A/N: This fanfic is back from the dead again! Christmas has come early!
Also, I retconned the last time stamp in the previous chapter so that it'll fit what I have planned.
You may have won the war, Dib, but you have not won the...the thing bigger than war.
-Zim
10:05 am
Waimea Canyon, Kauai
"I'm not s'posed to tell you that the ship is that way." The disguised robot pointed his branchy arm over the next hill, where the trees started to thin and the soil was rockier.
Still carrying the little robot, Stitch started to walk up the hill, but Reuben grabbed his shoulder. "Wait a minute, he could be leading us inta a trap."
Stitch stopped and stared at the robot. He didn't look intelligent or hi-tech, but maybe that in itself was a trick. On the other hand, he seemed really random, and only mentioned the ship after Reuben brought it up.
"We have to take chance," said Stitch. "Have to find ship."
"Okay, but we gotta be smart about it. And we gotta figure out what ta do with that robot."
Stitch set the robot on the ground. "Robot, you have name?"
The robot snapped his plush branch upward in an awkward salute. His eyes turned red and his voice deepened. "GIR, reporting for duty." His eyes turned back to cyan. "Wait, you're not my master! Master! WAAAHAHAAAAGH!" GIR screamed, as Stitch and Reuben covered their sensitive ears.
GIR staggered clumsily up the hill. Reuben ran up in front of him, probably to stop GIR from revealing their presence to Zim. He pulled a half-eaten sandwich out of his backpack.
"You like sandwiches, huh?"
He covered one of his ears as GIR squealed with delight. The robot leaped forward and put his mouth around the sandwich and half of Reuben's hand.
Reuben recoiled. "Hey, easy!"
GIR gnawed on the sandwich and quickly swallowed it. "I love you, Sammich Dog," he said to Reuben in a more subdued tone.
Reuben drew back even more. "This is gettin' awkward. Let's just go get the ship."
"Ih." Stitch nodded. He reasoned that even if Zim did set up a trap, he would have had very little time to prepare for two genetically enhanced experiments. They could take him.
The cousins charged up the hill. GIR stumbled after them, giggling.
"Don't you have an off switch?" asked Reuben.
Stitch focused on finding the ship. He reached the hill crest and paused, peering down with his sharp eyes. This valley was mostly clear of vegetation, with a few patches of grass and scraggly shrubs sprouting through the rust-colored igneous rock. The mutant flesh-eating vines had not penetrated the hardened lava flows. It was barren compared to the lush forest, but beautiful in its own way. At the far end of the valley, Stitch spotted a patch of bright red behind a cluster of shrubs. He nudged his cousin and pointed at the ship.
Reuben nodded grimly. "Let's go!"
Stitch tucked himself into a ball and rolled down the hill. Then he popped up and raced toward the stolen vessel. He glanced over his shoulder to make sure Reuben was following. His cousin was uncurling form a ball position.
"How do ya do this widdout gettin' dizzy?" he asked, his speech more slurred than normal. He sounded almost drunk. Stitch shook his head and ran back, pulling Reuben to his feet. His cousin swayed unsteadily.
"WEEEEHEEHEEEEEEE!" screeched GIR, logrolling down the rocky slope. The two experiments winced as the sound reverberated throughout the rocky valley.
"I bet the whole island heard that," said Reuben.
"GIR!" yelled a slightly hoarse voice from the direction of the ship. "Have you found anything?"
GIR stood upright. "Maaaybeee."
Stitch stared at GIR, noticing the zipper on the front of his tree costume.
"Stitch has plan." He unzipped the disguise, exposing a small metal torso whit a cyan screen. Stitch easily pulled the costume off, revealing spindly arms and cone-shaped legs that somehow moved with the body while floating an inch or two apart from it. Stitch didn't have time to dwell on this phenomenon, though.
"You blowin' my cover!" exclaimed GIR.
"GIR? What's going on?" called the voice, which must surely be Zim.
"Keep quiet and I'll give ya another sandwich," Reuben whispered to GIR.
"Okie-dokie-Loki!" chirped GIR.
Reuben facepalmed.
"...What?" asked Zim.
During this exchange, Stitch squeezed into the tree suit. The branch sleeves were too small for his muscled arms, so he had to keep them inside the body of the suit while he struggled to zip it up. Reuben helped him tug the zipper all the way to his chin, snagging a few blue hairs on the way.
