If Only

~Chapter 11: Demise~

It was March 15, 1799.

Burr was sitting in the dining room, reading a few papers from his job. Theodosia and Maria was cooking simple breakfast in the kitchen. Someone knocked on the front door. Maria went to open it but was dismissed by Burr. He didn't want to stop them from cooking, he'll open the door. To his surprise, he found Angelica at the door, eyes red and puffy. It was something that caught Burr off guard. For as long as he knew the Hamilton family, Angelica is the one who never showed any flaw. Wanted to be perfect in everyone's eyes. But this time, she wasn't fully prepared to meet anyone in such matter. She pushed through. Burr raised an eyebrow and was about to ask what was wrong but Angelica cut him off, "Theodosia. Please let me see Theodosia!"

"She's in the kitchen." Burr responded and gave way for the teen girl to run in. She did. Ran to the kitchen and scanned the whole room. Maria and Theodosia stopped when they saw Angelica on the door. Angelica ran straight to Theodosia's embrace. Theodosia was confused, but nevertheless gave the pan she was holding to Maria and brushed Angelica's hair. Burr walked in a few seconds later.

"What's wrong Angelica?"

"Aunt Peggy… and Uncle John…"

Theodosia went frozen on her spot. She knew what it meant. She knew it was coming all along. That doesn't mean she was prepared for it. Angelica cried on Theodosia's shoulder as she told about the letter Eliza received from Hamilton early in the morning. That her sister had died peacefully in bed, with him and Laurens by her side. Laurens was in so much shocked… he had a heart attack and soon followed her to Heaven.

"I'm sorry to hear that." Theodosia muttered to Angelica's ear. But she knew that she said that to redeemed her own soul. She lost another person… two other significant people. Angelica pushed her slightly to look at her. She shook her head.

"No. Not me. But Phillip." Angelica sobbed, "Phillip…"

Maria pulled Angelica to her embrace to calm her down. Theodosia, don't know what gotten into her, ran to the Hamilton house. Left whatever they were cooking and didn't even say goodbye to Burr. Theodosia didn't pay attention. She didn't even paid attention to the one opening the front door for her. She ran straight to Phillip's room.

Three knocks. "Come in…"

It was not the cheery shy voice of Phillip. It was sad and dread. Phillip was really close with his uncle and aunt out of all the siblings, so he took it hard. Theodosia opened the door and walked in. He was on his desk. Theodosia closed the door behind her. She didn't move from her spot as she gently called his name.

He didn't reply. Phillip stood from his seat and looked at his fiancée. His eyes red and he looked pale. Theodosia took a deep breath in and walked toward him. They shared a hug. A thoughtful one. Trying to fill in the emptiness that was left in him. No words exchanged between them as Theodosia slowly but surely led them toward the bed. She let him lay first, before snuggling next to him. It won't be enough for forever, but it's enough for now. Phillip calmed down as he felt Theodosia's warmth surged his body. He let the tears fall silently and soon fell asleep hugging his Theodosia.

It took months for the Hamilton to return to their normal routines. Burr was there for Hamilton just as Hamilton was there when Theodosia's mother died. Theodosia didn't leave Phillip's side. She was there when Phillip suddenly remembered some good memories and cried. She was there when Phillip needed someone to hold.

But the change it took on Hamilton was significant.

He poured himself with work. It was like the last defense for him. He was always fond of Laurens and Peggy. Was always the place they confide in. So, losing both at the same time, threw more stress in. Theodosia watched as Burr acted up. He would help with Hamilton's work to make sure Hamilton get some rest. For Eliza's case. She lightens up after Maria helped around the Hamilton's house. Maria and Eliza grew to be great friends. Sharing the personality that loves kids.

Still. Hamilton was still working day and night.

Theodosia's addled by how this affect the timeline. But she gotta get ready for any new changes. One of the new changes she noticed was that Burr, Maria and herself spend most of their free time at the Hamilton house. Maybe it became a habit. After all, Burr spent most of his time working and helping Hamilton and Theodosia loved playing with Phillip's siblings.

