A/N: This chapter was SUCH A BITCH.

oooooooo

Everything since Thanksgiving had been hell for Loki.

On the first Monday back he got an e-mail from the psychology department telling him that he and Tony were not going to be approved to start actual experimentation until the following semester – but they were still expected to continue meeting for the next three weeks. It was going to put them in a horrible time crunch, and it was just another stressor that Loki didn't need.

He skipped lunch with his brother, since he couldn't bring himself to face Thor, and threw himself into studying for his upcoming finals.

He barely saw Natasha, though he did make some time for her because he wanted to hear about her new boyfriend, but he remained jumpy and tense each time they got together and he could tell it was really wearing on her patience.

Loki also stopped having fun with Tony in their meetings. He buried himself in books and notes instead of chatting or watching movies, and although Tony completely understood and respected what Loki was doing, both boys missed their usual practices.

Then things got worse. On the morning of Thor's birthday, Loki had woken up with a fever of one hundred and three degrees and could not stop vomiting. He was terrified of missing class since finals were the very next week, so he had dragged his broke ass out of bed and sweated through a horrible day only to come home and find his brother waiting for him outside his door.

He still didn't want to speak to Thor, but he had purchased a present for him weeks earlier and didn't see the harm in giving it to him since he wasn't going to partake in the celebrations. Loki didn't apologize or explain himself when he told his older brother that he would not longer be joining him for his birthday dinner – although his physical appearance made it quite clear to Thor that Loki couldn't even if he wanted to.

But he didn't want to, and that stung Thor.

Tony had come over that night and, despite Loki's protests, taken care of him. He brought soup, vapor rub, and after he passed out in a feverish sleep, the engineer kept changing out the cold cloth on his forehead.

After that night, Loki decided he didn't have the energy to feel weird around Tony. He was going to accept the affection even if he felt like a giant creep for being attracted to the boy.

The following Sunday was the winter choir concert, and although Loki still had the flu he had to attend. He barely made it through without throwing up or falling off of the risers, and would have preferred to bolt immediately back to his room – but his family had come to see him sing.

His father had made some excuse about a phone call he needed to take and had stepped outside; his brother had stood there awkwardly, moving like he wanted to hug his brother but was afraid to do so; and Frigga decided she wasn't going to put up with Loki's moodiness and pulled her baby into a giant hug. She had brought him medicine, tea, and a heating pad and took Tony's place that night, by making her child soup and rubbing his back until he fell asleep.

And Tony? Tony had worn a suit to the concert. He had sat with Loki's family, worn a suit – and he brought flowers because, "Isn't that what people do?"

It was so foolish and sweet that between his mother hugging him and his overwhelming desire to pass out and vomit, Loki had a hard time not crying.

He still hadn't properly spoken with his mother about the events that had transpired over the last holiday, but it was understood that even if she wasn't fully forgiven yet – she was operationally forgiven. The night that she took care of him, Loki was so tired and felt so horrible that he physically didn't have the energy to be stubborn; especially when the thing he wanted most was to have his mommy take care of him.

She didn't stay over night since Loki's bedroom was a shared space, although Bruce had been avoiding it since his roommate got the flu (as many college roommates do), and had left Loki a note telling him to call her the next day, planted a kiss on his forehead, and left to hug her other son goodbye.

But Loki hadn't stayed asleep that night. Perhaps he would have returned to health faster if he had, or if he got proper rest any other night – but he had finals. Finals didn't stop just because his life was falling apart around him and he was seven different kinds of sick. The school wouldn't hit a pause button just because he was terrified that his boyfriend was going to break up with him because he had been too ill to have sex for almost a week (which apparently meant that Loki had no use to him because Fandral had not lifted a finger to help take care of him).

Instead of sleeping, he kept himself up all night with textbooks and notes and packets of information. The next day he skipped lunch with Thor again, called his mother to let her know that his first final went well (and in a very small and rushed voice, thanked her for taking care of him) and attempted to stay up all night again.

He completely blew off Tony when his partner texted him about meeting Monday evening, and didn't respond until he got out of his final on Tuesday. When they finally met up Loki could barely keep his eyes open and ended up falling asleep sitting up in Tony's lab with a psychology textbook in his lap and a highlighter in his hand.

