Chapter 12

Abandoned

"Jack," Garrett grabs hold of him as soon as he hauls himself onto the ledge above the thundering fall of water, "Jack they got in your head, didn't they?"

As Sawyer clambers up onto the gantry Jack looks about with a cornered expression, gives a forced laugh, "What, you think I had something to do with this --?"

"I know it," Garrett says resolutely, and Sawyer marvels at the new resolve in the previously jelly legged scientist. "Back just before they opened the floodgates on us, did you notice anything strange? A, a cramp, a, a feeling, maybe coming from your implant –?"

"No –" Jack backs away, eyes searching Kate's face for rationality, "No, I'm – I'm fine, I didn't, this – this is ridiculous!"

"So your trying to strangle Dr Strangelove here, that's normal for you is it?" Sawyer growls, stepping forth and Jack shakes his head straining to remain calm,

"I don't know what you're talking about!"

"Look Doc, you decide to go all Carrie on us couldya give us a little warning?" Sawyer retorts and to his amazement, Garret grabs Jack roughly, his nervous stammer gone, bug eyes burning.

"Listen to me now – if you want me to help you, you have to trust me. We don't have much time. I know a trick you can use that will scramble the signal from the implant –"

"You're crazy!" Jack laughs, skin pale and waxy in the light, "You're crazy! There IS no signal!" He turns to the others vehemently, enunciating each word fiercely, "Don't you see? This guy said it himself – this is a psychological experiment. The button, the hatch, these implants – they're not real! They just wanna see how far they can push us. What they can make us believe –"

His hands tear at the bandage on his head and Kate steps forth warningly, eyes flashing, "Jack don't –"

"What!" He laughs wildly, wild logic rife in his eyes, "They can't make me believe this Kate! And you shouldn't either." And with a victorious rip, he pulls the last of the bandage from his head. The silence which cuts out Kate's reply is thick and fast as everyone stares at Jack's head…

"What…there's nothing there…" Jack's says fiercely, again and again, like a deranged mantra he is using to soothe himself as his hands run across his cropped hair frantically. He turns to look into the wall of the tunnel, metal beaten smooth as a mirror… "Nothing there… there's nothing… nothing there…"

The smile drops from Jack's face, leaving behind only horror.


There is a small shaved patch above his left ear, where a small stitched cut runs around the base of a raise bump about the size of a dollar coin. Sawyer can't tear his eyes away from the damn thing, it's hypnotic, knowing there's an identical bump on his own head. On Kate's…

As Sawyer watches him, shoulder throbbing with pain, he knows how this must be killing the Doc. Now there was a time when the only painkiller worth a damn to Sawyer was bringing Saint Jacko down a peg or two – but for some reason, it don't bring the same pleasure it usually does. Now, he feels damn near sick, seeing that look of bewilderment in the usually unshakable Jack, and he suddenly wonders if Jack's obsessive need to know and understand, the need for balance and a sense of order in this place where sense and order's all shot to hell will push him over the edge…

With a massive display of self control, Jack turns back to them, and his eyes blaze first on Alex, then Garrett. His is voice thick with a rage he will never release… "What's the trick, Garrett…"

Garrett steps forth thankfully, and meets his eye. "It's simple. The transmitter has only been implanted in you for what, two, three days?"

"Two," Sawyer says.

"Three," Jack grits softly, and Sawyer could kick himself. He keep's forgetting the Doc's gotta head start on the ole' psychic abilities front.

"Right," Garrett says, "So think of a brick wall. As large and thick as you can. Imagine the bricks, the cement, and imagine building it bigger… and bigger."

Off Jack's confused look, Garrett sighs, "It worked on the last specimen we had! They, they managed to keep us out of their head for a long time…"

"Last specimen?" Kate steps forth, "Wait a minute, you've done this before?"

Garrett looks painfully ashamed… and Jack steps forth, heart flaming for all those who have endured this before him, have been mutilated for this terrible end, and he burns with a hatred for Garrett and all those like him, who would take human lives in their hands and play God, "Who else did you use, Garrett? How many more?"