It was afternoon, at Hamilton's backyard. Phillip and Theodosia laid on the grass and watched the clouds. Maria and Eliza watching from their seats, talking about the baby Eliza have in her belly. Burr and Hamilton playing around with Angelica, Alexander Junior, James, John and William. It was lucky they had military training, they needed the stamina to keep up with the kids. Phillip slipped his hand to hold Theodosia's. After he felt her hold his hand back, Phillip sighed.

"Let me guess…" Theodosia said, "Mr. Hamilton's not going again this year?"

"Yep." Phillip answered in annoyance, "Honestly, he has so many plans. Because Mr. Jefferson this! Mr. Madison that! He has zero chill whatsoever."

Theodosia turned to look at Phillip. Admire how handsome he was and how the sunset made him glow in her eyes. She laughed at how annoyed he look. Then she offered, "I can check on Mr. Hamilton and make sure he has some rest like last year. Well actually… maybe I'll stay in your house."

"What do you mean?" Phillip asked, turning so that he's face to face with Theodosia.

"Papa is going out because of work for the summer vacation and Maria will be with her daughter the whole summer so I'm pretty much alone. Maybe I can take care of the Hamilton household for you guys."

"Wait!" Phillip shouted and stood up. Earning confused look from Eliza and Maria. "If so, then maybe I can stay!"

"That would be fun." Theodosia pulled him back to lay with her on the grass. Just a bit more of admiring how beautiful the world is before going back to investigate the timeline. Just a bit more. She looked around, then thought of the plan thoroughly, "I'll come in Saturday afternoon and put my stuff down then?"

"Oh no… I have a poetry reading at Saturday afternoon till night. I'll be home for dinner though. Um… okay, I'll ask Pops to open the door for you. Just make yourself at home and I'll be home as soon as I can." Phillip answered.

"Sure thing."

"Are you two lovebirds gonna lay there forever or are you finally going to join us for a game of hide and seek?" Angelica teased. Her eyes landed on the hands-holding and she threw a playful smirk on Phillip. He noticed and blushed. Theodosia stood up and pulled Phillip along. Must admit blushing Phillip is cute. But duty as an older sister calls. The two lovebirds joined the game.


Of course it would be hard to convince Burr. What was Theodosia thinking? She sat on the other side of the couch, throwing puppy eyes at her father. Burr tried his best to focus on the papers he's working on. Theodosia pleaded, "Please Papa? It'll be way too lonely for me to be alone here and you know how forgetful Mr. Hamilton get when he's too focused."

Burr considered Theodosia's effort. She had been making cookies and tea. She had been good since morning. Helped Maria served the snacks and even entertained Jefferson and Madison when they visited. She also had that look that she shared with her mother. That one look that Burr knew means I will not back down until you do what I want. Burr grumbled under his breath, knew he will regret this some time later, "Fine. But I will be home early and come visit you at Hamilton's house, okay?"

Theodosia hugged her father tight and whispered thank you to her father. Really, there's nothing Burr won't do for her. Theodosia walked away to inform Phillip about the news and Burr started to pack his stuff. The next early morning, Burr and Theodosia said their goodbyes to Maria. The father-daughter finished their breakfast together. Of course with Burr pestering Theodosia about behaving and all. Theodosia didn't find it annoying, just giggled and said 'Okay Papa.' In response. After breakfast, Burr and Theodosia walked to the porch. Theodosia put her basket on the table. Burr put his suitcase in the carriage.

"Be safe. Letter to me everyday. Tell Hamilton to take care of you."

Theodosia nodded and stepped in to hug her overprotective father, "I know Papa. I love you. Be careful on your way."

"Theodosia, my angel, my pride and joy. I love you too." Burr said, tightening the hug. When they had enough, they parted and Burr kissed his daughter's forehead. Took one good look. "But seriously, if Phillip did anything to you I'll-"

"Papa!"

"Okay! Okay!" Burr laughed and walked away after making sure he made a mess of his daughter's hair. "I'll be back soon."

Theodosia waved his father goodbye. Burr looked out the window and only put his head back in the carriage after he was no longer able to see the house. Theodosia watched the carriage took her father away and then look around. It's still early, she's going to the Hamilton's house around 4 PM. Theodosia took her basket from the table and gripped her basket. She headed to the bakery. Her usual Saturday morning routine. Theodosia found herself laughing quietly as she remembered what happened in the bakery with Alston, Phillip and Angelica.

