AN: Hey! I'm once again so sorry for the wait, but at least I got this chapter up sooner than the previous one. Counts for something, no? :P I really hope you all like it! Also, thank you so much to those of you who reviewed last chapter! I appreciate it so much and it's such a motivation, so thank you!
Anyway, thank you all for reading as well, and enjoy!
Chapter 12. A Wish For Something More
"Why again did I ask you to come with me?" Peyton grumbled, pacing back and forth in the small motel room. She was frustrated and maybe that wasn't all his fault, but right now, he was the only one there to be frustrated with.
"Because you wanted company, that's why." He answered, sighing just a little. "It's not my fault the car broke down, you know."
"I know. But you fumbling with whatever is in a car did not help either." She said and threw him a look. "How much longer is this going to take by the way? I need to get to Brooke."
Standing up from the chair he was sitting in, Lucas walked closer to her to stop her from pacing. "I don't know how long it's going to take, you know they're working on it. And Julian's with Brooke, I'm pretty sure that right now, she doesn't really need you."
"I still want to be there, Lucas. We better get there soon."
Peyton had asked Lucas to accompany her to some art convention, a couple of hours away from Tree Hill. She didn't want to go alone and since AJ couldn't, Lucas had been more than glad to go with her. Unfortunately their car had broken down on the way back and they had been forced to stay in a motel for the night. It was morning now though, but their car was not fixed yet. Lucas had called Nathan, but he and Haley were out of town for the weekend. Then Julian had called and it had turned out that Brooke had gone into labour, resulting in a very frustrated Peyton that just wanted to get out of there and get to her best friend.
"I know, Peyt, I know." He smiled a little, hoping she would match his smile. "There's nothing we can do right now, Peyton, so just try to calm down a bit, okay? Take a seat, rest a bit. No point in getting all worked up."
She sighed rather deeply and took a seat like he had told her. "I just, I don't like this, okay? I promised Brooke I'd be at the hospital when she needed me to and now I'm stuck here and..."
"And what?"
Sighing again, she met his eyes, "And I don't know whether you remember the last time we were together in a motel room or not, but I don't particularly like those memories a whole lot."
"Oh."
"Yeah." She nodded slightly, something that should resemble a small smile but not quite on her face.
"Because of, you know..." He let his sentence trail, not quite knowing how to finish.
"Because of all of it, Luke. Because for the better part of all the time we spent in that room I thought my dad was dead. Because I cheated on my best friend with you back then. How could I like a memory of cheating? It'd make me a horrible person." She said and let her hands go through her hair in a frustrated way. She really wanted to get to Brooke and she really didn't want to have this conversation.
He simply nodded and couldn't help but let his mind wander back to that day. It wasn't like he was proud of what had happened between them back then, of course he wasn't, but he'd like to think she would think back to it in some sort of positive way. He knew it all had been pretty hurtful, but it had also meant a lot to the both of them, he knew that as well. He didn't want it to be one of her worst memories. Not that she had said that it was, but still.
"Hey, it's nothing personal though." Peyton said after a couple of moments, somewhat jokingly, making him look up at her again. Looking a bit more serious, she gave him another small smile. "You know that day, it meant... Just, you know, right?"
"Yeah, I know." Lucas nodded, wearing a smile himself.
She nodded as well. "Okay."
Silence fell then as they both simply sat in the room, waiting for time to pass.
"Do you think you can find it?"
She asked her question quietly, almost too softly for him to hear, as they were still waiting in the motel room for the car to be ready. They had promised them it'd be ready in an hour and she hoped with everything she had that the car would in fact be ready by then. In the meantime though, they could only wait. And as they waited and sat in that motel room, she couldn't help but let her mind wander back to that day they spent in the park together. How he was worried about not having everything already, things their friends already seemed to have for a long time now.
"Find what?" Lucas asked rather confused, tilting his head a little to catch a glimpse of her face before she looked down.
