Self Insert
A/N: The self insert chapter, in which things are explained in a way anybody could understand. This might be a bit repetitive, so be warned.
Hermione, Ginny, Ron and Harry are all in their normal empty classroom, doing homework. Even though it was Friday afternoon, these four friends dilligentely work to finish.
"Finally, I finished Snape's bloody essay." Harry exclaims.
"That's nice." Hermione says absently.
"So, shall we start the lesson?" Ron asks.
"I think we should. Hermione knows the topic for today, so ask her." Ginny replies.
"Today's topic is about self inserts. This is easy to explain. Self inserts pretty much explain themselves--usually, an author puts herself into our universe as one of our classmates." Hermione explains cooly.
"A good percent of the time, these characters violently rape and twist canon so that these Sue of an insert and her friends can exist with ease." Ron adds.
"Ron! Watch your language!"
"What, now I can't say 'violently'?"
Hermione rubs her temples in exasperation.
"Anyways, as Ron said, self inserts are when authors use themselves into fanfiction and they are perfect in every way. These 'characters' are unoriginal, meaning that they are: smartest in every class, (smarter than I am alot of the time), beautiful, learn things unusually fast, etcetera." Hermione explains, this time sounding a bit angered.
"This is probably a bit irrelevant, but a self insert usually introduces things that do not exist or work in the Wizarding World (these items may not even have existed yet in this time period!), which include iPods, laptops, certain brands of clothing and cell phones." Harry adds. As if on a unrehersed cue, the Mary Sue from the last chapter appears, crying.
"Ophelia April Jayacinth Desdemona Rhianna Schizop'hrenia Ebony Gabrielle Amy LaElles! What are you doing back?" Ginny asks, shocked she remembered the girl's unnaturally long name.
"I don't know why I'm here! First Draco Malfoy insulted me for no apparant reason and then the entire Slytherin house threw rotten tomatoes at me!" The Sue sobbed.
"Aww, poor baby! The Slytherins hate you, boo freaking hoo! Let's have a pity party for Kat because she's not popular!" Ron sneers. Ginny, Hermione and Ron end up chasing the Sue out of the room, knowing she has no purpose in this chapter. Harry quickly says:
"That's all for today's lesson! Remember: never insert youself into a fictional story when you know you shouldn't! See you next lesson!" Harry runs out of the room to catch up with Hermione, Ginny and Ron.
A/N: Not too proud of this chapter, but at least I have something down. Shorter than normal, if you haven't noticed. Please review!
