Disclaimer: No, I don't own Teen Titans.

Chapter 12

Bath time had started out innocently enough. Marie's destructive giggling unearthed the plastic chew toys Beast Boy had been looking for, and he had gleefully collected them. He had no intention of washing them pre-bath-time until Raven threatened to incinerate them if they were not properly disinfected. The only thing worse than baby titans would be sick baby titans, puking and sneezing all over the rest of her capes. Raven was not going to sit by and watch while he infected them with whatever bacteria had grown on the rubber and plastic that had been in his mouth, on his floor, buried in his laundry, and who knew what else. So while Beast Boy poured Listerine over the toys, Raven set two of her towels on the closed toilet seat and started filling the tub.

"How's the temperature?"

Raven had expected someone to rush over and splash water in her face as they plunged their hands into the tub to see. Instead, she turned her head to witness the gargantuan struggle the children were currently engaged in.

"Ow!" Marie cried, head and arms swaddled in her pajama shirt, "Get it off!"

"I'm trying!" Ryan assured her, tugging at what he thought was fabric. Unfortunately, what he had actually pulled on was Marie's hair, which only caused her to scream louder.

"You're hurting me!"

"Sorry!"

Raven was about to get involved when Beast Boy wiped his mouthwash-covered hands on his uniform and intervened. Raven was glad. It was about time he started helping out.

"Whoa! Let's calm it down guys." Beast Boy crouched next to the duo.

"Marie's stuck!" Ryan pointed at the wriggling girl, who was clearly about to lose her balance.

"Eek!" Beast Boy reached out and caught her just in time, "Phew. Close one."

Ryan giggled, and Beast Boy smiled back before turning his attention to the girl in his arms.

"What're you doin' in there? Huh?" Beast Boy fumbled with the shirt until he found the part he thought might be the bottom, "Are you trying to be a caterpillar? Building a little cocoon?"

There was a muffled shout from inside the shirt.

"I'm not a caterpillar!"

"I don't know..." the green teen worked the top around the twisted arms, "you sure do look like one...oh, wait!" Beast Boy pulled the last of the cotton blend off of her head, "You're a butterfly!" He picked her up and carried her around the bathroom, pretending she was flying.

"Vroom! Vroom!" Beast Boy added his own sound effects as Marie laughed gaily.

"I didn't realize butterflies sounded so much like cars."

"Beeeeeep! Beeep-beep-beeep!" The changeling honked at the empath, who rolled her eyes.

"Me next!" Ryan demanded, tapping Beast Boy's leg.

"But it's my turn!" Marie cried, defensively.

"No! My turn!" Ryan's grip on the teen's leg intensified.

"Ow! Hey! Stop that!" Beast Boy lowered the girl down while focusing on Ryan.

"No Daddy! Up! Up!" Marie tugged on his uniform collar.

"No!"

The situation was escalating rapidly. Couldn't Beast Boy do anything right? Raven shook her head. At least he tried.

"Ok, that's ENOUGH."

Both children were silenced when black talons pulled them away from Beast Boy, removed the rest of their pjs, and deposited them in the tub, along with their minty smelling bath toys. Raven sighed contentedly at the silence as both children processed what had just happened. The series of events that had just transpired was harmless, but for young minds that could not process things as quickly, or as easily, it was a bit overwhelming. Raven may have been good at avoiding potentially disastrous situations, but she was hopeless when it came to understanding the fragile psyche of young children. Beast Boy, however, who himself had struggled to suppress this same reaction on numerous occasions when he was upset or tired or losing at a video game, knew what those quivering lips and wide eyes were leading up to.

"Hey!" he squeaked, getting the kids' attention and a raised eyebrow from the empath, "you know what I have that would make bath time a bajillion times better?"

The pre-kindergarteners looked at each other then shook their heads.

"I have..." Beast Boy turned around and rummaged in the cabinet under the sink, "the incredible..." come on, come on, "the amazing..." he heard a sniffle, "the one and only..." finally his fingers reached "Bubblylicious bubble bath!"

He proudly held the bottle out for the kids to see.

"Oo!" They touched the bottle with their wet fingers, "Bubbles! Make the bubbles!"

