I OWN NOTHING
There was one thing that my ancestors left me before their departing hour and that generations shall learn in the future: chocolate is fucking awesome.
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Press and cute clients
Deep inside the facility that now housed most of the Titans - all of them now wearing an orange jumpsuit that reminded them too much of a certain blond they currently hated for same strange reason as if it was a color Naruto had been born with - one Wally West moaned as he sat beside his green friend Garfield, "You know. I never thought I'd say this, but I miss Cyborg. Sure, the dude was crazy, but when he made barbeques those steaks and ribs were to die for."
They were in the cafeteria, seated in the rather empty room designed to hold more people if needed. The place had the usual tables and counters typical in each prison or high-school cafeteria if the budget was enough to afford it. A guard stood at each side of the doors that lead back to their cells, remotes to make their collars deliver them pain ready in case any of them tried anything funny. "Speak for yourself, this is life!" Beastboy said in pure delight as he devoured what was in his and his fellow prisoners' trays: tofu and soy. It was a tofu buffet: egg salad made of tofu, soy milk, tofu bacon, soy yoghurt, and a bland muffin. "Ah, if only I knew what was on the menu I would have willingly turned myself in years ago." The green boy said, burping loudly.
"Gross…" Raven groaned silently as she glared at her collar and the straitjacket tightly securing she didn't hurt herself or took her life like the padded room she had all for herself. A guard fed her calmly, which made her turn dry, cold eyes at the poor human being, "What makes you think I'd eat that with a still working tongue?"
Megan sighed, "Raven, just eat." She half-heartedly ate her breakfast, looking at the bracelets that kept her hands together, a special device to make sure that if so much as a single cell on her body started to morph she'd be shocked unconscious with a good several hundred thousand bolts cursing through her body. Meanwhile, the collar on her neck prevented her from using her psychic powers on anyone around her. "You'll probably want to stay alive long enough to meet and put that stupid Fishcake on a leash so he learns his place."
Starfire giggled at that, rubbing her hand together at the idea, "Oh, to have Friend Naruto in such a situation… Possibly in a Tamaranean royal battle gear for the trials a true warrior must endure to prove himself worthy after a loss against me… Or it could be a victory against me and we'd just ignore whether we win or lose and keep on enjoying the heat of the battle with endless rematches… Our bodies aching with pain and blood pumping, fighting without end in true bliss…"
"La-la-la! I'm not listening!" Megan cried as she did her best to plug her ears with the bracelets keeping her wrists together. The boys, understandably, shifted uncomfortably in their seats at the sadomasochistic alien's fantasies. The reason why this was happening was that the look on Starfire's face was one of true pleasure, and her voice was rather disturbing to listen to unless you liked chains and whips in a bedroom.
Soon enough, someone stopped Starfire's daydreaming as a large middle-aged man entered the cafeteria. The guy had black hair in a short military cut, was built like an ox and yet still wore a blue suit with a white shirt and black tie, which made him almost look like a security guard despite being the warden. He also had a very large chin and sharp eyes. To get back to the security guard analogy, he carried a baton which he flipped in his right hand calmly by the leash. Lyle Bolton was known for many things, one of them was to be perhaps the sanest, most battle-hardened wardens in history. He first started as a prison guard back at home, his strong sense of justice and ability to put rowdy criminals in their place with a calm yet strong and imposing attitude and authority backing him up made him rise into the position he was now assigned: being the warden for the most dangerous criminals that the world could throw his way. But Lyle Bolton, chin up, was a man who took challenges with a calm behavior and level head to make sure rules were followed.
Once he had the Titans' attention, the warden grabbed his baton which he kept with him ever since he had first been a prison guard and put it in his left hand, giving the teens a calm, serene look, "Good evening, I hope you're enjoying your meal. Well, Mr. Logan certainly seems to do so." He joked, smiling a bit at the green voracious teen.
Roy groaned, "What is it now, Bolton?"
The man shook his head, "That's not the way to address to me, Mr. Harper. You add 'sir' after each of your sentences when talking to me, please." The warden said calmly.
Roy grunted, but decided to follow the rules, "What is happening, Mr. Bolton, sir?"