Sadly, Garrett looks up, and Sawyer who has been watching this all silently knows Garrett will never answer. The man has been caught up in something bigger than himself, carried along in a situation he didn't agree with but was powerless to stop. And he sees Duckett in him again; caught up in a situation he had lost all control of,

Tell Hibbs I would have paid

And he knows suddenly, with iron conviction that Garrett is his second chance. He's never been more certain of anything in his lousy life. But this crazy island sent him many signs along the way, leading him here to this man, to this challenge…

"Anyway… the technique works." Garrett says softly, staring to his feet miserably, "I don't care what you think of me. You're right to hate me, if you do. But I want to help you. I mean that." He turns to Sawyer, "I owe you one. So I'll get you out of here, okay? You don't deserve this."

Sawyer only stares down at him as Jack makes a disgusted sound and continues off up the tunnel. Sawyer taps his bandage tiredly, "You owe me a lot more than one, Hoss."


As they work their way down the wet gantries and walkways which surround the thundering fall of water from the above pipe, Alex drops back with Sawyer. "So where you guys from?" She says anxiously, handing him more ammo for the Beretta, "I haven't seen new specimens here for years now."

"Plane." He grunts. His head is pounding nastily, the transmitter burning hot. "Damn thing fell outta the sky. And can't you come up with a better tag for me than specemin?"

"What, something flowery, something romantic?" Alex quips and Sawyer narrows his eyes at her. Suddenly, his blood is racing, burning him up.

"Funny." And as she rolls her eyes at him and purses her lips, he imagines kissing her suddenly. The notion comes out of nowhere and explodes behind his eyes, dragging her close, covering her mouth with his, feeling her respond --

"Can I take the Beretta?" She offers her military standard issue Socum pistol, but Sawyer is uncertain. She smiles shyly, "I can handle it."

Slapping the fresh mag into the chamber, Sawyer sighs with a tired sparkle in his eye, "Well I got me some pretty big guns, Calamity Jane! Think you can handle those too?"

"You're disgusting." She shakes her head, shoving the last of her ammunition at him - but he catches that look in her eye, that look of lust. He's preyed on the glimmer of that look as a vulture will prey on its dying quarry. He knows.

And as he drops back in surprise, Kate comes up next to him. The crash of the falling water has built so loud he has to yell to be heard. "I think she likes me!" Kate ignores him, and he keeps pace with her quickly, trying to focus on the small matter of getting the hell out of here, instead of the sudden burning in his pants…

"We need to keep an eye on ole' hormonal up front." Kate glances to him tiredly and he elaborates, "Jack!"

"He's got it covered Sawyer." Kate says distantly, ponytail swishing with her pace, "Jack's a strong man, he can handle it."

Sawyer has to resist the urge to laugh his ass off, "Well y'know I love it when a gal's optimistic Freckles, but I don't fancy being the one strangled next time John Edwards up front goes Jekyll and Hyde on our asses! So I think we need a plan –"


Kate has been keeping her distance from Sawyer for a reason. Something is very wrong with the way she is feeling right now. Her temperature is searing even though the chill in these pipes steams her breath before her eyes, and she is sweating heavily even though this pace would normally never faze her. It's coming from her head she realizes with a sick understanding, the implant is radiating waves of nausea through her… nausea and a lust so strong she can barely walk straight. It feels as though her groin is on fire, pounding with an animal urge with is not her own. It is hard enough to stand it when she is focused on the task at hand, but when Sawyer grabs her hand and yanks her towards him, the fire which explodes inside her at his touch makes her gasp.

He looks down at her, surprised at her reaction as she wrenches her arm viciously from his grip, hating him suddenly for doing this to her. She feels his gaze probing into her, asking that unspoken question, what's wrong, and those eyes, she feels them undressing her, on her body –

"Optimistic! I'm not an optimist Sawyer. There is no planning." She turns on him, her eyes blazing coldly, "Whatever is happening to us, it's totally out of our control now – he is totally out of our control. So no, I don't want to make a plan. Alright? And I don't wanna talk about it right now."