"Ok, ok!" Beast Boy laughed, happy to see the unshed tears drying up. He grabbed a fuzzy purple hand towel and put it over his left arm like a waiter, then unscrewed the top and politely held out the bubble bath like a bottle of wine.

"A bottle of our finest bubbly, mademoiselle," he bowed towards Raven, "would you care to sample it?"

Marie smiled at her parents' antics, but Ryan cried, "Bubbles! Now!" so Raven rolled her eyes, picked up the bottle with her powers, lightly smacked Beast Boy in the head with it, then dumped its contents into the tub.

"Ow..." muttered Beast Boy, "I'm still recovering from that concussion, you know."

Marie didn't like that tone. Her face grew somber. But before she could say anything, Raven replied, "Ugh. Come here," and when Beast Boy stubbornly disobeyed, she walked over to him, placed her hands on his head, and finished healing him. "There's not much brain tissue left in there, but I think you'll live."

"Gee, thanks."

Raven turned away and made herself comfortable sitting on the towels, while Marie allowed herself to get swept up in a game of 'who can pop the most bubbles' with Ryan.

"Uh, Rae?" Beast Boy looked at her in disbelief, "Are you seriously going to just sit there?"

"Why not?" Raven folded her arms.

"It's bath time." he emphasized.

"So...?"

"So the kids need to be bathed."

Raven stared at him.

"By us." Beast Boy gestured between them.

Had Raven never been given a bath before? Beast Boy made a mental note to do some serious digging into the empath's past. He was a very experienced fly on her wall, and surprisingly decent at hacking into the titans' personal files. He was confident he could find out. He smiled smugly to himself. Raven scowled.

"Please?" he shielded his mouth from the kids' view, "I'd feel weird giving a girl a bath...can you just do it?"

"Fine."

The empath unfolded her arms and joined Beast Boy in kneeling next to the tub. The tiles cut into her knees and the side of the bath basin was already covered in pools of water, which was quickly being soaked up by her uncovered leotard. She glanced at her companion.

"So what now?"

"Now," Beast Boy squirted some body wash into his hand, "the fun begins!"

/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\

'Fun' did not accurately describe what was going on with Cyborg. He had spent way too much time at the hardware store debating the merits of each kind of metal sheeting, trying to determine just which one would hold up best against two child tornadoes and a voracious silkworm, before ultimately realizing that the powers of the former and jaw of the latter would be able to get through anything, and ended up going with the cheapest option so he could buy in bulk. Robin would be proud. Unfortunately, by the time he paid and loaded the car, he realized he would only have a couple hours left before the mall closed. That would have been fine if he had known where he was going, but it wasn't often that he shopped for clothes in general, let alone for little kids. So here he was, scratching his head in front of the big kiosk with a digital map of the mall on it, trying to figure out which stores under the "Apparel" category were most likely to get him what he needed as quickly as possible. He scanned the names until he found one called "Baby Bop" that was only a few shops away, and headed for his destination.

"Oh..." Cyborg realized he had misjudged as soon as he walked in. This was a store for babies. Real newborn-diaper-wearing-bottle-sucking babies. What were Marie and Ryan going to do with a bassinet or a changing table? Probably break them. He passed a cursory look around the rest of the store, mechanical eye zooming in to see if any of the tiny garments were big enough for the measurements he'd taken, but of course, none were. Cyborg headed back to the information dock.

Next on the list was "So Posh B'Gosh". It looked nice enough from the outside. There were little mannequins in the windows that were around the kids' sizes, so that was promising. When Cyborg got inside, however, he was met with what looked like the interior of a very expensive country club.

"Wow," he ran his fingers along the polished woodwork of the shelves, taking in the very lavishly dressed patrons with their designer bags and pressed button downs, "guess they're catering to some real high-rollers..."

Cyborg focused his attention back on the mission at hand. He'd assumed he'd find T-shirts and jeans or something - wasn't that what he used to wear back in the day? But instead he was met with rows upon rows of beige khakis and navy blue blazers, complete with brass buttons featuring beveled anchors. Ok, that was a no-go on the boys' clothes. But the girls' options had to be better. Cyborg checked out the opposite wall and was met with an equally disturbing number of identical white tennis dresses.

"Who designed these?" Cyborg asked aloud, "these ain't for kids - this is what wealthy older people wear."