The nap only lasted a few hours and then he was downing shots of caffeine. Tuesday afternoon rolled into the evening and pretty soon it was nine a.m. Wednesday morning and Loki had slept a total of seven hours since Sunday.

Consciously, he knew that his behavior was extraordinarily unhealthy and even abnormal for him – but he was trying to distract himself from everything else going on and this horrible lifestyle was doing the trick.

By Wednesday night, though, he was ready to die.

Loki returned to his dorm room at midnight after studying in the library all day. He had sent an apology text to Tony for losing track of time and being unable to meet, and fortunately for his psyche his partner had been very forgiving and just insisted that he get some sleep.

The diva fully intended on it. He had been pouring over his books and notes for hours and was coming down from a caffeine high; the general effect left him feeling mostly satisfied with his academic preparation, and physically broken to the point where he should be able to get a nice rest, free from lingering thoughts or unwanted tears.

But when he opened his bedroom door he found Natasha waiting for him.

"Hey, boobs," he greeted affectionately as he put his things down and searched for his phone charger, as the device was about to die.

But she didn't greet him back, she was glaring at him. "Did you forget our plans?" she practically hissed at him.

He blinked at her and racked his brain, but it seemed so unlikely that he would have agreed to anything this week that he truly couldn't remember. "Um…" he started.

"You're unbelievable!" she yelled, throwing her hands up. "Good god, Loki do I even matter to you anymore?"

What was happening.

"Natasha, of course you matter to me. I don't know-"

"Let me explain something to you. Just because you get a boyfriend that doesn't mean that I stop being your friend or that it becomes okay to constantly blow me off," she growled.

Seriously. What was happening.

"What are you talking about?" he asked, completely confused and upset that his friend was yelling at him. It didn't help that he was so tired it was making him extra sensitive.

"You have been completely self centered ever since you started dating Fandral," she hissed. That glare had never been directed at Loki before and he hated it. "You blow me off when we make plans, you never ask to spend time together anymore, and even when we are together I can't talk to you because you're always jumpy and defensive!" she yelled.

He really didn't want to start crying in front of her, because that would prove her point about not being able to talk to him, but he felt tears stinging in the corners of his eyes.

"I'm sorry-" he started to choke out.

"You know what? Forget it," she growled as she moved past him to leave. "You can call me when you figure your shit out and decide whether or not you actually want to be friends!" she snapped before leaving and slamming the door.

What the fuck was happening?! Could he do nothing right? Could nothing go right?

God fucking dammit. He had spent all day distracting himself from his self loathing and now it had come back to punch him in the stomach ten times as hard. He wanted to cry and scream into a pillow, but he also wanted to get out of here.

He was too upset to sleep, and if he climbed into bed he was going to start ruminating on how much he hated himself and he would be up all night again. No he needed to go somewhere… or just be somewhere that was not this room. But he couldn't call Tony for this, if he saw Tony he was going to break under that comfortable familiarity and just cry all over him again.

Loki grabbed his keys and left his phone on the table as he left the room. He could go sit in his car until he figured out what he wanted to do. At least no one could disturb him there.

As he walked his stomach clenched and churned as the little voice in the back of his head called him horrible names. It wasn't until he stepped outside into the icy, winter air that he realized he had not thought to put his coat back on.

He practically sprinted to his car and threw himself in the backseat before he broke down completely.

oooooooo

When Bruce returned to his dorm room, at one in the morning, he was surprised to see that Loki wasn't there. It was not unheard of for his roommate to be gone all night, but he had just seen the two people he thought Loki was most likely to spend the night with and he was not with them.

Tony had been leaving the engineering building, by himself; and Fandral the douche had been walking with some friends to a party (or at least that was Bruce's guess based on their obvious drunken state and the way they kept cheering 'yolo').

He could have just called his roommate and asked him where he was, but Loki's phone was sitting on his bedside table.

Normally, Bruce wouldn't do or say anything, since it really wasn't his business what Loki did with his time – but he was a tad worried. Even though his roommate had probably just passed out studying in the library, he should still be woken up so he didn't accidentally sleep through a final or something.

Before he set his things down, Bruce turned and headed for Thor's door. He had never been there before, but he and Loki each had people they were supposed to contact in the event that something happened to the other and knew how to get a hold of them.

