Chapter 12: Drinks and a Talk
"Tony, you know you could have just asked me to hold the elevator." McGee stated dryly.
"Yeah, well I needed the exercise, besides, I'm not sure you would have held it open for me. Which is kinda what I wanted to talk to you about. You wanna grab a drink before heading home? I think we need to talk."
"Tony, I am not in the mood to talk."
"It's Boss's orders really, so if you wanna disobey Gibbs and risk a head slap, who am I to stop you?" Tony replied smoothly.
"Gibbs ordered us to go out and get a drink?" McGee scoffed, "I highly doubt that Tony."
"OK, so he didn't order us to go out for drinks, but he did order us to fix this. And to fix this McGenius, we have to talk. So I figured we might as well grab a beer while we talk." By this time they had reached the parking garage.
"Fine Tony. I'll meet you at the regular place. When should I be there?"
"Well, I'm just gonna grab my stuff and head over, so you should probably head that way."
"But you're not done with your report yet."
"Gibbs said it had to be done before we went home. I'm just taking a little break." Tony smiled smugly as the doors of the elevator closed.
McGee walked to his car shaking his head. Tony was so childish sometimes. There was no way he wasn't getting in trouble with Gibbs over this. "Oh well, it's not like he doesn't deserve a good head slap" McGee thought as he climbed into his car and started it up.
"How did your talk go Tony?" Ziva asked as Tony strolled back over to his desk.
"It wasn't a talk Zee-vah. It was more of a pre-talk."
"A pre-talk Tony? You are just making that up!"
"Well, yes I am, but the point is that I need to leave now to meet McGee at the bar."
"But you have not finished your report yet Tony. Are we not supposed to have them done before we go home? That is what you told me and it is why I am not asleep right now." Ziva responded starting to get frustrated.
"Yes, they need to be done before we go home, but I'm not going home now am I? I am going to a bar. I'll come back after I talk with McGoo. Besides I work better at night anyway."
"You and your bow holes Tony."
"Loop holes." Tony laughed.
Ziva simply growled at him and picked up her bag walking to the elevator then home to her comfortable bed.
Tony strolled up next to her and they rode down to the parking lot in a comfortable silence. "Good luck Tony" Ziva called out as she walked to her car.
"Good night Sweetcheeks!"
"I'll have a beer please Max" McGee said as he walked up to the bar. He still didn't know why exactly he was here. He was not in a mood to talk, especially to Tony. When his drink arrived another dilemma arose. How serious was this conversation going to be and did they need to move away from the bar? Sighing he decided to wait for Tony.
"Hey Tim, why don't you get a table while I get a drink" Tony suggested as he walked up next to his friend. "Max, I'll have a beer as well." Reminding himself how important getting through this was, he decided that a stronger drink would only lead to trouble, as tempting as it was. Retrieving his beer, Tony ambled over to McGee's table.
"Well, you got me here. Now what do you want to talk about?" Tim's tone was decidedly colder than normal.
"First I wanna apologize, but you can't tell Gibbs. Second we need to talk through this thing between us. Not to be all girly, but tell me how you feel and how I can help fix this." Having said that, Tony held his breath and hoped that the hardest part was over. He was never good at apologizing and preferred not to talk about the deeper things in life.
"Apology accepted I guess" Tim said a little warmer than he had started. "As for how I'm feeling … I feel … I guess … "now Tim had to figure out just what it was that he did feel. He had yet to put a title on the feeling he had been experiencing. Betrayal? Just plain hurt? Anger? That was certainly there, but there was something else, something bigger. "Disappointed." He finally decided. "Some other stuff too, but mostly disappointed. How could you just use someone like that DiNozzo? How could you lie to all of us for so long? You didn't even admit to having a girlfriend, let alone let us in on what was going on in your life. What if your car hadn't blown up, or The Frog decided to do something to you? We wouldn't have even known where to begin to look for you."
Tony let that sink in for a moment while drinking his beer. "I hear you Tim"
And there it was again, his first name. Tony never called him by his first name, never.
"And you're right. I should have let you guys in. I should have trusted you all more, not that I don't trust you" he quickly amended, "but, the director ordered me not to tell anyone. She said it would be easier that way. Easier to keep a secret. Easier to keep my cover life separated from my real life. I know it's no excuse for cutting you all out, but it started just after Gibbs left and I thought it would only last a couple of months before I could get something on The Frog. I felt honored that Jenny trusted me enough to carry out the mission. … It's no excuse, but it is a reason." Tony finished. Taking a long pull on his beer he found that he had finished the whole thing already. "I'm gonna get another, you want one?" he offered.
McGee held his beer up, examining the remaining amount through the bottle. "Yeah, I could use another" he answered before going back to processing what he had just been told. It was obvious that Tony felt bad about the whole situation. And deep down, he knew that Tony really never intended for things to get so out of hand and hurt anyone. But instead of it being a quick, simple, harmless op, Tony had hurt everyone. His team, the girl, and even himself. McGee had no idea what he would have done in the same situation. He didn't think he'd even take the job, but like so many things in life, you never really know how you would play a situation until you were there. By the time Tony returned, he had made a decision.
Tony stood at the bar watching McGee with the skilled eye of an investigator. McGee was not good at hiding his emotions and thoughts when he was trying. When, like this moment, he wasn't attempting to mask his thoughts, he was easier to read than a book. Tony watched the anger fade to disbelief to consideration, confusion, doubt, resignation, and finally acceptance and decisiveness. Tony just couldn't decide if the acceptance was geared towards him or Tim himself. When it appeared that the other man had reached some kind of conclusion, Tony returned to the table with a beer in each hand. He silently resumed his seat and set a bottle in front of McGee.
Both men sat in silence for a few minutes drinking and taking in the atmosphere of the bar. Finally, McGee had mentally written and rewritten his thoughts into the perfect words. "You did what you thought was best, Tony and I accept that. You still should have trusted the family with this, but I don't blame you for the choice you made and I'm not angry anymore. It will take some time to get over the disappointment though" Tim finished with a decisive nod of the head.
Tony watched McGee carefully through the speech, giving him his full attention. He flinched slightly at the use of the word 'family'. He really had let his family down and left them out. If anything, he felt the guiltiest about that. True he felt bad for lying to Jeanne, and he was a little heartbroken about the way things had ended, but it couldn't have really been true love since he wasn't really him, he always knew it would end eventually, and no matter how much he felt for Jeanne, Ziva was still in the back of his mind. After his 'brother' had said his piece, he took a quick drink of his beer, held out his hand, slapped on a patented DiNozzo grin and asked "So, we still brothers or have you decided to disown me?"
It took a full thirty seconds for Tim to come out of the shock induced by hearing Tony refer to them as brothers, but when he did, he shook the offered hand smiling as well. "Brothers?"
"Well, you're the one who called us a family. If the team's a family, that makes us brothers right? I mean you can't lump me in with Palmer as a cousin."
"No, 'brothers' works, I was just surprised to hear you say it." McGee responded, and then they both laughed.
"To be honest, Ziva brought it up first. When I told her I was taking you out for drinks to talk she said she understood that I couldn't stand to 'be at odds with my little brother'" Tony admitted after a minute.
An hour and two beers later, the two brothers decided to call it a night. McGee to go home and rest for the next day, Tony to the office to finish up his report.
