['Plain Text' is Ed / Italics is Winry / Underlined is Paninya]


Monday Morning, October 27th

Whenever Edward put on his uniform, he felt like a little kid playing dress-up.

You'd think that, after three years of wearing the damn thing, he'd be at least a little bit used to it. Not so much. When he looked in the mirror he felt disconnected from himself, like he was a caricature in some alternate reality version of his own life, one that just wasn't quite right. It wasn't like Royal Amestris was actually militarized in any capacity; the uniforms and standards were as much a form of discipline and herding as any public school's dress code and policies, just paraded as patriotic tradition and character building. Ed liked the discipline. Everybody everywhere could use more discipline in a world of instant gratification, where absolutely everything was in high demand AND readily available. Ed had a temper, sure, and did dumb shit a lot of the time, but he wasn't half as hotheaded as he might be given a little more slack on the leash, or slightly lower expectations. That, and if Hohenheim wasn't paying out the ass for him and Al to be there, he guessed. Hard to say 'fuck you' to the system with your dad giving you every opportunity to exceed your own expectations in adult life. Ed had always had work ethic, and determination bordering on irrational stubbornness. Private military school just made him more accountable to himself, and to his brother and father as well.

Which was why he pranked. It was a lot of pressure to deal with sometimes, and passing time mindlessly watching TV shows and movies or playing video games just… wasn't always enough. Sometimes he needed to get a rise, indulge in a cackle of satisfaction at something well-planned and even better executed. He lived for the looks on the teacher's faces when they knew he was responsible for something but couldn't prove shit. They were always so fucking busy overloading homework, trying to act like adulthood was some superior sort of nirvana that, when you reached it, would completely erase or nullify what it meant to be young, and overwhelmed, and angry. He was seventeen years old and people expected him to know who he wanted to be, what he wanted to do. Ed had been asked the questions so many times, and by people who clearly felt he owed them some sort of articulate and inspired answer, simply because he was intelligent. He didn't know what he wanted to do tomorrow, never mind for the rest of his God damn life. It was a stupid cycle that was just being perpetuated generation after generation. They'd never talked about it, really, but Ed figured that that was why Al and Ling and Lan Fan pranked too. The faculty and their families all seemed to think that if the four of them weren't overdoing it, then they were wasting their lives. When were they supposed to sleep, let alone breathe?

At least he wasn't Ling; Ed didn't know how his friend managed to keep up such an upbeat persona when he knew that Ling's dad had family dynasty expectations that were held in higher regard than anything Ling might believe in or want for himself. Comparatively, Hohenheim just wanted Ed and Al to go to Xerxes, and not even really for selfish reasons (Amestris Royal was family tradition, and so might Xerxes become if he and Al went, thought Ed didn't really get the impression that that was Dad's hangup), but because it would, truthfully, be easier for the two of them if they did. Al would probably end up going there. Ed wasn't sure that he wanted to give in so easily.

Ed surveyed himself in the full-length mirror on the back of the door, and sighed irritably at his reflection. It was just before 8 AM on a fucking Monday morning. It was way too early and way too stupid to be having an existential crisis over his ugly, piece of shit uniform. He straightened his jacket and tie, fixed his beret on his head, and then turned to find Alphonse looking at him weird.

"What?"

"Oh- nothing, brother," Al said. He picked up Ed's bag from the floor (all Amestris Royal students had leather satchels that were, essentially, fancy laptop bags with the school crest embroidered on them; they were part of the uniform. You never saw a student at AR with a backpack slung over their shoulder), and handed it to his brother. "Just. You know. If looks could kill, you would've just murdered yourself."

Ed rolled his eyes. "Whatever," he said, and made to leave the room with a dismissive wave of his hand.

"Do you have an angry zit between your eyes or something?" Al asked, following him out. "Or are you just extra grumpy today because you were up until 2 AM talking to Winry?"

"Oh, shut up," Ed answered lamely, the retort lacking its usual bite or enthusiasm. Ed really didn't care that much. He wasn't grumpy because of Winry, but he was definitely more tired than he wanted to be, and he absolutely had stayed up later than he should've.

Al fell in step beside him. "What were you even talking about for that long?"

Ed shrugged. "I dunno. We started watching Bravest Warriors on YouTube, and then Bee and Puppycat. It sort of… degenerated into general nerd-lore from there, because we started talking about Adventure Time."

