Lawndale 2021

SDCU-0001-AAAA

Daria and Beavis and Butthead are property of Glenn Eichler, Mike Judge, and MTV

Sealab 2021 is property of Williams Street Productions, LLC


Opening Theme:

Excuse Me, Excuse Me…

I guess I'll have to be direct

If you're gonna' stand on my neck

Then you'd better check under the sea

Cause that is where you'll find me

Underneath the Sealab!

Underneath the water

Sealab!

At the bottom of the Sea!


Episode 012: Stuck In The Closet With You


Date: Friday, November 06, 2021

"Look, I'm-I'm just gonna' lay my cards on the table. Maybe you'll think it sounds crazy, and who knows? Maybe I am crazy, but if this is crazy, babe, then I don't want to be sane. I'm in love with you, Wendy," Captain Murphy said. "Oh, Captain! For so long, I have quivered at the thought of your lips on my crudely drawn mouth!" Marco said in a high pitched voice as he waved a bucket and mop with a crudely drawn face on it.

"Hey!" Murphy exclaimed. "Your strong hands caressing my slender wooden body-" "Don't talk like that, you-you slut!" Murphy interjected. "When we met, I was working as a... hooker mop, bedding down any filthy broom who laid down a peso for a bristle job!" Murphy then punched Bucket-Head Wendy and sent her flying out of Marco's hands and onto the floor.

"I warned her," Murphy said.


Sparks listened on his radio for any important communications while Amy Barksdale fixed a broken computer screen. "How come Barch never sends anyone but me over here when you guys call for maintenance?" Amy asked as she fit the screen back into place.

"I'm not complaining," Sparks commented. "You do a pretty good job." "Thanks," Amy said. After finishing the screen, however, there was nothing much left to do on the bridge. Amy sat at a console and spun around in the seat for a few minutes.

"So... anything important happening?" Amy asked Sparks. "Not today, it would seem," he replied. "Hmm... Has anyone been on the bridge today except us?" Amy asked him. "As far as I can tell, no," he replied, turning to look at her.

"So, in that case... want to go have sex in that closet?" Amy suggested. "Sorry, but I don't think I have any protection on me," Sparks replied. "Fair enough," Amy said. "Want to play a board game or something?" Amy suggested a few minutes later. "I think we have some in the closet," Sparks said.

"Which closet?" Amy asked. "The one to my right," Sparks said, pointing at Bridge Closet 1-A. "Which shelf would they be on?" Amy asked him. "Let's go look together," Sparks said as he got up from his seat and walked over to the closet with Amy.

Sparks opened the door and he and Amy walked in, only to see Marco and Captain Murphy standing in the middle of the small room with a bucket or mop on the floor next to them. "Help me, he's an animal!" Marco called out in his Wendy voice.

"What the hell are you guys doing?" Sparks asked as Amy walked over and looked at the mop. "You have no idea how happy we are that you're here!" Marco exclaimed. "See, the door's broken, and we've been trapped in here for three days," Marco explained.

"The door's not broken," Sparks said. "If it were, we would've notified maintenance, and Amy here would have fixed it already." Amy nodded her head. "Watch," Sparks said as he pushed the close button. "No, no!" Marco pleaded as the door closed behind Sparks.

"See? Now, just push this button and-" Sparks waited for the door to open, but it only produced a strained noise. "The-the door's broken!" he said in a panicked tone. "W-What the hell, man?" "We told you," Marco said. "It's okay," said Amy, "I have my tools with me." "All right!" Marco rejoiced. "Yup. They're right... out... there," Amy said with dawning realization. Marco frowned.

"Small space! Claustrophobic! I can't take this! It's like that holding cell!" Sparks cried in panic. "I-I gotta' get out of here! I gotta' get out of here!" he ranted. "Jodene, get a hold of yourself," Amy admonished as she grabbed him by the shoulders. "I gotta get out of here! I gotta get out of here!"

"Knock it off! You're gonna be okay!" Amy said as she shook him before slapping him gently. "Here, let me!" Marco said as he moved Amy out of the way and began shaking Sparks. "Get a hold of yourself! You're gonna be okay!" he said, shaking Sparks roughly before slapping him in the face.

"Get out of the way," Murphy said as he pushed Marco to the side and grabbed Sparks by the shoulders, shaking him roughly. "Get a hold of yourself! You're gonna be okay!" he said before slapping Sparks twice. "I can't take it!" Sparks cried as his panic increased. "I said get a hold of yourself!" Murphy growled before sucker-punching Sparks, dropping him to the floor. "Jodene!" Amy cried as she knelt down beside him. "Well, I warned him," Murphy said.