He was grateful to hear the sound of a video game console coming from Thor's room, because he would have felt terribly guilty if he woke him up. He knocked quietly all the same, so as not to disturb the other residents.

When Thor opened the door he looked extremely surprised to see Bruce standing there. "Bruce! How are you?" he exclaimed.

"I'm fine. Hey, is Loki with you?" he asked in his unbelievably calming voice.

The blond man frowned at him. "No, why? Is everything okay?"

The scientist nodded. "I'm sure it is, but I just saw Tony and Fandral and Loki wasn't with them and he isn't in our room," he explained.

Thor's entire demeanor changed as he frowned and went into his room to retrieve his phone. "You can come in, my roommate is with his girlfriend," he said to the man awkwardly standing outside his door as he placed a call.

Bruce stepped inside uncomfortably and waited to see what Thor was doing. Whoever it was must not have answered because the blond growled as he pulled his phone away and looked for another number.

"Hey, Natasha?" the blond said into the phone. "Is Loki with you? What do you mean you yelled at him?! Why would you yell at him?! Well don't – no – no, I know that – no he's going through some stuff! No, it's more than Fandral – well, look do you know where Loki is or not? Alright, I just tried to call him and he didn't answer but you try and I'll call Tony," he said before hanging up the phone.

"He left his phone in the room," Bruce interjected quietly.

Thor scowled at that as he searched for another contact. "And it's turned off," he growled.

Bruce felt guilty. He could make himself useful by going to check in the library, or something….

"Tony? Hey do you know where Loki is? I don't know – I don't know where he is. No, don't bother, I'll find him. I'll call you later," he said before hanging up abruptly and turning to Bruce. "I'm going to go check and see if his car is in the lot."

"What should I do?" the scientist asked, wanting to be helpful.

"Thank you, Bruce, but you should just get some rest. I'll go check in the library if his car is here and if it's not I'll go home and see if it's there," he replied as he pulled on his winter coat.

He wanted to do more, because Bruce really did like his roommate, but he did as Thor said. He wished him goodnight, told him to text him when he found Loki, and headed back to his room.

oooooooo

It was fucking freezing. Literally, the evening lows in mid December had crept into the high teens and Loki was freezing.

He didn't want to turn his car on, as it would drain his battery, and he didn't feel comfortable driving when he was this upset; so he just sat in his backseat, shivering uncontrollably and wishing that this ache inside him would go away.

Loki had never felt so alone. Even though he knew he could probably go home and his mother would let him go to his room without asking too many questions, he still didn't feel safe there and couldn't bring himself to risk facing his father.

But he was slowly turning into some kind of snowman, and just as he was about to cave and go back inside there was a tap on his window.

Who in the fuck?

It was Thor.

For a split second, Loki considered not opening the door and just letting him freeze out there while he watched from the faux comfort of his vehicle. But he was also too defeated to provoke a fight, so he slowly, because his joints did not want to move, reached over and unlocked the door.

His brother immediately clambered inside and wrenched the door closed, for all the good it would do, as he began frantically questioning his little brother.

"Loki what are you doing out here? You are going to get pneumonia, it's freezing! You don't even have a blanket – what's wrong?"

But Loki just blinked at him with his sore, tired, tear stained eyes. How had Thor even found him? What was he doing out in the parking lot at one in the morning?

"Loki, please talk to me," Thor said quietly after a minute of his brother just staring at him as they both shuddered from the winter chill.

He shrugged a bit, the movement coming out much jerkier than he intended because a violent shiver interrupted it, and dropped his gaze. "What do you want me to say?"

"Why are you sitting in your car in sixteen degree weather at one in the morning?" Thor asked patiently.

Loki shrugged again and felt hot tears coming into his eyes. He was so sick of crying, but his body seemed intent on constantly making a fool out of him. "I had nowhere else to go," he whispered.

Thor immediately pulled his brother into a hug and squeezed him tight. "You can always come to me, Loki," he murmured.

And with those words Loki broke again. The tears began streaming down his face as he gasped for air and gave a weak punch to Thor's chest. "Why did you lie to me?" he sobbed pathetically.

The elder of the brothers responded by holding Loki tighter. "When mom and dad told me I didn't really understand what it meant," he answered. "It was just a piece of information, it didn't matter."

"It does matter!" Loki cried as he punched Thor's chest again.

