Chapter Twelve
Stepping into Vicki's office the following afternoon, I was surprised not to be greeted by an over enthusiastic Coreen as usual. Ever since I'd let slip that I was….with Henry, she'd been digging for details, completely fascinated with him. Since the outer office was empty, and I could hear voices in the other room, I sat down to wait, rather than barging in on some new client meeting.
"So, you…you mean she's with…him?" A male voice spat with contempt.
"Yes, she's pretty much staying with him now," returned Vicki, casually.
"And that's alright with you is it? That your cousin is practically shacked up with some damn blood sucker?" The male voice shot back and I recognised it as belonging to one Mike Celluci.
"What I think about it doesn't matter…she's happy with him, he likes having her around…I just let it be."
"And you can live with it if something happens to her? You do know she's a sitting duck over there, don't you? Like a lamb to the slaughter."
"I trust Henry with my life, he wouldn't hurt her." Vicki shot back.
"No? Then what about what happened to his other lovers?"
"Not always, rarely in fact. You don't still believe what that bastard Mendoza told you, do you?"
I couldn't take anymore, if Mike had a problem with Henry, then fair enough - but my relationship with him was none of his damn business!
"Enjoy discussing my love life do you?" I asked, barging into the office.
Vicki looked almost ashamed to have been discussing me behind my back, Mike however scowled at me.
"Your love life? He's a bloody vampire! He's not even human!" he bellowed.
I shook my head, feeling sorry for him. "And yet he's shown me more humanity than you appear to possess."
Vicki stifled her laughter and turned away.
Mike ignored my comment. "Do you know how ridiculous you sound? You claim to be in love with the 500 year old bastard son of a king?"
"And like I've already said before, it's none of your damn business!"
"It might well become my business when you're corpse is found abandoned somewhere. At least it will be easy enough to find the murderer."
"Mike!" Vicki hissed at him.
"Henry wouldn't hurt me, I trust him…I love him."
Mike laughed. "To him, all you are is prey, he doesn't see you as a person. It must be a huge convenience having you on tap."
"You have no idea. You don't know him like I do." I insisted, feeling myself close to tears.
"No, perhaps not, and I'm certainly not about to sleep with him to find out either. But you don't know what I do about him. How many times has he fed from you? Tasted your blood?"
"That's between me and Henry." I folded my arms in defiance.
"I'll take that to mean he does feed from you? Because you know…this is part of his technique. He seduces you, gets you to trust him, maybe even love him….and, once he gets a taste of your blood, he will kill you, it's only a matter of time."
"You liar!" I spat, not wanting to believe that for one second. Henry cares about me, I know he does. "Who the hell made you a damn expert on vampires?" I yelled at him.
"Mike!" Vicki yelled at him. "That's just crap that Mendoza told you, just so as you'd help him. He almost killed Henry, tried to kill me, that should tell you something."
"Who the hell is Mendoza?" I asked, frustrated.
"Just another of our supernatural freaks trying to kill Henry," Vicki shrugged. "He's erm…been dealt with."
"You mean Henry killed him," Mike added.
"He deserved it," Vicki mumbled.
I shuddered at the thought of someone trying to kill Henry, but Mike took it the wrong way.
"What's wrong? The thought of your fang boy killing someone upset you? Because he does…"
"I know what Henry does!" I interrupted him. "He's talked to me about things. He drinks blood to survive, I'm well aware of what he his."
"Oh, you lot are insane!" Mike ran his fingers through his hair agitatedly. "What? Do you think this is all going to end happily ever after? You can settle down and have vampire weddings and little vampire babies? Get a grip!" he shook his head in astoundment.
"Ya know, I don't have to stay here and listen to this! Stay the fuck out of my business!" And with that I stormed out of the room, slamming both office doors behind me.
"Gee, thanks Mike!" Vicki berated him.
Leaving the office, I wandered aimlessly, not even noticing where I was heading. Things Mike had said stayed with me, haunting my thoughts as I walked the city streets.
What did he mean by what had happened to Henry's past lovers? I knew of a couple that he'd mentioned and as far as I knew they were still alive…at least, I hoped they were. I trusted Henry with my life, but…the brutal reminder that he had killed people, the harsh reality of what he was capable of unsettled me. Perhaps I had simply been in denial, because of course I knew he could kill. That, should he choose to, he had the ability to end a life. I'd simply ignored that fact, overlooked it. Was Henry no better than a murderer? Was I in love with a criminal? Someone who took another human life?
Another human? Mike had irked me with his comment about Henry not being human…he treated me better than most men I had known, shown me more kindness and humanity than most people I met, how could he not be human? He might be a vampire now, but he had once been as human as I. Over the years he'd struggled with his urges, learnt to deal with his needs and managed to retain some of his humanity. I knew that, I felt that, so why did it concern me so much what Mike thought?