"Damn! He's out cold," Marco said. "You throw a mean hook, Sir," Marco said as he turned to face Captain Murphy. "Well, when I was growing up, I lived in a rough neighborhood," Murphy said. "So, your dad got you boxing lessons?" Marco asked him.

"What? Oh, no. I just got beat up a lot, so whenever I get the chance, I like to sucker-punch people," Murphy explained. Marco nodded his head and looked over at Amy, who was still kneeling beside Sparks. "Hey, I just realized something," Marco said.

"Yeah?" Murphy asked him. "When Sparks came in here... he was walking!" "Hey, you're right!" Murphy said in agreement. "He was standing up and everything," Marco said in amazement. "You guys have never seen him walk before?" Amy asked.

"Um... no, not really," Marco replied. "Yeah, before you started hanging around the bridge, he was always sitting down. He'd even modified that chair of his to work like one of those handicap people chairs," Murphy explained. "I'd always thought that he was, like, paraplegic or something," Marco said. "Yeah. It turns out, though, that he was just lazy," Murphy said. Marco nodded his head in silent agreement.

Amy sighed as she held Sparks' head in her lap. She had shifted around so that she was sitting on the floor now. "So...how did you guys get trapped in here in the first place?" Amy asked Marco and Captain Murphy. "Well, Captain Murphy here needed my help with getting a large box of supplies from in here. He didn't say what it was for, though," Marco explained.

"I can't remember what it was for either at this point," Murphy admitted. "So... how long until Daria's shift starts? I mean, she does have a shift scheduled for today, right?" Amy asked Captain Murphy. "Um, probably. Sparks would probably be the best person to ask... if he weren't sleeping right now!" Murphy responded.

"Hey, you knocked him out!" Amy retorted. "Oh yeah. I did, didn't I?" Murphy said thoughtfully. "Well, does anyone have a watch? We need to make sure we don't lose track of time," Marco said. "I think Sparks has one," Amy said as she rolled Sparks' right sleeve up to show his wrist-watch. "Yup, but it doesn't have the date on it. I can only hope that it's synchronized with the rest of Sealab's clocks," Amy said.

"Well, what time does it say?" Marco asked her. "It says 'one o'clock'," Amy replied as she looked at the little hands on the watch. "Well, school should be over in the next two hours or so, provided that watch is synced properly. Amy, turn off the lights. I'm gonna catch some Z's until your niece begins her shift. Then we can holler and shout for her to help us," Marco said. "Sure, might as well," Amy replied as she shifted around to hit the light switch.

"Wait, niece? Female Quinn isn't part of the bridge crew," Captain Murphy said in confusion. "I was referring to her other niece, Daria," Marco said. "What? I thought Daria was her daughter," Murphy said. "No, she's my niece," Amy said.

"Oh. But, eh, she looks and acts so much like you," Murphy said. "I know. You're not the first person to make that mistake, but I would have at least thought that after hearing our different last names for so long, you would have figured it out," Amy said.

"Um, well, I thought that she had taken on her father's last name," Murphy admitted. Amy raised and eyebrow. "I thought you were a divorced couple or something." "Captain, come on. Daria's mother and father got sent to a ground-side facility because of a screw-up by the transfer people," Marco explained. "Oh. Oops," Murphy said.

"Captain? Just get some sleep," Amy said in the darkness. "Alright, whatever. I'm tired anyway," Murphy said.


Quinn Morgendorffer took a deep breath as she activated the doorbell of Housing Unit 21-AA-0034. Kay Sloane opened the door and greeted her. "Elsie's getting her voice modulator attached right now. Why don't you come inside and have a seat at the kitchen table," Kay offered. Quinn nodded her head and entered the housing unit.

Under normal circumstances, she would have brought Stacey along with her for studying, but the last time Stacey had been around Elsie Sloane, about two months earlier, she had... heard the girl's true voice.

It had taken a month for Stacey to become stabilized in the infirmary, thanks to Dr. Virjay's efforts. Quinn didn't want a repeat of that incident to occur. Of course, she wasn't immune to Elsie's voice either, but she had a somewhat greater resistance to its effects than Stacey did. Besides, she had brought ear-plugs with her in case Elsie's voice modulator malfunctioned.

"Hello, Quinn," Elsie said through her voice modulator as she entered the kitchen. Quinn laid her books and papers on the table. "You came prepared," Elsie noted. Quinn nodded her head. "Good. Let us begin," Elsie stated.