"Ah," Al said, nodding, and Ed supposed that his brother found that to be an at least moderately acceptable excuse for Ed depriving himself of sleep. It was easy to get carried away when it came to extended and involved universes; he and Al had stayed up until 3 AM one night the previous summer talking about Star Wars. It was just one of those things that happened sometimes. "Wow, brother. I'm starting to think that changing my phone number is one of the best things I could've ever done for you."

Ed's face grew hot and his frown deepened.

"Oh c'mon, I'm just teasing," Al said, and shoved Ed with his shoulder. "I'm really happy for you, Ed. She seems pretty awesome. If you're going to keep seeing her, though, you're gonna have to stop turning beet red every time someone mentions her name. It's not going to be an endearing reaction forever; eventually people are going to think that something's wrong with you. We don't want that secret to get out."

"Yeah, yeah," Ed mumbled, and Al tutted at his lack of joking back. They reached the hallway where they'd split for classes. "We're running this afternoon, right? I gotta work off that ginger beef from yesterday."

"Yeah, definitely. I caught up on my homework yesterday, so I should just have today's for tonight," Al answered, and began backing away toward his English class. "See you then, brother. Stop being such a rain-cloud in the meantime. Text Winry, I'm sure that'll improve your mood!"

Edward rolled his eyes again.

"Keep doing that and they'll stick in the back of your head!" Al called back cheerfully. He waved, then disappeared around a corner.

Ed resisted the urge to flip him Al off, then, once he was gone, pulled out his phone and did exactly what his brother had suggested.


(7:50) We gotta cap our discussions about fictional realities at like, midnight or something

(7:51) I'm so fucking tired rn

(7:54) I feel you, Ed, I feel you.

(7:55) On the bright side, I am pleased to have an ally in the Bubbline ship. That alone is worth the extra cup of coffee this morning!

(7:57) You are easy to please, for that is in-your-face-text not sub-text

(7:58) You are also apparently more of a morning person than me, if you're already ready to throw around exclamation marks

(8:00) PFFT.

(8:01) Using ONE is not 'throwing them around', you big baby.

(8:03) You also don't have to wear a stupid fucking hat every day

(8:05) Very true, I do not.

(8:06) That doesn't give you a pass for being nonsensical, though, no matter what time of the day it is.

(8:08) Mean

(8:10) No.

(8:11) ANYWAY.

(8:03) I bet having a uniform is nice sometimes! You don't have to worry or think about what you're going to wear, and there's no competition with people or anything; nobody going 'ugh, I can't believe he wore THAT'. You're all just wearing the same thing.

(8:05) You say that like I dress poorly

(8:06) You /were/ covered in Pepsi.

(8:08) Well I wasn't wearing ONLY Pepsi, my style's not so risque

(8:10) Hahah, well I hope not; we wouldn't have met, then, because you'd have been arrested for public indecency.

(8:12) YOU haven't seen me naked

(8:13) They would've been lauding my bits

(8:14) They would've given me the key to the city

(8:15) Nobel prize and shit

(8:17) Hahahahaha, oh yeah? The Nobel Prize for Nakedness awarded to Edward Elric and his Pepsi-soaked torso?

(8:19) I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I have a very nice torso

(8:23) I'm not doubting it, but I don't know that /anybody's/ torso is worthy of international-acclaim.

(8:25) I'll contest that

(8:26) And not even with my own chest

(8:28) Oh yeah?

(8:30) Well jesus, have you SEEN Chris Evans' biceps ?

(8:31) I mean, stick me with a fork, I'm done

(8:33) Hahaha, oh my God, Ed!

(8:34) What !? It's the TRUTH

(8:36) I work out pretty much daily and I'll NEVER have biceps like that

(8:37) If Chris Evans were actually Captain America, he could bring about world peace with those fucking things no problem, I mean, they're fucking supernatural, it's not even fair

(8:39) So, let me get this straight (or maybe a little bit not so straight).

(8:40) You are jealous of, but also a little in love with, Chris Evans?

(8:42) No, not him

(8:44) Just his arms, man, just his arms

(8:46) I got the impression that Paninya waxes poetic about her girlfriend's ass

(8:48) ... Why /no/, Ed, that wasn't an awkward or abrupt transition at /all/!

(8:50) WHAT I MEAN IS tell her she needs to stop writing poetry about that, and start writing it about Chris Evans' muscles

(8:51) They'll probably make her laureate on principle alone

(8:54) Hahaha, oh, I'll tell her, don't doubt it for a second!