"I misspoke, Loki. What I mean is, to me it was just another part of you. Another detail. It could have been about the color of your hair for all it mattered to me or changed how I felt about you," he explained gently.

Loki paused his crying and tried to process his brother's words as he wiped his nose on Thor's shirt. "How can it not matter?" he choked out after a minute.

This time, instead of squeezing him, Thor pulled back so he could grip Loki's shoulders and look him in the eye. "You have always been and you will always be my little brother, nothing else matters," he said seriously. "You are my best friend, my closest companion, and the only person in the world who is allowed to wipe their nose on my shirt."

Loki laughed weakly at that and sniffled some more, as he averted his brother's gaze.

"Loki?" Thor didn't continue until he had his brother's eye contact and gripped his shoulders tighter. "I am truly sorry that I lied to you, and that I didn't understand how important this is to you. But I promise, it changes nothing in how I look at you, or how much I care about you."

He didn't want to forgive Thor, because he was a bit sadistic and thought his brother needed to be punished longer, but he was so tired and Thor was warm so he dropped his head back against that broad chest and mumbled, "I'm still mad at you," into his brother's shirt.

He couldn't see it but he sensed his brother smile as he hugged him again. "I know," he said patiently.

They stayed like that for several minutes, as Loki continued to sniffle and shiver. He could have fallen asleep from exhaustion, but there was a good chance he would actually freeze to death if that happened.

"You should know that Natasha feels very badly right now," Thor stated out of nowhere.

Loki scowled and pulled away from the embrace. "She shouldn't. I'm the one who's been a bad friend," he mumbled thickly through his sniffles.

"Perhaps you've been a bit distracted by other things," Thor conceded gently as he offered Loki his sleeve as a tissue.

He waved the arm away and shook his head. "She doesn't know about that, it's not her fault for being mad at my absence," he responded sadly.

Thor's eyebrow shot up. "You haven't told her?"

"I haven't told anyone!" Loki yelled back. "I can barely comprehend it."

His brother made an apologetic face at him. "You two can work it out tomorrow, right now you need to come inside and get some sleep," he ordered.

Again, Loki would normally have been obstinate for the sake of being difficult; but tonight he was just so tired that he nodded his head and followed his brother out of the car.

When he was back in his room, he mumbled a 'hello' to Bruce, who patiently nodded and smiled at the brothers. Thor grabbed pajamas for Loki and insisted on staying until he saw that his brother was under the covers and wasn't going to grab any study materials, and even asked Bruce to make sure that Loki went to straight to sleep.

Loki scowled at his brother for making that request. "I'm not a child, I don't need a babysitter!"

Bruce chuckled to himself as Thor moved to tuck his brother in. "Of course not, Loki," he answered through a grin. But he would always think of Loki as someone he needed to protect and take care of. He was the big brother. His job was to look out for his younger sibling and make sure that no harm befell him; physically, mentally, or emotionally. To Thor, Loki would always be the child he had grown up with; the little boy who cried when he scraped his knee, or ran into Thor's bed when he was scared of a monster in his closet, the younger brother who had always looked at Thor with such adoration and admiration, even when he felt inferior.

Right now, the fussy frown that Loki was giving Thor didn't help the 'I will always see you as my five-year old baby brother', but it did make the older of the two smile.

"Get some sleep," Thor commanded gently, before squeezing Loki's shoulder and heading back to his own room.

Loki growled at being told what to do, made a face at Bruce to let him know that he did not approve of his brother's shenanigans (really it was just to save face, though), and rolled over.

He was so exhausted and sleep-deprived that within minutes he was out like a light.

oooooooo

Tony was furious.

He had been in a panic all night since Thor had called him. The blond had not thought to text him back or return his calls to let him know what the hell that meant or if they ever actually located his partner, which had left him freaking out and assuming the worst. He had tried calling Natasha, but she didn't answer, and Pepper, but she didn't know anything.

The worst part was that Loki's phone was also turned off, and there are few things worse in the world than needing to hear someone's voice and having a phone call go straight to voicemail. It's maddening.

He repeated to himself over and over that Loki was all right and there must have been some big misunderstanding, as he walked towards his partner's dormitory. Tony didn't want to make a bigger deal than was necessary by freaking out and showing up at Loki's dorm in the middle of the night – especially since he had been sick and he knew Loki's last final was today – but waiting until the next morning to check on things seemed appropriate.

