of the moon problem and I am working on a solution," Zhao replied depraved. "But for now, daybreak it is." Typical military guy, for they think only of victory, not of the people who were the enemy. They were faceless to them. In a way, I know I am similar. Only my charge matters and I would protect him no matter how high the cost.


The ships dropped anchor for the night and an impatient quiet seized the fleet. For a short while I waited in my chambers next to Lord Iroh's, meditating my turbulent mind. Eventually I heard the door to Lord Iroh's chamber open and the familiar sound of his footsteps. Quietly I opened my own door to see him stop as he heard it open. He looked back at me with troubled eyes and I knew it had to be about my charge. He continued in a quick pace and I accompanied him.

He entered a small room that I knew was used as a loading bay for supplies. Ahead of us my charge stood in a bland, white outfit built for the cold. It seemed to make his ivory skin even paler. The skin on his shaved gleamed in the cool moonlight, against the red light from the room. There was a small, metal boat in front of him on pulleys, ready to depart. Lord Iroh spoke first gravely, "If you're fishing for an octopus, my nephew, you need a tightly woven net or he will squeeze through the tiniest hole and escape."

My charge tilted his head in our directed, "I don't need your wisdom right now, Uncle," he responded curtly.

"I'm sorry," Lord Iroh answered pained, "I just nag you because, well, ever since I lost my son." He turned his head away with closed eyes. His anguish was apparent and I shifted next to him uncomfortable. I was not used to seeing this, not even from Lord Iroh. It felt awkward to be here.

"Uncle, you don't have to say it," My charge said in a strangled voice. Right then I felt I should leave. I was intruding into an area of my charge's own business that I should not. He probably did not even realize I was witness to this whole event.

"I think of you as my own," Lord Iroh finished with distress and love.

My charge finally turned around with a genuine look of understanding and regard that I had never seen before. There was a pain in my chest all of a sudden. My charge's eyes flickered on me for only a moment before they turned back to the origin of his emotional look. "I know, Uncle," he affirmed with a bow, "We'll meet again." Lord Iroh unexpectedly rushed towards my charge and seized him into a hug. My charge's face was stunned. He released himself from Lord Iroh's hold and started to enter the small craft. "After I have the Avatar," he stated. He climbed into the canoe and began to lower it into the water.

Lord Iroh walked to the edge of the opening and called out, "Remember your Breath of Fire! It could save your life out there!"

"I will," was my charge's gruff response. He began to disappear over the side of the ship. I should be going with him, I thought, but he had forgotten me into his plans as usual. He would make it. He always did for he is a survivor. I did not look away from him as I myself had approached the edge. He made eye contact with me again briefly and I saw the determination there. He had to catch the Avatar. Yet there was also I think a brief flash of apology. A silent sorry at me being left behind, or maybe I just imagined it. I would not be able to survive out in the cold like he could. He is a firebender and I am not. I would freeze to death before he ever would.

"And put your hood up, keep your ears warm!" Lord Iroh continued.

My charge was now far away and he called back annoyed, "I'll be fine!" He and the canoe became more miniscule as they disappeared into the darkness below. I looked at Lord Iroh's face which was filled with a desperate anxiety. My chest felt tighter than ever at that.

After that, I went with Lord Iroh in the direction back towards our chambers. When he had reached his door, he had turned to me with worried eyes. "He'll be alright, Nira," he reassured me, but it was probably more for himself, which is what troubled me the most, "We'll be there to help him when the time is right."

I had nodded in agreement and then left for my own chamber. I tried to meditate, but to my own surprise I fell asleep of all things...


I was standing on the deck of my charge's old ship. The wind was amiably soft, caressing my face with a loving touch. The sun was setting against a purple sky and dark ocean. It was a fiery red at the center, but became a light pink and purple at the edge before it was swallowed by black clouds. Standing a distance from me in that rigid stance, my charge stood watching that sunset. He slowly turned around when he realized that someone was behind him. This time his face was not irked by my presence as it usually was. There were no bruises or abrasions on his face as there had been when I had seen him last. It was the look on his face though that made me suspect…. "Nira?" he called in that brazen, but elegant voice.