Amy lifted her head when she heard voices from outside of the room. She adjusted Sparks' head as the door slid open and Daria walked in, turning on the lights. "Daria!" Amy exclaimed. "Amy? What are you doing in here with Commander Sparks?" Daria asked her. "We've been trapped in here for over two hours," Amy said.

"Trapped, right," Daria said in a disbelieving tone. "Amy, I live with you, and I expect you to respect me enough to be honest with me," Daria admonished. "I know that you're having a relationship with Commander Sparks. Now, why don't you just admit it?" Daria asked her.

"Daria, now is not the time," Amy replied firmly. "If not now, then when?" Daria asked her. "Look, I'm not upset by you having a relationship; I just want you to be honest with me about these things," Daria said. "Daria, please," Amy started. "Amy, he's asleep, and we're alone in this closet," Daria said, not noticing the two men sleeping in sitting positions by some crates.

"If you're worried about privacy, then I'll close to door," Daria said as she pushed the close button. "Daria, no!" Amy cried, surprising her niece, but it was too late. The closet door had already slid shut. "Dammit, Daria. The door's broken," Amy said.

"Um... what?" Daria asked her. "I said... the door is broken. We've been trapped in here for over two hours. Well, Sparks and I have been trapped in here for two hours. Marco and Captain Murphy have been trapped longer," Amy explained. "Captain Murphy and Marco?" Daria asked. Amy gestured over to the crates where the two men were still sleeping.

"Daria... you were our best hope for getting out of here," Amy said with disappointment at her niece's actions. "Oh," Daria said ashamedly. "I'm... I'm sorry," Daria said as she sat down across from her aunt.

"Well, since everyone else is still asleep, I guess we could discuss some things," Amy said. "Okay, then let's get your relationship with Commander Sparks out in the open," Daria said. "Okay, fine, I've been having a sort of... intimate, more-than-friends type relationship with Jodene Sparks. We've only had sex twice, though. Well, okay, a few times on two different nights," Amy admitted.

"You aren't bothered by the fact that he's a convict?" Daria asked. "Eh, not really. He's more of a crazy schemer than a thug," Amy replied. "So... the other weekend, you went out with Jane and Tom for a whole day and didn't come back home until late the next morning. Care to tell me about it?" Amy asked. "We went to Grizzlebee's, then walked around Sealab. Then we... went to Jane's place," Daria said, blushing.

"And..." Amy asked. "And, we, um, we... wehadathreesome," Daria said quickly. "Could you say that again... slowly this time," Amy asked her niece.


"I swear, I have to do all the work around here!" Janet Barch complained as she dragged Timothy O'Neil behind her. "Isn't Lieutenant Barksdale supposed to be working in this section of Sealab today?" O'Neil asked her.

"She should be, but she isn't responding on her beeper," Janet said as she stalked over to the bridge. Looking around, she saw Amy Barksdale's toolkit lying on a table. Amy was nowhere to be seen. Neither were Sparks or Daria, for that matter.

She looked over and saw the closet door that had just been marked by maintenance after a system check showed that it wouldn't respond properly. "Well, if no one's here..." she trailed off as she grabbed O'Neil and started kissing him. "J-Janet!" he gasped as she dragged him over to the closet with her. She started to unclasp her tool-belt, mistaking it for a different belt.

"Don't worry, Skinny, I've got my tools with me," Janet said as she opened the door and stepped inside backwards, not realizing that her tool-belt had fallen off. Only a single screwdriver had rolled onto the floor inside the closet, unnoticed by everyone as Timothy O'Neil stared wide-eyed at the five people already in there.

He pointed behind Janet and she turned around. "Um... we were just coming in to get some supplies!" Janet said as she pushed herself away from O'Neil. He accidentally backed into the close button. Janet didn't notice the door sliding shut, but Daria watched it with a look of despair on her face.

"Oh, Daria, what's wrong?" O'Neil asked as he saw the girl's face. "The door... is broken," Daria replied. "Well of course it's broken! That's why I brought my toolkit here to fix it myself, since Lieutenant Barksdale here has apparently decided that she'd rather spend all day playing Hide The Sausage with Commander Sparks!" Barch screeched.

"You brought your toolkit?" Amy asked with hope in her voice. "Of course I did!" Barch yelled, waking up Marco and Captain Murphy. "Oh, Lieutenant Commander Barch, what are you doing here?" Marco asked her. "I'm fixing this door!" Janet answered aggressively.

"Yes! Um... with what?" Marco asked. "With my tool-belt, obviously!" Barch said in a disgusted manner. "What tool-belt?" Daria asked her. "This tool-belt!" Barch shrieked as she pointed at her waist. "You wear it under your uniform?" Marco asked her.