Mike had just screwed with my head, I decided. Planting all these ridiculous notions in my head that deserved no thought whatsoever. I knew what Henry was, I trusted him more than most people I knew, he'd always been honest with me. He'd promised he'd never hurt me and I believed him wholeheartedly. But…what if, one day he lost control? What if he snapped or I angered him again. What if this really was his plan? Seduce me, gain my trust, have me on hand for awhile for his needs, and then, when the mood took him…kill me? No! Mike simply didn't like Henry for whatever pathetic reason, and wanted to cause him trouble, wanted to scare me away from him, leave Henry all alone. That's all it was, I tried to convince myself.
And yet my mind continued to play tricks on me, throwing thoughts back and forth.
Henry kill's people! But I trust him!
He's a monster! Yet he's always shown me tenderness!
I'm just prey to him! But he says he cares for me!
He deluded you! But we have mutual trust! I would never hurt him as much as he would never hurt me.
He's going to kill you eventually! No he's not!
Screaming audibly at the voices inside my head, I collapsed onto a nearby bench in a cold, misty park. If anyone heard me scream, I didn't notice them - but my mind was starting to drive me insane. I knew what Henry was, I never took that lightly, and yet I saw beyond him being a vampire, I saw a man. No one else knew him like I did, they didn't see his softer side, the vulnerable part of him, the part that was simply dejected at the thought of being alone for eternity.
Not being able to shut out the thoughts for long, tears pooled in my eyes…those final words from Mike had hurt me most of all. What did I think was going to happen between us? He was right, Henry and I would never having anything that was considered normal. It was impossible. I currently lived my life by night, choosing his hours to be with him over what should be natural to me. I basically slept next to a corpse by day. He went out almost every night to seduce and feed from some stranger, whilst I was left home alone. Home…Henry's apartment wasn't my home, how could it be? Nothing there belonged to me, my clothes were shoved into a bag sitting on a couch in his bedroom, I didn't even have any food to eat in the place. Insane, I thought, I was finally going totally insane…deluding myself that I was happy with him, that he made me feel special. And yet…I was, he did, I knew that in my heart - I never felt as at peace or as safe as I did when I was with him. And yet, was I prepared to give up all the things I assumed would be mine some day? A man who loved me? He'd practically told me that he didn't know if he could ever bring himself to love me, I knew that was simply because the mere thought of caring for someone that deeply and then losing them again scared him and I assured him it was alright, but was it really? Didn't I deserve love too? And what about marriage and children? Those were an impossibility with a vampire, yet they were something I always wanted, always assumed I would have some day.
"I hate you Mike!" I hissed into the frigid air, silent icy cold tears running down my face and dripping off my cheeks onto my chest. Everything had been fine before he'd planted all these absurd thoughts in my head. Before he'd given me cause to question everything, to doubt myself, to doubt Henry.
"Stupid dumb bastard!" I cursed, wrenching myself off the bench, the cold finally seeping into my bones and heading off again in some random direction.
It was with some surprise that I found myself outside Henry's apartment door shortly after sunset. I wasn't sure how I'd gotten here and I didn't even remember entering the building. I paused, wondering whether to go in or not. I was so confused I didn't know what to do, what I could trust, who I could trust.
Trying to get a grip of myself, I prepared to knock on the door, just as it opened from the inside.
"Hey…thought I heard you out here," Henry greeted me with a smile. "I was just heading over to Vicki's, thought you were with her?"
"I was earlier," I mumbled, entering the apartment as he stood back to let me in.
"What's wrong?" he immediately knew something wasn't right and he closed the door.
"Nothing," I shrugged and folded my arms around myself. Damnit, now I was nervous around him.
"You know there's no point in lying to me. What happened? You're upset…and, you're afraid."
"I'm not afraid!" I shot back, wandering over to the huge picture windows and gazing out over the city skyline.
"I can smell fear you know. What is it?" his eyes narrowed and for one moment I thought he was trying to read my mind. "You're scared of me?" he realised.
"No…I'm not," I insisted. "I…oh God I'm so confused," I wailed and the tears began to fall again. "I've been wandering the streets for hours, trying to make sense of things, listening to my head disagreeing with my heart, doubting everything. I just don't know anymore." I sniffed and wiped my eyes on my hands, rather unladylike.
Henry just frowned at me, not understanding what was going on or what I was on about. And then his phone rang.
"Fitzroy," he pulled it from his jacket pocket and answered it. "Yeah, she just got here." Silence followed as he listened to the caller. "Right, well…that makes more sense now," he eyed me as I hunted in my bag for a tissue, feeling a complete fool. "She's stood in my apartment in tears….no, I need to talk to her. Yeah, I'll call you. Bye Vicki." He hung up the phone, returned it to his pocket and then removed his jacket, slinging it over the sofa. "Okay, what did Mike say to you?" He asked me then.