"Happiness. You know, that happiness that makes your life complete. The kind Brooke or Haley already found. Do you think anyone can find it?" She answered, looking back up and fixing her eyes on his.
"You mean can you find it too?" He pointed out softly and received a small shrug of her shoulders. "I guess so, yeah." He said anyway, shrugging one of his shoulders as well. "I mean, I believe it's out there for everyone. But it's not some destination, Peyton. It's not something, some place, you'll reach at one point and stay there forever, have it forever. It's an emotion, something that comes and goes. It's not some kind of thing to achieve."
"I know." She nodded. "But there's nothing wrong with wanting it, wanting to feel it, I mean. I know it's not something you'll have forever, but that doesn't take away that I still want to find it. Feel it again, you know." Peyton said, toying a bit with the rings on her fingers. "If it's out there for anyone, why is it taking me so long to feel it again?"
"Life has its reasons, I guess."
"Well, that sucks." She said and he couldn't help letting out a soft chuckle.
"I know." He agreed with a small smile. Silence settled between them for a while before Lucas looked back up again and locked eyes with her. "Are you unhappy, Peyton?"
"I'm not." She answered and shook her head a few times. "I'm quite happy, I guess. I just… I don't feel that really great happiness, that fulfillment."
"Did you feel it when you were still with Jake?" Lucas asked, though he honestly didn't know just why he did so. They were friends now, yes, but bringing up the Jake subject still made him feel a tad uncomfortable. He liked to blame it on the guilt he still felt over all that had happened, yet it might have had a little to do with that twinge of jealousy he couldn't help but feel every time he thought about her being married to him.
"I always thought I did. Looking back now though, I guess I didn't."
"You didn't?" He couldn't help but ask. She had to, right? Isn't that what being married is all about? Finding another person, someone to share your life with, someone who truly makes you happy? He knew his marriage wasn't quite like that, but it always surprised him to hear it wasn't like that for her either.
She shrugged her shoulders again, "I didn't. I know that sounds awful because Jake was my husband and you're supposed to feel that way when you decide to marry and all of it, but I just…" She let her sentence trail and looked around the small room, wondering how she ever got to this place. Divorced from the guy she had once thought she was going to be with forever, sitting in a small motel room with the guy she somehow knew might be her real forever. "I was happy with Jake, not always, but most of the time. I really was happy, but I don't think I ever got to feel that fulfillment. And you're supposed to feel that, aren't you?"
"I guess so. But it's no shame in saying that you didn't. I didn't either. Lindsey and I, we… We didn't really work, did we?"
"I hope that's a rhetorical question and you don't expect me to answer it?" She teased and their knees touched as they both laughed and she could swear that every word, every touch of him only made her feel more. It also only confused her more.
They both sobered up and after a little while of silence he looked up again and met her eyes. "I know you really want to feel it and be so joyously happy like Brooke or Haley, and you will, but you just gotta give it some time." He smiled. "Things will turn out just fine." He said then and covered her hands with his. His words took her back to that little talk she had had with Brooke not too long ago.
Things with Lucas will turn out just fine.
For a moment, just for a split second, she thought they'd kiss. She was sure he felt it too. He kept looking right into her eyes and though she wished she didn't, she couldn't help but to look away, somewhat afraid for what might happen if she didn't look away.
He let go of her hands and stood up for no particular reason at all. Being stuck with her in motel room really wasn't the greatest thing out there right now. Or maybe it was, if it wouldn't be so utterly confusing. One moment he was sure she was feeling all the same things as he did, the other moment he could swear he would never be something more than just a friend to her.
It stayed silent between them for a really long time then until both their cell phones suddenly beeped. They both stood up, but didn't really look up, and before they knew they had hardly collided. Lucas' hand immediately fell to her waist to steady her and she put hers on his forearm in search of balance. Looking up to meet his eyes, he was looking intently at her and it kind of reminded her of that other time, way back in the past, where they had been in a motel room together as well.