"No! It's right here on... my... uh-oh. Skinny, where's my tool-belt?" Janet asked O'Neil. "Um, I know that you had it on when you were... dragging me over to the closet," O'Neil replied nervously. "Uh-huh, so where is it now?" Janet asked him.

"I don't know," O'Neil said.


"Help me!" Kevin's voice cried from outside the door. "Keep the door closed! Keep it closed!" Quinn shouted as she, Kay, and Elsie pushed a table in front of the door to housing unit 21-AA-0034. "Where did they come from!?" Kay shrieked as she heard the sounds of the ravenous beasts outside. "My telepathy won't work on those animals!" Kay shrieked as she tried in vain to reach out to the monsters outside the door.


"Well, that's just great!" Amy exclaimed. "Shut up, tramp," Barch retorted. "Like you're one to talk," Daria said quietly. "Oh, what the?" Sparks asked as he woke up. "Sparks, it's about time!" Amy said. Sparks sat up and moved out of Amy's lap. "Where am-oh god! Small space! No way out! Lots of people! Sucking up the air!" he exclaimed.

"Dammit, not this again," Marco muttered as he walked over to the hysterical man in Amy's arms. "Sparks, you're gonna-" "Enough!" Daria said with a slightly raised voice. "Let's calm down and look around us for something that we can use to get out of here."

"There should be a box of-" "Flares! Flares!" Sparks exclaimed in desperation. "We-we can start a fire, and then the smoke alarms will go off, and then we'll get rescued! And then we can breathe!" "I saw a gas can in here somewhere," Marco said. "Who's got a lighter?" Janet asked.

"Yeah," Daria began, "We won't even get to die of smoke inhalation before the oxygen tanks over there explode and blow us through the roof." "Great idea!" Marco said. "We'll use those oxygen tanks to blow us out of here!" "Come on, people!" Amy said in an exasperated tone. "You know that Sealab is prone to massive explosions!"

"I thought only Captain Shanks paid attention to that kind of stuff," Marco muttered. "Yeah, this place is a freaking bomb on stilts," Sparks said in agreement. "You know, if I had a nickel for every-oh my god, I'm claustrophobic! We gotta get out of here!" Sparks shouted before Daria slapped him in the face. "Get a hold of yourself," she said firmly.

"Hey, I've got a plan," Captain Murphy said as he dove to the floor and grabbed Bucket-Head Wendy. "Okay, we can use Bucket-Head Wendy!" Murphy exclaimed proudly as he stood up.

"We'll use a bucket and mop to open the door?" O'Neil asked as he touched the bucket. "Get your man-hooks off my woman!" Murphy shouted as he punched O'Neil. "Skinny!" Barch exclaimed as she caught him. "Now, what did you expect, Wendy? Dressing up like that and being more of a tramp than Janet-ah!" Murphy exclaimed as Janet socked him.

"Come on guys, knock it off!" Amy pleaded. "Fine," Janet said as she went back over to O'Neil's side and carefully sat him against a stack of crates. Captain Murphy was nursing his left eye before he looked back as his subordinates.

"Now, as I was saying, we get the lovely Wendy here to use her irresistible siren song and lure in unwitting mariners into the closet! Then, we shanghai 'em, and force them to think of a plan to get us out of here!" Murphy explained, proud of himself. Janet glared at Murphy as O'Neil slowly came to. "Ouch," he muttered quietly.

"Um, if the door's going to open when they come in, couldn't we just leave then?" Marco suggested. Murphy scowled and then punched him, but his chin absorbed the impact. "Ah, damn, your chin is like a rock!" Murphy said in pain. "I-I think my hand's broken," he muttered. Janet smirked.

"Hey, I found a screwdriver on the floor," Daria said as she picked up Janet's screwdriver. She looked over at a toolbox right behind a cardboard box of light bulbs. That was in here the whole time? Dammit! She reached over and pulled the toolbox up and over onto the floor.

"Okay, I'll use these tools to fix the door," Amy said as she took the toolbox from Daria. "Oh sure, shoot down all of my suggestions, why don'tcha'? Hey, Barksdale, why don't you call Bruce Springsteen and tell him to get a new nickname, since you're already The Boss!? Huh? Why don't you do that!? Yeah!" Murphy exclaimed.

"I'm going to fix the door now," Amy said through gritted teeth as she walked over to the control panel of the door and began tinkering with it. "You know, we really should get some plants in here, to make more oxygen," Sparks said in a quiet but frantic tone. "Oh please, where would we put them?" Marco asked him.