I shrugged, sniffing back more tears.
He folded his own arms and stared at me, flashing his eyebrows upwards in question, waiting for me to answer him. "I know he's upset you, what did he say?" he sounded angry and I involuntarily flinched at his tone. "He's made you afraid of me."
I sighed, and wiped at my eyes again with the already sodden tissue. "He…he said," I took a deep breath and willed the tears to stop. "He said you're going to…kill me," I closed my eyes and whispered the word. "Just like your past lovers."
"And do you believe him?" he asked, raised eyebrows showing his surprise.
I shrugged again and turned away from him, finding the view outside a welcome distraction. "I don't know…I don't know anything anymore." At some point it had began to rain and my finger traced a raindrop rolling slowly down the window. "My head tells me that's what you are, what you're capable of. But my heart," I looked up at him, "tells me I trust you."
"And which one are you listening to?" his tone was serious, not angry or offended, just intense.
I heaved another sigh and shook my head, "I don't know which to listen to. Mike's made me doubt everything, this…relationship, you, my own sanity. He screwed with my head and I just don't know anymore. I feel as though I'm losing it." I sat down heavily on the floor, sliding down the wall, suddenly feeling completely drained.
Henry made a wary step towards me, not sure of my reaction now, and then he sat down on the floor opposite me. "What else did he say?"
I closed my eyes, trying to remember. My own thoughts had overwhelmed me and I could barely remember the initial words that had upset me. "That I'm nothing but prey to you, that now you've had a taste of my blood it's only a matter of time until you kill me too." I hung my head, and wrapped my arms around my knees, trying to bring myself some comfort.
"Is that what you think? That I kill people I care for?" Now he sounded hurt.
"What the hell do I know?" I blurted out angrily. I'd had a hideous day and being interrogated by Henry was the last thing I needed. "I'm just an insane person in love with a god damn vampire! The fact is, you do kill people Henry!"
"I drink blood in order to survive. I'm not denying that I have killed people, sometimes it's inevitable. But it's not something I do lightly or accidentally and never to those I care for. I thought you knew me?"
"I don't know anything anymore!" I screamed at him, pushing myself away from the wall and pacing the floor.
"If you listen to your heart, you'll know the truth." he moved into a nearby chair.
"My heart?" I began to laugh hysterically and Henry looked rather concerned. "My stupid heart thinks a vampire is a suitable life partner for me. My heart thinks it's fine to sacrifice everything that's been important to me simply to be with you, someone who practically told me he can never love me! And I deserve more than that damnit!""
"Love sometimes means making sacrifices," he replied calmly to my outburst.
"What would you know? You don't know how to love…"
"I gave my life to be with the woman I loved," he cut me off, sounding bitter. "I know about sacrifices."
"Fine! You expect me to make that sacrifice for you, then go ahead - kill me now. Why bother playing with me any longer? Might as well get it over with," I shrugged rather nonchalantly for having just invited someone to end my life.
He glared at me and then, with an angry growl, he sped from the apartment, the front door slamming closed behind his blurred image.
Tossing my head back, I groaned, realising I had just ruined everything. And then, bursting into tears again I threw myself down on the couch.
Apparently I had managed to cry myself to sleep, because the next thing I knew I was waking up on Henry's couch. I blinked a couple of times before opening my eyes, to reveal Henry sat opposite me in one of his leather chairs. His foot balanced on one knee with his elbows resting upon the arms of the chair, his fingertips poised together to form a steeple structure. He was staring at me silently, his expression unreadable but obviously not very happy.
Yawning, I struggled to sit up, only then did I notice that I had been covered with the satin comforter from his bed and my shoes had been removed. And then I felt intensely guilty - someone who intended to kill me wasn't exactly going to make sure I was warm and comfortable. Pulling the coverlet off me, I stifled another yawn as I sat up, folding my legs beneath me, and faced him.
For some moments he just continued to stare, then he spoke. "Looks like you decided which one to listen to," he raised his expressive eyebrows again.
I frowned, not understanding what he meant.
He continued. "If you really thought I was a danger to you, you'd hardly be sleeping on my couch."
I looked away, feeling foolish and mortified for the things I had said to him before. Deep down I knew I never believed them, knew he would never hurt me and I did trust him, with all my heart. But I'd been upset and overwrought, and as usual, taken it out on those that mattered to me most.
"Henry…I'm sorry," I whispered, picking at my finger nails, not being able to look at him. "If you want me to leave, I understand," I added softly, knowing that whatever we'd had together was over - I'd seen to that.
"What I want, is an explanation. I thought you understood me the way no one had in a long time. And yet, you judged me and my life based upon another persons irrational notions." I'd never heard him sound so bitter.