He looks to her in shock. For just a moment, he doesn't recognize that icy distance in her eyes at all. There seems to be something else going on here, something in her which has shaken her badly. But he'll be damned if he knows what…

"Jesus, cool it…!" He says, a little hurt. "All I'm sayin' is keep your guard up alright! I'm sorry I spoke."

They walk on in heavy silence a moment as her look wanes, and she winces. He glances sideways at her, knowing he'll probably get shot down for this, but…

"Your head alright?"

"Yeah." She says a little too quickly, "It's fine. How about yours?"

"Oh, peachy keen, jellybean." He can't quite make out what's up with Kate, its like she's seething over something…

"You're incredible, you know that?" She spits. He looks to her, bracing himself.

"Well hell darlin, of course I do."

"You're actually flirting with her." Kate shakes her head in disbelief, and Sawyer sees she is sweating as badly as he is. Is he as white as her? She looks fit to pass out…

"Hell, I'm just as red blooded as the next guy honey. Gotta get my kicks somewhere." He says pointedly, and she stops. Looks to him with an expression he can't read at all, and it suddenly makes him furious. "What!"

"You never change." She says, and now there's sadness there. The fire lining his stomach turns to lead as he gets in close,

"Careful. Do not throw stones from glass fuckin' houses Kate. Neither do you."

She looks at him as if he has just torn her heart from her chest and stomped on it, like she loathes every fibre of him,

And if she really knew you Jimmy, she'd hate your guts

"That's better." He grits down at her, transfixed suddenly by her lips, cupids bow glistening maddeningly, begging to be kissed… and before he can stop himself the words are out. "I think it was you who said I make you sick. Remember that lil' compliment? I'm at deaths door, and I still don't qualify for an ounce of your goddamn emotion."

She clenches her jaw. How much of her speech to Wayne had he actually heard when he was supposed to be unconscious! That's just like him, she thinks suddenly, pretending to be unconscious so he could listen in on things that weren't meant for his ears –

"I wasn't talking to you." She struggles to control her temper, her hands itching to run through his cropped hair which glistens with sweat, and she can't meet his eyes --

"Oh I'm sorry!" His voice cracks with sarcasm, "Did our pal Mr Ed make an appearance again? Or maybe the kamikaze boar, maybe the goddamn polar boar!" He feels her body close, the unbelievable heat radiating from her, and how he longs to brush the sweat from her face –

His voice drops as he pleads, "It was just you… and me in there. Now you weren't having yourself a little chat with me… then who were you talkin' to?"

He watches her wrestling with her god awful trust issues, a very real struggle in her eyes. And he thinks, if she tells me, she'll prove me wrong. I said she hasn't changed… but she could tell me, and Lord, she could win

But her look dissolves. And as he watches her look away he feels a triumphant surge rush through him.

You're no different to me. No matter how much you want to be, you're no better, you're not so perfect or holy or pure.

Swallowing heavily, he shakes his head in disappointment. "You're just as fucked up in all this as me, Freckles. Best get used to it, now."

"Guys come on!" Alex yells from down below, and shaking her head, Kate turns away from him. They approach the group ahead who have crowded to a stop at the base of the stairs where a churning vat of sewage roils. All kinds of crap float around here – chair cushions, metal panelling, old plastic cups, and his stomach sinks when she realizes that the group are standing looking at the sewage…

"What's the deal?" Kate says, hands on her hips and ready for action. Garrett and Alex exchange looks.

"There's no way we can get to the upper levels," Alex says carefully, "So Garrett and I were talking… and we think we may have found a way out."

Sawyer looks to the sewage in disgust. "Please tell me it involves guns and lotsa running…"

But to his dismay, Alex begins wading down into the water. "There's a hatch down here that leads into the subterranean engine rooms. All the waste is bypassed through there and pumped out into the sea – we can follow it and escape through the waterway. Come on!"

Sawyer could think of a million better ways of blazing their way outta this insane asylum without swimming through vats of industrial waste, and as he watches the group disappear one by one beneath the water, he hangs back. Kate turns to him as Jack dives down, antsy and ready to roll.