(8:55) You are something special, sir!

(8:56) So they call me: The Gifted Idiot

(8:58) If my name suggestions were rejected x-men, then that's a rejected super villain.

(9:00) More suited to my sunny disposition, professionally

(9:02) Not if Captain America's biceps have anything to say about it.

(9:04) Well then move over Bucky and Falcon, Cap's got a new bff

(9:06) Haha. Oh gosh. I would pay good money to experience you drunk.

(9:07) I bet your loose tongue'd be a gift from the heavens.

(9:09) I'm God's gift to mankind already

(9:10) Drink it in, Win, drink it in

(9:12) Dork.

(9:14) Ugh I have to go, group work. Ttyl?

(9:16) You bet


Monday Morning, October 27th

(10:40) Edward has a very… unique request of you.

(10:44) that sounds ominous

(10:46) He wants you to stop writing poetry about Olivia's butt, and START writing it about Captain America's biceps.

(10:48) what in the name of my great aunt fanny

(10:49) i think you meant 'random as all hell' not 'unique'

(10:52) Eh.

(10:54) a big part of me wants to ask for context for this commission

(10:55) but i think, for my own amusement, that i'll take his mancrush at face-value

(10:56) better work on your guns, win

(10:58) Seriously though. Think you can come up with a limerick or something?

(11:00) you guys are really weird

(11:01) is this a sex thing?

(11:02) does he want you to roleplay?

(11:03) can i come costume shopping with you?

(11:05) NO. How could it possibly be a sex thing? We met YESTERDAY.

(11:07) yeah but your ~souls~ have been doing the do for WEEKS

(11:08) or at least since you nearly went ba-nay-nays at the sight of his punk face

(11:09) plus, you know, you're probably sexting

(11:11) Gross.

(11:12) Also, I really don't think you're in a position to label anyone else as weird, weirdo.

(11:14) all the more reason really, i'm an expert in my field

(11:16) You're hilarious.

(11:18) ikr!

(11:18) okay, i'll write your weird-ass limerick

(11:19) but that's your favor from the bonfire

(11:20) sure you want to waste it on your muscle-lusting fanboy?

(11:22) Yup!

(11:24) okie dokie. whatever floats your boat, homie


(11:40) you ready for this masterpiece!?

(11:43) Hit me!

(11:45) there once was a star-spangled hero / who gave not two shits for dinero / he wore tights like a boss / his biceps: 'aw yaaaaassss' / his 'bad traits' count sat literally at zero

(11:47) Hahahaha, oh my gosh, Pan, that's AWESOME.

(11:48) darn tootin'

(11:49) go on, show him

(11:50) let me know if he dies of happiness


Monday Morning, October 27th

(11:51) I have a surprise for you!

(11:53) I don't care what it is as long as it's not related to biology

(11:54) "there once was a star-spangled hero / who gave not two shits for dinero / he wore tights like a boss / his biceps: 'aw yaaaaassss' / his 'bad traits' count sat literally at zero"

(11:56) Poet Laureate Paninya. BAM.

(11:58) Oh

(11:58) My

(11:58) GOD

(12:00) Right!?

(12:02) I'M GOING TO TATTOO THAT ON MY CHEST

(12:04) Hahaha!

(12:06) Sorry, Winry, I might have to call off our date because I'M IN LOVE

(12:08) I totally understand. She's a dynamite gal.

(12:09) Let us part ways as unlikely friends.

(12:11) *low whistle*

(12:12) Two different disney references in a row, wow

(12:14) You keep in together in style

(12:16) You've met me. As you saw yesterday, I'm all about style.

(12:18) Ha ha hey I thought what you were wearing was awesome

(12:19) My over-sized sweater and sweats? Sure you did.

(12:20) I was just trying to annoy Pan.

(12:22) No, really really

(12:24) You looked cute

(12:26) Oh. Well. Um. Thank you?

(12:28) Sure

(12:29) Tell your friend I owe her for that

(12:30) Baloney sandwich, bacon bits, macaroni crown, whatever, it's hers

(12:32) You're set, don't worry. I traded my bonfire favor for it.

(12:34) YOU REALLY DO CARE

(12:35) I THINK I'M GOING TO SWOON

(12:37) I know how to treat a lady.

(12:39) Rawr

(12:40) So. On that note

(12:40) I've been thinking

(12:42) Don't hurt yourself.