He waited until noon, when he was certain that the diva would be awake and studying, and after waiting outside the entrance to the dorm for another resident to let him in, he marched toward Loki's room with a speech in his head.

You are not allowed to have your phone off when I like you this much.

That was the gist of it.

But right as he opened the door to Loki's hallway, he spotted Thor and Natasha talking in hushed voices.

He would wait to chastise Loki for making him worry – these two needed to be punished.

"Hey!" Tony yelled to startle instead of greet them. Perhaps it was inconsiderate since people were likely studying or still sleeping in the surrounding rooms, but they would just have to get over the interruption because Tony was mad.

"I have a bone to pick with you two," he growled as he strode over to the pair who had jumped at his sudden outburst.

"What's the matter?" Thor asked, and Tony could hear how tired he was. Once he got up close he saw that they both looked like they had gone without sleep.

"First of all – is Loki safe in his bedroom?"

They nodded at him with the same confused expressions and relief flooded Tony's heart.

Thank fucking god.

"Where the hell do you get off calling me asking if 'I know where Loki is' and then never getting back to me? Do you have any idea how worried I was last night?" he hissed, this time trying to be more considerate of his volume. (It also occurred to him that he didn't want Loki to hear his voice and come out to find his partner yelling at his best friend and brother).

Their expressions were pained and guilty and Thor immediately sighed and rubbed his eyes. "Tony, I apologize. It was a crazy night-"

"I'm sure it was. But I care about Loki just as much as you two and that was fucking inconsiderate to make me worry like that," he growled at the pair. "He's my friend too, and if I called you and said something like that and then gave you radio silence all night, you would be punching me right now."

Thor looked genuinely shocked by the words as he blinked at Tony and considered him. In his peripheral vision, the engineer could see that Natasha's stunned expression had evolved into a pleased one as the corner of her lips curved up and her eyes softened.

"Yes… yes I would," the footballer conceded before offering a tired smile. "I will give you one free punch."

Tony glared at him for a second before reluctantly grinning a bit. "I'll save it," he grumbled. "Now what the hell happened last night?"

Thor sighed and rubbed the side of his neck. "Loki…he and I finally talked…sort of," he said awkwardly, seemingly unsure of how to answer.

Tony didn't want to appear like he had no idea what the man was talking about, since he had just insisted that he was just as close to Loki as these two…but he had no idea what Thor was talking about. "What do you mean?" he asked hurriedly.

They both frowned at him. "He didn't tell you?" Natasha asked quietly as she arched an eyebrow (although she really had no place to talk since Loki had only just told her a few minutes ago).

What an irritating string of words. "Tell me what?" Tony snapped under his breath.

The brother and the best friend looked at each other as though they were trying to decide how to answer before Thor met his eyes again. "Loki will tell you, I'm sure, but if I do it he might actually kill me," he explained apologetically.

As annoying as that response was, Tony could understand it. He had no idea what the hell they were talking about, although he secretly hoped it had something to do with breaking up with Fandral, but he did agree that if Thor shared a secret of his brother's that Loki would flay him alive.

"Alright…" he replied slowly. "Is he okay?"

Thor grimaced a bit. "His emotional well-being is in pretty bad shape right now. You should go talk to him before he gets lost in studying," he suggested as he nodded toward Loki's door.

"And I should be going, I have a final soon…" Natasha murmured before taking a deep breath.

The blond clasped her shoulder and gave it a fond squeeze. "Make sure he eats something," he advised seriously, waiting for Tony to nod in agreement before offering another tired smile and leaving for his dorm.

When Tony took his eyes from Thor's retreating form and turned his gaze to the woman standing next to him, he found she was staring at him with an unreadable expression. He raised an eyebrow at her to prompt whatever the hell was going on in her mind, and she cocked her head a bit.

"If you care for him," she began slowly, in a very even voice, "I would strongly consider telling him."

He shifted uncomfortably under her stare and dropped his gaze to the ground. "You know I care about him," he mumbled awkwardly.

But she didn't respond, she just continued staring until Tony met her eyes again. He genuinely couldn't tell if she was disappointed, or judging him, or just noncommittally staring – but her gaze was unwavering and unblinking.