"What are you waiting for?"

"Ladies first," He grimaces a smile, and rolling her eyes she grips his hand and leads him down.


The swim (or underwater dodge around junk) is one Sawyer will try and burn from his memory its so damn disgusting, but as they swim beneath girders and gantries, he sees Alex is right. The current picks up along here, hinting towards another fall or a final push. He hopes it's the last.

When he breaks the surface he is bobbing just beneath a gantry, and as he watches Kate vault up he gets a pretty good view of her ass in her soaking denims. Well, clouds and silver linings, and all that, he muses as he kicks himself up onto the gantry next to her and looks about.

They are standing in a chamber with a bright white glass tube in the middle, pulsing with gas. It is reinforced with an airlock and numerous warning signs. Lovely. He also notices a clock the same as the one in the hatch is counting down on the wall. It is on the final minute countdown. A lone Guard turns at the console and Alex and Sawyer immediately draw their weapons, advancing. The Guard stands, hands shooting up and he looks about fearfully. "Shit. Shit, where'd you guys come from!"

"You can't smell it, boy!" Sawyer growls as he advances, and gestures to Alex, "Find your waterway or whatever you was lookin' for, I got this guy."

Alex sprints to where the sewage pipes give way into the waterway and wrenches at the grating which covers their escape hatch. It doesn't budge, and she turns quickly, "A little help please!"

Kate and Jack rush over, but Garrett is pacing by the equipment.

"J.R?" The Guard says in disbelief at Garrett, "Jesus, why you swimming through shit with these people!"

"Long story, Davey." Garrett says as he ponders the screens. Hundreds of monitors jut on the wall, showing scenes of men at workstations, in laboratories, in rest areas. Suddenly the timer starts going off, and Sawyer looks over to the others quickly.

"What's goin' on over there, we golden?"

With Sawyers attention momentarily diverted, the Guard's hand flips a silent alarm switch, as Kate and Jack rush back up with Alex, who calls, "Grates been welded shut – we're gonna have to find another way –"

"Another way!" Sawyer repeats incredulously, "Honey I don't know if you noticed, but there ain't no other way!"

Suddenly Garrett who is watching the screens lets out a strangled cry – "Guys, we've got company!"

They crowd around the monitors as the timer hits 20 seconds.

In corridors and hallways Guards crowd, in stairwells they steam downwards –

"Get into the vat!" Alex shouts, pointing towards the central airway, "It's the release airway, it's about to go off – we can get out that way!"

"Wait! You don't know what's in there –" Jack urges desperately but Garrett is already typing in a code into the airlock door as Kate steps forwards –

"What choice have we got? You wanna stay here and let them finish whatever they started with us!"

9

Garret is already opening the first blast door, hurries inside. Sawyer turns to Kate – "Come on! It's gonna blow!"

8

Kate looks at Jack pleadingly – "Jack, please – come with us –"

7

Alex steps forwards and grabs Jack, pulling him into the tube –

6

Suddenly a gunshot rings out and Kate goes down.

5

Alex has manhandled Jack into the inner tube, he fights her, "KATE!"

Sawyer spins and shoots the Guard who is holding a smoking Socum pistol with a yell of rage --

4

Sawyer drops next to Kate but she has gone heavy – her eyes have closed and it's more than he can stand – not this, not now!

She drew the short straw when she got left with you, little Jimmy Ford.

"Kate!" He cries, dragging her into his arms – as he grips his hand away it is slick with blood --

3

The door seals Jack and Alex inside the main airway as a thick cloud of grey gas pumps about the chamber --

2

Jack slams his hands on the tube and just before the gas envelopes him, Sawyer meets his eyes –

1

And as Klaxons shriek, a tremendous burst of light and explosion of sound burns through the room. Sawyer pulls Kate close, the impact shaking everything in the room… he closes his eyes...

And when he opens them and the whiteness fades, his frantic gaze finds the tube through bleary white afterimages...

The tube is empty.

They have been left behind.

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