(12:44) Oh ha ha

(12:46) Seriously though

(12:47) I know we have the concert set up or whatever, but

(12:48) I thought maybe we could see each other again. Before that

(12:48) Saturday, or Sunday ?

(12:50) "You asking me on a date, [Ed]?"

(12:52) Yes

(12:54) I'd love to. :)

(12:56) Sweet

(12:57) Awesome

(12:58) Saturday morning, maybe

(12:59) Coffee, or tea. Bagel, whatever

(1:00) ?

(1:03) I'd like that. 9am?

(1:05) Starbucks at the mall?

(1:07) Okay

(1:07) Cool

(1:08) Um

(1:08) I was sort of terrified, yesterday

(1:10) Me too.

(1:11) I could've just /died/ when I saw you! Of course it would happen when I'm dressed like a schlub.

(1:13) I told you, you looked cute

(1:15) Stiiilll. You Know.

(1:17) Yeah

(1:17) It's gonna be a good week

(1:19) Dousing Mustang in sparkly guts, seeing you again

(1:20) Suddenly Monday is not such ass

(1:22) Happy to be a bright spot, Edward.

(1:25) You're a brighter spot than Mustang

(1:27) I… think that that was a compliment?

(1:29) My pranks are beautiful, Win, but not as beautiful as you

(1:30) ;)

(1:32) You dweeb.

(1:33) Are you waggling your eyebrows? I bet you're waggling your eyebrows. Suggestively.

(1:35) Absolutely

(1:36) As you saw yesterday, I am very suggestive

(1:37) Debonair playah that I am

(1:39) Oh GOD.

(1:40) Is that how we're classifying penguin puns, now? /Debonair/?

(1:42) On Saturday we might even graduate to platypuses, if you can handle it

(1:43) (Platypi? Oh whatever)

(1:44) Want a preview ?

(1:46) You might /actually/ be the singularly lamest person I've ever met.

(1:48) Lame like a FOX

(1:48) Look, this one's even thematic:

(1:49) What do you call a sophisticated platypus

(1:50) ...

(1:50) I dunno, Ed. What?

(1:52) A latte-pus

(1:54) Wow. Just. Wow.

(1:55) How did it come to this? How did I end up crushing on someone with a penchant for such dorky jokes?

(1:56) I dunno, but lucky me

(1:57) Crushing, huh?

(1:59) Oh, shush.

(2:01) Nah :D

(2:02) I do have to go

(2:02) I'm meeting Al for a run, I gotta go change

(2:04) Gross!

(2:05) Have fun then!

(2:07) Thanks

(2:07) I'll text you later


Monday Evening, October 27th

(6:04) So there's this new thing, Ling started

(6:05) Oh, yeah?

(6:07) You know 'that's what she said'

(6:08) He started saying 'like my dick'

(6:10) So… anywhere you might say 'that's what she say', you say 'like my dick' instead?

(6:13) Yup, mostly

(6:13) Surprisingly or maybe not at all, it works out a lot

(6:14) Like my dick.

(6:15) I feel like I may regret sharing this with you

(6:17) Like my dick?

(6:16) We pow wow'd about Friday before supper, and I think that Ling literally said it to anything that came out of mine, Al, or Lan Fan's mouths (like my dick, yes) until Lan Fan winded him and told him to shut up

(6:18) I get the feeling I'd like her.

(6:20) I don't doubt that; she's pretty kick-ass

(6:21) Like my dick

(6:23) I'm not sure that it works as well when you're doing on your own commentary.

(6:25) Like my dick

(6:26) There you go.

(6:27) Now tone it down. I don't want to employ Lan Fan's services if I don't have to.

(6:29) Empty threat, you don't have her number

(6:31) Ah, but I do have Alphonse's. I'm sure he'd help me out.

(6:35) Well, shit

(6:37) So much for that

(6:38) Did you want to do the streaming thing again tonight?

(6:40) I wish, but I really need to catch up on homework

(6:42) Rain-check ? Tomorrow, maybe?

(6:44) No worries! I'll leave you to it.

(6:45) Don't work too hard.

(6:45) Like my dick.

(6:45) Like my

(6:47) BOO

(6:49) Muahaha!


(9:45) Good night, Ed!

(9:49) Night, Win

(9:50) Talk you you tomorrow

(9:52) You bet. 3

(9:54) :)