"I…I never meant what I said," I began and the damn tears pooled once more. "Mike upset me, he wound me up and confused me. And I shouldn't have let him, I knew what he was trying to do, but…"
"But?" he waited.
"I guess…he just reminded me of what you are, of what I fail to see. I look at you and I don't just see vampire, I see a man. And that harsh reality of what you truly are, of what you can do, have done…it…"
"Caused you to came back here afraid of me," he finished for me.
"No. I was afraid of my feelings. I was so confused and didn't know what I felt anymore. But deep down, I knew I trusted you, that I love you. I came back here for reassurement, for comfort, and yet I took my anger and frustrations out on you. I'm so sorry."
For several long moments, we sat in silence, staring at one another, neither really knowing what to say to the other. What else was there to say? I'd apologised - told him that I was sorry. Sorry for accusing him of being nothing more than a murderer, sorry for telling him to kill me, sorry for judging him unfairly. And yet it all sounded so inadequate - surely there was something more I could say to him, something more that I needed to say and yet I couldn't think of a damn thing. Eventually his intense gaze became too much for me and I looked away, gazing out of the window.
"You think me evil?" he asked then, assuming the reason I looked away was because I thought that. Not knowing that the pained look in his wise eyes was breaking my heart. "That I'm a monster?" he continued.
"What?" his voice startled me as I whipped my head back around to face him. "No," I shook my head realising what he had said. "I just…I…no," I replied vigorously. "You know I don't think that Henry. You've never given me cause to think that about you - you've always treated me with kindness and respect and," I sighed, "humanity."
"And yet you believed what Celluci said to you?"
"I didn't say I believed him."
"You listened to him though." He changed his tactic on the statement.
"Perhaps I did, but…Mike is a clever bastard, he confused me, played on my fears…"
"Your fears?" trust Henry to pick up on that.
I sighed again. "Yes, my fears….my fears that we can't possibly make this work, that I'm being insane, that this has no future and no substance other than great sex and you being able to…eat in. That I am in love with a being most people don't even think exist…those are my fears…not you." I attempted to explain to him, explain the part of Mike's tirade that had upset me the most.
Henry's eyes softened slightly, I was sure he'd never even noticed that he'd done it. But…these past couple of weeks his eyes had been a focus point for me - all his emotions were on display there if you took notice. He then relaxed back into his seat and folded his arms, taking another deep sigh. "So…now what? How do we get beyond this? Can we?"
"I hope so," I replied immediately. "I want to…really I do. I know I'm not doing a great job of showing you right now, but Henry…you mean a lot to me, I love you and I do trust you. I just…I'm a little confused about things, about me. And I'm far too emotional and jumbled up to even think straight right now…I just, I need time, okay?"
Henry got up then and made his way over to his studio. "Fine, I have a lot of work to do." He began sorting through sheets of paper. "My next book is due out soon and I'm getting behind…I'm going to need to work all hours I can. Maybe…you should go back to Vicki's for a couple of days?" he suggested. "You can….calm down and think about what you want and…"
"You're sending me away?" I assumed, panic stricken that he didn't want me anymore, that this was it.
"I'm giving you the time you said you need." He turned to face me again. "Once you know what's in your heart, have dealt with your confusion, you can let me know." He turned sadly towards his desk again, sat down and began to sketch something rapidly.
I watched him for a few seconds, waiting for him to say something else, to tell me he wanted me to stay, that I didn't have to go. But he continued to draw and ignore me. Heaving a great sigh, I stomped off to the bedroom and grabbed some of my things.
"Fine, you gonna drive me back to Vicki's then or do I need a cab?" I asked, feeling a confounded mixture of anger and hurt with him. Was I being sent away? Was this it? I had NO idea and I was pissed off that now he was adding to my confusion.
He glanced up briefly and saw me stood there with my bag hastily packed. "I'll drive you." He set down his pencil and headed for his car keys on the storage units by the entrance. And then, holding the door open, he waited for me expectantly.
Heaving what I hoped was an exasperated sigh, I stomped out of his apartment, shoving past him and striding down the hallway, stabbing the elevator buttons angrily.
The drive over to Vicki's was done in silence as lone tears slipped down my cheeks. I sniffed loudly and he glanced over at me as he pulled up at some traffic lights. For one tiny moment I thought he was going to say something to me, and then he appeared to change his mind as he moved the car forwards again when the lights changed and I shifted in my seat to gaze out of the window.
Within minutes we pulled up outside Vicki's apartment, he put the car into park, but kept the engine running - obviously he had no intention of seeing me to the door. I'd already snapped off my seatbelt and reached for the door handle before he stopped me.
"Cat, I…"
Still feeling pissed with him - even though I had no right after what I had said to him tonight, I cut him off. "Goodnight Henry!" I opened the door, climbed out and slammed it after me, marching up the steps into Vicki's building and bursting into tears as I heard his car tear away from the curb behind me.
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xC
