So, cliffhanger alert! Sorry!
Seven hours, thirty-two minutes, and fifty four seconds
I cannot take this. I grab my back-up plan from its hiding place, taped on the underside of Tris' mattress. Thankfully no one is here often because they might have noticed the little vial full of purple liquid. I wait for Christian and Cara to show, knowing that I will slip out the back before they can notice me leave. I just don't want her to be alone, physically. I have it planned, at exactly 3:15, my life ends alongside hers.
No time separated by life and death.
As soon as I hear them knocking on the door, I walk to the back of the kitchen and slip out the back door. I take off down the alley that borders our back yard towards my destination. I make it to the train and pull myself into the car. I ride around the city, looping once before checking my watch to notice the time. 11:23 pm. Three hours, fifty-two minutes, and thirty-two seconds. I jump off the train as it passes my stop, stumbling as pain shots up my foot from where I sliced it open the other day. I feel it but I don't feel it. I have shut out the world, every sound muffled, every taste bland, every sight a dull swirl of color. I have nothing left, no more to hold on to.
I limp toward the rising piece of machinery that I always associate with her. The Ferris Wheel. Zipping up the pocket that holds my escape, I grab a rung and start my ascent upwards. As I climb my way to the top, I don't even feel the fear that should come with my feet being this far from the ground. I guess maybe the numbing that has taken the rest of my body has taken away the ability to feel anything but the mind-numbing pain and emptiness that are coursing through me at this very moment.
I make it to a spot resembling the one we climbed to the night that we played Capture the Flag. The place we actually were at is probably somewhere below us, as I did have to turn it on to save her. I scoot over to one of the carts, seeing as that will be the closest thing I will get to solid ground up here.
I've mused exactly how I would do this since it happened, for the past three years. At first I thought maybe I could suffer through it and maybe manage to lead something resembling a life if she passed. But after that fear landscape I knew that would never happen. I cannot live in a world where Tris Prior is nothing but a memory, an image conjured by our minds when we have some experience that takes us back to a time when she was present. And I will not.
I brought the monitor with me, though I am not sure the purpose of this action. Maybe the part of me that has been called masochistic is surfacing and I just want to torture myself. Amar told me about the conversation that took place on the way back from the Fringe. A few things about it really surprised me, to the point that I felt a little- awkward around Amar. I never avoided him- at least not any more than I avoided anyone else.
My hands seem to be working of their own volition when they turn the monitor on. Christina has her face in front of the camera and she is screaming at me. I guess the noticed the absence of both myself and the monitor, and knew that I took it with me.
"Tobias, where the hell are you? You're supposed to be here!"
The rest of it just muffles out in my head while I try and will her to move. After a few she throws her hands up in the air and moves to give me the view that I desire.
Tris has changed while she has lain dormant on that bed. She's grown from being a bright teenager to being the comatose woman that still completely has me. She used to be so embarrassed about her flat chest and small figure. But she has lost all that, she has grown and matured all the while never being able to witness it first-hand.
I didn't realize that I was crying until I feel the wet leak its way onto my jeans. I stay there like that, just watching her and barely hearing all the comments that are being thrown my way. I check my watch, 2:53 pm.
It is close.
The doctor has arrived, so I turn off the monitor and set it down on the bench beside me. I look down, apparently that fear holds no power over me right now. In the fear landscape, I simply stepped off into the chasm, but I found that a bit dramatic. I'm almost hoping that nobody finds me up here. At least not for a while. Maybe they'll just assume that I ran off. Tris would view this as a great act of cowardice, and I wholeheartedly agree. But I no longer hold the willpower to do anything else.
I take the death serum out of my pocket, a vial that I stole whenever the storehouses of the simulation serums were being destroyed. All the practical serums were kept, like the paralytic serum, the peace serum, truth serum, and even the death serum. But they didn't do inventory until after everything was burned. Which made it the perfect opportunity. I kept it hid from everyone, underneath the hospital bed, because I hoped that I would never have to actually use it.
I unscrew the cap, and toss it out into the field, then watch it as it drops. I see the train in the distance, probably about two or three miles away. I look into the vial of the death serum. I did a little bit of research after I took it from the labs. Basically it immediately attacks the motor nerves while numbing the rest of your body, which cause you to lose basic functions like your heart beating. This happens in seconds and there is no pain felt, well that's the way it was supposed to be engineered. No one has survived to tell. You can theoretically take it orally, but it was so controlled that no one has ever tried, it has only ever been injected or absorbed like the aerosol that David created.
I raise it almost like a toast.
3:14 pm.
See you later, Tris
Then I hear the shrill ring that signifies that the heart monitor is acting up. They did it. Out of morbid curiosity, I pick up the monitor and switch it on, knowing what I will see.
What I see makes me drop the vial.
