Hey everyone. Sorry for the wait, it's just that I caught up in school. Personally, to me, this chapter isn't the best, but whatever. I hope you guys like it!

Chapter 12: Explanations and Arguments

Friday, October 13, my room, 4 pm

Hm…Charleston has really nice handwriting. Like, it is beyond good. Plus, he knew exactly what I was feeling last night when he was writing in my diary for me. It kind of makes me not want to write in it myself, LOL.

Actually, it's not Ben's butler's fault. It's mine. I don't want to remember what Ben told me last night. It was all so horrible, and all I

Okay, let's start at when Ben said, "I'm dying, Hil." Cough, cough.

My throat dried up and I didn't know what to say then. I thought I even saw a flash of white light then, too. I mean, what could I say? My former boyfriend was dying, and I had no way to comfort him.

But, seeing as we're talking about Ben here, he was totally okay with it. My nervousness, I mean. Not the dying thing.

Ben chuckled. "Yeah, I was that way when I found, too."

I didn't know what to say for a while. My brain was frozen with the sudden shock. Here he was, the guy that I admired, maybe not love, but admired, and he was telling he was going to die? In my head, it didn't make any sense.

When I finally found my voice, I asked, "Why? What's wrong with you, Ben?" I had so many other questions running through my head then, like why him, and when, and if it would hurt. I wanted to understand everything, and maybe he could give me some of the burden, so he wouldn't have to feel so alone anymore.

"I have a brain tumor," he said, not meeting my intense gaze, "and the doctors say I have until around next month to live."

What's weird about that moment is that I don't cry. I don't cry and hold him and yell declarations of love, like in the movies. I just sit there, listening to him tell me about everything.

"So," he finally says, "what do you think? You think I'm some pathetic loser, huh?"

My head snaps up, almost angry. "What are you, crazy?" I exclaim suddenly, surprising both me and him, "I could never think of you as a pathetic loser!"

Ben's eyes lock with mine, and for a moment, I thought he was going to kiss me, but instead, he looked away. I could tell he was scared; and it shocked me. I've never seen Ben scared, because he'd always be cool, calm and collected, just like Sora. It made me feel kind of scared, too.

"Are you scared?" I whispered, after a long, pregnant pause. Ben's eyes looked kind of moist, and I could tell he was, even though he didn't tell me.

But, he told me anyways. "Yeah, I am," he said, looking out to the horizon again. But by now though, the sun had completely gone down, and stars were popping up, "but it isn't just the dying thing."

Now, he had shocked me seriously. "What then?" I asked. Ben looked at me with an amused expression, and shook his head, laughing at me like I said something funny. And, I knew I hadn't. I mean, how is the phrase 'What then?' funny? It just isn't.

"I guess I'm afraid of losing you." Was all he said, and I knew. I knew that I couldn't tell him about my engagement to Tyson. I just couldn't. He cared for me so much, and if I told him, I'd break his heart, and then he might die knowing that I don't like him in return anymore. What kind of person would I be?

Same day, under the bridge, 8 pm

"You'd be a person who'd tell the truth!"

When I tried to explain to Tyson why I couldn't tell Ben about us, he flipped out. As I've said time and time again, it is Tyson here.

I was his house, watching the guys practice, debating whether or not I should tell Tyson about last night. I mean, he'd either be happy about Ben dying, or put Ben of his misery right that second. And, when Tyson is angry, he's angry. And I mean, angry.

So, while they're beyblading, Ray comes and sits beside me, and asks me if I'm okay. I haven't talked to Ray in a while, since I've been so caught up in all this. And, I guess I thought he'd hate me if I was engaged to Tyson.

"I'm fine. It's Ben that isn't." I sighed sadly, placing my chin in my hand. I didn't know what to do; like the whole fate of my engagement was on my shoulders.

I sat up suddenly, a thought coming to my mind. Did I care about the fate of my engagement?

Well, I thought, not really. I mean, he's Tyson, for Pete's sake. He's Tyson, and that should explain everything.