Just then he noticed the very large, very elegant "Posh" label on the opposite store. Filled with the same clientele he had just been describing.

"Ohh," Cyborg realized, "children's department."

He was met with equally as disappointing pickings at "Just Ice", where the ice part was clearly referencing the many glittering sequins that blinded Cyborg's eyes when he tried to find something for Marie. "Ever Crumbly" assaulted his nostrils with the sickly sweet aroma of what had to be a combination of cookies and perfume, likely some ill-advised attempt to appeal to the scent palates of both children and adults. "K. C. Pony" was too horse-themed. He didn't want Ryan getting any ideas. "Old Gravy" was too boring. "Marcy's" was too expensive. Cyborg was running out of options. And patience.

"Ugh," Cyborg trudged out of yet another store, "why did I have to be the one to do this? I don't even wear clothes."

"Attention patrons," a woman's voice boomed over the loudspeakers, "the mall will be closing in approximately thirty minutes. Attention...'

Cyborg tuned her out as he sat down on one of the scattered benches. He couldn't leave without getting what he came for. But he also couldn't take one more step into another kids' store. He groaned, holding his head in his hands. Would it really be that bad letting the kids run around naked? He was basically naked all the time! He definitely didn't mind it. But when it came to their newfound children, he had a feeling that his teammates might disagree.

"Man," Cyborg ran his hands down his face as he sat back up, "what am I gonna - oh..."

Without realizing it, he had managed to end up in front of "Spence", which was THE store for cool and offbeat attire. Yes, it was meant for teens. Yes, some of the shirts were a little inappropriate. But his friends had sent him on this frustrating errand, so he was going to get whatever he wanted to. And he was pretty sure "Spence" would have some hilarious kids clothes.

/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\

"What is incorrect with you?!" Starfire cried in frustration, slamming her fists down on the desk. She had been talking with Robin for what seemed like forever and he had yet to offer any insight as to what exactly was causing his bad mood.

"Wrong. You mean 'what's wrong with you'." Robin brushed past her, retrieving some additional papers from the far end of the room for the research he was attempting to continue.

"Now is not the time for the corrections!" Starfire growled, blocking his path.

Robin's fuse was growing shorter.

"Well now is also not a good time for talking!" he yelled back, "I already told you - kids stress me out! They're unpredictable - especially ones with uncontrolled powers. One tantrum and the tower might be blown up! They're compromising our safety! So we need to get rid of them as quickly as possible, which," he rose onto his tiptoes to give a level, pointed glare at the redhead, "I can't do if you keep bothering me!"

"That is not a satisfactory response!"

Her volume forced Robin back onto his heels, and he barely caught himself before toppling over. Starfire was trying very hard to keep her anger in check, but the strong glow around her hands was evidence that she was struggling.

"Why is nothing I say good enough for you?!" Robin pressed, closing the distance between them once again.

"Perhaps if your words contained the honesty then they would be!" Starfire countered, hard eyes boring into his.

Their foreheads were practically touching, yet the air between them was charged, thick with a tension that would not hold for much longer. Someone was going to break. It was anyone's guess as to whom. On the surface, the titans' own power couple appeared to be very different people. He was serious and obsessive, with a tendency to repress his feelings that rivaled Raven's. She was bubbly, effusive, taking delight at the smallest little things. However, underneath that shiny veneer, Robin and Starfire were not all that different. They were both fiercely protective of their teammates, cared deeply for those they loved, had passions and confidence along with deep-seated insecurities - but the thing that stood out most? They were both capable of being extremely stubborn. Robin's expression of this trait was much more obvious than Starfire's, but when she was sure of her opinion, or the justness of her cause, there was little anyone could do to sway her. Robin was a smart boy, and prideful as he was, the girl in front of him was more important than his own ego, It was a little known fact that in these situations, he was almost always the one who backed down first. There were many things Robin was prepared to risk, but losing Starfire was not one of them.

"Fine," Robin sighed, breaking eye contact, and walked around the desk, "you want to know the truth?"

Starfire's bolts immediately dissipated, and she floated over to where he stood.

"Indeed I do."

"It's just...ugh," the boy wonder let himself collapse into the desk chair, "this is going to sound bad."

Starfire smiled, placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

"You need have no fear of me," she smiled warmly, "please, speak freely."