"He needs someone to care about him," she said softly.

Tony knew what she meant. He knew that she could tell that his feelings were less than pure, even if his intentions and actions remained ever respectful, and he knew that Thor was on 'team-Tony', too. But he didn't know if either of them understood how damaged Loki was right now (though really none of them did), and the last thing in the world he wanted to do was remove himself as a safe place for his partner to cry by doing something foolish like admitting his feelings. Especially when Loki clearly had other things going on – like this mystery that Thor wouldn't tell him about.

"He knows I do," Tony promised.

She considered him for another moment before giving him a small nod, and then walking away to tend to her business.

Now it was time to go see Loki.

He walked back over to Loki's door and knocked quietly, just in case his roommate was asleep or they were studying. He could hear someone shuffling around inside, and then a large 'thud' that sounded like a textbook falling on the ground, followed by a 'dammit!' from his partner.

Tony didn't have time to wipe the affectionate smile off of his face before the door was opened. "Hey, princess," he said warmly as he gazed at the sight before him.

He had been taking care of Loki a lot while he was sick, so he had gotten quiet used to seeing him with sleep hair and rumpled pajamas, but it would never stop being so cute.

Loki glared at him in the way that he always did: with no real malice, but a general disdain for the world that Tony was privy to. "Take my final for me," he grumbled as he waved his partner in.

"Okay," he agreed. "But I should warn you, I don't know anything about psychology and I would be forced to draw pictures," he said with a grin as he moved over to pick up the fallen textbook.

Snow White scowled and climbed back into his bed where he was surrounded by papers. "I have one final left and of course it's the hardest one," he growled.

"But then you're done!" Tony replied cheerfully. He was already finished, because most of his finals were projects, and he knew how wonderful it felt to be able to moon the semester.

Loki sighed and picked up the packet he had been reading, which was covered in highlighted sections and notes in the margins. "And then I'm going to see The Hobbit," he declared.

Tony raised an eyebrow at that as he took a seat in Loki's desk chair. "Yeah? Are you gonna get dressed up, too?" he asked with a grin as he flipped through the page of the book.

His partner barked out a crazed laugh – because hours of studying will give a person a crazed laugh – and gave Tony a look. "I can't go to a movie by myself dressed up," he responded, as though his partner were an idiot for asking such a thing.

But Tony only heard one part of that sentence and latched on. After he had jumped back in surprise by the laugh that came out of Loki he leaned forward eagerly. "I'll go with you," he offered.

Loki paused his reading and looked at Tony again. "You know I'm going right after my final and waiting at the theatre until it starts," he warned.

The engineer shrugged. "I'm done with finals and I want to see the movie. Plus, I would hate for you to miss such a perfectly good cosplay opportunity," he replied.

His partner smiled at him and the manic glint in his eye softened. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah! I'll pick you up after your final," he said as he tossed the textbook back onto Loki's bed and leaned back in the chair.

"Thank you, Tony."

This boy was going to be the death of him. "Have you eaten breakfast?" Tony asked suddenly, remembering Thor's warning about making sure that Loki got food in him.

The boy looked up a bit guiltily. "I don't really have time, I need to reread all of these packets before three o'clock-" he started.

But Tony hopped up and interrupted him. "I'll go grab you food. Just give me your I.D. so I can get back into the building," he offered.

Loki blinked at him. "You really don't have to do that," he said, reaching over into his bag to retrieve his I.D. anyway.

"I know, but I'm hungry anyway and you've been sick," he reasoned as he pocketed the card Loki offered him.

"Thank you, Tony," Loki said in that same sweet voice that always sounded so surprised that someone would do something kind for him.

He nodded as he opened the door and started to exit, but paused and turned around to say one last thing before he let his friend get back to studying.

"Hey, Loki?"

The younger man looked up and blinked his gorgeous green eyes.

"You should leave your phone on… because sometimes... I really need to hear your voice," he said quietly before departing.

The door closed before he could see the way Loki smiled.

oooooooo

Loki had texted that he was out of his final and properly dressed for the movie, and now Tony was on his way to pick him up and begin their unexpected journey. No scratch that, that joke is not funny.

Tony was tickled as hell when he pulled up to Loki's dorm and saw the boy was dressed as Gandalf. He was also pleased that Thor was waiting with him and this time both boys looked to be in better spirits.