"Under the lights!?" Sparks replied. "Would you guys, please shut up!?" Amy asked as she looked away from her task. "Oh, sure! God forbid anyone dare speak while the mighty Amy is doing her plan. Noo! You don't want to incur the wrath of Amy Barksdale!" Murphy retorted. "Thou shalt have no other gods before Amy Barksdale! Mighty Amy! Big Amy! Amy good gorilla! Amy is... um... is..."

Amy stopped and glared back at Captain Murphy. "Do you want this door open, or not?" she asked him in a clearly aggravated tone. "I do," Murphy replied after a few seconds of silence.

"Okay then. Let me work," Amy said as she returned to her task. "Okay," Murphy said.

A few seconds later, the door slid open, only to reveal a pack of hungry, drooling, and vicious pit bulls and other dogs growling and staring at the people in the closet. Stormy and Commander Li were peeking into the bridge from one of its doors.

"Aah! Close the door! Close the door!" everyone shouted at Amy. She quickly complied and the door slid shut. "What the hell!?" Janet screeched. "Dos mio!" Marco exclaimed. "Where did all those dogs come from!?" Amy cried.

"Oh, yeah. Now I remember," Captain Murphy said. "Remember what?" Amy asked him suspiciously. "Uh, well, you know how some people rescue greyhounds? I mean, from the track?" "Captain, those were not greyhounds," Daria pointed out. "Of course not, I don't like greyhounds. Too pointy. So, anyway, I rescued some fighting dogs from Guatemala," he replied.

"What!?" O'Neil asked him. "Yeah! Tough guys, too. Real killers," Murphy said. "What the hell were you thinking, man!?" Sparks asked him, before Amy clasped her hands over his mouth to stop Murphy from retaliating. "Anywho, I came down here to get them some food," Murphy explained. "They haven't been fed for three days!?" Marco asked in disbelief and terror.

"Uh, well, more like ten, actually. Hehe, I kept forgetting," Murphy said nervously. "We're trapped in here!" Janet exclaimed. "Yes," Murphy said. "Yes, we are. But, it could be worse!" he added. "How!?" Amy asked him. "How could this possibly be any worse!?" "Well, we could be out there, like Stormy and Commander Li," Murphy said.


[Montage begins of Stormy and Angela Li trying to escape the dogs. Instrumental music plays.]

Stormy and Angela run through the hallways of Sealab.

The dogs chase after them.

Angela pounds on a door, but it won't open. She looks over her shoulder and runs away.

Stormy hides behind a potted plant as several dogs run past him. He gets up and runs in the opposite direction.

Cut to shot of Angela running away from the dogs on a catwalk, with the dogs close on her heels, barking and snarling.

Stormy turns a corner while running, only to run back the way he came as several dogs chase him. He runs into another corridor as both packs of dogs group together.

Angela runs through a hallway, passing the mostly skeletal corpse of Kevin Thompson, with only his shoulder pads giving any clue to the bloody skeleton's identity.

Cut to a shot of a dog standing on its hind legs and dancing to an unheard tune.

Stormy opens a door to an otherwise empty room, only for a dog to appear. Stormy closes the door and runs away.

Angela runs to an open door, but it closes on her. She pounds on it before the sound of barking dogs draws near.

She tries to run but the dogs corner her.

Stormy runs through a hallway, with several dogs close behind.

Angela offers a dog treat to the canines surrounding her, and then they all pounce at once. She is violently ripped to shreds, with the dogs' bodies obscuring the gore, while blood spills onto the floor around them.

Stormy runs into a corner but is trapped by the dogs. His uniform is in tatters. He stares at them as they attack. He has a look of shock and terror on his face as he shakes and is dragged below the screen. His hand shoots up a for a few seconds, before it too is pulled down as the dogs devour him. His death is off-screen.

[Montage ends.]


Later on, Captain Murphy stood in front of his bed, with a mustache on his face, while Bucket-Head Wendy lied on the bed. "Do you want the mustache on or off?" he asked the mop. He received no response. "Too bad," he said.


Ending Theme: The Tower That Ate People, by Peter Gabriel.


I was originally going to have it be Stormy and Kevin running from the dogs, but I soon realized that Angela Li was far more deserving of this fate than Kevin. Besides, who hasn't wanted to write about something like that happening to Miss Dictator? I wrote Kevin's corpse in there as a little carry-over from the original plan. For the curious, Kevin's shoulder pads prevented him from getting through an open door in time, and the room's residents weren't going to take any risks.

Anyway, enjoy the craziness of this episode, because the next one is going to have a very different tone from the usual Daria/Sealab stories. Be sure to leave reviews for episodes that you like!