I bowed. This ship was destroyed though, so what…?

"Will you watch the sunset with me?" he asked quietly, cutting off my thoughts. I looked at him shocked. There was only kindness there in his face. I nodded and went over to join him. Minutes passed in a still quiet as the sun began to sink underneath the moody waves. Stars began to shine in the ebony sky through the clouds. We were in the shadows now, making it difficult for me to see my charge's face. "Nira, do you think about the future?" he asked, catching me off guard yet again.

"Sometimes, Your Highness."

I could feel his blazing eyes on my face. I found it harder to breathe, as if I were having a fit because of my claustrophobia. "What is that you want for your future?"

I did not look up to his face, hoping the darkness hid my own. What I wanted…could never be. It is useless to even imagine its being. "Only to serve you, Your Highness," I replied. Even I could detect the stiffness in my answer.

I heard him sigh. A callused hand, warm and masculine, grabbed my chin. He tilted my face up and his own eyes, only inches away were a battle of indecision. There was something there I had not seen in there before. I had observed this phenomenon in the looks of those who are in love. No man has looked at me in that way, albeit Zhao but that was in a possessive predatory way. And now…there was that look that I longed for in part, a small, hidden desire.

Before I knew it his mouth was on mine, hard and demanding. He…he was kissing me? What was I supposed to do? Push him away? My heart thumped loudly. I had never kissed before and this…

I gave in.

Yet as soon as I did that I awoke with a gasp and a pounding heart. My heart was not the only thing pounding, for someone was banging on my door loudly. I clambered out of bed and opened it. Lord Iroh stood before me. "It's almost daybreak," he said quietly, contrary to the loud racket he had just been making. I bowed my head and followed him towards the top deck.

My appearance was one of calm, but inside I was afire. Where had that dream come from? Naturally I knew the source from where it had come, but I had thought that to be repressed enough. That…realization had come to me after my charge had gone after the Avatar when the boy had been captured by Zhao. I shook my head and pushed the dream away.

Zhao was on the outside balcony of the command deck, surveying the first flank of the fleet before him. The sun was rising, casting a light glow on the icy landscape. "It's daybreak at last," he announced, "Let's write history."

The attack began. The first flank of ships came to the city wall and dropped their bowsprits. They sliced through the outer wall like nothing. The troops then flooded down the ramps and into the city. "The Water Tribe can try to resist the inevitable," Zhao said with relish, "but their city will fall today." Smoke began to rise from the city yet again and from the distance I could see flashes of fire from the troops and the fireballs. It was difficult to see from this distance, but the Fire Nation troops looked like a dark swarm of insects plaguing the city with their rhinos and war machines.

Hours passed while we watched the battle pass from the command deck. Occasionally new orders would be given from Zhao, but mostly we watched it as if it were some sort of twisted entertainment. "I don't need to remind you we have a time limit," Lord Iroh finally spoke, "If we don't defeat the Water Tribe before the full moon rises they will be undefeatable."

I was positioned behind Lord Iroh and Zhao, watching the battle. "I assure you I have everything under control," Zhao said maliciously, "I intend to remove the moon as a factor."

Lord Iroh stood next to him with his hood up. It was cold out with an even colder wind. I myself wore a cloak as well. "Remove the moon?!" Lord Iroh cried incredulous, "How?"

I looked behind me as I heard unfamiliar footsteps. The guards were that positioned at the door had a look of confusion as one soldier approached Zhao and Lord Iroh with a spear in his hand. "Admiral Choi!" he yelled, taking off his helmet and throwing it aside. He had the dark skin of the Water Tribe and an arrogant look at that. "Prepare to meet your fate!" An assassination attempt? I almost laughed in ridicule, but I did not feel like getting in the way of this novice. He was after Zhao after all, even if he could not say the man's name correctly. He rushed towards Zhao who casually threw him overboard. Oh well. The Water Tribe boy screamed as he fell and I heard a loud splash. He probably did not survive. Lord Iroh looked over the railing and shook his head before he looked back at Zhao.

