"To die will be an awfully big adventure."
- Peter Pan
Created by J.M. Barrie
Her final evaluation for Auror training had been a high pass, a first in half her subjects and nothing below at two-two in everything but stealth movement. But then in the comments had been the kicker, what made her appointment a near thing: Tonks, you need to grow up and get your head on straight or you'll never get off the beginner beats. As if she were a liability because she cracked jokes on patrols and liked to get cute with her metamorphmagi powers. Gee, thanks, Mad-Eye. And, of course, it's not like my "silliness" wasn't how I sprung your clever little trap on the exams…
That's what they all told her when she collapsed about Remus. Oh, it's not what they said, but it's what they meant. Pull yourself together and get over him. Grow up and stop thinking that the universe begins and ends on this guy. Like she was just some silly teenager with a crush. Thanks oh so much for your help, Molly. It's not like any woman's ever gone "pathetic" over the love of her life before, is it? Not like half of women aren't reduced to worse by the men who love them…
Of course, Remus was even worse. How much love, how much devotion could she pour in his lap before he got the picture? Before he realized that she genuinely did not care that he was older and tortured and all the things he made himself and, oh yes, a werewolf. How many times could she explain that it was not a deal breaker before she exploded or he got it through his so-thick-she-believed-it-was-half-wolf head? And he'd just smile condescendingly at her or snap sarcastically: grow up. Of course it matters. As if she was some silly child who didn't get what it really meant. Why thank you, dear, how ever so sweet of you to worry about me. It's not like I'm an Auror who fights Dark creatures on a daily basis, clearly I can't be trusted to tell the good from the bad, it's not my job to fight dangerous battles every day, clearly I couldn't handle myself with a potion-tamed werewolf…
And her mother, when she cried that she just wanted her husband back, when she welcomed him home with anger but understanding. Such a child, to forgive the man who ran out on you, such a baby to say you forgive him, such a pregnant hormone-crazed girl to trust him again. But she did understand why he had done it, and she why was it so immature to forgive him for being stupid? For letting his own hang ups lead him so far away from the truth he couldn't even see it?
Tonks was shining with bravery in the light of the truth, just like children always do.
Such a child, who went tearing off into the night after her protector. Please.
If there was anything immature about her behavior that night, it was that she didn't want Remus to be the one to get Bellatrix Lestrange. She wanted to handle that herself. And goodness knows Remus would target her stupidly, to protect his childlike wife. Ha! She would not sit quietly at home and let them think her a baby – no better than Ginny whom they coddled so ridiculously! She was Mad-Eye's apprentice, she was a werewolf's bride, she was Ted Tonks' daughter, she was Sirius Black's cousin, and she was born for this.
And yes, she was ready to die for this. Sounds like a good way to go.
Perhaps she was a bit too much of a kid after all.
