Chapter 12

Laxus

Saying it had been a long day would have been the understatement of the year. I was sitting in my office, beyond exhaustion, my eyes crusty and dry, pouring over blue prints of the guild hall. I was trying to figure out what all needed to be repaired before the contractors I hired showed up tomorrow. There was a knock on my door, two staccato wraps, a knock that was becoming all too familiar even in the short span of time I've took up the title of Guild Master. I took a deep sigh and massaged my forehead, more than a little annoyed whatever it was couldn't wait until morning. "Come in!" I acquiesced, knowing that it was Erza and that she wouldn't be denied.

"Hey Laxus, it's been quite a day hasn't it? I noticed your light was still on so I…" She said as the door swung open, revealing Erza standing in the doorway. I gestured for her to come in. She was wearing a Versace robe, her long crimson hair, still damp from the shower, pulled up in a ponytail. Even at 2:00 in the morning after a day like we've had, Erza was something to behold. No matter what situation we manage to get tangled up in, Erza is somehow always able to hold on to a kind of mystical grace and dignity. She's the kind of women that's never caught with her skirt up. There's a lot of things I admire about Erza, her fierce loyalty, her resolve, but these little trips to my office where becoming way to frequent. She seemed to think that because her voice was louder, it was somehow more important than the other guild members. Sure she was one of the guilds "S" Class wizards, and while that held some weight, Erza was pushing it. I'm the new guild master, not her, and while there are times I appreciate her counsel in earnest, there are also times like these.

"That it has. More of a rough week actually." I said, when I didn't offer her a seat Erza stepped in anyways, letting the door latch behind her. Through a yawn I asked. "So what can I do you for?"

Her expression hardened. "What are your plans regarding Lucy?" Well, at least at this hour, the women didn't waste time beating around the bush.

"What do you mean?" I wanted clarification.

"I mean I know you've offered her a grace period. Well that grace period is up, time to make a decision." She said firmly, and by the tone of her voice I could tell which side of the coin she was on. I was annoyed by having to explain myself to her, this wasn't Erza's decision to make, but she was right. We were firmly at war now, one of the more significant threats that's faced Fairy Tail over the last century, and we couldn't afford to have weak links. Lucy either had to be with us, or not at all.

"You're right, I did give Lucy a grace period, and you're right. That grace period is over." I looked up from my blue prints to lean my elbows on the table and lace my fingers together. I gave Erza the courtesy of my full attention, or at least what was left of it at 2:00 am.

"…So you're sending her back to University right? Where she can grow up and live a normal life away from all of this?" Prodded Erza sternly, daring me to disagree.

Behind Erza, underneath the door passed a shadow that retreated and stopped. We were no longer having a private conversation.

"Actually." I said, scratching at my abnormally long, for me anyway, facial hair. "I was going to give her a choice."

"You can't be serious!" Said Erza aghast. "That girl is a liability Laxus!"

"I don't see it that way. Today Lucy showed us a great bit of courage and resourcefulness. Her work with Wendy today showed us that she can be a team player, follow orders and above all else that we can trust her when the going gets tough. I have no fear that if I where to send her out on a mission with others, she won't abandon ship when the going gets tough. To me that is a vastly more important quality in a wizard than one's skill set."

"Gosh you sound like Makarov! She had to be saved by Natsu several times today! Putting you of all people in grave danger in the middle of battle! Besides that, we can't afford for Natsu to be injured or worse! Natsu being out of commission makes us all too vulnerable for my liking. Especially given our current situation. Surely you agree!?" Unlike Natsu, Erza is perfectly capable of having an intelligent debate without getting over heated. With the grace of a queen she seated herself in the chair opposite me.

"I agree with you, without Natsu… we're all at risk. He's an asset we cannot afford to lose. However, as for Lucy needing to be saved, I'm not so sure about that. That may have been more Natsu's faults rather than Lucy's."

Erza frowned. "How do you mean?"