The warden nodded, "It's good to see you're following the rules." He turned to each of them with serene eyes, "I see each of you is getting used to your surroundings. Glad to see you're no longer trying to fight us, Miss Roth, though your session with Dr. Strange is still scheduled for your sake." Raven just rolled her eyes, "There's also this strange sense of calm that I didn't expect in any of you when you first arrived. Most people that I've seen enter a cell either have a defeated or angry glint in their eyes, yet each of you seem to just have accepted it. I do wonder what the reason behind this is, and I think I know what it is, thus I decided to do something nice and let you watch the news."
"Beg your pardon… sir?" Connor asked, forcing himself to add the last word to avoid having Bolton correcting him as if he were a child in first grade.
Bolton chuckled, "Okay, I can't actually fool you. This is a bit of a punishment for you." He stood out of the door's way as a couple of guards walked in with a TV, connected it and when they turned it on, an image of one Uzumaki Naruto stepping out of the hospital shocked the Titans.
"You just wanted to rub our loss on our faces, didn't you?" Wally asked with a slight glare.
Bolton chuckled, "Okay, guilty as charged… But it's also a request from your doctor. Mr. Strange, would you kindly come in?"
A man with a white shirt, black suspenders, black pants and a round built walked into the room. His head was void of hair atop his skull, yet his jaw-line was covered by a broom-like beard, and his eyes were hidden behind thick round glasses. The man nodded, "Thank you, Warden Bolton. Well, I wanted to see each of your reactions at knowing more of the one person who defeated you. I couldn't lose this opportunity, so excuse me for probably having skipped a good month of therapy with you. And… well…" the doctor smiled a bit, looking at the teens, "Each of you seem rather calm, despite seeing him like this. I bet you want to know as much as I do what this one boy caused to affect you like this."
Megan snapped, "As if! He's just a doofus! A… A very strange and bizarre doofus, but still an idiot!"
Hugo Strange chuckled, "So, why are you blushing?" The alien girl stuttered some incomprehensible words, but then sulked to her seat and avoided making eye-contact with her snickering teammates, though the doctor could see another redhead girl and a pale purple-head giving a brief glance at the freckled alien. 'Most interesting… A love-hate square? I don't know if I should publish a book of this or feel envious of this Uzumaki boy.'
XXXXXX
Naruto couldn't believe it, no matter how hard he tried to, or which angle he looked at it, it was simply impossible. His brain tried to comprehend what was brought before his eyes, what was really happening in front of him, what the Hell was up with this sight that every single neuron in his brain was unable to process.
Despite his long distance relation with logic and reason, Naruto managed to come up with something to say: "Dear God, your chin is huge!" As Naruto blurted that out to one Bruce Wayne the moment he stepped out of the hospital and met the man face to face, you can bet your ass a lot of people were trying hard not to burst out laughing as the wide-eyed blond aimed a finger at the multi-millionaire's large jaw. The whole situation could have been solved had Blonsky more self-control as he slapped a hand to his mouth to control his fit of man-giggles while one Donna Diego banged her head against the nearest wall to avoid joining in the soon to be biggest explosion in history, a explosion of sound that would pretty much be summed up as a large crowd laughing their asses off. Even Pamela had a hard time breathing as she bit her lip and her cheeks turned a darker shade of green to the point she looked more like an olive about to have a seizure from her contained laughter. A few reporters had to admit it took balls to say that to a guy with so much financial and influential power as Bruce Wayne, but then again it also took balls to face the Titans with nothing but a sword, fists and an iron jaw, pun not intended.
Bruce's right eye twitched for a few seconds as his knuckles turned white from the grip he had in them. He swore a tooth had to be cracked with how hard he contained himself. 'National TV… Tons of witnesses… Public image… Tomorrow things go your way…' as he had that thought in mind with a deep breath, he smiled, "Blunt, aren't you?" he said with a forced humored chuckle.
Naruto blushed as he now realized what he had done, rubbing the back of his head, "S-Sorry… It's a bad habit of mine." He composed himself, mentally kicking himself for being a buffoon in the eyes of many, though he did not know how many people's day he had made far better with that line, 'Thanks mom, the Uzumaki Clan's still as loud and to the point as usual here.' He looked around him, at the large crowd of reporters in front of the hospital's gates, seated in foldable chairs as they waited for him and Pam to take the stand, literally, for there was one with several microphones already set along a few cameras behind the crowd of reporters. "Man, you don't hold back on the budget, do you?" the blond blurted out once again.
