We move on to when I was five and at the orphanage, I was an easy target for bullies, which always seems to emotionally aggravate me because I was still grieving. I was a bully victim and being a bully victim sucks.
Chapter 12: Bullying at the Orphanage
Two years has passed by since my parents death and I still feel the hurt deep down inside of me while I was at the orphanage. As time grew on, I started to feel more and more lonely than anything because my parents were gone. At times, it felt like I was stuck in ths bad dream that I could never wake up to. It was like nothing could help me ease my emotional pain that I'm in. 5 years of age and I still feel emotionally broken over what happened and I spent those years in my isolated room, where I always find myself alone.
The caretaker started to worry about me because I never come out much in two years. I didn't care much because no one understand me at all, not even the other orphans can understand my emotional scars.
She passes by my room and stops in to see if I was okay. I never turned around to face her because the hurt grew deeper and deeper than anything.
When I do get out of my room however, I always look at the other kids and see them just playing around, but I was always the outcast because no one would play with a panda like me. It's like I'm different from the others and I became an easy target for bullies around here.
One such person threw a ball on my head and one taunted, "I thought a panda would be big, not small!"
They were all laughing at me because of the way I am. I didn't understand why would they do that. Then, another one comes at me and said, "You shouldn't even be here! No family in the Valley of Peace will ever adopt someone like you!"
I realize that I am the target of their bullying and when I ran away, the teasing intensified and they start throwing things at me. Then, one such bully-an ox- came in front of me and they came around and chased me down. When I tried to get away, they grabbed me by the ankle and just beat me up. I started screaming loudly as the rest of the gang were egging him on and laughing as I suffered by their bullying.
"Let me go!" I exclaimed, sobbing.
"Shut up, yoou stupid little crybaby!" the bully shouted.
I tried to break free but he kept pulling my leg harder and harder and then, I attempted to escape from them and continued running. I ran as fast as I could and then I stopped and stood on the doors and to my surprise, some more kids continued to tease me again as they pointed and laughed at me.
I didn't know what they were laughing at this time, but one said, "I guess some pandas can't hold on to their water!"
It didn't take long for me to realize that I looked down and I saw that I wet myself and it ended up on the ground. I was so scared and embarassed at the same time while the others were laughing at me. I backed myself away as my tears start coming out of my eyes and I just ran back to my room crying.
I went into the hallways, away from the bullying and all the noise, but the voices of them just kept surrounding my head and it couldn't get out fast enough.
'I thought pandas are fat, not skinny!'
'Skinny Panda!'
'You shouldn't even belong here!'
'No family will adopt a freak like you!'
'This orphanage would be better off without you!'
'Well, I guess some pandas can't hold their water!'
My feelings were broken and I couldn't even make it into my room. As I was walking, I got down on my knees and started crying in the hallway. Those bullies really messed me up and there was nothing I could do I about it. It was that moment that it hit me-no one would adopt someone like me for the way I am.
I curled myself up, put my head down and just broke down sobbing. Suddenly, I felt a hand placed gently on my shoulder, but I didn't even look.
"Are you okay?"
I said nothing because I wasn't sure if I could speak or not, but that voice was a female. She kept talking, "I heard what happened earlier. I'm really sorry."
I slowly looked at her with tears rolling down on my face and she wiped my tears and I asked, "Who are you?"
"Shai Mu. You?"
"Musaki. How did you find me?"
"I was walking by and then I heard some laughing and I saw that they were laughing at you and I can tell that you were being bullied by some of the orphans."
I sniffled a few times and I stood up and said, "I don't understand it. Why am I so different?"
"You don't look any different to me."
I figured that she wanted to be my friend, but I wasn't exactly sure how it would be. I looked at her and asked, "Are you saying this because you feel sorry for me?"
She was taken aback by this and asked, "What do you mean?"
"I don't know. I...I thought that you might... somehow turn against me."
"No, that's not true. I would never do that. Besides, I've been bullied before and I know what that feels like."
I didn't know what to make of it, but I wasn't sure if I can trust her or whatnot because it's been two years since my parents died and it still hurts. I turned to her and said, "Thanks for your concern and I appreciate it, but...I'm just not ready."
"Ready for what?"
I sighed softly and there were more tears coming out of my eyes and replied, "To have a friend."
I walked away and headed back to my room. I know that she was there for me, but I wasn't sure if I can trust anyone anymore. I sat down on the ground near the corner just to turn away from everyone. Then, she opened my door and didn't even bother to turn around. It wasn't that I had anything against her, it was because I had a huge trust issue when it comes to making new friends.
She went to me and gave me a hug and then she left. I sighed heavily and felt like it was gonna stop the emotional pain, but the fact that my parents are gone still kills me. And the bullying-I felt like it'll be neverending.
That's when I realize that I just had to face it-no one will ever adopt someone like me. I didn't want to be a burden to most adopted parents because I miss my real ones so much.
I had no hope at all.
Animation Universe 2005: You've been through it a lot, huh?
Musaki: It still hurts to even talk about it to this day.
Animation Universe 2005: Does it get bad?
Musaki: (sighs heavily): It gets worse. The next chapter will sum it up.
Animation Universe 2005: For anyone who's a bully victim, you're not the only one. The next chapter will show how intense it'll be and how fragile and sensitive Musaki is.
Musaki: And let me tell you, it is like the worst thing that bully does to you and it's definitely a side of me no one ever saw at a young age