"I mean that, from where I was standing, Lucy was doing just fine on her own. Sure she fumbled a bit and some of her methods are unconventional, but these are all things that can be fixed with a decent education. It was Natsu's fear of Lucy becoming injured that put us all at risk, not Lucy's skill level."

"Don't you see Laxus! That's precisely what I mean!"

"Why are you fighting so hard for this Erza? I thought you seemed to like the girl?"

"Don't get me wrong, I like the girl I do. You're right, with a fair bit of training she'd be a fine asset to our guild. But the way Natsu has acted ever since she's been in the picture worries me." She leaned into me and lowered her voice to a dull whisper. "Natsu has been transforming more than usual. Before he would get a little scaly from time to time, but this…this is different Laxus. Lucy, the other day she told me that over the few months she's known him, she's seen bits of him transform several times! Several! That's way more than usual! And then you look at what happened today! Laxus, I was so scared; I was scared we wouldn't be able to get him back! You saw him, what he was like that, he didn't know who we were, who Gildarts was! And if the government finds out what he is… what he can…."

I cut her off.

"Once he has started to make these changes he's not going to stop. You're right. He can never go back to the way he was before, that is behind us now. I know your concern, that he's going to get stuck that way. That he's going to be stuck as a dragon. His transforming in the future in evitable, our strategy up until now has been to help him contain the monster within, but maybe we were wrong. Maybe we need to be focusing on how to help him stay in control. I believe as Makarov believes that we have to find him something, a path, back to being human. Something that means enough to him to be anchored to his human side. Perhaps Lucy is the answer…. perhaps not. Regardless with her going back to University, I can only see that making Natsu more unpredictable, not less."

"Maybe initially, but give him a few weeks and he'll get over it. She's just a girl Laxus, it's not like Natsu hasn't had girlfriends before." Said Erza darkly. It was no secret that she disapproved of my relationship with Lisanna. That never came as a surprise to me, Erza is forever the spokesperson for honesty and justice.

"Like I said Erza. He will never go back to how he was before, even with Lucy gone. It'll become easier and easier for him to slip now that it's happened once. Natsu has always lacked a good healthy dose a fear, there's never been a situation he can't just blast his way out of. Combine that with his hot headedness, it's been quite the chore cleaning up after him all these years. But more than that it's dangerous, not just because of what he is but who he is. You think it's just the government that will be after him? Try anybody that's trying to cast a powerful dark spell! What happens when other countries find out him? What happened today is only the beginning. That's what this girl does for him, for the first time in perhaps his whole life Natsu is afraid. And that's what I need him to be, I need him to be scared so that he'll be more careful. My hope is that by having her here it'll make Natsu think before he acts a little more. So you give my any opportunity, any at all that will help me reign my brother in, I don't care who or what it is!"

"So what you're going to use her as a tool to control your brother!?" She said in a disgusted tone. The shadow underneath the door shifted, by process of elimination I was trying to figure out who it would be eves dropping on our conversation. I had a hunch, but I couldn't be certain.

"Didn't you hear me say I was going to give her the choice? I'm not going to force her, this is a dangerous line of work and she'd be entering into our guild at a very dangerous time, it wouldn't be right of me. If she chooses to walk away, I'll let her."

"After that big speech? You're just going to let her walk away!?" Erza asked incredulously. Apparently reasoning skills where better than I thought.

"If that's what she wants." I conceded. Erza nodded, I could tell she didn't exactly approve, but also didn't have any better suggestions.

"You better talk to her sooner than later then. If she's really going to become part of Fairy Tail, then I need to start training her for real."

"Can't argue with that."

Erza stretched her arms out and yawned. "Well with that settled then, I guess it's time to hit the hay! You should get some rest yourself Laxus, you look rough!"

"….Thanks Erza… Goodnight." As her chair scooted backwards on the carpet, the shadow under the door disappeared. Hmmm.

