A/N: Hey! Another update, this is getting easier and easier to write since I'm reaching the chapters I had planned since the beginning :3

So, yeah, this chap will have more angst.

R&R

~X~

Natasha woke up, her head pounded and her body ached where she had stitched herself. She sat on the bed and looked to her left and recognized the room in Sam's house where she had been with Steve, then she looked to her right and saw Sam. Slowly, faded memories of the day before returned and she allowed herself to sink back in the bed.

"Good morning, Natasha." He said, mistrust bleeding in his voice.

"Hi, Sam." She replied tiredly, "Thanks for taking me in."

"That's all you have to say?" He asked, "You make everyone believe that you're dead, then you show up at my door bleeding and faint before me and all you have to say is 'Hi, Sam'?"

"I'm sorry... I really am..." She was at the edge of breaking down.

"Why don't you tell me your reasons for doing that?" He asked. Sam, he had the right to know. He took her in when she needed someone, he was her friend and he was an Avenger.

"Okay." She sat on the bed and looked at him, "So, Steve and I were in Russia in a mission, hunting a Hydra base. We thought we knew everything that was behind that mission, but we were so wrong. There was so much we didn't know. And I wish we had discovered them before. So, it happens that it was an Hydra and Red Room base and they were making experiments with the same serum I too, improvements. The coordinator of the project was a man from the Red Room who knew me, he wanted to kill me and hunt Steve." Tears were flowing freely down her cheeks, she didn't know why, she shouldn't even be crying. Natasha felt his hand on her shoulder, "Then he took to interrogation and he tortured me, I could handle it, but I couldn't allow him to touch Steve, so I faked my death and left."

There was a moment of silence in which no words were spoken and the only sound was her sobbing. Natasha needed to stop crying, but she couldn't. She spent so long hiding her emotions, all of them, that she couldn't keep them from flowing anymore. She was always so strong, so cold, she tried to believe that she was blinded emotionally, but she wasn't and she knew it.

"Does that mean that Steve is important, but I'm not. I mean, if you didn't tell him that you're alive because you wanted to save his life, but told me, it means that I'm disposable."

She felt like slapping him on the face just to see if he would stop jumping to conclusions, but she didn't and she tried her best not to be irritated at him, "Sam, let me tell you something. Steve was seen with me in the streets of fucking Moscow, the place where I was trained, the place where all my enemies are, his life was in danger not yours, besides, I'm not even sure if they are all dead." She sighed, "Sam, you are my friend, you are one of my best friends. I know that I can count on you no matter what the situation is, you are a friend, you are an Avenger. And that makes you family. The only family I have and will ever have."

Sam was quiet. He surely didn't know what to say. It could either be because he was trying to understand the words she had just said or because he didn't know what to say. She didn't care. Either one was fine with her, she didn't care what he thought, she had just told him the truth, words that would never leave her lips again.

"Natasha..." He said her name thoughtfully, he closed his mouth and opened it again as if he was going to say something else but no words left his lips, he opted for a hug. Sometimes, an act like that meant more than what 100 words could express. She was surprised at first, but then she hugged him back.

~X~

In less than 3 days, she was healed, the serum was very useful after all. Her wounds were all closed, but there was one that still stung a little, the one on her leg. That had been a deeper cut. Natasha was finally back in business. She called Fury, explained the whole situation to him and set things up. She was back in working for him, now with a new name, Emma Foster. She had a back story, a bank account, an apartment and everything she needed covered by him.

Sam was her new best friend, she couldn't even talk to any of the Avengers, not Clint, not Tony, not Bruce or Thor or Steve. She was counting on Sam's ability to keep his mouth shut, because there was no way she could tell them that she was alive, not for a long time, at least. She dyed her hair blonde and followed Steve, she kept track of almost every aspect of his life, wishing she could be there, that she could talk to him, but she couldn't and all she could o was watch from afar.

That morning, she was sitting on her apartment, drinking coffee and eating a toast while reading the journal when she saw something on the obituary that caught her attention.

'And I will miss looking into those beautiful green eyes of yours, seeing you smile and holding your hand. Though we are both old, you made me feel like I was young again. You are my best girl. You will always be and I will miss you for eternity.' - Steven Rogers.

Steve. He chose not to mention the name of the one who was dead, that was a common procedure in S.H.I.E.L.D, so she figured that Peggy was dead. Because of all the people she knew he cherished, Peggy was the only one who could've died recently.

That day was a specially painful one and, after she was done with all the paperwork, she went to a bar and drank and went home with a man. The next morning, she left before the sun was up.

~X~

"Natasha, it's been three years already. Don't you think it's time to tell Steve the truth?" Sam asked her.

"It's not like he cares anymore..." She told him, "He stopped caring a long time ago and so did I."

"Who says that he stopped caring?"

"He did so. Not to me directly, but in his actions."

"So you've been stalking him, eh?"

"Well, sorta..." Natasha muttered, "What I've been doing doesn't matter, I'm not discussing it, what we're talking about is whether he cares about me or not. And he doesn't. He has his own life with his own friends and Peggy."

"So it's all about her."

"No, I lost a friend. I lost all the other friends I had. People I cared about, people I love. Clint, Steve, Thor and even Tony." She lied, she couldn't have him knowing the whole truth, that she wanted to protect Steve, not only because she cared about him, but also because she loved him, because he was more than just a friend, "You are the only one I have left."

"Why don't you tell him, so you can have all our friends back, you can join the Avengers again and meet everyone."

"But they don't care anymore, they didn't even wrote an obituary for me. In fact, not even two days later, they wrote Peggy an obituary."

"Natasha, what are you talking about? They miss you, they miss you a lot. Clint, Tony, Bruce and Steve... Well, he's not the same anymore."

She had to admit that she did miss Steve and that the idea of meeting him and all of her friends again was very appealing, but she needed more time, just a few more days before she was ready.

"Tell me, why don't we go meet them this Friday? It's better if all of them find out at once."

"Yeah, it is." He nodded, "I'll set things up with them."

Sam left her place and she sat on the couch. She still had four days until the meeting. She went to the drugstore and bought red hair dye, the one that looked most similar to her previous color and went back from blonde to auburn. That way it would be less of a shock for them.

Natasha was nervous, very nervous, she didn't know how they would react and if they had missed her and If they would be happy to see her. She was so nervous that she didn't sleep that night or any of the nights that week. She kept imagining Steve's eyes and smile, even if he wasn't going to smile at her when he saw her. She doubted he would, she doubted that any of them would. Except for Clint. Clint was always happy to see her. And Thor too... And for the first time in her life she realized how much she loved them and how much she missed them. They were her family and she loved them. She swore to herself that she would tell them that as soon as possible. If they didn't kill her first for lying, that was.