"It's in this city and my best interests to know the boy that defeated the Titans." Bruce replied calmly, motioning to the stand with one hand.
Naruto went intelligently with a, "Huh?"
Pamela walked to him, "They're curious about who you are."
"I understood that part." Naruto said, a bit flustered, showing he was not a very good liar, but he continued, "The only problem is what he meant with interests."
Something nagged at the green skinned redhead's mind at that, worry. But the smug look on Wayne's face made her want to show him up. However, she knew herself and thought of herself as an intelligent woman, "You should think twice about what you say then. You wouldn't want to ruin your public image." She said, before gently pulling her bodyguard with her to the stand, keeping close due to Wayne standing beside her and giving her a bad vibe, nothing else, not at all.
Wayne moved forward and cleared his throat, giving the press a winning smile, "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I am sure you are asking yourselves the same thing: who is our hero who fought against not against one but most of the top class terrorists that have been intimidating our city for far too long. That is why I called all of you here, as well as to thank and talk with him if he wants to do so. But right now, I shall leave him to you, and I'll just save my questions for later if anyone's interested in last night events and how they affected not only the city, but my company and even Miss Isley's project."
Pamela groaned, 'Could he at least ask for attention like a five year old spoiled child? That'd be more subtle.'
Naruto's mind was more, 'Words, words, words… words everywhere…'
As soon as the stand was free, someone stood up, "Naruto Uzumaki, right?" the reporter asked, aiming a microphone from their mouth to the blond. "Is it true you are a mercenary?"
The Jinchuuriki nodded, "I work with a private military company if that's what you ask. We usually just do bodyguard and escort business, though I only joined them now. This is actually my first official mission, at least solo. I had other missions but I always had someone backing me up, though I still do now." Pam mentally cheered for the effort Naruto was putting in this. He was still nervous, though. He paused a bit to think of what to say, but more than scared he seemed more flattered than anything. It was as if getting attention was a reward for him, just that this much was an alien concept to him.
Sadly, her hopes of this going uneventfully were shattered as soon as Lois Lane rose from her seat, "If it is true this is your first mission, why didn't you do the sensible thing and leave someone far more competent like Slade Wilson to take care of things?"
Naruto scratched the back of his head, groaning a bit, Pam tensing as she stood forward, "He did save me. He fought every single one of the Titans to get me safe and sound, if it weren't for him, I wouldn't stand here."
Lois tried hard not to grin at her opening, "But then he wouldn't have caused so much destruction. It is true the Titans wanted to fight him, but what if he had done the sensible thing and retreated? Bruce Wayne over there lost his factory, and the damage was increased at least tenfold due to the fight your bodyguard had with Superboy. Had he not fought Superboy from the start, none of this would have happened."
Pam felt her knuckles cracking, but the sighing Naruto killed that anger, "Okay, my bad…"
Lois was taken back, "W… What?"
Naruto sighed again, nodding, "Yes, it was my bad, and I'm really sorry." he turned sheepishly to Wayne, "I really am." he chuckled before turning to the press, "I know I made a mess, but I didn't want to let Pam die. Besides, I never truly believed in running off or admitting defeat. I mean… what good is it gonna do to me? I don't want to die or let someone who wants or deserves to live lose their life, not only does it suck, but I bet Pam had a good reason to want me to make sure she stays alive. Why just give it all up and make her lose too? I'm not good explaining this, so just say I didn't want to lose Pam to someone like Batman."
The reporters nodded at that, taking a liking to the blond, Pamela feeling warmth invade her chest at the sincerity of his words. Lois bit back a growl as she pressed on the attack, "And yet your apologies can't cover the cost of millions of dollars on the chaos you and the Titans caused in your fights."
"I think our insurance policy covers that up." Naruto said, scratching the tip of his nose, making Lois feel like banging her microphone on her forehead, "Since some of our missions require dangerous settings and weapons, not to mention very destructive enemies from time to time, we have help from several clients who were generous enough to support our company after we did a few jobs to keep them safe from threats such as assassination attempts to escort missions in warring countries. Some of those clients even helped fund Fatal Strike when it first started."
Lois decided to sit down, mostly to avoid making a fool of herself by forcing herself to calm down, letting another reporter get up and ask, "You commented on several battles you're not human, if so, then what are you?"
