Theme: Long Hours

Setting: Alternate version of First Impressions; set after Sinful

Pairing: KBK

Warnings: Battousai. Death threat. Gohei. Enough said.

Notes: Sequel to Sinful.

Words: 1,340

17. Long Hours

There were times when being an immortal demonic shadow assassin was great fun.

And there were times when he wished he'd died of cholera with the rest of his family.

This was one of the latter days. He was engaging in one of the wild card activities he was forced to endure every one in a while. Collaboration. Specifically, helping the vampire rogue hunters catch particularly dangerous rogues. The rogue in question was calling himself the Donut Master, which didn't seem all that dangerous to Kenshin, but then again Hiko had sent him on this assignment so it was probably punishment for spiking his sake with LSD. Again. At the time, it had been worth it just to see his Shishou act like total moron.

Now, it seemed like a stupid idea. It wasn't the vampire himself- he was a complete nutcase and rather enjoyable to fight because one, he sucked, and two, he yelled the most ridiculous things like "I shall devour the rainbow of chicken wings!" It was good for everyone's morale. It wasn't the team who was supposed to be helping him, since they were reasonably focused, intelligent, and had a sense of humor.

No, it was their boss, Gohei Himura. Gohei Himura thought he was God' gift to women, was prejudiced against...everyone, and finally and most horribly, was completely convinced that Kenshin was a kinky homosexual in denial. Those were his exact words.

He'd dealt with comments on his slightly feminine appearance before, but after seeing him slaughter people, objects, and idiots, they'd stopped. Fast. Gohei was too thick to notice the way his hand kept moving toward the hilt of his blade. He also missed the telltale twitch of his right eye. The only person who could really read Kenshin's emotions was Kaoru Kamiya, one of the volunteers on the rogue unit. And she only knew that because she and Kenshin were...well, she didn't know what they were. The relationship could be considered 'stalker-stalkee'. They had met at a bar somewhere and he had ended up hounding her into going to coffee with him. This was her perspective- he considered the coffee a date. And he wasn't stalking her. Really, he wasn't. He hadn't gotten her contact information out of her cell when she went to the bathroom at the coffeehouse.

Okay, so he was stalking her.

But Kaoru was not the problem. She would come around eventually. The problem was that idiot Gohei, who had decided once again to force his presence upon them while they tried and failed to work out a list of targets for Donut Master. Apparently, the bearded man was bored, because he was engaging in his favorite pastime: picking on Kenshin.

"So, cupcake, when are you and Kamatari hooking up?"

"My guess is that Mortar changed Donut Master. Mortar is known for half-changing tem and then reversing the change so that his victim goes insane. He usually creates rogues when he's trying to flee, and we were close to catching him right about when Donut Master was released." Kenshin shut Gohei out, hoping his temper could stand the idiot's assault before he decapitated him and mounted his head on the wall.

"Aw, isn't that sweet. A secret romance? Give it up, fruitcake."

"Your priority is to catch Donut Master alive, because Mortar might have old him something. We can drain all his memories and take a look. The other possibility is that-"

There was a hand on his shoulder. A large, hairy-knuckled, macho hand. Gohei laughed insanely. "What, does that make you uncomfortable, you pumpkin? Don't go falling in love with me now-"

The assassin turned around, grabbed Gohei by the neck and slammed his head into the nearest empty desk as hard as he could. The desk in question was Kamatari's. Everyone in the room was fairly certain that Kamatari would have the brains to nod and smile when he heard how the desk was broken; hell, he'd probably be happy.

Kenshin turned around as though he hadn't been destroying office equipment and continued to talk as though he'd never been interrupted. "-that Mortar sent him into our jurisdiction so he could get in without being caught. Kaoru, that means you can't go anywhere alone."

"Why not?"

"Mortar has a thing for siren blood. He catches them and drains them to death slowly. He savors it."

"Plus there's all this paperwork." Another teammate piped up.

Gohei had regained consciousness, as he was standing up and rubbing his bloody forehead. "Man, pound cake, didn't know you were into...that kind...of stuff..."

His voice slowed and then cracked. Because despite his generally good self control, Kenshin did have a bit of a problem with people who poked fun at his hair, height, supposed femininity, or sexual orientation. Plus Gohei kept referring to him as various forms of dessert.

And so Kenshin was now...smiling. Not a happy, I-am-joyful kind of smile, but a creepy, you-are-going-to-die-and-that-brings-me-good-feelings kind of smile. A smile of a shadow assassin. Advancing on the shaken Gohei, Kenshin laughed. His eyes, narrowed into a death-glare, were cold and intense.

"I am going to rip you r innards out and pickle them."

"Oh, great, he's cracked." Kaoru muttered.

"I am going to shred you into tiny little pieces so that they won't be able to identify what you are, let alone who you are...assuming there are even remains."

"Just-just put down the sword okay? W can talk about this."

"Who said anything about the sword? I plan on killing you with my bare hands." Kenshin rolled up his sleeves and Gohei screamed.

"EEEK! Don'tkillmedon'tkillmedon'tkiiilllmeeee..."

"Why shouldn't I kill you? You're irritating, you're stupid, and you keep referring to me as 'cupcake'."

At that moment, the tension was broken by the ringing of a phone. It took a moment to comprehend that it was the scary demon's cell phone. Sighing, Kenshin answered it.

"Battousai."

"Uh, Kenshin? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Sano, why do you ask?"

"Because one of the vampire hunters who you're supposed to be helping just called and said you'd snapped."

"...damn."

"Hiko says not to kill Gohei; we need his organization's cooperation."

"I'd be doing them a favor." The redhead said with a sigh. "Fine, fine I'll leave him alive and relatively unharmed..."

"Hiko also said not to mentally torture him."

"No one lets me have any fun."

"Listen, can I-"

"No, I will not lend you money. Goodbye, Sano."

Closing his phone and dropping it into his pocket, he sighed. "You get to live because Shishou enjoys tormenting me. Now shut up or I'll kill you."

"But-you just said that..."

"I lied." Kenshin interjected smoothly. Gohei decided to take the smart route and hurriedly exited the office. The rest of the teammates in the office got back to work, determinedly not looking at him. Smirking and feeling much better, Kenshin began marking on the giant map on the wall as though the last five minutes had not happened.

When the day was over and they were allowed to leave, the traumatized team ran out of the office as if they were cockroaches being chased by Raid. Kenshin was the last to leave, since he had to pick up the splintery pieces of the poor, defenseless desk.

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"You're not gay, are you?" Kaoru drawled later. Kenshin had accidentally shown up at a club while she was there. She was still trying to figure out who was supplying him with her schedule-she suspected Megumi because she'd tried it once before- but when she found out, there would be pain. Oh, there would be pain. Waiting for her 'boyfriend' to answer, she hoped and prayed that Gohei had been right. Then it would mean he didn't have an unhealthy obsession with her. Right?

"Straight as an arrow, sweetheart." She sighed and stared moodily at her drink.

She'd come around somehow, Kenshin mused as he stared at her frown.

After all the long, hard hours he'd put into getting close to her- even enduring Gohei Hiruma- she had better.

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I usually post two or three of these themes at once since they're so short. Is that okay or would you prefer one at a time? This was fun to write; it's an alternate version of the way FI could have been (same characters, same universe, but diff. scenarios).