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I can't breathe, I can barely think. My grip has doubled on the sides of the chair, my knuckles white and my heart pounding like a drum in my chest; my breathing is little more than violent pants that I have no control of.
The tributes are running, faster and faster. The cornucopia is just a battle of bodies; fighting, running, trying to stay alive.
Marina is running towards the centre of the cornucopia; her hands find a long blade- a heavy knife that's got a curved tip which would hook any potential victim. She's running back into the bloodbath, blood is everywhere the ground is thick with it and there is no mercy. Her face says it all, I can see the indecision; can see that she is unsure as to whether she can kill or…
And now that's all over, she rips the blade from the throat of the girl from Seven who came at her, dousing herself in…
The girl from seven…
Oh God, Johanna…
'Oh…' Finnick breathes next to me.
'What?' I ask quickly, my mind turning over thought upon thought.
'That's both of seven…'
And that mean…
'Hugo.' I breathe.
I can't comprehend what I have just seen. I can't think about anything except the fact Marina may have just killed her district partners only hope of survival…
I can't pull my eyes away from Finnick's screen, even though I should be watching my own I can do nothing except watch little Hugo hidden in the tree line, my only thoughts are for him to run; to run away from the bloodbath- for him to live another day. I shut my eyes, sending up a silent prayer; hoping that God is listening and will grant this perfect youth another day.
'Hugo no!' Finnick shouts, shocking me from my prayer of hope, I look up at the screen and I too make a sound of pain. Instead of escaping, Hugo has made his way into the very heart of the cornucopia; somehow unscathed.
'What is he doing?' I say loudly, standing from my chair and leaning in at the screen. His eyes are bright, and full to the rim of fear. I can look nowhere but at the eyes that still hold with them considerable amounts of youth, and childhood- his baby fat is even more apparent to me now than ever- and I know in my heart that I will need a miracle for him to survive the next few minutes. His curls bob up and down as he spins grabbing a bag and a knife from an array on the wall; spending what I know is too long picking at the piles of survival tools that have been laid out. My heart is beating way to fast, my breath is coming out in small pants because I know without a doubt he is taking too long.
'Move Hugo…just move.' I breathe.
But he doesn't and all I can do is watch as he picks at another knife; another bag of food…and as he hides behind some huge boxes when he hears feet. I watch him with everything in me, hoping that my sheer stare will be enough to protect and to keep him alive. I watch as that huge boy from two, Cato sweeps into the centre; as he runs his finger along the boxes and as smiles wickedly at himself. I send a million mental prayers, in hope one of them will be answered. I sweep my eyes quickly to Finnick to see him frozen, with his hands knotted in fists at his side and his teeth nipping painfully at his lip.
I flick back to the screen taking in just how tiny Hugo is, how wild his perfect curls are and just how unfair this whole thing is. It's as I think these thoughts, he moves and a sound that's pain, anger, regret comes from me without conscious thought. He looks to his left as he moves, and in doing so I cry out because he has missed Cato. He stumbles back into a pile of boxes, sending them flying across the cornucopia. His eyes are like saucers, as he looks at Cato- the hulking mass of muscle that I know he understands means his death and although I know I should look away I can't rake my eyes away from the screen in front of me. He keeps taking tiny steps back, as Cato watches him with a sick look in his eyes and smile at his lips- the hatred I feel for that boy is burning at my blood, as I watch him calculating the fear inside Hugo. Cato advances, taking long strides until he within a breath of Hugo, I see Hugo's eyes fill with tears; see his chin begin to wobble as the whole acre of fear comes over him. I watch as Cato drops his weapon and pounces at Hugo who makes a pained scream; within a breath Cato has Hugo pressed against him and with just the smallest twist of his muscles he breaks Hugo's neck and the crack echoes around both me and Finnick alike.
And with that a message beeps in Finnick's screen.
As the Status of Hugo changes from Alive to Dead.
And his time freezes at 00:00:21:13
'No!' I scream. 'Oh my god no…please no…' I sob.
'Shit.' Finnick breathes, as he flicks his eyes over to me and I see in his the sparkle of tears.
'He was a baby…' I whisper. I turn my head back to my screen to see Marina; and the sight of her shocks me to my core- she's laughing. Laughing with Cato, as he points to the tiny broken body of Hugo.
'What the…' I say, my voice laced with anger. 'What the hell is she doing?'
Her eyes are cold and dark, she is cleaning her knife on corner of her jacket. Smiling at Cato and laughing. I turn up the volume of my screen, knowing now that it need not matter whether Finnick's screen can be heard or not.
'...nothing but a twist of the arm!' Cato laughs, making me shake with anger.
'He was pathetic!' Marina laughs, nudging him with her toe.