When she got back, Theodosia put the basket away. Started packing her suitcase with clothes she need for the stay at Hamilton's house. She groaned tiredly when she was finished. Sat down on her chair and pulled out the timeline papers.

March 15, 1799 Mr. John Laurens and Mrs. Margarita Schuyler Laurens passed away.

And then lot after that was the countless new projects and plan Hamilton drowned himself with. A few of it was the party invitation Hamilton rejected, leaving Eliza and the kids to attend. There were a few good memories like times when Washington and his wife came for dinner and just play around or Angelica's piano show which was packed from front to back. It caused Hamilton and Phillip to held their head high proudly. Or the times when James and Alexander Junior helped a few senior lawyers with cases, looking at it from a different point of view. Or even dates with Phillip. At the park or a lake or even just small walks.

Theodosia rested her head on the desk. Ups and downs, there will always be something that contradicts. A bird flew to Theodosia's window and the wind was nice for the day. Theodosia decided to take a nap before she goes.


Knocking. Loud knocking. Unstoppable knocking. The knocking has been going for on for about two or three minutes now. Hamilton stood up and put the quill down. Stepped out of his study room and walked to the knocking sound. It was then that Hamilton realized the house was empty. He sighed as he opened the door.

"Excuse me Mr. Hamilton." Theodosia was standing in front of the door, slightly glaring. She was holding a suitcase and a few small bags. She looked impatient. Hamilton muffled a yawn.

"Dear God, Theodosia, aren't you a bit too early? It's dawn!"

"…Mr. Hamilton, it's six PM. I was here since the afternoon but you didn't answer the door. So I took a few more sightseeing around before checking again." Theodosia uttered.

"Oh. Oh… sorry… I must've been too focused on, you know, work." Hamilton reasoned, moved to let Theodosia in the house. He closed the front door and was about to suggest he show her to the room she's staying in but instead his stomach grumbled, loudly. Theodosia laughed.

"If I may Mr. Hamilton, I brought dinner for you and Phillip."

"You are an angel!" Hamilton's mouth started to water at the thought of food.

"Well, since Mrs. Hamilton is out as well, I can help take care of the house a bit." Theodosia said and started to head to the kitchen. It's like her second house, she knew everything even if she has her eyes closed.

"No. Burr will kill me if he knew I let you do that." Hamilton settled himself on a chair in the kitchen as he watched his daughter-in-law put on an apron and started taking out ingredients.

"Okay, then just food. Mrs. Hamilton was a bit worried that you always forget to rest or eat."

"Won't that bother you? Don't you have something to do for your own?"

"Well." Theodosia took the knife and started chopping vegetables, something she remembered Eliza told is a must for Hamilton. She continued, but focused on cooking, "My job is mainly learning by myself and taking care of Papa. I can still learn by myself here and Papa is gone, so I have nothing much going on."

"If you insist then, do whatever you want." Hamilton waited patiently as the food started cooking. Theodosia's silent while cooking, focused completely on her hands. Hamilton was staring at first, missing Eliza, but then quickly later started sleeping. He hasn't sleep for days after all. The second Theodosia's finished with dinner, she didn't wake Hamilton up. Instead, went to prepare the table and the dinner. For three people. In the middle of preparing the table, the front door opened.

"I'm home…" Phillip walked in, tired and sore from the event. Theodosia found herself smiling as she took the apron off and walked to the front to greet her man.

"Welcome home! You're just in time, I made dinner." Theodosia leaned in for a kiss and Phillip couldn't help but linger. Catching her by the waist and pulling her to a warm hug. Breathed in her scent and Phillip rested his head on her shoulder. Theodosia hugged him back, trying to charge him up with energy.

Phillip silently whispered to her ear, "…I can't wait for us to get married."

"Oh shush you."

Hamilton walked in on his son and his girlfriend hugging in his living room, "Lovebirds. Dinner first, cuddles later."


Writer's Note:

Good news? I don't know. But I have a lot of free time nowadays. So I'll try to update the story once every two or three days. I don't know, it varies. Maybe if I'm really in the mood, two chapters in one day. I'm sorry that I had to kill off the Jeggy ship. I'll make it up in the 'Control' fanfiction. To remedy you, and myself, from all this deaths, I promise the next chapter is full of fluff. Fluffy Phildosia. Because, why not?