June 15
The Cooler – 1100 Hours, I think
Carter, Rob and I are sharing this meager cell in the cooler for the month. Newkirk and LeBeau are in the cell next to us with Wilson, who is also here for the month after that night when everything seemed to go so right, but turned into a disaster.
It is daylight out. The sun seems to tell me that it's almost 1100 hours already, but I can't tell from this barred window. The German summer is already upon us in full-swing: the cool breezes of the morning often come with the warmth of the noon beams. Already I can feel a hot day coming.
It is worse the remainder of the prisoners here won't be able to enjoy the good weather after that night. For me, life will always be colder than the freezing winters here and the frozen wasteland that can never thaw. I can't believe what has happened that night, the night we all went out to destroy the oil refinery, only a day and half ago. It seemed forever ago when tragedy struck us for once.
I can't believe that I'm crying right now. Rob and Carter are still sleeping after all of this commotion and recovering from not only the mission, but also the events after it. I have not been able to. I know that Rob hasn't been able to have a decent amount of sleep because of the operation. Carter, LeBeau, Wilson and Newkirk have been through too much already, so I had better not disturb them all with the sobbing – my soft crying is enough.
I had better hope that the remaining three in the other cell are sound asleep after all of this too, but hope, this time, has failed me. We have lost someone and gained another victory against Germany simultaneously. It has become an equal balance at last.
I need to write this down. I can look at this later and think: This is just another nightmare of yours, Nikki. STOP thinking about it and think head to the future! You didn't do anything, it never happened and of course, LIFE IS NORMAL. But it isn't. Rob is caught dead in the head of a dangerous operation in the middle of a P.O.W. camp in Germany and he's surrounded by the most loyal men (brothers-in-arms) any commander can have. We have succeeded in many missions without losing a single man from the camp, until two nights ago.
I have to say this, and I can probably mention this before I lose myself in my sobbing. Kinch is dead, murdered in cold blood. Oh…my…G-d…he's dead.
There, I wrote it, even twice! I couldn't…wouldn't…speak of it for the short time we've been in here. I wrote it in here for all to see later on, though. I am so scared about that night still. I am on a roll of fear and nobody can wrap it up, store it away and keep it there forever. No, I am the child that unwrapped the feeling on Christmas Day and kept the most hideous thing I could in the hopes of soon getting rid of it. But I can't, ever.
~00~
It was only those two nights ago that I had some confidence in myself. I was still laughing about that phone call and was almost chided myself to be brave because we've been on more dangerous missions than this. Why be nervous? I was as carefree as I was when my last mission as a free woman came about. Playing the part of Mother was going to be a cinch. All I was worried about was Hochstetter and if the Krauts find out that it's me and not Mother. Sure, I can convince them on the phone, and Rob was saying how much we are alike (more than I'll ever admit) but there is always that what if that hung over our heads. Kinch's warnings from earlier that morning went unheeded and the mission was on.
In the late afternoon, at about 1730 hours, the men were outside at their exercise period before roll call. I was sitting around at Barracks 11 watching a basketball game between Barracks 11 and 2 when Rob came up behind me and knocked into me, a sure sign that something's happening. I was scared for a second until I, as always, saw the bomber's jacket.
"It is all clear," Rob whispered and went off quickly to one side to cheer the men from our barracks who were playing against those in Barracks 11.
The next part of the plan came quickly. From the motor pool, I saw Klink's car being towed by a supply truck (a supply truck?), driven by Schultz. I could just see Newkirk, Carter and LeBeau beyond the truck talking to Kommandant Klink, probably on why his car can't be fixed here. All three of them were distracted with Klink (all I heard from the Iron Eagle was "My car…why does it need to be repaired in town?" over and over again and this, in of itself, was a bad sign), so I had to find a way to distract LeBeau and get him over here so that we could get going with O'Hara. In addition, Newkirk and Carter need to get ready, grab everything and head out through the tunnels to the train station.
Then I had an idea. Long of a distance it was, I ran to the motor pool from Barracks 11 and stood just off to the side of the entrance. As I watched Schultz drive through the gate and into town with Klink's car hooked behind it, I removed my cap and army jacket, took down my hair and shook it out. I even had the indecency to unbutton the top three buttons of my shirt, revealing much more than a bra and some skin.
Flinging my jacket over my shoulder, I walked past the entranceway to the motor pool. All of a sudden, all the men, the three I wanted and more than I needed, stood in attention and whistled, cat-called and stared at me. The three in the motor pool turned their attention to me and not to Klink (who was wrinkling his forehead in frustration) and they smiled. I put my cap back on and was smiling as Klink yelled, "Colonel Michalovich, you are not in uniform!"
"Ah, but Kommandant Klink," I protested with a little pout. "It's so hot today. Can't you make a little exception for me, a poor defenseless woman?"
"You are making a disturbance in this camp! Get back into uniform and keep it that way!" was Klink's response. Afterward, he raised his eyebrow and decided that maybe it's hot after all and took off his jacket except of course, he went out of uniform. Geez, he has some resilience today, I thought as I smiled ever so sadly at the men around me as I dramatically buttoned up my shirt, fixed my hair as best as I could and put my jacket back on. It got LeBeau, Carter and Newkirk's attention and they gathered around me.
"Prepare yourselves to head out and break out," was all I said. They got the drift and knew the drill. I turned around to head back to the barracks and they followed me there.
I turned back to Rob, who was still at Barracks 11, and smiled at him. He gave me his most mischievous smile and saluted me. My grin got wider, but it was LeBeau who got me to stop gaping at Rob. It wasn't time to flirt with him. Then I remembered (stupid me) that we still had a mission. I went back to the barracks with the men, headed down into the tunnels with them and got ready. O'Hara was waiting for us down there, sober and full of ferment, anxiously wringing his hands with anticipation.