He put the car in park and waited for Loki to come get in when he saw Thor waving him out of the vehicle.

Although he was unsure of why he needed to leave the sanctity and warmth of his car, he undid his seatbelt and opened his door anyway.

"What's up, blondie?" he yelled to the brothers as he stepped around the car and revealed his Dwarf costume. He winked at Loki when he saw the boy's face light up at the sight, as he had clearly not been expecting Tony to dress up with him.

"I want to get a picture of you two," Thor explained as he began messing with the buttons on a camera that Tony hadn't realized he was holding.

Even though Loki was visibly irritated by Thor's request, he stepped next to his partner.

"You look awesome," Tony whispered as he slipped a casual arm around Loki's waist – which was perfectly appropriate for a picture.

To his delight, Loki draped an arm across his shoulders and whispered back, "You look horrible," through a grin.

It was perfect timing on Thor's part that the flash went off just as the boys started laughing at the insult – with their eyes locked on each other. It was a beautiful, sweet, candid shot that could not have come out more perfect if it were staged.

When Thor showed him the picture it would mark the moment Tony first knew he was in love.

He wanted to reach into the camera and squeeze the ever-loving life out of the boy his arm was wrapped around. Tony could not believe how stunning Loki looked when he laughed like that, and the way his eyes lit up in delight over his jab at his partner's costume. He looked so silly in his robe and hat and just so childish and wonderful and god he just wanted to consume the boy in this photo.

Loki shifted beside him to punch his brother and it actually startled Tony back to reality. When he remembered that Loki was here, standing right next to him – a real person, not just this image of perfection trapped in a picture – and they were friends, and partners, and going to see a movie together.

His heart was doing summersaults as his brain tried to wrap around the sudden overwhelming downpour of emotions that were sweeping through him as he gazed at Loki trying to wrestle the camera out of his brother's hands.

He was in love with Loki.

"Take good care of him, alright?" Thor said playfully as he held the camera up and out of his little brother's reach before shoving Loki at Tony and encouraging them to go.

He nodded numbly as that thin body collided with his and he had to fight his trance like urge to reach his arms out around Loki's waist and just cling to him.

When they got in the car, Loki immediately turned on the radio and began singing along with whatever was playing, occasionally turning to direct lines of the song to Tony when it was appropriate or he felt like he wasn't getting enough attention.

Love.

When they got to the theatre and realized the line would have to wait outside, Loki took off his wizard cloak so they could sit on that instead of the ground, and pressed himself up against Tony's side without a word about it. He pulled his laptop out of his bag and offered an ear bud to Tony as 30 Rock fired up.

Loki didn't ask, he didn't check if it was okay – just scooched himself up beside Tony and decided they were going to watch this TV show.

Love.

A few hours later, after Loki's laptop died, and both boys were starving, Tony left to go get food for them (since there were still two hours left until the movie would begin and Loki insisted on waiting for concessions). His partner said that he only wanted a salad, since he was still not feeling great, so Tony acquiesced his wishes and if he accidentally bought an extra brownie in case Loki changed his mind then oopsie poo.

And when Loki did eat that brownie without asking if it was actually for him and snickered when he thought he'd stolen Tony's treat it made the engineer's heart all gooey and warm.

Love.

When it grew dark and started freezing and Loki let Tony wrap an arm around him so they could share body warmth, he tried not to grin like a fool.

Love.

After they took their seats he pestered Tony to go buy them snacks and didn't complain when his partner came back with only one soda and only one straw.

Love.

The way Loki's face would light up and change as he reacted to different things throughout the movie and became more entertaining to watch than the film itself.

Love.

When their hands accidentally brushed against each other's as they reached into the popcorn bucket at the same time, and Tony jokingly laced their fingers together so he could keep Loki's hand away while he feasted on the golden kernels –

And Loki let him.

Tony tried to appear casual and force his hand to relax so that it wouldn't become weird – but the longer he held Loki's hand the more excited he got and the more he started to worry about whether or not he was a creep. When he accidentally shifted his hand a bit and had to make a split second decision to either pull his hand away again under the guise of going in for more popcorn or something, or acknowledging that they were holding hands – Loki tightened the hold.