Lisanna was still sound asleep, exactly the way I'd left her hours prior. Knowing her she'd probably be bed ridden the next couple of days with Wendy out of commission. I sometimes feel like our guild can be a little reckless with our injuries, knowing we have Wendy around. Lisanna fights with all she's got but when she's done, man she is out! I climbed into bed next to her and tried to get some sleep, my mind kept wandering. Wandering with concern for Natsu, concern for the future of our guild, for everyone. Eventually I was able to sleep for a couple of hours, by 6:00 am I was awake again. Apparently my brain was only going to allow me the minimum amount of rest by body required. Lisanna was still sound asleep and the rest of the guild hall was quiet. I got up and bustled around the partially destroyed kitchen to make two cups of coffee. Of course the outlet had been destroyed, so I had to use my own power to work the coffee maker. I walked down the hall headed to the room of the one person, if my calculations where correct, that might be awake. I knocked on the door with my foot, my hands being occupied by mugs. Before she opened the door I took stock of my own appearance. I smiled to myself, Erza was right, I was becoming more like Gramps than I knew. My disheveled appearance, my old green robe unfasted over my pajamas, using a hot beverage as a peace offering. I looked eight-four not twenty-seven.

"Hello?" Lucy said as she opened the door to Natsu's bedroom, a little shocked to see me of all people.

"Want some coffee?" I asked with as warm of a smile as I could manage.

"Uhh… Yeah." She said uncertainly, opening the door wider to let me in. "Natsu's not here… I don't know where he…"

"That's okay, I didn't come to talk to Natsu, I came to talk to you." I figured I might as well get this out of the way before everyone else wakes up, and before Erza blabs to someone else. Plus, I knew that Natsu would be off being moody somewhere, and I wanted the chance to talk to Lucy by myself. I wanted her to make her own decision, and not be influenced by Natsu's.

"Oh you did?"

"Yeah, have a seat." I gestured for us to sit on the edge of Natsu's bed together. I handed her the mug of coffee and she took a long whiff of it before she took a sip. This was the first time I had seen Lucy without any makeup, and to me at least, she was prettier without it. She was in a frumpy band t-shirt, leopard print pajama bottoms and her ponytail was lopsided. Without makeup her skin was dewier, she eyes brighter, she was more…. real this way. Lucy normally was such a Barbie doll it was hard to tell what she looked like beneath all that. Before it didn't make sense to me, why Natsu would be so infatuated with such a girly girl, it just didn't fit his character. Seeing this side to Lucy however, it started to make more sense.

"Okay so… what did you want to talk to me about?"

"Lucy.. I wanted to offer you a place in Fairy Tail. I don't know if you've really thought about it much, and I know guild life is a different path than the one that you've laid out for yourself. But I want you to know that we'd welcome you here, you seem to get along well with some of the others and I really think you proved yourself yesterday."

"Really!? You really think so!?" She looked from her mug up at me, her eyes all shiny. For a moment she smiled so bright and big, I almost returned it.

"Yeah I mean, even without any formal training I'd say you held your own, certainly better than most wizards who haven't had a formal education in combat."

"Thanks!" She said, but that was it. Her earlier delight at the offer had melted away almost as soon as it had appeared. I could tell she was thinking.

"So how about it?" I prodded.

"How about joining us in Fairy Tail? You don't have to live in this dump." I indicated all the mess that was always Natsu's room. I swear he could clean it and within the hour it would be just as messy again. "We'll get you your own room." I chuckled.

"I… well you see I'd love to…"

"You'd love to but…"

"It's my Dad. My mom, she was in a guild and she…died. Ever since then he's always been pretty against the whole idea. I don't know what he'd think about me dropping out of college to join a guild."

"This is a decision you have to make for yourself Lucy, not for me, not for your Dad…not for Natsu. Your dad is right, this is a dangerous line of work, you could die, I'm not going to sugar coat that for you. Heck! You almost died yesterday! But I really do see potential in you Lucy Heartfilia, and I'm here to tell you, guild work can be some of the most rewarding experiences. I mean yeah it's dangerous, but it's also exciting, you'd get to go on adventures with all your best friends while experiencing the best life has to offer. Your mother was in a guild for a reason Lucy, not just because it was fun, but because it meant standing together for something bigger than yourself… I won't force you. If you want to return back to University I won't stop you, and I'll personally make sure Yukino doesn't come after you. Guild life isn't for everyone; I can respect that. But Lucy…. If you go, you can't come back."