Reuben rubbed his chin. "Does the anti-detection device work on Irkens?"
Stitch took a small step forward, constrained as he was by the costume. "Let's find out."
"Ya-mph!" GIR's cheer was muffled by Reuben's hand.
"Go on, I got your back," Reuben said to Stitch.
Stitch walked toward the spaceship as fast as possible without tearing the disguise. Through the foliage, he saw black boots walking toward him. Stitch tried to waddle through the shrubs, but the suit snagged on the twigs. What an impractical disguise.
"GIR, come out of there." Zim must have heard the leaves rustling. Stitch saw a red shirt and a green head as the Irken thief walked closer. "Are you stuck again?" Gloved hands reached toward Stitch. Zim grunted as he pulled him free of the twigs. "Irk, you're heavy. Have you been eating rocks?"
Stitch saw the Irken clearly then; he looked just like Dib's photos, including the wig and contacts.
"You know, GIR, I don't think this tree disguise is very practical. Why don't you change into your dog suit?"
In response, Stitch ripped the fabric and stuffing of the costume.
"You're not GIR!" Zim jumped backward.
Stitch tackled him to the ground. "Zim nala kweesta!"
Zim's wig was knocked askew, and his eyes bulged. "How dare you! That's not even physically possible for my species!" Metal spider legs extended from Zim's metal backpack thing, thrusting him upward. Stitch fell flat on his back.
Reuben ran out from behind the bushes, swinging GIR like a club. He jumped up and hit GIR's head against Zim's. The Irken stumbled back as his wig fell off completely, exposing two slender antennae. He clutched his head.
"Ouch! Do it again!" said GIR.
"Okay." Reuben swung GIR at Zim again. The Irken dodged this time and drew a blaster pistol from his backpack.
"You filthy Turan experiments think you can defeat me?! Zim, an Irken Invader?!"
Those were fighting words. Stitch wasn't filthy, Stitch was fluffy. He extended his second pair of arms from his body, as well as his back spines and antennae.
"Oh yeah, I kept forgettin' we have those," commented Reuben.
Stitch grabbed one of Zim's metal legs and pulled upward, throwing the Irken over his head. Zim caught himself with his other spider legs and fired his blaster at Stitch. The blast pushed him back a little - not even enough to knock him down. It barely hurt.
"Is that it?" asked Stitch with a cheeky grin.
Zim frowned and flipped a switch on the pistol. "I had it set for worm-babies," he explained. "Now, feel the full force of my Blaster-that-throws-people-back!"
"They're called C-blasters," said Reuben, furrowing his brow.
Zim fired, and Stitch dodged, rolling underneath the Irken. Stitch jumped up and grabbed Zim's tunic, trying to pull him to the ground, but Zim sank only a foot lower before holding steady. The Irken was stronger than he looked. He pressed the barrel of the pistol against Stitch's throat.
"Let's see what this does at close range." Zim flashed a devious grin.
Reuben ran up behind Zim with all four arms outstretched. He jumped onto Zim's back and grabbed each spider leg at the base, forcing them up. At the same time, Stitch pushed the blaster to the left and wrenched it out of Zim's claws. The Irken fell to the ground with the gold experiment sitting on top of him. Stitch rolled out from underneath them and pointed the pistol at Zim. The spider legs slid out of Reuben's fingers and disappeared into Zim's backpack. Reuben covered the circular panels with all of his paws to keep them from coming back out.
"Get the ship! I'll hold him," Reuben said to Stitch.
Stitch hesitated as Zim struggled to free himself. If only they had some other way to restrain him...of course.
"GIR! Help me!" shouted Zim.
The robot tilted his head, much the same way Stitch did whenever he was confused. Stitch didn't have time to wait and see what GIR would do. He ran inside the ship, straight for the room where Jumba kept his experiment capsules. He picked one of them up and sped back outside.
"Good thinkin', Stitch," said Reuben as Stitch dashed toward them, holding the capsule above his head. "If ya open it and set it on the ground, I think the two of us can force him inta it."
Stitch popped off the top of the capsule and laid it on the ground with its mouth facing Zim's head. He grabbed the Irken's arms while Reuben kept his hands on Zim's backpack. Zim kicked, but his legs couldn't reach the experiments.
"GIR!" cried Zim. "They're going to take me away! Stop them!"
The robot's eyes and all the lighted parts of his body turned red. "Yes, my master!" he said in a deeper voice. His eyes glowed so brightly that they were painful to look at.