Robin forced a smile back.

"You know, I, um...I really...really care about you, Star," Robin gulped, "you're, well, you know."

Starfire cocked her head, clearly not knowing.

"You're...really important to me. I mean, of course the whole team is important. As the leader I need to treat everyone equally..."

Ugh. He was rambling. Why couldn't he be better at this?! Robin inwardly kicked himself and started again.

"I just...even knowing where my responsibilities lie, I...well, I still care more about you."

Starfire nodded patiently. Robin's flattery was nice, but she was waiting for something of substance.

"So the thought of losing you, even for a day...Star, I don't know what I would do."

Starfire furrowed her brow.

"I am...in danger of being lost?"

"No," Robin tried to explain, "I meant that if...if one day you decided that you wanted to be with someone else, I don't know if I could handle it."

Starfire frowned.

"But Robin - this is why I am so very pleased that Ryan has been sent to us! And Marie! They give me hope that we shall all remain together! They speak as if they know us - all of us! They recognize the tower as their home Robin," she looked at him with pure sincerity, "therefore, rest assured, none of us shall be parted," she took his hands in her own, "and neither shall we."

Robin watched as his girlfriend leaned her face towards him, lips parted and eyelids falling, and registered that the obvious next step would be to kiss her. However, as much as he wanted to let himself melt into the blissful tenderness of her embrace, he instead blurted out,

"Then why is he green?"

Starfire's eyes shot open.

"Sorry?"

"Why is your son green, if we have this fairytale ending where we stay together forever?" Robin questioned accusingly.

"Please," Starfire raised her brows, "what is it that you are implying?"

"Well, he's clearly not mine," Robin spat.

"Forgive me," Starfire straightened, her tone growing cold, "did not the child that you are referring to call you by the Earthling term for the male parent?"

"Yes, but-"

"Then what is there to be confused by?" she interrupted, "It appears to be clear that our future selves are happy in the rearing of mutual offspring, does it not?"

"That's not the point!" Robin cried, "It means you cheated on me with Beast Boy!"

"Then by the same logic," Starfire folded her arms "you may also have enjoyed the grebnacks of friend Raven."

Robin paled.

"But I would never-"

"And I would not suspect you of doing so. But it seems you do not believe me to be as virtuous as you." Starfire huffed, turning away from him.

"That's not what I meant! I know you wouldn't...but I don't know what might happen in the future!"

Robin stood up, grasping her arm.

"Do you not trust me?" She continued to face away from him.

Robin frowned.

"Of course I do, Star."

"And would it be the safe to say we should not be together if either of us had broken such trust?"

The young man paused.

"I...guess so?"

Starfire turned back to face him.

"Then we are assured that there was some other reason for the parentage of our bumgorf?"

"I..."

Robin sighed. She did have a point. He was not one to trust easily. It was highly unlikely that infidelity would result in anything other than divorce. Of the acrimonious variety.

"You're right" he conceded, "I'm..." oh how he hated having to say this, "I'm sorry."

"You are forgiven, boyfriend Robin!"

Starfire gleefully flung her arms around the boy wonder, careful to hug him lightly enough so as not to crush him.

"Th-thanks," he wheezed.

He almost felt bad, having such a sweet resolution to the argument. He hadn't been lying, of course. The issue had definitely been something that was bothering him. But the thing that was really upsetting to him was something he was not yet comfortable admitting. Something that he was sure would not be well received. But he was his mentor's protegee. And much like his adoptive father, he would always have his secrets.

Starfire did too. In truth, she had an idea of why Ryan possessed the genetic features that he did. But unlike Robin, her thoughts went unvoiced because they lacked the evidence. She was also very concerned about how Robin would feel if she were right.

/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\

"You're doing it wrong!"

"No, I'm not. Believe it or not, Beast Boy, I have taken a shower before. I know how to rinse shampoo out of hair."

"But this is different! You have to-"

Sploosh

"Duuude," Beast Boy whined, "you got it in her eyes! And I don't have the no-tears brand!"

"What?"

Raven was not familiar with children's bath products. She couldn't recall being given anything other than normal soap on Azarath. "Why do we need-"

"Mommy!" Marie wailed, "soap got in my eyes!"