I turn the volume down, beyond able to even think about the three words I've just heard come out her mouth; she has sickened me- I cannot bare to look at her. I cannot bare to even think about helping her. It's as I shake my head in disgust, the door behind me opens banging against the wall.
'Have you seen what she has just done?' Johanna snarls, her voice vicious.
'Yes…' I sigh, I can feel the beginning of a headache forming at my temples.
'At least she has their trust now.' Finnick says softly.
'Yeah blood hungry or what?' Blight snaps.
'Has their trust…' I breathe.
'What was that?' Johanna asks, as I fall back into my seat deep in thought; my eyes glued to the screen.
'She has their trust…it's an act…'
'Ayda I know you…' Blight begins. I turn to look at Finnick.
'You know she can act, and you know something else- you know she wants to comes home…maybe this is all just a way of her…'
'Getting the best possible protection.' Johanna surprises me by finishing my sentence.
'Yes exactly, pretending to be something I know she isn't.' I fee somewhat lighter than air, now I've worked this out because I know it's true and she isn't the cold-blooded monster I thought.
'Like me pretending to be weak.' Johanna sighs.
'That's a dangerous tactic.' Blight says, taking a seat of the couch and stretching out. 'People might not like that…'
'Fuck that. They love the blood hungry, the Capital will be loving it.' Johanna is right, they will love the fact she is turning against her district all in aim of the games- all they want is a good show.
'Right then between us we have one tribute, how about we keep her alive?' Finnick says softly, looking at Johanna and Blight.
'Is this even allowed?' Blight queries.
'Do I even care? No I don't! I'll help.' Johanna says, sitting down on the arm of my chair.
'Well then maybe four of us can get one out.' Blight sighs.
'In this place, I really don't know.
Time does in fact pass. Even when one would not expect it too as darkness parades on the arena the capital's seal appears in the sky and I watch as Marina watches from her sleeping bag near the lake. Eleven dead in one day- almost half gone I mere hours. Seeing Hugo's face is like slap, and I can't rid myself of the feeling that went through me when I saw in his eyes the knowledge that he was going to die.
It's also very surprising what can happen in the games; and these games seem to be the most surprising yet. Some random turn of events has led to the district twelve boy becoming part of the careers; something none of us could even begin to comprehend as it is as yet unheard of in the whole 74-year history of the games.
I find myself sometimes watching him, as Finnick's screen now just plays the games from a viewer's point of view. He is part of their group purely so they find and kill the girl from Twelve. Cato's plan, is that he will be able to direct them to her and in so he will be able to kill them both; something the girl from One -Glimmer- is somewhat sceptical about but even from my viewpoint I know Glimmer and Cato have something far more pressing on their minds; something which is clear from Glimmer's flirtatious giggling and frequent touches.
It is now with just me and Johanna left in the little room, I feel somewhat light; knowing that she is as safe as she could possibly be and in a much healthy state than many others.
'Do you think he really likes her?' I say to Johanna, watching the boy from Twelve as he's bedded near Marina.
'What?'
'Do you think all this with Twelve is true? Do you think he really likes her?'
'Well he's in the band who's going to kill her, so I'm going to say no.' Johanna laughs softly. 'Unless he's a lot smarter…'
'Or Haymitch is?' I gamble.
'What do you mean?'
'Well we planned for Hugo and your two, maybe Haymitch and the boy came up with plan.'
'That's pretty far-fetched!' Johanna laughs, making me chuckle too despite myself.
'It's been a long day!' I say in defence.
'Whatever A, I still love you…' She sighs smiling softly.
'Why than…'
'What they doing?' Johanna's snap, brings me back to the games.
'Smoke, they are following that fire.' I say pointing to screen in front of Johanna.
'Lovely.'
We watch them move like a well-armed team; with the boy from district three staying behind to stay guard. Any thoughts I had of sleep are well and truly gone as I can't rip my eyes away from the screen in front of me, as they make their way into the woods- they walk a purpose; heading directly to the poor little girl who has lit her fire. District Nine's girl.
I watch them get closer to her, and I can't keep my eyes away as they go in for the kill nor can I stop my gasp as I look at Johanna's screen and see that the girl from Twelve is perched up high in a tree; having just heard her district partner alert them to the fact he'd spied one of her snares. The bickering goes back and forth between the Career tributes when he goes back to finish off the girl from Nine that Cato didn't kill enough. The power Cato has over them seems wrong, but the look in Marina's eyes tells me she's biding her time for something.
And that's it, they find somewhere spacious and sleep.
The elevator ride up to my floor is soothing, as she has survived the day.
'See you tomorrow?' I smile at Johanna.
'Yeah I'll see you tomorrow.'
And as I crawl under the sheets with Axel, wrapped in his arms I feel something as delicate as a soap bubble and just as beautiful rise up inside me- hope.