Zhao continued on speaking, ignoring the pathetic assassination attempt. I could still dream of a successful one meanwhile. "As I was saying, years ago I stumbled upon a great and powerful secret, the identity of the Moon Spirit's mortal form." Even this conversation had made me stunned I have to reveal, though I am not one to get into the whole Spirit mumbo jumbo. Whenever I do it just leaves me way to confused and disturbed. Like the fact that dreams can be messages from the Spirit World…I shook my head mentally.

"What?" Lord Iroh asked astounded.

"I was a young Lieutenant serving under General Shu in the Earth Kingdom," Zhao revealed. I swear there was probably be a smile on his face right then, "I discovered a hidden library, underground in fact. I tore through scroll after scroll. One of them contained a detailed illustration and the words: moon and ocean. I knew then that these spirits could be found and killed. And that it was my destiny to do so."

"Zhao, the Spirits are not to be trifled with!" Lord Iroh warned angrily. That I could agree with from what I seen from that Avatar stuff, like Roku's now destroyed temple for example.

"Yes, yes, I know you fear the Spirits, Iroh," Zhao said patronizingly," I've heard rumors about your journey into the Spirit World. But the Ocean and Moon gave up their immortality to become a part of our worldand now they will face the consequences!"


Soon night fell upon the frozen, tiered city. Zhao made leave of the ship with a few firebenders on war rhinoceros, leaving Lord Iroh and I on the ship. Lord Iroh had led way down to one of the extra boats like Zhao had taken. He had not spoken to me since Zhao's abrupt departure, but now he did in a hurried tone, "Nira, I have to stop Zhao. What he is doing is madness!"

As always these issues were beyond me, but my charge was out there in that city somewhere. "I am coming with you," I said quickly, "His Highness is out there."

Lord Iroh nodded gravely, his golden eyes intense with worry and anger, about my charge and about Zhao's plan. I admit that it disturbed me, for wasn't the moon necessary, for the tides and currents? Something about it being part of the balance had been uttered by Lord Iroh as I had rowed the ship with him through the dark waters.

We had gone into a city that was nothing but chaos. It was a war zone and the Waterbenders were winning. Somehow Lord Iroh was right about the moon, for it was full, and shined down on the city. The waterbending I had seen done by the Avatar and Katara were pathetic in comparison. These Waterbenders were performing feats I would not have thought possible. Lord Iroh slinked through the city unnoticed and I followed in similar manner. Wherever Zhao would be, the Avatar and my charge were sure to be nearby.

The city had been in a silver light with the sound of battle filling the air. I had not been in a big battle such as this before and the sounds of fire and men's screams…I will never forget those sounds. The city had been beautiful from what I could tell, each part going up to a new level, tiered by walls. Everything was made of ice, constructed by their waterbending. I remember the village I had seen in the Southern Pole. Had they once had a city like this as well? Lord Iroh seemed to know where he was leading us as we walked through streets that were canals and crossed over what bridges we could find. Lord Iroh breathed heavily ahead of me. Suddenly the silver landscape became a bright red. I looked up with a small gasp. The full moon had become a bright, sanguine color. Something in the back of my head throbbed a little, probably from the cold I guessed. Lord Iroh said next to me urgently, "We must hurry!"

At a practical run we came to a place that was well hidden in the back of the city. It was like a small garden with a waterfall streaming behind it. High ice walls surrounded it with a small river around the grassy island. Two bridges led across to it. There was a single pond on the grassy island with a wooden arch and shrubbery. An unexpected sight. I felt a strange tingle go down my spine. Zhao and his men stood underneath the wooden arch. Zhao had a maniac smile on his face and held a small bag in his hand before himself. The bag moved…was the moon spirit inside of it?

