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"What?" She asks softly. Oh boy, I think I'm in trouble.
"Uh…nothing." I give Katie a quick peck on the lips and untangle myself from her. I get up and go about trying to find my clothes.
I look over at Katie, lying there naked and all I want to do is crawl back over there and feel her on me, but I'm afraid of what might come out of my mouth if I do. Like the words I love you would just come spilling out of my mouth without a filter.
"Are you leaving?" She asks.
"Um, yeah I have some things I have to take care of tonight and I have an early call tomorrow. "
She's just looking at me me with her eyebrows raised and a little smirk, "So I guess it's your turn to freak out this time." She says it with a little laugh so I know she's not mad.
"What? No, no I'm not freaking out, not at all." Finally dressed I walk over to her bend over and give her a light kiss on her swollen lips. "I…I just have to go."
As I'm standing up she grabs ahold of my shirt and pulls me down to her. She stops when we are inches apart and looks me in the eyes like she's trying to understand what's going on. "I don't want us to be awkward around each other again."
I slightly shake my head, "No." She pulls me closer, lifting her lips to mine, kissing me tenderly until I find my mind clouded again .
She pulls away, I stay like that for a second, just drinking her in. "OK. Goodnight Rita." She just smiled at me and I could see laughter in her eyes, I probably seemed like an idiot right now.
"Nite Katie." I turned around and left without looking back, afraid that if I did I wouldn't be able to leave.
I take the short walk over to my trailer, go inside and quickly gather up my things and practically sprint out to my car.
Driving on auto pilot I somehow made it home in one piece. I walked in my door and headed straight for the kitchen, well straight for the tequila at least. I poured myself a shot and downed it without thinking. It burned all the way down.
Shit. Shit. Shit. How did this happen? I'm in love with Katie. Fuck. I'm in love with my (apperently) not so straight, taken, co-star. Fuck. Yep its official I am now freaking out, big time. I pour myself another shot and down it. This wasn't supposed to happen, none of this was was supposed to happen. This was just supposed to be a harmless crush. I don't know what to do now, I just want to go put my head in the sand and pretend none if this is happening.
I think about having another shot, but I do have an early call tomorrow. Besides the first two have calmed me down a little bit. I remember that I'm not supposed to over analyze everything. I take a deep breath and tell myself to just go with it. Just go with it, sounds easy enough, right?
As I get ready for bed I realize that I'm feeling better, calmer at least. This doesnt have to change anything. I just have to be careful, more careful, just take a step back, maybe, if possible.
All warm and snuggly in bed I wonder if I should call Katie, text her maybe, apologize for running out of there like an ass. God, she probable thinks im such a dork right now. I'm still debating when I hear my phone beep, grinning when I see it's from Katie.
Katie: Are you done freaking out?
Rita: I wasn't freaking out….but yeah I am.
I just waited for a second to see if she would call me like she did last time. I hear my phone ring, a let out a little chuckle as I answer.
"Hey you." I hear the smile in her voice.
"Hey." I say.
"Glad you're done with the freak out, Rita."
"I didn't have a freak out, exactly." It was, it totally was, just not for the reasons she was thinking.
She just starts laughing. "Oh Rita, it was a freak out, for a second you looked scared shitless."
"No, I just…" I couldn't tell her what I was really thinking, that yes I was scared shitless. That I was in love with her and I had no idea what to do about it.
"Don't worry about it Rita, maybe next time we can both skip the freak out and enjoy the moment."
"Next time?" Just the thought had my heart speeding up. "So, you think there's gonna be a next time?"
"Oh baby, I'm sure of it." Katie said, and my mouth went dry. I tried to laugh a little, but it came off sounding more like a moan.
"Pretty confident are you, Katie?"
"Oh yeah Rita, I know you can't keep your hands off me." She teased.
"Right, it was you who attacked me today." .
"Well its not my fault your so damn sexy."
"oh please." I laugh. We're both quiet for a moment, there is so much I want to ask her. I want to know what happens now, I mean it's obvious we're both enjoying it, but what Paul? Is this all just about sex for her? I take a deep breath, steeling myself to find some answers. "Katie, what are we-"
"No….not yet Rita."
"What?" I ask, how could she know what I wanted to talk to her about.
"I just…I know we need to talk, like really talk." She takes a deep breath, "just give me a few days, alright?"
"Yeah, sure Katie." I'm disappointed but I understand, kinda. "I really do have an early call tomorrow, I'm gonna sleep now, ok?"
"Ok, me too. Rita?"
"Yeah?"
"Sweet dreams." She says and hangs up.
My mind tries to process everything that was said. It seems like our last two phone conversations went the same way, flirty one minute then serious. All I know is that I cant keep this up much longer without some type of answers, it's just not me. A couple of days, I can wait that long, I think.
