Disclaimer: I don't own L&O SVU or any of the characters in L&O SVU however some characters are figments of my own imagination!
What happens if Fin was too late? What happens if Harris not only forced Olivia to give him oral sex but also vaginally raped her?
"How are we this morning Ms Benson?" A nurse smiled coming into the room.
"Tired." Olivia replied without even opening her eyes, the nurses had all figured how to tell the difference between her really sleeping and just lying with her eyes closed.
"The doctor is on her way round, she's thinking of bringing your morphine level down today so hopefully you'll be sleeping a lot less." The nurse replied knowing that the morphine was wreaking havoc with Olivia's sleeping behaviour.
"Good, I've been asking for it down for three days now." Olivia replied.
She'd been in the hospital a total of twelve days now and it was getting tedious, she was in a foul mood with everyone who visited her and still missed most visitors because she was sleeping, Elliot, Cragen and Huang were the only people who spent almost every waking hour at the hospital but they still wouldn't leave her even though she'd told her she'd be fine if they went back to work.
"Where's your family gone?" The nurse asked as she checked Olivia's blood pressure.
"To get something to eat, I told them I wanted some time alone." Olivia explained.
"Ah right, they've been very supportive of you while you've been here haven't they?" She smiled.
"Yeah, they've been my rock." Olivia smiled.
The truth was she was starting to feel smothered, they'd hardly left her alone at all and she had been sleeping a little less since they lowered the morphine down the first time and time alone was what she wanted more than anything.
"Ok well I'll see you in about an hour." The nurse smiled before walking off.
Olivia lay her head back and closed her eyes sinking into a light sleep.
When she woke it took her a moment to realise someone was waking her up.
"Olivia, the doctor's here." Elliot whispered gently.
Olivia sighed, she knew what it meant when the doctor was here, she was going to be poked and prodded and then would have a lecture and then be pumped full of drugs before sleeping for twelve hours, she was sure she'd become nocturnal when she finally went home.
"How are we this morning Olivia?" Doctor Jasmine smiled.
"Good." She replied not wanting to drag it out.
"Pain wise?"
"Almost nonexistent." Olivia answered.
"Good that means we can definitely bring the morphine down a bit more. Now I want you to sit back..."
"I know the drill." Olivia sighed and she took Elliot's hand as she separated her legs and bent them at a ninety degree angle, the doctor sorting out the blanket so that she could check Olivia over.
Olivia breathed deeply and kept her eyes shut, it always made her uncomfortable and feel dirty and it was a reminder of what Harris had actually done to her.
"You're healing perfectly, I think we can take the stitches out today the non-dissolvable ones that is." Doctor Jasmine smiled making Olivia groaned, the non-dissolvable stitches were the ones Huang had done in her bedroom in order to save her life and she couldn't get over how embarrassing that was.
"You don't want them out?" Doctor Jasmine asked hearing Olivia's groan.
"I do, it's just remembering why I need them out." She explained knowing the Doctor knew the story.
"Oh, not to worry, I'll come by this afternoon and we can do that." She smiled.
"Good." Olivia replied knowing she'd be allowed home soon if she was still healing so well.
"The lacerations inside are still not healing as fast as I'd like so it's going to be a couple of days before we have you out of bed and moving around Olivia, I don't want to risk them opening again and having you stuck in bed for weeks."
"Fine." Olivia nodded the truth was she didn't care about walking around but she was looking forward to being able to have a soak in a hot bath.
"Hopefully you'll be able to go home by the end of the week." Doctor Jasmine added which put a smile on Olivia's face.
"Thank you." Olivia smiled and Doctor Jasmine nodded then left.
"That's brilliant news Liv!" Elliot smiled kissing her hand.
"It is right?" She smiled. "Except it's only Monday so it means maximum seven days until the end of the week and that isn't definite." Olivia replied.
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Olivia didn't get to go home at the end of the week like she had hoped, it was the following Wednesday when Elliot finally took her home.
"Slowly does it Liv." He whispered as she gripped onto him climbing up the stairs to her apartment.
"Why did the elevator have to be broken to today?" She groaned as she took each step one at a time.
She still felt weak even though she wasn't in any pain, each step would sting a little but she'd been warned that was to be expected, stationary she felt like her old self again.
Once in the apartment Elliot sat Olivia down on the couch and went to switch the kettle on.
"I'm going to get changed El." Olivia told him slowly pushing herself to standing.
He watched her shakily make her way across to the bedroom, each step getting slightly stronger as she got used to being out of bed again. She opened her bedroom door and froze as she saw the sight in front of her.