WHO THE HECK AM I KIDDING!

I do want my engagement to last. I'm used to whole idea of being Tyson's fiancée, and in fact, I kind of like it. I just hope that a) Tyson feels the same way, or b) if he doesn't, he won't find out.

Ray leaves me alone then, and I'm left to my own thoughts. Tyson probably doesn't care about this engagement. He probably thinks that it's some stupid thing that our dads made up, and it'll be over in a month or something. Maybe I should the same thing.

But I don't. Sometimes, I dream at night that Tyson and I are getting married. I'm in a beautiful white dress, and Tyson looks so handsome in his tux. Maybe that means that I want to marry him. It seems like my dreams know more than I do.

By this time, Tyson sits down beside me, sweat all over his face, breathing heavily. "Don't tell me you're still writing in this diary of yours." He says, giving me a disbelieving look.

I gape. "Of course I am! Unlike you, I am very determined and I stick with things." I turn away from him, recalling what I just thinking. Me and Tyson? Married? It was so farfetched, it wasn't even funny. I don't think I can imagine him getting down on his knees before me, and actually asking me to marry him. He doesn't even have to; we're already engaged, after all.

"But it's pink!"

"So what?"

Tyson shook his head. "Forget it. You know, we should start practicing. The competition is Wednesday."

"Oh yeah, right! Also, I was thinking of helping out Ben in----"I stopped mid sentence. Tyson's face turned into a mixture of anger and hatred. His eyes were burning, and I could almost feel how mad he was.

"You were gonna what, Hil?" he asked me accusingly, his voice dropping to a whisper, "Tell him about our engagement?"

I gulped. "Well, I, uh-"

"I thought you were gonna tell him yesterday!"

"Well, I, uh-"

"Hilary, what's going on?"

"Well, I, uh-" (note that I'm saying the exact dumb thing, and no, I'm not making it up)

"HILARY!"

I throw my hands up in the air. "Stop interrogating me! I can answer if you shut up!"

Tyson crossed his arms over his chest. "Fine," he said angrily, "explain"

"Well, I met with Ben last night at the beach-"

"THE BEACH! AT NIGHT!"

"Tyson, quiet. Anyway, I swear, I was going to tell him, but he told me that he, um, he…"

"What? Hilary, tell me."

I sighed. "He's dying, Tyson. How was I supposed to tell him?"

Tyson stayed silent for a while, and I honestly thought that he was going to feel sorry for Ben. I mean, as much as Tyson annoys me, he does have a heart. He can be kind…if he wanted to.

Instead, he said as confidently as before, "Easy. All you do is say, I'm so sorry, Ben! I'm engaged to the cutest, most bestest guy around, and even though you're dying, I can't leave Tyson!"

My fists curled up in a ball, and my anger rose. "Was that an impression of me!" I asked angrily. I did not sound like that. He sounded all squeaky and girly, and I don't do squeaky and girly. I do not!

Tyson stuck his tongue out at me playfully. "Good, wasn't it?" he said, putting his hands behind his head. Instinctly, I whacked him on his head, a large red bump emerging.

"Tyson, have some respect! If I told him, what kind of person would I be?" I asked defensively.

"You'd be the person who'd tell the truth!" he exclaimed, his eyes all fiery. We stayed silent, just watching each other. It was like we were waiting for an opportunity to bash each other.

Tyson narrowed his eyes at me, and pointed an accusing finger at me. "You know," he said at a faint whisper, "I think you're enjoying this."

My mouth opened wide, surprised what he said. "Wait, what did you say?" I asked, stepping back a bit because of the shock. "How am I enjoying this?"

"Admit it," he continued, "you love the idea of having two guys connected to you in some way. You love this whole drama thing, and you're milking this for all its worth." His finger was now poking my arm.

My anger peaked again, and I was about to hit him, until I stopped suddenly. Do I like this whole drama thing? Do I enjoy having 2 guys around me?


Do I want Tyson as my fiancé?