She rubbed at them frantically, only managing to spread the offending chemicals around further.

"See?!" Beast Boy cried.

Raven rolled her eyes.

"Stop doing that," she scolded Marie, pulling her hands away, "you're making it worse."

The empath placed a palm above the girl's eyes and let her cooling magic soothe the child.

"There. She's fine."

"It tickles when you do that," Marie giggled.

"Hmph," Beast Boy folded his arms, "that's cheating."

"Oh really?" she raised an eyebrow, "how should it have been done, bath master?"

Beast Boy grinned, flexing his fingers, "Observe."

The green teen popped open the shampoo bottle and put some in his hands, then approached Ryan's equally as green hair with confidence, working it into a lather.

"As you can see," Beast Boy explained, showing off his work, "the whole body of hair is covered with suds. Note how it maintains its shape, even without my touch," he pulled his soapy hands away from the boy's scalp. Sure enough, not a hair moved.

"Impressive. Also not how long hair works."

Beast Boy scowled.

"Now, watch as I take my hand," he wiggled his fingers, "and place it on the rim of the hairline. Careful to ensure that there is no space between my hand and his head."

Raven looked on, unamused.

"This will ensure," he went on in his best imitation of a snooty professor, "that not a single drop of soap gets into the subject's eyes."

He gestured to the empath with his free hand.

"The bucket, please?"

Raven unenthusiastically obliged. Beast Boy had been lucky to find the old plastic sand-castle-maker under the sink. It would have been a lot messier if he had to resort to rising the kids off with an elephant trunk.

"And now, the moment of truth!" The teen dumped the bucket's contents on the child, but instead of washing the suds down his face, Beast Boy's hand redirected the stream, creating waterfalls down the sides of his face.

"And that," Beast Boy stood up, triumphant, "is how an expert doe-ahhh!"

His moment of glory was interrupted when he stepped back on his heel, slipping on the soaked floor beneath him. Raven could have caught him before he crashed into the wall, but she gleaned much more satisfaction from watching him fall, and offering a snarky, "Yeah. Such an expert."

Beast Boy braced himself against the rim of the sink and the top of the toilet tank and pulled himself up.

"You sure know how to cut a guy down, Rae," he rubbed his bruised behind.

"You make it very easy."

He scowled, rejoining her by the tub.

"Ok," Raven addressed the splashing kids, "time to get out."

"What?!" Beast Boy squealed, "They can't get out now!"

Raven looked scrutinizingly between Ryan and Marie.

"They seem pretty clean to me. So yes, they can."

"Noooo," Beast Boy grabbed her shoulders, "the whole point of bath time is playing in the tub!"

She pushed him away from her, escaping from the unwanted physical contact.

"That sounds like a complete waste of time."

Beast Boy shrugged, "Maybe for you, but not for them. Come on, Raven," he smiled at the kids, "see how much fun they're having?"

She turned her gaze back to the mini titans, who were animatedly acting out a sea battle between what seemed to be a troop of misshapen rubber ducks, and a motley crew of a plastic donut, a dog bone, and a severely damaged toy boat. All participants had clearly seen better days. Raven sighed. They did seem to be enjoying themselves. Her own austere upbringing was no excuse for imposing the same restrictions on anyone else.

"Okay," she relented, but then, just to maintain her position for appearance's sake, she amended, "they can have five more minutes."

"Aw, seriously?" he groaned, "They need a half hour at least!"

"A half hour? The water will be freezing."

Not to mention how cold Raven was getting in her damp clothes. She really should have grabbed another cloak before doing this. The empath glanced at the soap splatters and wet patches that covered her remaining garment. On second thought, maybe it was for the best.

"Twenty minutes?" he begged.

"Ten."

"Ravennnnn..."

"Fifteen. Final offer."

"Deal!"

Beast Boy reached out to shake her hand, but she waved him away. Instead of the usual dejected look he would have given, he beamed, turning immediately back to their charges.

Raven hung back as she watched as the three of them splashed each other, laughing as Beast Boy told ridiculous backstories for each of the ducks. They played merpeople and dove for treasure, they threw water in the air to make imaginary storms - Raven had to admit that it was...well...kind of heartwarming. So of course, Beast Boy had to ruin it.

