It started out as a normal mission what it developed into was anything but normal. We were investigating Doyle we thought it would be an easy mission however what it turned into just left me so hurt and screaming. I wake up having flashbacks to that night that I had to tell her she was "dead" officially. I had to go through the grieving stages like I had just lost my girlfriend because everyone on the team knew we were together. It sucked lying to them all but it had to be done in order to protect her in the long run, it helped that I didn't see them on a daily basis, well other than Reid.
Telling the love of your life that they are dead is one of the worst conversations ever. I would not recommend it to anyone. We sat talking in the hospital room after she was stable and could breathe on her own. It took a week before I could tell her any information. The decision came from above Hotch's head even though he knew this he still took all responsibility for this. He knew that the team would need someone to blame if and when Emily came back to life. Even though in the moment I would not have thought that she would come back to us.
At least I had Henry at home. However having to explain to a child that his second momma wasn't going to be home any time soon and what a funeral was. It was interesting to watch his reaction at the service because I had explained as much as I could to him. So he knew his beloved Emmy was in the big box that went into the ground. He had read her name from the stone the few times we visited the cemetery. I was almost positive that Garcia had set up a webcam for Emily's marker, there was a tree with an odd growth on a branch by her plot. I figured she was watching for Doyle to come visiting, but he never did.
Lying to her friends hurt the worst. I had met them all throughout the time we were together. Alex had come from New York with Olivia. Serena and Abbie came as well. Each of them hoping that this funeral was like the one they had attended for Alex all that time ago. I didn't know Emily then but they talked about it so often I felt like I was there. I couldn't tell any of them this information that I had known.
I didn't know what to expect seeing her. I wanted to pull her into me and never let her go. We said basic things but talked more through our eyes. When she walked away into the night I wanted to scream, run after her or do something, but I knew that I couldn't. So here I sat on the plane from Paris thinking to myself about our life story and hoping that sometime soon she would be coming back to me and to us.
