Hello! So, this is my little last bit until a few weeks because I'm supposed to be exercising this summer and my mother says no computer whatsoever EVEN THOUGH TECHNICALLY I'M NOT EVEN GOING ON THE INTERNET. ugh, sorry guys, please understand, i hope? Thanks. Please review, okay?

Well I've lost it all, I'm just a silhouette,

a lifeless face that you'll soon forget,

my eyes are damp from the words you left,

ringing in my head, when you broke my chest.

ringing in my head, when you broke my chest.

And if you're in love, then you are the lucky one,

'cause most of us are bitter over someone.

setting fire to our insides for fun,

to distract our hearts from ever missing them.

but I'm forever missing him.

- Youth, by Daughter

Chapter Nine

I awake to Elvis again. This time, it's Heartbreak Hotel. I wonder why that's playing - Soda chooses the songs that play in the Curtis house. I roll over to my side, and almost get a heart attack at what I see.

It's Soda, lying right next to me that he was probably breathing on my neck. He's smiling wide, and staring at me like it's perfectly normal.

"Glory, Sodapop Curtis, you nearly killed me with fright!" I yell at him, letting off a string of colorful words.

I hear laughter coming from the kitchen, and Soda's soft chuckling. He stands up and heads for the door.

"Don't do that, please." I call out to him just before he leaves.

"Why not?" he asks, raising an eyebrow.

A few days ago, that would have given me heart palpitations and intense blushing, even dizziness. But now, I'm just left with a tight knot in my stomach and my heart hurts a little. I don't want to like Soda anymore - because I can never, ever be with him, even if he called me pretty last night. So, it's pretty much one-sided love.

"Because of what you told me last night." I say, closing my eyes tiredly.

"Lorraine..." Soda stretches out my name a bit, and I flinch a bit at the sound of him contemplating my name.

"Just leave me alone, okay? You just want to be friends, right?" I say, my eyes still closed, willing for him to go away.

"Fine. I was just trying to talk to you, but obviously you just want to be friends," he says the word like it's some nasty insult.

I realize I may have sounded a little hasty and annoyed, and I don't know why I said those things. They just shot out of my mouth. But I'm fed up with how confusing all this crushing-on-Sodapop business is.

When I open my eyes, Soda's gone, and I'm left with an empty feeling in the pit of my stomach. Should I try to not like Soda? Was it worth it to keep liking him and being hopeful if he'd already said he didn't ever want to be with me? But he'd called me pretty...prettier than Sandy, his ex-girlfriend. And suddenly I felt jealous of Sandy, who'd been given Soda's love and compassion and had thrown it all away.

I sighed. Life was hard, and my first taste of love had been wretched. I spent the entire day in the Curtis house, only getting out of my "bed" for the shower, and lunch. Ponyboy came in to talk, and I pretended to be asleep. He didn't buy it, though.

"Lorraine?" he called out, standing over me.

"I'm tired, Pony." I say, the covers over my head.

"We need to talk." he says, persistent.

"Your brother is causing me problems." I told him, revealing my face.

Pony squats down, and I manage to get into a sitting position. He looks anxious, and confused.

"So, you guys are kind of mad at each other?" Pony asks, concerned.

I like Ponyboy. He seems like the person to vent to, like he would always understand you in whatever situation you were in or whatever kind of person you were. So, I let it all out, pouring out all my thoughts about Soda and what had happened between the two of us since I'd arrived in Tulsa. Pony absorbed it all quietly like a sponge.

"You guys love each other." he said simply when I was done.

"Love?" I reeled back with surprise, "Love...is something else. This is just a small crush, and Soda's making it very complicated for me. That's all. It's just...complicated."

Pony shook his head, "Soda's smoking a lot lately. He's thinking about you, I think. And he did call you pretty...prettier than Sandy. That means he's over Sandy, finally. But, she left him with a lot of insecurities. He keeps thinking he did something wrong, that he wasn't enough for her and that's why she left him. He doesn't really want to think that Sandy was a cheat, because he loved her."

"But he told me...he didn't want us to be together."

"That's because he's got feelings for you. You don't see him telling the girls heads over heels for him at DX that, do you do? I think maybe he's kind of scared."

"I can't Ponyboy, I don't know anything about this. New York taught me a lot of things, not just fighting and gangs and being tough - but a lot of things about life. But...I didn't learn anything about this. It's just all so complicated." I say, wringing my hands in frustration.

"Do you really feel that way about Soda, though? What you told me earlier?" Pony boy asked curiously.

"Yes. Why?"

"Sounds like love to me," Pony replied, then stood up; "You shouldn't be scared or anything. And don't listen to Soda all the time - he's a high school dropout after all."

I knew that the fact that Soda dropped out pisses Pony off a lot, but Pony was using it lightly right now, kind of like a joke. I made a face at him.

"Where are you going, Pony?"

"To tell Soda." he says, then disappears from the door, and I'm wondering how much worse my life could become.

I groan as I roll back onto my side. My chest was hurting something awful now - it was throbbing and aching and just felt very heavy. Soon enough, I found myself sobbing into the pillow quietly, the tears streaming down my face like raindrops sliding down a window. Why did I want Sodapop to like me so much? Why did he matter so much to me? Why...

And in that moment, I knew Dally had passed onto heaven or wherever he had to go after death. I could feel him freed, because what he'd wanted from me - to not be like him - that had been accomplished. I was not like Dally, as tough and hard as I tried to be or had been in New York. Tulsa had shown me that - Tulsa had shown me Sodapop Curtis and I'd fallen like a rock for him.

I was miserable, I was a wreck, I felt like my world had been split into a million shards grinded to dust and I'd never be able to piece it back together. Oh, this was horrible, horrible. I was horrible. Everything was horrible. And I felt so empty and numb, but engulfed by waves of despair at the same time.

I'd never experienced anything like this before - I was heartbroken.

Okay, guys...that's it. So, hopefully it's not too bad of a stop before a hiatus? I mean, I didn't want to stop in between a suspenseful part, because it would lose a lot of momentum by the next time I get to post a chapter. Hope you guys enjoy it, and have a dandy-candy summer! :)