"Oh blitznak," said Reuben.
Stitch curled himself into a ball as an intensely hot blast knocked him back a few feet, rolling him head over heels.
"...I gave you a sandwich," said Reuben in a weak, betrayed tone.
As Stitch started to uncurl himself, the clear capsule slammed over him. He pressed against it and growled. Zim pushed down on the capsule, his spider legs stretched to the ground to keep his balance. His right antenna was a bit withered and wisps of smoke trailed from it. Smoke drifted up from Stitch's own body as well.
"I seem to have trapped you in your own trap! Victory for Zim!"
"Stitch!"
He turned to look at Reuben - the fur on his arms were singed but other than that he seemed fine.
"Use the blaster!" called Reuben.
Stitch gripped the stock and pointed the barrel straight up. Zim's pupils shrank even though they were contacts and his real eyes were compound as far as Stitch knew. But he didn't have time to dwell on the workings of Zim's contacts.
Stitch squeezed the trigger. The capsule half and Zim shot up 30 feet in the air. Zim screamed. GIR flew up on jet-propelled legs and caught him.
"I got you!" squealed GIR, his coloring changing back to cyan. He flew away from Stitch.
"No, go back!" commanded Zim as he retracted his spider legs. "We must defend our new base!"
Stitch narrowed his eyes. "Aggaba!" He picked up a small rock and threw it at Zim.
Reuben gave him an incredulous stare. "What do you expect that to..." He trailed off as the rock struck Zim's head.
"Huh. I guess that works."
Zim went limp as GIR carried him into the ship. Stitch and Reuben ran inside after them. GIR set Zim on a chair. The Irken's head flopped, his eyes half closed. Stitch suddenly felt abashed. He hoped he hadn't hurt him too badly.
"Master sleepy?" asked GIR. The top of his head opened, and he reached in and pulled out a can with foreign symbols. "Wanna soda?"
"Gotcha!" said Reuben, slipping the capsule over Zim's head, and the domed lid over his feet. He pressed them together and leaned the capsule against the chair. Zim slumped against the clear side; then he shook his head.
"Hey!" Zim banged his hands on the inside of the capsule. "GIR! Attack!"
GIR saluted as his eyes turned red.
"GIR! Sandwich!" Reuben waved a sandwich in front of the robot's face. GIR's eyes turned back to cyan as Reuben threw the sandwich inside another capsule. The android jumped in after it, and the gold experiment sealed him inside. GIR bit into the sandwich, squinting his eyes in contentment. Reuben dusted off his hands and retracted his extra arms back into his body.
"Shoulda tried that a lot sooner."
Stitch began to relax as his adrenaline wore off. He hadn't felt this sore since he'd fought Leroy. The little robot packed a punch when his master made him focus.
Zim seemed to regain more of his senses as he stabbed at the capsule with his spider leg. "Hey! You can't do this to me! I am ZIM!"
Reuben folded his arms. "All right, you're Zim, we get it already."
10:20 in the morning
Kauai CIA Office
Gaz sat in the only jail cell in the tiny office. Through the bars she could see a CIA agent, a woman in her mid-twenties, working at her desk.
"Can I have my Game Slave 2?" asked Gaz.
"No," said the agent, without glancing up from her computer.
Gaz ground her teeth in frustration. "Can I at least have another phone call?"
The woman sighed. "All right, I'm feeling generous today." She brought the phone over to her.
Gaz took a deep breath and let it out in a sigh. Maybe Dad would answer this time.
The phone ran four times, then: "Greetings! You've reached Membrane labs! No one is available to take your call right now. Please leave a message!" Gaz hesitated for a second after the beep; then she hung up. What was the point of leaving a message? Her dad hardly ever checked his voice mail.
"Officer, I need to report a missing child! I already contacted the police station, and they sent me here. I can't imagine why."
Gaz's good eye opened wide (the other was swollen and probably bruised and infected). It was her dad! Actually, it was his floating monitor. Still, it might be a live, two-way feed!
"That so?" The agent put her hands on her hips. "Is she a twelve year-old Caucasian female, purple hair, brown eyes but it's hard to tell?"
"Yes, how did you know?"
"She's right here." She jerked her thumb over her shoulder.
The monitor drifted closer to Gaz. "Daughter? What are you doing here?"
