Chapter 12
My heart jumps up into my throat. What?! I just... I can't deal with that. Why would he be saying that? It has to all be a trick. Right? Obviously, it isn't real. It's all just a strategy. Not a very well-thought out one, as I saw through it in seconds, but a strategy nonetheless.
Is that all that my emotions are to him? Something to play with until there is something, whether it is more screen time, more sponsors, or simply a more sympathetic audience, to be gained?
But his plan won't work if I don't let it. The second we are allowed to leave the outdoor stage set up for the interviews, I storm back inside. We're supposed to go right to the elevators and to our floor to prepare for tomorrow, whether that means going to sleep early, or having one last strategy session. But when have I ever been one for rule-following?
So I go into a random elevator, and find the tributes from Districts Ten and Eleven, and the boy from District Twelve. The sight of him reminds me of what happened moments ago. So when the elevator stops at the tenth floor, I run off.
Locating a staircase, I run down to the lobby. Going as fast as I can, I do what was, perhaps, the most immature thing I have done in a while, and that is really saying something; I run out of the still-open doors and down the candy-pink sidewalk.
To be honest, I have no idea where I am going. All I know is that Tessa eventually is right behind me. She is actually pretty fast, given that most Capitol citizens are hopelessly unathletic and she is still wearing four-inch heels. I should have remembered that many of the districts' still had team members downstairs.
"What was that, Clove?" she shrieks at me. Of course, I knew that I was going to get a lecture on proper protocol. "Your interview was lovely, but that exit? Absolutely unacceptable! And you are now out here, why?"
Quickly, I explain about what happened, and why exactly I reacted the way I did. Surely she would understand why I can't go along with the plan.
But she doesn't. "You thought that was just a strategy? A lie to manipulate others? It was real. It was an honest reaction that you obviously took the wrong way."
"And how do you know that? How can you be so sure?"
Tessa takes a deep breath. "Just trust me on this, okay?"
"Fine. How about this. I'll come back to the Training Center. If I believe him then, well, I'll deal with that if I have to. If I still don't feel like this is more than a plan, then I'm out of the alliance. If all that I am to the rest of them is a way to get sympathy, then they must not know what I'm capable of. Therefore, they don't need me"
Agreeing, Tessa leads me back upstairs to Floor Two. "Remember," she says, back in her cheery, bubbly tone. "Try not to act like you hate him."
'Great advice, thanks," I snap. "I never would have figured that one out."
Well, there he is, as if waiting for my return. Crossing my arms, I take tiny, measured steps over to him. Remembering something one of the trainer's from the center back home would always say, about making the first move so that your opponent wouldn't have control, I begin to speak. "We met on my first day at the Training Center. I was ten, and you were eleven. We talked to each other pretty much every day since then, even though we were never good friends. Why didn't you tell me how you really felt until tonight? Do you realize how fake it seemed? Or how fake it still feels to me?" I can tell that he is about to protest. "And don't deny it!" I say to cut off his words. "It can't be real."
How do I show him that I know he is lying? A specific question, maybe? It's worth a try. "Okay, then. Tell me this. At exactly which point did you start to feel that way about me?"
"This is going to sound crazy," he begins. Already, I can tell by his confidence that he was telling the truth earlier. "But it all started that day when we first met Glimmer. The way that you absolutely refused to give in to insecurities, wouldn't give up until you made your point so clearly better, but maintained a sense of humor. So I started to think. All of the pieces, the ones that have been popping up for so long now, snapped right in place. Does that make any sense?"
"It does. It's just- why didn't you tell me before now? I would have reacted differently if I had known. The way that I did was terrible, and I'm really sorry about it. But it isn't the only thing I'm sorry about." I drop my gaze, and my voice lowers to a whisper. "I'm sorry that I don't feel the same way."
Once those words leave my mouth, I look up again, waiting for his reaction. When I see it, I'm shocked. An unwelcome tear is forming in the corner of one eye, though he blinks it away the second I notice it. "I always knew you wouldn't," he says in the same quiet tone I used. In a moment of uncharacteristic gentleness, he reaches out and pushes a lock of my hair out of my face.
But I allow my instincts to take over. I grab his hand and shove it away from me and take off running in the opposite direction.
I lock myself in my room, furious. Only this morning, I reminded myself to ignore emotion, and now I allowed myself to be pulled right into it. Taking Tessa's advice, I weakened myself. Why, why, why?! If I didn't react the way I did earlier, I wouldn't have found out.
In a weird way, the fact that he was telling the truth is flattering. Maybe I would feel differently if we weren't both only about twelve hours away from the arena. If, and maybe this is crazy, but maybe if we somehow both were able to go back home…
That's it! The audience went crazy with delight with the first confession. Maybe if the audience has not just one, but two pairs of district partner's in love with each other, the rules will be changed so that the show isn't us all against each other, but the twelve's against us… Maybe they would even allow two of us to win.
Tiptoeing down the hallway, I find both of the mentors and explain my plan. Fairly enthusiastic, they go off and find Cato.
"Here's the thing," I start, quickly explaining my idea. "But I'm only acting. When we come out, when emotions won't endanger us-" I allow a smile to creep onto my face. "Then I'll re-analyze how I feel."