"El..." She whimpered and he rushed over.
"Oh God Liv." He gasped wrapping his arms around her and leading her out the room. "I forgot, I'll clean it up you get back on the couch, I'll bring you some clothes." He whispered.
"There's so much blood." She whispered.
"I know baby, I know, I'll strip the bed now." He whispered, he'd completely forgotten that no one had been to clean up the mess that had been made when Olivia had almost bled out and Huang had performed emergency surgery.
Olivia sat on the couch and breathed deeply, she hadn't expected anything like that to greet her when she opened the door, she couldn't get the sight of the blood out of her head.
"Bin them Elliot." Olivia called knowing she never would get all the blood out not that she wanted to try either.
"Ok." He replied before going into the bedroom to clean up.
She was shaking in shock. Paralyzed to the spot she sat as she tried to figure what she'd seen out but every time she closed her eyes even to blink the image she'd seen in the bedroom would flash in her mind.
"Liv?" Elliot asked coming out of the bedroom with a bin bag, he could tell she hadn't moved a muscle voluntarily since she'd sat down but he could also see her body was trembling. "Liv I'm going to take this out and I'm going to call Huang ok?" He asked her.
When she didn't protest he knew he was making the right decision calling the doctor, he'd told Elliot to call him anytime day or night and he knew there was a chance he would at some point but he didn't expect it to be seconds after she arrived home.
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Less than an hour later and George Huang was sat in the arm chair beside the couch Olivia was still sitting on, still having not moved.
"Olivia, can you tell me what you're thinking?" He asked gently.
Olivia slowly moved to look at him, all the colour she'd slowly regained in her cheeks over the past few weeks had drained and she looked like she was about to be physically sick.
"There was just so much ..." She croaked almost inaudibly.
"Blood?" He asked, Elliot having already explained what had happened on the phone.
"Yeah." She nodded. "I didn't ... I can't ... I just ..." She stuttered unable to string together a coherent sentence.
"What came into your mind when you saw it Olivia?" Huang asked knowing Olivia had seen worse scenes than that she'd found in her bedroom, there was a reason this one was affecting her so much.
"I was back in the basement... when he ... the pipe." She explained weakly.
"You remembered it happening or you flashed back?" He asked this was the most valuable piece of information he needed to determine her mental state.
"Remembered." She told him. "It wasn't a flash back, it was definitely remembering." She explained.
"Good, ok so what was the worst part?" Huang asked. "The memory or what you were seeing?"
"Neither, I just thought, if there was that much blood here ... how come I didn't bleed out sooner?"
"What do you mean?" Huang asked.
"I was in the basement when he did it and then I went four days without bleeding out why was there so much blood this time, it doesn't make any sense." Olivia explained.
"It's because you'd been using tampons, that had been pressing up against the lacerations and stemmed the bleeding a lot, this time you had stitches that tore apart not opening old wounds but also making them bigger in the process." Huang explained properly, it was the first time she'd really asked much about what had happened and he was happy to answer any question she had.
"I can't get over... everything." She told him honestly.
"No one's expecting you too Olivia." He told her gently.
"I am. I want to get my life back. Get back to work and act like none of this ever happened that's what I tried to do when I came back from Sealview but now ... now all of you know ... and everything that's happened since leaving ... I don't ... I don't know if I'm ever going to be allowed to move on and act like it never happened." Olivia explained.
"What do you mean?" He asked her.
"People with RTS they go through different stages throughout their life, why am I skipping to the end where I want to move on?" Olivia asked looking Huang in the eye.
"That's not always the last stage, acting like it never happened is often one of the first stages for some." Huang explained.
"So what do I do? Quit my job and wait for each stage to hit and hope I'll get to the end with my sanity intact?" Olivia asked.
"No, you get yourself back to work and fight. You only become a victim to the disease if you let yourself become one, the difference with you to so many others Olivia is you have me, Cragen, Elliot, Munch and Fin who have dealt with victims going through RTS and we'll know if you're behaving oddly and if that behaviour is a symptom of RTS and I'll always be around to help you when you need it. As long as it doesn't interfere with your work then there isn't a problem, I told Cragen today that the best thing for you is to get back to work and back in the field as soon as possible." Huang explained as fully as he could.
"You think I'm ready?" Olivia asked feeling hopeful for the first time.
"I do, the sooner you're back out there being a voice for the victims who aren't as strong as you are, well, the sooner you'll heal."
I'm really starting to wonder where on earth this story is going :/ thinking it will end soon don't see it being more than 20 chapters because I'm bored of it. I will finish it though!