"I… I can't tell for sure." Naruto said as honestly as he could, "I guess I am still human, somewhat, but I can't be certain about it. Wish I could explain or know about it, but I really can't."
Lois stood up again, rather quickly this time. "If it is true you don't know what you are, then how did you become like this?" she said, fire in her eyes.
Naruto shook his head, "Sorry, I don't feel like speaking about that."
"W-What're you talking about?!" she snapped, unable to believe this brat's childish behavior, "This is a press conference, we're entitled to know."
The other reporters gave Naruto looks, making him sigh, "Sorry, but that's personal. All I can say is that it wasn't my choice to be what I am, ok?" he said, sounding tired, "I never had much of a choice in what I could do ever since I was born, then I met Fatal Strike, trained with them and now I want to make something out of myself, to fight for something and feel that my life is worth something." He started to feel his temper slipping, "I'm not human, so what? I had one too many chances to cry about it, I didn't wanna waste my time feeling pity for myself." He finished by taking a small deep breath, recovering his cool.
Lois gritted her teeth and tried to keep herself composed, "Then how do you feel about having to kill one of the Titans to save another person?" she asked, trying not to use this question earlier made it ore desperate now, but now it was time to, it was her trump card to bring this kid down.
"I…" Naruto started, before a gentle hand was placed on his shoulder.
Pamela smiled at him, before turning to the microphone, "Miss Lane… I've seen Naruto fight for me against Raven, all the while believing in what was right and knowing what was wrong. As he did so, he never took any pride or joy on what he did. I may have not seen how he fought against Cyborg, but as he faced Raven he had the perfect chance to kill her and take us out of her nightmarish world. He didn't."
Lois bit back a growl, "So what made that girl more special than a boy who had been turned into a weapon?"
Naruto spoke next, "Cyborg chose to be who he was, a machine of war. Raven didn't want anything from anyone. I don't feel like killing someone who doesn't even care about themselves, but if someone hurts others because they want wars, money or power I won't back down or hold back."
Lois Lane finally sat down, trying hard to portray herself as calm as she internally glared daggers at the duo of freaks. "That is all." She said, making her best of efforts to look professional.
"Do you have any other jobs or plans after this mission?" another reporter asked, adding, "The police, no, the army could use someone like you. Instead of being a mercenary, you could choose something like that."
Naruto hummed for a bit, "Okay, that sounds tempting… But considering Fatal Strike is affiliated with several governments for their protection, I guess it's a bit of the same. All you have to do is ask for help… and pay." He received a few chuckles at that unintentional joke. He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, feeling more at ease.
He instantly felt like he could have used that breath to avoid gasping at the next question: "Are you single?"
That question made Pam turn to him so fast that her neck almost snapped, several sets of female eyes glued to the tube as their ears waited for the answer. Naruto sported a hue of pink that Pamela found made it hard for her to keep her hands away from pinching those whiskered cheeks. With a gulp, Naruto gave his answer truthfully: "I am…" Naruto said, sensing as if something was wrong with the universe, as if thousands, no, countless voices all… squealed?
After that, a couple of uneventful questions happened here and there, such as likes, dislikes and thoughts on his fights. But once everything was said and done, Bruce Wayne stepped forward, taking the stand, "Well, ladies and gentlemen, thank you for making most of my own questions for me. But I still have something to ask Mr. Uzumaki and Miss Isley." He turned to the teens and reached into his coat, making Pam go tense, "Can you dance?" he asked as he handed them golden tickets with the picture of a cruise in it.
"Huh?" was Naruto's all-purpose question for this kind of situation.
As he kept his cheeky loveable pup façade, Wayne explained, "My friend, fellow CEO and partner in developing the future of our country Tony Stark is making a party tomorrow in his private boat. Several other important guests will be joining, even the mayor is invited. The reason I ask you this is because I'd like to liven up Miss Isley's life after the unfortunate events from yesterday and last night. It is also a good place to meet possible new sponsors for your project, and perfect to have a dance as we sign the deal you both have dedicated so mush passion to create and protect."
The reporters went ecstatic at the idea of such a thing happening in such an event with one heroic blond meeting people of the big leagues in the industrial field.
Pamela, however, knew better as she grabbed the ticket, "We'll go."
