Cross-posted to my profile: If anyone's interested (and I'm assuming you won't be) I just made a twitter for a certain R. Vialle. It's just an exercise in creativity really (and OH GOD I LOVE WRITING HER SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME). https :// twitter. com /rvialle (without the spaces). Check it.
And now... shit gets real.
Chapter Twelve: …But Home is Nowhere
So whoever can guess what the title of this chapter is from gets some virtual cookies. Fresh-baked this morning, y'know. Or, fresh-pixelated. Whatever.
So I hadn't really thought through where exactly I was going to go after I stormed out of Severus' quarters with only the tank top and shorts I had on plus the throw rug I'd been dragging around. Going anywhere public was out of the question, obviously, so I went to the only other place I knew – my old quarters, where I'd lived before realising that I was madly in love with Severus and needed to spend every second of every day with him. Well, these seconds would be spent far away from him and his stupid insecurities. I pushed open the door and found the place mostly unchanged, aside from a small girl leaning over the desk. It was Ana, in her usual brown pigtails, and she gasped as she saw me come in.
"What're you doing here?" I asked, dumbfounded. I moved to the bed and sat on it, the throw rug wrapped tightly around myself against the chill. She was writing on a long piece of parchment but had paused mid-word and ink was creating a small circle in her work.
"Sorry if I shouldn't be, it's just that you showed me this place and it's deserted all the time and it's too loud in the common room and I can't do my work and -"
"Ana, calm down, it's fine," I said, attempting to pacify her. "You know, you could be working in the library."
"I don't need books," she said, rather smugly in fact. I'd have to take her down a rung or two in Potions class, then again Severus would probably do that. He was quite good at killing one's buzz. Almost… too good. "And it's the same problem. People always trying to talk to me when I'm trying to work." Excellent, she'd made friends then. I had been a bit worried about Ana when I heard she'd be coming here. An annoying little know-it-all like her could find herself quite lonesome in a school of magic. Not that I'd had that problem, my horrific ineptitude for every subject other than Potions was as well-known as it was debilitating. I almost had to repeat fifth year, but it turned out that my 100% at Potions balanced out my shocking 0% for Divination, accomplished by not having turned up to the exam. It wasn't my fault, though. Lucindy and some guy were having a very public break-up by greenhouse two and I had to be there both for the entertainment value and to console Lucindy afterwards. By 'console' I mean 'we snuck out to Hogsmeade for ice-cream and to laugh about the emotional destruction of whatever guy it was'. Lucindy was a laugh, even if I was usually lumped with the task of listening to the guy whine for a week afterwards about how he just loved her so much, and why didn't she love him like he loved her? Oh, good times.
At that sudden moment, I realised that Ana had been staring at me for the past five minutes and I'd been gazing blankly at the corner of the desk. Smooth. "Well you see," I said, trying desperately to remember what it is she'd said. "You see… erm… what's that you're writing there anyway?"
"History of Magic essay. A half-roll of parchment on what the International Wizarding Conference of 1366 means to me." I recognised all of the words and the way in which they were combined into a sentence, but I was still lost. And I think Ana knew it. "Basically they just made tougher laws for people who cursed each other."
"That's just lovely, Ana," I managed to say. "Use this room all you want… I'm never here."
"I know," she said with a smile. "What're you doing here now?"
"Escaping," I said shortly, before sitting on the bed. The blue throw was still wrapped around my shoulders and I pulled it tighter around me.
"From Professor Snape?" she queried. It took me a moment to realise she was talking about Severus, and I nodded quickly to send the bewildered expression off my face. Ana assumed a knowing expression that was somewhat irksome. "Mum said in her last owl that it was just a matter of time before you realised what a creepy old bat he is."
"I'll have you know he's… well… okay, he's exactly a creepy old bat," I admitted. Well, he was. "But I already know that. So your mum really doesn't have a case against him."
"You're still escaping," Ana reminded me. I grumbled somewhat.
"Well, I've got good reason." She raised her eyebrows. "I do. He was all, I don't want you going out again tonight, and I was all like, hey, don't tell me what to do. See Ana, nobody tells me what to do. I don't follow nobody's rules." She cracked up, giggling insanely. I couldn't help it. I joined her in fits of the giggles that took a while to subside.
It was interesting, to say the least, spending an afternoon with my niece. Eventually I went through the place to see if I'd left anything behind in my gradual shift to Severus', and found a bunch of old magazines that I used to read religiously back when I had my own place, worked somewhere I didn't live. I flicked through them casually as Ana continued writing her essay, and it was in somewhat comfortable silence that the bulk of our time was passed.
Eventually it started getting dark outside, and Ana packed up her things and left me alone. It was beginning to get chilly, too, so I spread the throw rug over the pre-existing blankets on the bed and slipped in. It was probably only about eight or nine, considering what time of year it was, but I really couldn't be bothered lighting candles or anything like that. Wide awake, I lay on my side in the bed I hadn't occupied for about half a year, wondering how I'd gotten to this point. Back in my old bed. I'd had a similar experience when I'd gone back to my parents' place for the summer. Then, at least, I'd been so familiar with my old room that it wasn't super-hard adjusting (though I never got used to being without Severus) but now I was back in a bed I hadn't even used for a year, and it was like running into someone I'd met while drunk. It seems somewhat known, but it's still unsettling. And I was still without Severus. Being alone in bed, that was an unpleasant feeling. Tiny movements, they were gone. The stillness was creepy. No sounds of breathing or the tiny snorts that Severus sometimes emitted when he was dreaming about being a rhinoceros (he'd told me about it once while half-asleep and though he denied it afterwards, I would always know the truth). The silence was oppressive. No sleepy body rolled over beside me to drape an arm over the dip in my waist. The nearest human being was not inches but hundreds of yards away. I'd never felt so alone in my life, not after spending the past Merlin-knows-how-long sleeping next to him.
I stared out the window at the stars beginning to sparkle brightly. The sky around them was a dark navy, almost black now. It was probably around half past nine, or a bit earlier maybe. My head swam with visions of roses, owls and statues. Images melted into one another and I felt my eyes droop closed. Damn sleepiness, I was almost being poetic before it decided to take over. Oh well.