"Hey, check this out," he said, transforming into a drake and landing on the water, "quack quack!"

He addressed the other ducks, nudging them with his wings.

"Oh! Watch me! I can do it too!" Ryan became a much smaller duckling, roughly the size of his rubber counterparts. He playfully batted one the way Beast Boy did, and then squawked as Marie pushed it back at him, attempting to join in the game. Ryan narrowly escaped being squashed against the rim of the tub by turning into an angelfish and swimming away. Marie's obvious response was to try and catch him. Raven could see that this was getting dangerous.

"Ok, bath time is now officially over," the empath took charge, leaning her arm into the soapy water and pulling the rubber drain cap out, before lifting Marie out of the tub.

"That's not fair!" Beast Boy protested, jumping onto the floor in human form, "you said fifteen minutes!"

"That was before you convinced Ryan to start morphing in the tub."

Beast Boy tried to stare her down, but as always, Raven was impassive. He hung his head.

"Killjoy," he muttered, grabbing the towels and wrapping one around Marie.

"I can hear you," Raven smirked, then turned back and frowned, furrowing her brow, "but I can't see Ryan..."

"Huh?" Beast Boy scrambled to the bath, "Where'd he-uh oh..."

Out of the corner of his eye, Beast Boy saw a very green, very small guppy, being sucked towards the open drain. Raven followed his gaze, and her eyes widened as Beast Boy stuck his hands in, clumsily trying to catch the little fishling.

"Raven! Do something!"

"I-I can't! My powers aren't precise when it comes to moving liquids - I might push him down the drain!"

"I'll go get Aunt Star!" Marie dashed out of the room, leaving a trail of puddled behind her.

"No! Wait!"

"Don't do that!"

The two teens shouted in unison. She ignored them.

"I didn't want to go out this way, Raven! I always thought you'd be the one to kill me!"

Raven was overcome with visions of emerald fire and smoldering walls, and the scent of her burning flesh as she watched Beast Boy get torn limb from limb by the angry Tamaranean that was headed their way. It seemed uncannily similar to that time Trigon wanted to destroy the world. Except her role then was just to be a peacefully bursting portal and not the recipient of the torture he had inflicted on the rest of humanity. She agreed with her terrified friend. This was not the way she was going down.

The tub was draining quickly, and Ryan, still swept up in the current, was too frightened and disoriented to morph back. They had to do something - Beast Boy's grab-n-go tactic was failing miserably.

"Beast Boy," she commanded him, "turn into something that can suck up all the water! An elephant!"

"If I do that he'll get stuck in my nose!" The guppy slipped through his fingers again.

"A whale!"

"How big do you think this bathroom is?!"

"A...dog?" It occurred to Raven that though she had witnessed Beast Boy transform into countless different creatures, she couldn't actually name all that many animals off the top of her head. Her interests lay elsewhere, and thus, so too did her knowledge.

"A dog?!" Beast Boy cried, appalled, "What do you want me to do?! Eat him?!"

His eyes lit up. Normally a very clear indication that something mischievous and maniacal was going on in his brain, which never boded well for anyone else. This time, however Raven would take what she could get.

"Whatever it is, just do it quickly!" She urged, hearing Starfire's distinctive stride starting down the hall.

Beast Boy nodded and dove into the tub as a pelican, beak opened wide, and dragged the lower part through the water, filling his gullet, then leaned his head over the side of the tub and spat its contents out. All over Raven. A little green fish wriggled on her chest, and she picked it up by its tail.

"Ryan!" She lifted the fish to eye level, "You're ok. You can turn back now."

"Oh, I wouldn't-"

But Beast Boy's warning came too late. In the blink of an eye the helpless guppy grew a hundred times larger, and a full size boy knocked the air out of Raven as he fell.

"Mommy!" Ryan wailed, scrambling off of Raven and running towards the redhead in the doorway.

"What is it that distresses you my little bumgorf?"

Starfire hugged the child to her, before looking up and seeing the disaster of a room he had just come from. The whole place was covered in water, the soap bottles were scattered, and Raven and Beast Boy looked like they'd just washed up on shore after a shipwreck.

"What is it exactly that has happened here?" She asked, concerned.

Raven pushed herself off the floor and gestured behind her.

"Beast Boy just lost his bath privileges."