A/N oops almost forgot I promised an update today. I'm really happy with the wrestlemania outcome. So much better than the Rumble or Elimination Chamber. No need for tears today :)

We're back to Julia and Mike for the next two chapters, after that we'll see Cody again. I wanna thank Legacychick for lending me her Muses. The next few chapters wouldn't be written without her Mike-muze. I love him, I really do. he has such interesting ideas :)

Thanks you .Eden and Legacychick for the review and thanks to everyone who put it on fav of story alert after the last one.

The song in here is Never Surrender by Skillet. I love that band, and this song. Their lyrics are amazing.

Chapter 12 - World Of Hurt

It took me hours to fall asleep. Randy stayed with me the entire time. When he came back from his argument with Mike, I was huddled deep under the covers, my face buried in my pillow. Randy wouldn't tell me what Mike and he had talked about. He just told me that Mike was worried about me and that I only needed to say the word to make him come to me. This only made me cry harder. I felt so guilty towards Mike; he was such an amazing guy. I could never be selfless enough to comfort Mike if he was crying over another girl. But maybe this just meant that he didn't have feelings for me? That for him it was only friends with benefits, after all.

Finally, exhausted from all my worries and tears, I fell asleep. I didn't sleep well; I had terrible nightmares. I dreamt about Cody, that he left me forever… and about Mike, who, when I reached for him to help me, laughed at me and left with another girl. I dreamt about chasing first Cody, then Mike through the empty arena, but it quickly turned around, so that suddenly I was the one being chased, this time by the security guard from the arena, who only got bigger and scarier as my dream continued.

When I finally woke from this last dream, I was still exhausted, but too scared to even try to sleep anymore. I was alone. Randy must have left me some time after I had fallen asleep. I didn't blame him. I couldn't expect him to stay the entire night. He was married after all.

For the next hour or so, I just stared at the ceiling. I didn't want to move, I never wanted to leave my bed ever again. The mess I had made of my life was so unbelievable; I would have laughed in your face, if you'd told me a year ago that all of this would happen.

I must have fallen asleep again, because I was awoken by the sound of my phone. Since I couldn't reach it from where I was, I just ignored it. I didn't want to talk to anyone anyway. The phone kept going. I put my head under the pillow and tried to drown out the sound. It didn't work. Why did I have such an annoying ringtone?

I really needed to use the bathroom now, so I decided to answer the phone afterwards. Luckily it had stopped by then. I picked it up anyway, wanting to listen to some music. I noticed I had more than one missed call, a few from both Jack and Randy. I didn't want to speak to anyone now, so I turned my phone on flight mode.

Nobody could reach me now. I felt guilty for a second, then I just shrugged. There's not a lot that could happen to me in a hotel room. I wasn't going to come out today. Tomorrow I had to, seeing as we were leaving, but not today. If they'd fire me for missing the show, so what? I honestly didn't care; I had other things on my mind.

I finally found the song I really wanted to hear. I started to cry again when I listened to the words...

"Do you know what it's like when
You're not who you wanna be?
Do you know what it's like to
Be your own worst enemy
Who sees the things in me I can't hide?

Do you know what it's like
To wanna surrender?

I don't wanna feel like this tomorrow
I don't wanna live like this today
Make me feel better, I wanna feel better
Stay with me here now and never surrender
Never surrender…"

I had put the song on repeat, not for the first time thinking how amazing it was that somehow, someone had managed to put all my feelings in to a song. I always felt less alone when I listened to the few bands that could do that for me.

"Julia?"

The first few times I thought I heard my name; I just ignored it, thinking I was going crazy. And anyway, I wanted to be alone. But the increasingly loud knocks on my door finally became too much to ignore and I turned the music off.

"Jules? Are you awake?"

"Go away," I shouted. "I wanna be alone." The knocking still didn't stop. "Piss off, Mike. I really wanna to be alone." I could hear him leaving and started to cry again, I felt so guilty about hurting his feelings. A few minutes later I heard more footsteps and I could hear him lean against my door.

"Don't shut me out Jules," He said. "Please don't think you need to push me away." I cringed at the sadness in his voice. This was so mean of him. I couldn't bear to see him sad; it just wasn't natural. "I won't leave until you let me in Jules. You know I won't, so just open the door."

I hesitated for a few more minutes. In the end I couldn't resist it anymore. I wanted nothing more than Mike to be with me now. The nightmares about Mike had been almost as disturbing as the nightmares about Cody.

Very slowly, I stood up and I walked to the door. I opened it up and stared into the concerned eyes of my best friend. His eyes were red. I wondered if he had been crying too, or if he was merely tired. Mike pulled me against him into a bear-hug. His arms pinned me against his body. I leant my head against his chest.