Neither of them looked at each other, or said anything, but a silent understanding was reached. Technically this was harmless since neither of them were actively acting on their feelings, and for all the other person knew this was just a joking gesture that had transformed into comfort. Even though they were both experiencing the same amount of tingling in their entire bodies, neither of them acknowledged it, and for the rest of the movie they sat like that: in the back of the theatre, in the wee hours of the morning, after a hellish semester, wearing ridiculous costumes, secretly infatuated with one another with no idea that the other felt the same way – holding hands with their fingers laced and clinging tightly to one another.

Love.

oooooooo

Loki didn't want to go home after the film, he wanted to go somewhere and discuss it.

So Tony took them both back to his house, since neither of them had anything tomorrow and there was no rush to get back to the dorms. Once Loki had changed out of his Gandalf costume and into Tony's pajamas (which he had gone and acquired without asking, again thinking he was the funniest little shit in the world), he came back out into the living room and took his usual seat on the couch.

The engineer changed into a similar outfit, though with a tank top instead of a loose fitting sleep shirt like Loki was wearing, grabbed drinks for them and took his spot opposite his partner.

"Hey, before you start on the movie and get all worked up," Tony started awkwardly, "What happened last night?" he asked.

Loki put his drink down and frowned. "I had an unpleasant conversation with Natasha," he replied slowly, as though he was still unsure if those were the correct words to use as they were coming out of his mouth.

Tony waited for him to continue before pressing for more information. "Did it have anything to do with what happened on Thanksgiving?" he asked nervously. He had not brought that night up since it happened, wanting to grant Loki his privacy, but it had been almost a month and he was dreadfully curious, especially after how cryptic last night was.

The effect of his words was instantaneous. Loki's entire body tensed as he guarded himself against the question. "Tony…" he began before pausing to take a deep breath that worried the engineer. "I am not ready to talk about that yet," he said uncomfortably.

Tony wasn't sure how to respond, and as he opened his mouth to look for the right words he found himself chewing on air.

"I promise I will tell you in time, but not tonight," Loki added as he turned his head to meet Tony's eyes.

That settled it, then. "Okay – but just know that I'm here, and I care," he replied sincerely.

Loki blinked his pretty green eyes at him and nodded after a minute. "Thank you, Tony" he murmured back with a tiny hint of a smile.

"Now you can talk about the movie," Tony granted with a wave of his hand.

And Loki was off! His power to speak incessantly about anything was not limited to rants about the things he disliked. He talked Tony's ear off for the next hour before they began arguing over a point from Return of the King, and were forced to put it on to settle the matter – even though it was extremely late.

They were both asleep within minutes. But this sleepover was not like the others, because they had not intended to pass out on the couch like that. When they were sitting next to each other, perhaps a bit closer than they needed to be, with Loki's legs curled up beside him and gravity begging him to lean on Tony, they fell asleep leaning against the back of the couch – still sitting up.

Eventually Loki's head dropped onto Tony's shoulder, and Tony pulled his own legs up onto the couch, still in his sleep, as he blindly reached for a pillow to lean on, and after time he needed to stretch out so he shifted until he was lying horizontally on the sofa, which shifted Loki until he was lying curled up against Tony's side with his head in the crook of his partner's neck and one arm flung across his chest. Tony, as usual, had his arms wrapped around Loki and his face buried in that inky black mess of hair.

This could have been like any other night where they accidentally fell asleep together, minus the cuddling and the fact that this time – Tony was allowed to stay – but on the other nights there was something very decidedly platonic about their closeness.

Tonight though, after both men were very deeply asleep, Loki's right leg came up to drape across Tony's hips. Had he been awake, he would have felt the stiff cock his leg had nudged when he did so. But he remained asleep, even as his leg wrapped around Tony as his own crotch sought out friction.

Had Tony been awake, he might have felt the hardness pressing against his side and he would have felt simultaneously pleased that Loki was aroused in his presence – and guilty because he was unconscious while it happened.

But asleep they stayed; which is why, later in their relationship, neither of them would be able to correctly identify the first night that they felt each other's erections.

oooooooo

A/N: :3 Alright I've changed some things with my chapter planning since y'all really want Fandral out of the picture. He will be gone sooner than I thought. And this was requested again: bundtfuck dot tumblr dot com. It's on my profile for those that cannot find it :3