It seemed to be one of those moments you just know things are going to change. When you simply know that whatever happens next, it won't be the same like it was only a few minutes ago. It was one of those moments, right there. She knew it. So did he. Her breath got caught in her throat and she somewhat vaguely heard that voice ringing in her head, telling her that she might be about to make a huge mistake.
And then she remembered Brooke's words. Things with Lucas will turn out just fine.
It all seemed to happen in a split second. Another split second and they were both leaning in. And yet another one and she could feel his lips on hers. His hands got tangled in her curls, like they had done almost every single time they had kissed in the past and she held one of hers in his neck, somewhat pulling him closer to her, while her other one was still resting upon his forearm. They broke apart as their phones both beeped again. Both breathless, they looked up at each other, but didn't quite know what to say and after a brief moment, they both got to their phones.
"Um, it's Julian. And Haley. They're asking where we are. Apparently it's really time to get to Brooke now." Lucas spoke up as he read the text messages from his friends.
Clearing her throat a bit awkwardly, Peyton nodded. "Yeah, I got the same ones. Better go and see if the car's ready, right?"
"Yeah, guess so. Let's go."
"God, he's so cute." Haley gushed as she held the baby in her arms for the first time. They had arrived at the hospital a couple of hours ago, but it was only now they could see Brooke and her newborn son.
Nathan was standing next to her, his eyes fixed on the little man as well, a huge smile on his face. "I can't believe you guys actually made this little one. He's so beautiful."
"Hey, so are we!" Julian protested. His words were soon followed by everyone's laughter as Brooke looked up to her husband,
"Don't call yourself beautiful, baby." She smiled but before she had even fully spoken her words, her eyes had already travelled back to the door, hoping her best friend would suddenly appear.
It had been more than ten hours since she had arrived at the hospital and she had made Julian call Peyton immediately. It seemed silly, but she really wanted her best friend with her right now. She wanted for Peyton to see that amazing little boy, lying there in his aunt's arms right now. That beautiful boy she already loved more than life itself. She just wanted to share all that with her best friend, like they had already shared everything important in their lives. And even though she had just given birth and that was the most important thing right now, she still couldn't help but wonder just why it took Peyton so long to get there. And why was Lucas even with her?
After Nathan had held the newest addition to the Baker family as well, the little boy was passed onto his mother again who took him in her arms with the widest smile on her face.
"Look who's here!" An voice then exclaimed from in the hallway. Brooke looked up, and though she wished it would have been Peyton showing up, she couldn't help but love the two people entering as well, a bunch of balloons floating behind them. "Where's the baby?" Skills asked then excitedly and it warmed Brooke's heart to see him like that. She was sure he'd be an amazing uncle to her son, just like he was to Jamie.
She smiled widely at both Skills and Mouth, "He's here. Wanna hold him?"
"That a question?" Skills looked at her with a raised eyebrow, eagerly holding out his hands for the baby. Mouth could only laugh at his friend's excitement, knowing he would get a chance to hold the boy later on.
As everyone in the room cooed over their son, Julian moved closer to Brooke, smiling reassuringly at her. "She'll show up soon, don't worry. They're on their way."
"I know." She nodded. "I just, I want her here already, you know? I want her to see our son."
Nodding as well, he caressed the apple of her cheek before quickly kissing her. "She will."
"Hey, where's Peyton? And Lucas?" Mouth asked then as he looked around the room and noticed two of their friends were missing.
"Here! We're here!" Peyton almost yelled as she came rushing into the room, Lucas following right behind her. She seemed a little breathless, but a huge grin appeared on her face as she spotted Brooke sitting up in the hospital bed, a relieved smile on her face. "I'm so sorry we're late. We really tried to get here sooner, but well, let's just say that didn't go all that well." She apologized, exchanging a look with Lucas that hadn't gone unnoticed by her best friend.
Brooke shook her head softly, "It's no problem, we're just really glad you guys are here now."