"Never do this to me again, Jules. Never send me away again," he whispered in my ear. "I don't care what's wrong with you, I don't care who breaks your heart, I'll always, always, be there for you. Whatever you want from me, whatever you need from me… it's yours, I swear." His voice was urgent and strained. He almost sounded like he was in pain.

"Mike…," I started to cry again.

"Shush Jules… you don't have to say anything if you don't want to. I'm here to cheer you up, not to make you feel even worse." He slowly released me from his tight grip and smiled, his eyes never leaving mine. "So, do you want to go and do something, or do you want to hang out here?"

I smiled through my tears. "I'm not exactly dressed to go out, don't you think?"

I was still in my pajamas; my hair was probably a crazy mess; my make-up must have been smeared all across my face. I hadn't had the courage to look in a mirror yet, but I knew I must have looked like hell. With any other man, I would have been really uncomfortable looking like this, but when I was with Mike, I always felt at ease. I was glad that this was one part of our relationship that hadn't changed.

"You look good enough for me, gorgeous," A charming smile played around his lips. "And anyway, I see nothing a shower can't fix."

When I heard him mention the shower, I felt a pull in my stomach. My eyes grew big and an involuntary smile crept on my lips. A second later, I felt bad for thinking about this now, when only a few minutes ago I had been heartbroken over Cody. Mike, however, didn't give me the chance to sink back into my depressed mood, as he reacted to the thoughts that he must have seen in my eyes.

"Don't worry, Jules," He said, rolling his eyes. "I wasn't thinking about that. You have to try a lot harder to get me into bed again. I'm not easy, you know."

"Ha ha… aren't you the funny one," I smirked at him. "I bet you can't remember how many times you've slept with a girl that you'd only just met. I know I can't count them."

"That's so not the point. Has anyone ever told you how mean you are?" He pouted at me. "And now you go and take a shower. I'll order something to eat. I'm starving."

Mike pushed me towards the bathroom and just as I thought he had gone back to acting as just my friend, he smacked me on my butt. The expression in his eyes when I looked back at him over my shoulder was nothing less than devious. For one moment I thought about dragging him with me into the shower. He wouldn't resist me, I was sure about that. If I had understood him correctly, he had just told me that I needed to take the initiative if I wanted more of him.

As the warm water relaxed my tense muscles, I tried to guide my thoughts along safe roads. Finding a safe topic to think about wasn't so easy. The moment Mike wasn't near me, my mind tended to slip back to Cody, but I really didn't want to fall apart again. I had shed enough tears for him. I needed to try and accept that we would never be together. But as much as I wanted to go on with my life, I wasn't quite ready to give up on Cody yet.

Thinking about Mike wasn't the easy escape I had hoped it was. It got my mind off Cody for sure, but it also brought my mind back to what had happened in this exact shower less than 24 hours ago. That thought made my legs turn to jelly. No, those thoughts weren't safe at all, but they were very, very pleasant. Again, I realized that it had taken Mike only a few minutes to get me to snap out of my depressed mood, and to make me feel alive again.

A few minutes later, I was going back into my room, comfortably dressed in sweats and a tank top. I wanted to hang out there for now and maybe go out into town a little later. That was, if Mike managed to cheer me up a little more. The subject of my thoughts was sprawled out on my bed, shoveling pancakes in his mouth and chuckling at the television.

"You big, greedy pig, that's my breakfast you're eating. When did I offer to buy you some, anyway?"

"Relax Jules," He sent me a lazy smile. "I ordered some for you, too. And to make up for this, I'll buy you dinner sometime soon. If you're a good girl I might even take you somewhere nice."

"I'll have to think about that… I'm not so sure that I want to be seen in public with you," I said, teasing him, before I ordered him. "Now give me some of those pancakes. They smell good."

When we had wolfed down the crazy breakfast he had ordered, we made ourselves comfortable on the bed. At first we sat next to each other, a little distance between us. It made me nervous. I wanted to snuggle up against him to feel safe and sheltered again, but on the other hand, I didn't want to make things between us even more blurry. I shifted restlessly, unable to find a comfortable position to sit in. It was as if he took this as a sign, because he soon wrapped an arm around my shoulder and pulled me close, meanwhile sliding down in a half-lying, half-sitting position. I rested my head on his shoulder and a moment later I put my arm across his stomach. It was too pleasant to resist.

He was flipping channels fast. I stared lazily at the television; I didn't really focus on the screen, and tried to stay in this blissful mood. When he finally found something interesting, a rerun episode of Grey's Anatomy, I let myself be pulled into the tale quickly. It was one of my favorite episodes, with one of the most memorable scenes when Meredith begs Derek to choose her over his wife. I said the words 'so pick me, choose me, love me' along with her.