XXXXXX
"I can't believe that cheeky bastard!"
Now that the reporters were gone and Pam and Naruto were alone, the blond had to step back as the redhead moved to a nearby alley, grabbed a lead pipe, and started to twist it with her bare hands from the sheer anger in her.
Blonsky patted his fellow blond mercenary's shoulder, "Well, she's all yours, comrade. I got myself a nice motel room with my magazines and a couple of beers waiting for me. If you need me just give me a call."
"You aren't gonna tag along?" asked the worried Naruto, fearing for whatever a red-haired girl could do when mad after being far too many times on the receiving end of a woman's anger.
Blonsky chuckled, "I am your support, but only when the situation calls to it. Last night you called for help, but guarding her is your job, not mine… And I always wanted to see Gotham. So, I'm gonna take a shower, change my clothes, and look around the city. If you need me, call me, but not at midnight because I hear the ladies here are to die for." And just like that the blond bearded man was gone.
Naruto sighed with dread and moved towards Pam, slowly and fearfully reaching for her after she was done doing a pretzel out of the pipe. Once his hand touched her shoulder, she turned to him but, to his shock, she wasn't mad. Sure, one lock of hair was in between her eyes from her rush to unleash her anger, but now that she took deep breaths and moved said lock of red hair behind her ear, she looked so serene and calm that she seemed like a total different person.
"You okay?" he asked, for the first time in his life feeling that he wasn't in danger around an angry girl.
Pam sighed, shaking her head, "No, just… Wayne pisses me off. That whole act back there was to win attention and the charisma of others."
"It can't be that bad, he got us VIP tickets to a cruise, so there's good food to look up to." Naruto replied.
Pam felt like a stone hit her gut, making her pat the blond teen's shoulder, "Naruto, if more people were like you, the world would be a beautiful place…" 'A rather goofy yet still beautiful place.'
"Uh… thanks?"
Pam took a deep breath, "I guess I better explain-"
"That Wayne's not to be trusted, right?" Naruto replied, making Pam's eyes widen. He chuckled, scratching his nose. "I'm rather good at reading people, Pam. I know I may be thick when dealing with others at times and not the brightest of guys… Hell, math scares me to death. But I've gotten used to meeting many people and seeing how they act that it's not that hard for me to know when to trust someone and when not to. I… I made my fair share of mistakes as a kid, but I learned from them."
Pam nodded, "You're just full of surprises, aren't you?"
"Well, I'm supposed to protect you, so I better do my best to surprise anyone, right?"
Pam chuckled, "That's the lamest line I've ever heard… But you're right… And… thanks."
"For what?"
Pamela smiled, a true smile, "For doing your best to keep me safe, what else?"
Naruto rubbed the back of his head, embarrassed to say the least, "Okay, so… What do you want to do? The deal isn't gonna be signed until tomorrow and my contract says I must stay with you until Gotham is a clean, green city." He said, trying to avoid anything that'd make him feel flustered before the cute redhead.
Pam hummed, before something hit her, 'Wait, is this a date? No! No… no, no, no… It's just my employee taking me wherever I want, is all. What am I even thinking?'
However, the redhead had to admit, spending time with the blond who fought to save her despite none of them knowing much about each other did sound like the perfect chance to finally understand who was Uzumaki Naruto, and what kind of strange magic he had to make her feel this weird way around him.
XXXXXX
And that's my rap!
Now, a single question, dear readers: where should Pam and Naruto go in their NOT-date? Suggestions such as places are welcomed, even ideas of some villains working as normal citizens while they're at it will be welcomed. Of course, I'll discuss and flesh out the ideas with you as much as I can before deciding what to do for the next chapter, so please don't get mad if some of your ideas aren't used, some may even be used for other dates with other girls though.
Also, sorry if this is becoming fluff after the last arc's marathon of action and fights, but I guess it's better to lower the tension before things get crazy again. I'm sorry for the lack of action in this chapter, as in having more than just a press conference, but I wanted to have people actually welcome Naruto as a hero even if it is step by step. Oh, don't worry, I'm not planning on making everything exposition like this chapter, this was a one-time thing and future chapters will have their exposition blended in better, I hope. I'm still not a perfect writer, I'm still looking for improvement even when making a carefree fic like this one, but I shall try my best to have some fun as it should be.
Swordslinger out!