"So are we." Lucas said, speaking up as well. "Now, where's this kid we've been breaking speed limits for?" He chuckled then just as Skills was about to hand the baby back to Brooke.
"Right here." She answered and sat up a bit straighter in her bed as both Lucas and Peyton moved closer to them.
Gasping just a little, Peyton held out her hands as if she was aching to just hold him. "Brooke, he is so beautiful. He's just, can I hold him, please?" She said then, biting her bottom lip a bit as if she was embarrassed to ask that question.
"Of course you can. I'm pretty sure this little man has been waiting for his godmother to hold him." Peyton's eyes went wide as she took the baby from Brooke. "Oh, seriously? You are surprised?" Brooke asked laughingly, a maybe just a little bit teary-eyed as well, as she looked at her best friend holding the most precious thing in her life now.
"Thank you." Peyton simply whispered before shifting her attention to the little bundle in her arms. "Now, hey you, Baby Baker."
Lucas smiled as he saw Peyton interacting with her godson as if it was all she was ever made for. Seeing her like this, he knew she'd make a great mom someday. He shook those thoughts away and instead turned to Brooke and Julian and congratulated them both. The happiness seemed to be simply radiating off of them and he was taken back to his conversation with Peyton earlier that day. He as well now couldn't help but somewhat wonder when he would find that happiness that seemed to make your life complete.
"What's his name?" He asked after a few moments, realizing they didn't know it yet.
Hearing Lucas' question, Peyton looked away from the baby in her arms and instead looked at Brooke and Julian.
Brooke spoke up, "Ryan. Ryan Nathan Baker."
"It's beautiful." Haley smiled. Nathan on the other hand stood beside her, a dumbstruck expression on his face. Nudging her husband in the side, he awkwardly coughed before smiling as well,
"Are you guys serious? You," He shook his head a couple of times. "That means a lot, it really does."
"It means a lot to us too, Nate." Julian said as Brooke nodded and Nathan stepped forward to thank them both.
After a while of little small talk and some more cooing over the little boy, who was now lying in his father's arms, Nathan and Haley decided to leave, as well as Skills and Mouth.
"I think I'm going to go home as well. Peyton, you want a ride?" Lucas asked after a few minutes of only him, Peyton, Brooke and Julian in the room. And little Ryan as well of course.
Exchanging a look with Brooke, she shook her head, "No, it's good. Um, I'll see you soon, right?"
"Yeah, see you." He said before looking at Brooke. "You did great, Brooke. That boy is amazing. You should be proud."
"I am. Thank you, Luke."
Smiling, he quickly hugged her. "You're welcome."
Julian handed Ryan over to his wife and followed Lucas outside the room, walking him out of the hospital and giving the two best friends a minute alone.
"So, B. Davis, how does it feel? You're a mom now."
"It feels… incredible. I still can't wrap my head around the fact that I made this." She said with a laugh Peyton had no problem matching.
Stroking the boy's cheek, Peyton couldn't help another smile, "Luke's right, he is amazing. And I love the name."
"Yeah? Julian came up with it, it means 'Little King'. He's like, so proud he found a name with a meaning like that." Brooke chuckled.
"Well, it is a pretty kick-ass meaning. And I'm sure this little one will turn out to be a little king. He's going to be adored by every single one of us, he already is actually."
Biting her lip to prevent her from crying, Brooke managed to whisper a thank you and then couldn't help but laugh as Peyton tried to hug her without squashing Ryan.
"Now, where were you the whole day? Julian said you were stuck somewhere." Brooke started. "And what's with you and Broody? I've seen the looks."
Shaking her head, she smiled softly, "I'll tell you later. But this day is not about me, you know, so now tell me more about your day, okay?"
Brooke simply nodded and started telling more about Ryan and what Peyton had missed earlier that day. She still wondered what had happened, but she knew Peyton would eventually tell her. And as she looked down at her son, she had to agree with her best friend, this day was not about Peyton, or not even about her.
It was all about her beautiful baby, and she could not be happier about that.