Mike tightened his arms around me at this scene and he buried his face in my hair. I looked up at him to see what was wrong. He had a dreamy and somewhat sad expression on his face. The usual smile was gone and there was something in his eyes that I couldn't quite grasp.

"What are you thinking Mike?"

"You don't want to know what I'm thinking, believe me Jules, you don't," His voice was serious, but a slight smile played around his lips now.

I couldn't resist teasing him a little. "Ah… are you thinking dirty things about me again, Mikey?"

He chuckled, "I am now, thanks for reminding me." The way he checked me out made me blush. His grin became even wider. "I can tell you what I'm thinking now, if you still want to know."

I shifted so I was lying partly on top of him. His hands slipped around my waist immediately and with his thumbs he stroked the few inches of exposed skin on my back just above my waistband.

"Please tell me Mike, I'm curious about what you're thinking now." My hands messed with his hair; we were staring into each other's eyes. The tension between us was building fast.

"You make it very hard to think when you're acting like this, gorgeous." He pushed my top up a little and now his entire hands could reach my bare skin. His hands were hot against my cold skin. His soft touch gave me shivers. "I'm thinking about everything I want to do with you, about everything I want you to do with me…" He pushed my top up a little more. "And I'm thinking about what you've already done to me, and I wonder if it will be even better the next time," his voice was husky now. "And most of all I'm wondering when the next time will be," the last part was almost a groan. My fingers tightened in his hair when I heard his words.

Desire raced hot in my veins and I could see my feelings mirrored in his eyes. I desperately wanted to be kissed by him. I had to admire his self-control. I could feel how much he wanted me and still he waited for me to take the next step. I thought about teasing him some more, to force him to take the initiative, I lent closer with the plan to only kiss his cheek, but as my lips neared his, I couldn't resist the temptation. Heat flowed through my body the moment our lips met. His lips melted against mine, his tongue begged for entrance and I slightly parted my lips to let him in. He let one hand slip under my top and pulled me further on top of him. His other hand slipped into my sweats and started to massage my butt. I moaned into the kiss. His erection pushed against me and I moved my hips against him. A loud groan was my reward. Both hands were tugging on my top now. I sat up a little to allow him to take it off, still not breaking the kiss...

"Julia!" Someone shouted, accompanied with loud knocking. I cursed Jack for his timing.

"Ignore him Jules." Mike pulled me back into the kiss. His arms tightened around me and he made it impossible to get away from him. Honestly, I didn't want to. I wanted Jack to piss off and leave me and Mike to get on with what we were doing, his hands felt so good.

"Julia!" His voice was really urgent now. "Do you know where Cody is?"

This got my attention. I broke the kiss and pushed Mike away. He sighed. He must have understood it was useless to try to hold me now. I smiled apologetically, pulled down my top and hurried to the door.

"Julia? Why didn't you answer your phone? I tried to call you a million times."

I didn't even hear his question. "What do you mean by 'Do you know where Cody is'?"

"He isn't at the hotel, hasn't been there all night. Randy bribed the maid into letting him check Cody's room." Nervously he raked his hand through his hair. "We hoped he was with you."

I shook my head. "I haven't seen him since he ran out on me last night." I bit my lip. What if something happened to him? He was so mad yesterday. Have you tried calling him?"

He nodded. "I got about as much luck as I did trying to call you. That's why we hoped he came to see you."

"I've gotta try and find him." I was getting myself into a panic. Jack grabbed my arm and dragged me back into my room.

"That's no use. A lot of the guys are already looking for him. I'll call Randy, let him know that you're still alive and don't know where Cody is." His eyes widened when he saw Mike, who was at my side in two steps and pulled me against him.

"Jules, you need to calm down ok?" I was hyperventilating now.

"Something bad happened to him, I know it, I know it." My breath came out in ragged sobs.

Mike cupped my face in his hands and he looked into my eyes. "Just try to breathe slowly Jules…they'll find him soon. Everything will be alright, I promise… please calm down now, Jules. Come on gorgeous… you can do it, you're stronger than this, I know that." He tenderly stroked my tears away. After what felt like hours I could breath again. His eyes were the only thing that kept me sane. I was still shaking and crying. He pulled me into a hug and over my head he spoke to Jack.

"Why did you spring it on her like this?"

"Sorry man, I'm just really worried…"

Mike interrupted him abruptly, "Shut up, I won't have you upsetting her again. We'll talk outside ok?"

"Jules," he pulled back to look into my eyes again. "I have to talk to Jack about this. Will you be alright for a minute? I'll be right back, ok?"

I nodded. I still felt shaken, but my panic was bearable now. I knew I should've felt insulted that Mike didn't want me to hear what Jack had to say, but I only felt sheltered.