She sucked in a breath, realizing the finality of her decision. "I can't!?"

I shook my head. "I was already bending the rules to let you hang around this long. It's nothing personal, I just can't have my guild member risking their lives to save you all the time. If you're going to be one of us, then you're going to have to really be one of us. Do you understand?" She nodded.

"Do I have to decide right now?"

"I'm afraid so. Pardon my French, but shits about to hit the fan. I can't afford to give you the time to think about it like I ordinarily would like to."

I looked down at my hands twisting around the mug Laxus had brought me. It was green, just like his rob. Before this little conversation I guess I had chalked up to see Laxus as some brutish villain that Natsu had talked him up to be. I imagined him to be self-centered, bossy and inconsiderate, but that wasn't the man that was sitting across from me today. I was starting to see there was more to Laxus than I had originally thought. Regardless, this was a difficult position Laxus was putting me in. On the one hand it's been my wildest dream to join a guild, an opportunity I'd never thought I'd actually get, and here it was. However now that the moment was right in front of me doubt clouded my vision. My father, who has worked his whole life to make sure that I could go to college and life a happy normal life away from all of this, he'd be crushed. It's not in his character to berate me, but his utter disappointment will be worse. Not to mention all the things I'd be leaving behind, like Levi, my job, my classes.

"Do I have to drop out of school?" I asked.

"Not if you don't want to." Laxus paused to scratch his chin. "I imagine it would be difficult for you to keep up with all your training and your classes, but not impossible. If you promise to give it all you've got I'll let you keep going to school. But Lucy…" His tone dropped, and he looked at me pointedly. "If I feel like your training is suffering because of it, I will make you stop going."

I nodded. Being able to continue to go to class would be an easier point to make with my Dad. "Okay then. I'll do it." I nodded again to emphasize the point. "I'll join Fairy Tail!"

(Hours Earlier)

I could never sleep the night after a fight. The remnants of adrenaline keep me twitchy and restless. After I had put Lucy to bed, I hung around to help the others who were well enough to start to clean up, while some of the other "S" class wizards recast some the concealment charms that Brain had broken through. However slowly, one by one, everyone else drifted off to bed until I was the last thing standing. I couldn't go back to my room, Lucy was in there sleeping and I was worried my fidgeting around would only wake her up. Having been busy cleaning up and taking care of Lucy, it had kept my mind too busy to reminisce. Now that I was alone there was nothing to quell the wave of anxiety that threatened to drown me. All I could do was relive the accounts of the day over and over again in my mind. For hours I paced both the ruined and intact parts Fairy Tail, as if the answers where woven into the carpet or etched somewhere in the wall paper. I had no concept of time passing, only the feeling falling. I had no ropes, parachute, I had to fall off the deep end. This was something I had to face all on my own, there was no body left to reach out a hand. The only person who could help, I've only been searching for for twenty years, and I wasn't any closer to finding him.

I couldn't say what time it was; I had been dangling my feet over the edge of the dive board of one of Fairy Tails larger pools. I was watching the refractions of the moonlight on the surface of the water, when someone's reflection started to stare back at me. I didn't say anything, what was there to say?

"Can't sleep?" He finally asked. No shit Sherlock.

"Uh-huh. You?" I replied.

He sighed. "Oh, I've never been able to sleep on nights like these. It seems like so much as happened already and yet we're standing only at the precipice."

I nodded in agreement although I didn't say anything. How could he know, how could anybody possibly know? There was a long pause, I was just thinking he was about to walk away when.

"If you come down off that ledge I'll tell you what I overheard Laxus and Erza talking about…. It's regarding Lucy." I snapped my attention over to actually look at him rather than just his reflection in the water. Damn. He got me.

Minutes later we were seated in a garden that faced the pool, sitting in ornate, wrought iron lawn furniture I didn't even know was there until that moment. "So…what did Laxus decide?" I asked stiffly.

