Chapter Twelve
All has been well these past two days.
We have developed a pattern.
Bella goes to school and every time, with her keys in hand ready to go, she stops and asks me the same question every single morning: "Will you be here when I get back?"
And I always answer with a 'yes'.
Didn't she know I promised it to myself to always be here in her house whatever may be?
Oh, Bella. Sometimes perceptive.
Sometimes too dumb for her own good.
Once she is gone, I go and hunt and sometimes go to the Cullen's house. I clean the place, wipe the dust away from the windows, and cut the vines crawling to the residence.
I am always at the Swan's house before Bella. I help her with homework, and after that we read. When she goes to sleep, I watch her and feel her emotions and look around her room.
It has been like that for the past two days.
It feels like a lifetime that I've been with Bella, but still so short.
Like life for humans.
They feel they lived a lifetime, but still feel the need to stay longer.
That's what I'm feeling now.
I don't know her like Edward did, but I do know that we are friends. She asks me how my day was; I answer and ask her the same question.
That's what friends do, right?
It's now the third day.
The third night.
And something has happened on the third night as Bella is sleeping.
My phone vibrated in my pocket.
I blink.
I reach for my phone at human speed.
I already know what's going to happen.
I already know who's calling me.
In a vampire's point of view, eight days feels like a month. We do not sleep and time rolls slower for us. Especially to vampires who feel sad.
Miserable.
And alone.
I gulp, wanting to prolong this moment.
Everything was going to change if I answer this call.
But I have to.
I answer the phone
"Alice," I say.
"Jasper, I know where you are."
"I know you do."
"What are you doing?" she whispers, her voice cracks. I hate doing this to her. My mate, my Alice.
"I..." I close my mouth and then open it again. "I'm doing what I think is right."
"And the right thing is?"
"Making sure I don't slip up anymore. Making sure that Bella knows I'm sorry and face my fears of being near a human." Already, I don't feel the blood lust I always feel when I am around Bella. I have a theory that it may be because of Bella's depression. The blood stream can be quite infected when depressed, as said by Carlisle.
"And what if you do slip up and kill Bella?"
I wince. "That won't happen."
"But what if it does? What if, Jasper? How are you going to tell Edward that?"
"I don't know." It is the closest to the truth that I can give Alice. I know that I won't be able to slip up when I'm around Bella. I know I may snap, but I won't kill her.
No.
No.
No.
It makes me sick just thinking of it.
My mind suddenly comes up with this image of Bella. She looks scared- no. Horrified. She is horrified at the sight of me. And it just makes me sick. I know in my heart that I couldn't kill Bella. In order to do that, I had to kill myself first because I know that... that sickness will be stronger, more powerful, than the blood lust of killing her.
"We miss you."
I don't answer. I can almost see Carlisle and Esme, their faces comforting and welcoming. I feel nostalgic.
"I miss you, Jasper."
"I miss you too, Alice," I quietly whisper. I don't know if she hears it. Why am I whispering? Am I ashamed that I do? Do I not miss her?
"Come back home."
I blink.
Slowly, the Earth's axis begins to change and I suddenly know what is wrong. How can I come home, when here, in Forks, everything changed? Where in Forks, suddenly I can talk to a human, to Bella. Where in Forks, suddenly my brother - my idiotic brother - had found love in.
This is where my family had been happy and, for once, never regretted why they chose this lifestyle.
No.
No.
Alice is wrong.
"I am home."
