Her hair is still wet, from her shower, as she stands on Maura's front porch. She knocks on the door, only half expecting Maura to answer. She hears footsteps, and Maura answers the door, in her pajamas.
"Jane? What are you doing here?"
"I should have called first."
"What's going on?"
"Can I come in?""Of course," Maura nods.
"Maura, I didn't know who else to come to."
"Jane, you're shaking."
"I know."
"What's wrong?"
"I am starting to go through withdrawal."
"What are you talking about?"
"Maura, there is a lot that you don't know about me. There are a lot of things that I hide from you, from everyone. I have gotten really good, at hiding things."
"Ok."
"I need help."
"With what?"
"Maura every day, for over a decade, I have drank."
"You have a tough job."
"No," she shakes her head, "I mean I drink."
"You have a beer, or two..."
Jane shakes her head, "No. I drink a lot. When I get home, I drink. I drink from the time I get home, until the time I fall asleep."
"You're kidding, right?"
"No," she shakes her head, "I don't know how to stop."
"You're joking, right?"
"About what?"
"Jane you're not an alcoholic."
"I am."
"I would know."
"No one knows, not even my own mother."
"Why are you telling me, now?"
"Because, I told Frost."
"Oh."
"And... he told me all of this stuff, and I don't know how to process it. I always just shut down, instead of dealing with things."
"But, it's Frost, so you can't?"
"Right," Jane nods.
"You want my help?"
"Do you know any..."
Maura cuts her off, "Do you have vacation, or sick days, to burn?"
"Yeah, why?"
"I don't want you to lose your job."
"What are you proposing?"
"I will help you."
"You can't. I don't expect that from you. Maura, it's going to get really ugly."
"That's ok. You're my best friend, and you would do the same for me."
Finally, after a week, Maura allows Jane to go back home. She escorts her home, to check for any alcohol.
"Maura check anywhere you want. I got rid of everything."
"You're an alcoholic."
"Don't trust me."
Maura goes over the apartment with a fine toothed comb. She checks every nook, and cranny. She finds nothing. She stops, in front of the couch, where Jane is sitting.
"Up!" Maura insists.
Jane gets off the couch. Maura pulls the couch cushions off. She finds nothing.
"Ok."
"Are you satisfied?"
"Yes," Maura nods.
"You had Frost come in before you, didn't you?"
"Yes," Maura admits.
"And?"
"He fished some bottles out of the toilet."
"Oh. I had forgotten about those."
"Jane, are you going to be ok, if I leave you here? Alone?"
"I can't have someone babysit me, everyday of my life."
"Ok, I'm going to leave you alone."
After a few hours of reading, and a hot shower, Jane climbs into bed. She turns out the light, and for the first time, in a very long time, she falls asleep, without craving a drink. An hour later her sleep is interrupted. She gets the sensation that someone is watching her. She carefully opens her eyes, and rolls over, to face the door. She sees the figure, standing in the doorway.
It moves towards her. She doesn't reach for her gun. She allows it to stop, next to her bed.
"Go back to sleep, I'm just checking in on you," he tells her.
"Frost, I'm fine."
"Goodnight," he leaves her alone, with her thoughts.
She lies in her bed, wide awake. She thinks about all of the things that she's done wrong. All of the chances she should have taken. As she begins to drift towards a state of unconsciousness, she keeps thinking of Frost.
His words echo in her head. The truth was, she had never really loved anyone. It wasn't that she hadn't tried, but she always let herself shut-down. Pushing people away, was better, than letting them get too close. Being alone, was better, than sharing a life with someone, who may choose to walk away.
She had chances, to be loved. To fall in love, with the one. Or, someone who had the potential, to be the one. The truth was, she didn't know how to be happy. She was afraid of being happy. Happiness is brief, especially to the undeserving, at least, in her mind. She was the least deserving of them all. And because of the mistakes she had made, the ones she can never forget, she never lets herself be happy. She runs from it, because it's bittersweet, and the moment is always fleeting.
She opens her eyes for a moment, to check the time, on her clock. She reaches over, to double check, that it's turned on. She feels a piece of paper, sitting next to it. She flips on the lamp. She finds a folded piece of paper, that wasn't there earlier. She opens it, and reads it to herself.
Jane,
I'm not going anywhere. I'll always be around if you need me. Tonight, if you happen to need me, I'll be on your couch.
Barry