"He's going to ask her to join. Tomorrow probably." Replied Gildarts matter of fact.

"Fuck." I hissed, looking past Gildarts and off into the distance. He nodded as if he understood but then he said.

"Really? I thought you'd be thrilled?"

"I would have been… I mean I am… I mean…. I don't know."

"Ah. I see." He said, letting his non answer linger in the air as if he'd asked a real question. I fell for the trap.

"It's just before today, or err... I guess yesterday now. I would have been excited, I would have been excited for any new member to join us, and Lucy well, she'd be such a great fit. After yesterday I don't know. She'll just be in so much more danger now and I don't know what I would…. How I could… " I stammered. My hands dug frantically at my hair, and I let my elbows rest on the table. Panic at the idea of what could have happened to Lucy had been eating away at me, now I have a fresh wave of anxiety about what could happen to her in the future, to any of the members Fairy Tail for that matter, and it was because of me. It was because of what I am, and I didn't have any answers.

As calm as day Gildarts asked. "Do you think she'll accept?"

"Yeah… I mean she's been pretty upfront about her interest in guild work from the word 'go'."

Gildarts nodded knowingly. He then asked. "So what are you going to do about it?"

"What do you mean? Lucy has free will, I can't very well make her stay home by force…. Well I mean I could but…"

"No! Not that! I mean… Your little scaley problem."

"Oh. That." I say, my mood darkening further and my willingness to continue to talk about it quickly diminishing. "I have no idea. It's not like I have anybody to help me with this. I'm all alone." I shrugged.

"The moment you think you're all alone is the moment we're all in danger." Barked Gildarts fiercely. "You have all of us Natsu, don't ever forget that!" I jerked my chin downwards in response. A long pause followed before I asked tentatively.

"So…. What did I look like?"

Gildarts looked at me intently, searching, as if he was trying to find a part of the human that mirrored the beast. "You were the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." He looked away from me and then up at the moon, as if trying to recall the exact details. "Red scales, obviously, they're so shiny and reflective, like a fine polish on a classic car. And huge, I'd say two stories. Your teeth they're brilliant and sharp, your claws long and powerful but your eyes…." He directed his gaze back to me. "Your eyes are the same…... and that's how I knew we had hope."

"Keep talking like that and I might have to take you home." I teased.

"Seriously Natsu… What was it like?"

"It was like…. Like falling or being stuck underwater. I could see everything that was happening but… it was like I couldn't comprehend it. Like my body moved on instinct without me having to tell it. A distant part of me was aware, but it was like that part wasn't in the control room."

"What brought you back?"

"When I saw Lucy like that I just…. Well I thought it would be easier than facing reality. It's like you know how some people can repress bad memories? It's kind of like that. And then… I don't know I got triggered back to reality I guess, the part that was aware ran around until it found the control room…..Gildarts…How do I stop myself from doing that again?" I asked, a shot in the dark. Gildarts wouldn't know anything about this, nobody alive would have the answers I'm looking for. "How do I make sure I don't… that I don't become a dragon permanently?" It was a long while before he answered. For a moment we both just breathed in the damp fall air, the sound of cicadas coming from nearby trees. Eventually he said.

"I don't think you're going to be able to stop yourself from changing again. It's who you are, always has been. I think Makarov knows that as well. This strategy that we, and I say we and not just you, Natsu, was to quell your dragon side as much as possible but I don't think the goal was ever so that you'd never transform. I think the goal was so that when you finally did, you'd be ready. Now I know you're afraid, we're all afraid that you might get stuck in that form or that you'll hurt one of us while, but after yesterday I no longer have that fear."

"Why not?" I asked confused. If anything, shouldn't we be more afraid? Shouldn't we be making contingency plans to lock me away?

"Because you came back."

Apologies that it's been a while. I didn't want to write just to keep it going, I wanted to wait until I had a better idea of where to take it. Thank you for your patience! Hope you enjoy! Promise the next couple chapters won't take so long. :)