A Water Tribe girl I did not recognize with blinding white hair sat on the bison, watching with wide-eyed fear. The Avatar stood across the pond from Zhao with his Water Tribe peasant companions, Katara and Sokka. The flying lemur was on his young shoulder and the bison stood behind all of them. All looked ready to fight... We had come into the middle of a confrontation, but were unnoticed at the moment. I heard the Avatar speaking in pained concerned as he attempted to confront Zhao peacefully, "Destroying the moon won't just hurt the Water Tribe. It will hurt everyone including you. Without the moon, everything would fall out of balance. You have no idea what kind of chaos that would unleash on the world."

The world seemed to be red as blood in the moon's now evil light. "He is right, Zhao!" hollered Lord Iroh. We stood on one side of the water, not having crossed the bridge. I wondered where my charge was…was he alright?

Zhao held a fist beside the wriggling bag. He looked over at us with a bored expression. "General Iroh, why am I not surprised to discover your treachery?" His eyes briefly connected with my own, not surprised at my presence and even elated.

Lord Iroh lifted the hood from his head. "I'm no traitor, Zhao; the Fire Nation needs the moon too. We all depend on the balance," he explained and then pointed an accusing finger at Zhao. Lord Iroh's face was filled with a ferocity I would not have thought to ever witness. "Whatever you do to that spirit I'll unleash on you ten-fold!" He affirmed furiously, assuming a firebending stance, "LET IT GO, NOW!"

I backed away several feet away from Lord Iroh, slightly afraid of a man I had always thought to be rather harmless. This man was more powerful then I had ever considered. He radiated power! How naive I was…

Lord Iroh and Zhao locked eyes for a moment. Zhao's face then faltered with seemingly fear and then he lowered the bag. A fish was released into the pond. The moon spirit was a fish?! The red light that was the moon disappeared and resumed to its ethereal light. Somehow that pounding that wracked my mind disappeared. Zhao's face was then overtaken by a look of pure desperation and insanity. He cried with rage when he stood and blasted the water with fire. Near me, Lord Iroh recoiled in horror as I flinched away from the fire as well. The moon went out as if it did not exist and we were plunged into a world of grey shadows. My mind pounded with that fierce headache with one pound and vanished as quickly as it had come. Lord Iroh instantly sprang into attack, crossing the footbridge, firing blast after blast. Zhao blocked one of them and backed away while Lord Iroh took out all of his guards with ease. I saw a look of horror on his face as he fled when Lord Iroh fought his men. I followed him without looking back, leaving Lord Iroh and the Avatar behind. Now I would end him, for myself and for my charge, wherever he was at the moment. But Zhao had made way more quickly then I had thought and I lost track of him. Unfortunately by the time I had found him again, someone else already had...

My charge. Wonders with him would never cease. As I had made way in their direction, my eyes had been drawn to a strange, blue light that flowed through the canals of the city. I had ignored it and kept making my way towards my charge. When I had caught sight of the two on a footbridge over one of the smaller canals, the moon had suddenly appeared back in the sky. Something inside of me breathed in relief and I felt alive, as if I had not noticed that I had been slowly drowning before. I shrugged it off and ran along the icy sidewalk towards my charge.

I saw Zhao stumble and fall to the ground after a series of volleys from my charge. He declared in loud horror, "It can't be!" The strange blue light was coming towards them through the canal, as if heading back towards that oasis. It had something to do with the whole moon spirit thing. I ran as hard as I could towards my charge. He was in danger! Any Fire Nation person is not used to snow and ice, especially their slippery surfaces…

I saw the bright, blue water extending over the bridge and grasping Zhao who looked terrified as it held him up. They looked like a bunch of massive fingers or tentacles! My charge stood on the edge of the bridge, extending his hand out. Was he crazy? Why would he want to save him?! "Take my hand," he called out. Cursing under my breath, I took another step, only to have the world fall underneath me. The last thing I saw was the bright moon shining as my head hit the ice-packed ground.

...Only then was there a forgiving obscurity...


A/N: Well, I finally reached the end of the first season! (round of applause) Reviews are loved as always and I'm going to mention that I did work a good long time on this chapter. (dropping hints...reviews) As usual, thanks for reading!