Believe me, I can't fly

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Paine's journal, Yadonoki Tower, June 15th, EC 2

When I joined the Gullwings, Brother made it sure that I obey two rules if I want to stay:
1) There's only one man that can pilot the Celsius: Brother.
2) And no one else.

And there goes my dream as a pilot, buried deep beneath my sphere hunting adventures. I tried to be happy with flying, even though I felt kinda disappointed at the rules. When we met again, it turns out that I'm the only one who really hasn't realized my dream. Nooj, THE Nooj, whose brain always filled with suicidal thoughts two years ago, managed to round up this motley bunch that calls him 'Captain' and follows him everywhere he goes like leeches. For crying out loud, WE're the one who made him Captain. He doesn't even like the title for Fayth's sake. And Gippal, who can't stay put at one place more than three days, with his latest project on Farplane's energy with Rin and Shinra, can be considered 'Engineer' of Spira. Baralai said that he's a navigator turned to be captain. Then I thought, isn't guiding people that feel lost through the winds of change can also be called navigating? But I'm not gonna tell him that. They're gonna disband soon, anyway.

Then Rikku offered me to be the pilot for our trip to the tower 'cause Brother's not around, and I couldn't resist the urge. I really want to see the look in his face when Celsius takes off without him. But it didn't go well. Let's say that it... collide into the ground several times before it generally takes off. Yuna and Rikku's face turned into unhealthy green, and they begged, no, more like 'forced' me to activate the auto-pilot.

"No, Paine, you're a GREAT pilot. But I don't want to risk the knowledge of not able to see Tidus again before I die. Please, I just met him again after two years."

She was almost in tears, you know. Okay, Yuna. Whatever you say.

There goes another dream flushed down the toilet. A writing career seems really tempting now…