Gaz took a deep breath. "I was kidnapped by two thieves. The CIA thought I was helping them, but I wasn't! I'm just a little girl!"
Membrane shook his head. "My poor daughter. I had a feeling something like this would happen."
Gaz raised her eyebrows. "You did?"
"Yes, I've let you and your brother run around unsupervised for far too long. It was only a matter of time before you got into trouble like your brother."
She clenched her jaw. "Didn't you hear the part about me being innocent?"
"Yes, that's what your brother says whenever he gets arrested."
"WHAT? I'm not Dib!" This wasn't how it was supposed to go at all! She forced herself to calm down, at least outwardly, and pulled her lips back in a fake grin. "I'm your funny child, remember?"
"You're hurt," said her dad in a more sympathetic tone. "Did the kidnappers do that to you?"
"Yes," said Gaz, a little too eagerly.
"I'm sorry, daughter. Let's get you home so I can administer first aid."
"Are you going to do that through the screen?" Sometimes Gaz couldn't resist making a sarcastic remark.
"No." Membrane completely missed the sarcasm, as Gaz expected. "I'll meet you at home."
Gaz nodded. That was more like it.
"Sorry, we can't release her until you come in person," said the agent.
"Really? Very well, I'll be there in thirty minutes, an hour tops."
Gaz let out a low growl in frustration.
10:30 am
Outside the Pelekai house
Stitch carefully landed the spaceship in its regular parking spot in the front yard. He glanced at Zim, who had taken off his contacts, revealing solid magenta eyes.
Pleakley ran out of the house. "My Bed-but-not-breakfast! You found it!" he exclaimed as Stitch walked out of the ship. "Oh, thank you Stitch!"
"Reuben helped," said Stitch, as his cousin stepped out behind him.
"Well, thank you too," said Pleakley, bustling into the Bed-but-not-breakfast. "Boy, they really trashed the place. I hope nothing's - Aaaaaah!" he screamed as he saw Zim. "What is this...this encroacher doing here!?"
"He's more than an encroacher, he's a thief." Reuben crossed his arms.
"Zim is Invader," clarified Stitch.
"You're all wrong! I'm an Invader!" Zim shook his fist at them.
Stitch gave him an incredulous look.
"You can't invade here! This is a wildlife sanctuary! I'm calling Cobra." Pleakley held up his mobile phone.
Zim tilted his head. "Wait...You sound familiar."
Pleakley froze. "What? I've never met you. And you're probably too much of a philistine to have watched my lectures on Earth life."
"I'm not a philistine, you fool, I'm an Irken! Anyway, I'm sure I've heard your voice somewhere before."
Pleakley shrugged. "Maybe I sound like someone you know. They say everyone has a double somewhere."
"Ah, 626 and 625 have retrieved my ship," said Jumba, stepping inside. "Good work. But I did not expect you to be capturing Irken and little android." He eyed them critically.
"I'm a goldfish." GIR wiggled his hands like fins.
"I take it you're the one who stole the ship," Jumba said to Zim.
Zim's antennae flattened against his head - like ears, Stitch thought.
"I didn't steal it, I acquired it. I was going to give it back when I was finished."
"Finished with what?" Pleakley folded his arms.
"Finished conquering this filthy planet, of course!"
"We cannot be letting you do that." Jumba frowned. "Anyway, why did you not use your own ship?"
Zim clawed at his right glove. "I was originally assigned to this planet, but then the Tallest sent me on an urgent mission to the Galactic Alliance's Star Command. I succeeded in destroying their training center because I'm amazing! Even I was surprised by how quickly I completed my mission. I was sent back to this ball of dirt to finish conquering it. The only setback was that before I left here, I destroyed my base and everything in it so the Dib - uh, the humans couldn't get into it and reverse engineer the technology. I didn't have a chance to acquire new Irken equipment, but Turan is almost as good."
The others blinked at him.
Pleakley broke the silence. "Wow, that was..."
"...Long," finished Reuben.
"I was going to say informative, but that works too."
"Yes," agreed Jumba. "The question is, what to do with little Irken?"
"Little!" Zim straightened to his full height - which wasn't that much taller than Stitch. "For your information, I'm tall for my...um...eh...for my age."
"You are not," said Jumba. "You are ninety years old if you are a day. Average adult Irken is much taller." He raised his meaty hand to around Pleakley's height.
"I look old for my age too."
Pleakley pressed a button on his phone. "Okay, now I'm calling Cobra."
