Chapter 12
Angelica sought Draco, her conversation with Severus still fresh in her mind. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching the sleeping twins.
"Have you met Nymphadora?" she asked, sitting next to him.
He shook his head. He had seen her once, but they hadn't even greeted each other. Hardly a meeting.
"Are you nervous?"
Draco shrugged.
Perhaps he wasn't nervous, but he was uncomfortable. He wouldn't be so quiet otherwise. Angelica frowned. Did he hate Nymphadora so much that it affected his mood? He hadn't had that lifeless look in his eyes when he met Andromeda… What was the difference now? What was the matter?
"You okay?"
He swallowed hard. Angelica thought he wouldn't answer when she heard a whisper, "I keep meeting family members when all I want to do is to be with my parents."
The lines on her face softened.
"Do you regret meeting me and my sons?"
Her voice had been incredibly soft like the times she spoke to Ezra and Samuel, like the way Narcissa used to talk to Draco when he was a child.
"No."
It staggered him how easily the word came, how honest and natural the response felt. She gave him a gentle grin.
"Good. I don't regret meeting you either." She paused and waited for him to react, to say something. He only lowered his gaze.
"You'll get through this, Draco."
"What do you know?" he snapped.
Angelica knew he was all bark and no bite, just like his godfather. He hadn't meant to speak in such a harsh tone. He was stressed out. She used to do the same when she was his age. He reminded her so much of her younger self it was scary yet comforting at the same time. In a sense, this was a chance for her. She had been lonely when her father went to prison and her mother died. No guidance. No mentor. She wouldn't let that happen to Draco. She would give him what she had needed when she had been in his place: reassurance and some affection.
She took his hand and said, "I know because you're my cousin. We may not look anything alike, but we are not so different. We are strong… And we both can be arrogant and dramatic. Poor Severus must be going crazy with us!"
Draco actually tittered and shook his head. His usually cold eyes became warmer. Angelica remembered cold nights dreaming about having somebody to support her, to hold her and tell her everything would be all right, to make her laugh. It had taken her years to learn to laugh again. But Draco had laughed. She had made him laugh.
"You know, you're my favorite cousin," she said. "I don't think Nymphadora or anyone can change that. We share too many similarities."
They both knew that what had drawn them together was the fact that both knew what losing a mother and having a father in prison was like, yet neither mentioned it. There was no need.
"You are my favorite cousin too."
He had spoken so low he doubted she had heard him. But she had.
"Despite being a muggle?"
She was looking at him intently.
He shifted in his seat. A year ago, he would have jeered if anyone told him he would talk to a real muggle, let alone befriend her and be comfortable with her. The mere thought would have been absurd.
Until the day he met her.
Back in that muggle street with a wounded Severus, Draco had trusted her because he was desperate. Desperate conditions required desperate actions. The first night in her flat, he had thought he would regret trusting her. It had not been the case.
He may not have met Nymphadora yet, but he bet that either, she would ignore them, or she wouldn't stop playing pranks on them. Her metamorphmagus ability was the perfect excuse, after all.
Draco disliked pranks. They were childish and annoying. Angelica would tease him but never play a prank on him. He teased her too, so it wasn't such a big deal. She made him laugh and feel like somebody cared for him. There were no qualms: he would rather be with Angelica than with Nymphadora, even if he didn't really know the hufflepuff witch yet.
"Despite being a muggle."
"So you don't believe in that?" she asked, tilting her head towards his Dark Mark.
His face hardened. He liked Angelica. Did that mean he didn't believe muggles were inferior to wizards and witches? The response wasn't so simple. The weeks he spent in her flat had opened his eyes. Muggles had crazy inventions that could perfectly rival against magic. But he had grown up in an ambient that looked down on anybody who wasn't a pure-blood. The only exception had been Severus, a half-blood, and even then Draco knew it was because the Princes and the Malfoys had always had a good relationship.
Old habits die hard.
"I… I'm confused. You are supposed to be inferior to me, but somehow, I don't think that anymore… You are… You are my cousin," he said, bringing a tiny smile to her face.
Not like she could blame him. She had been perplexed when she found a family in the same kind of people that had taken hers away years ago. She had hated the magical world with as much intensity as in which Draco had looked down on muggles, if not more. Yet, here they were, chatting as if that part of their lives was blurry.
The door creaked and Andromeda peeked out behind it.
"Nymphadora and Remus are staying for the day. They want to properly meet you and the babies, Angelica, and they want to see you too, Draco."
He stiffed. Angelica gave him an encouraging pat that seemed to relax him, if only slightly.
Severus didn't even bother joining them despite Angelica's protests. Draco deemed it was for the best.
Saying that the meeting was awkward was a huge understatement. Draco got closer to Angelica, looking for comfort when Nymphadora sent him a suspicious glare. The muggle gathered this chit-chat would be unpleasant for them all if she didn't find a safe topic to talk about. Anything. Even if it was something trivial like the weather. As if on cue, Teddy's hair turned from sandy to blue.
"What… How… Did his hair just change colors?" spluttered Angelica, wide-eyed.
Remus looked at his son with a tender smile and then at Nymphadora, who was grinning mischievously. Two seconds later, she transfigured herself into Angelica. The real Angelica squealed and jumped in her seat, startled. The Lupins gave a little laugh, and even Andromeda smiled diverted after her daughter went back to her usual body.
"What the… Can you all wizards and witches do this?" asked Angelica, a hand on her hammering heart.
"No. Only a few like Dora and her son," growled Draco, not a trace of amusement on his angular features. "You could have been gentler or warned her before doing that. She's a muggle."
Nymphadora rolled her eyes.
"It was a joke."
"It wasn't funny. You really scared her."
His grey eyes turned fiery, his voice dangerously low. Remus and Nymphadora frowned.
"Aunt Narcissa didn't want to talk to my mother because she married a muggle-born. Your father was even worse. I know you bullied muggle-borns at Hogwarts. So tell me, since when do you care for a muggle?"
He clenched his fists. He knew he wouldn't like Nymphadora.
"I care since she saved mine and my godfather's life."
Silence filled the room.
Angelica's expression softened. Her hand almost reached for his, but he had already risen up.
"Excuse me. I'm not feeling good. I'm going to my room."
With that said, he left.
Angelica made to go after him, but Andromeda put a hand on her shoulder and whispered he needed time. The muggle gulped and glanced at Nymphadora and Remus, both with identical regretful looks.
"I wanted to break the ice. I didn't mean to frighten you or piss him off," apologized Nymphadora.
Angelica nodded. She knew Andromeda would like her and Nymphadora to at least be civil with each other, and she understood the need her cousin had had to joke and break the ice. The air had been too tense.
"Don't worry. That was awesome, actually. You just caught me unprepared… Tell me, how do you change your appearance?"
Everything ran smoothly from there. Nymphadora was actually funny and vivacious. Now Angelica saw why Severus wouldn't like the witch. They were too different. Remus wasn't as talkative as his wife, but he was quite polite and his eyes were kind. The scars on his face would have scared her a few months ago, but not now, not when her own arms had scars. Curious as she was, she knew better than to ask him about them.
"Tell him… Tell Draco that I am sorry and that I wish we can talk when I come again…" she said, taking some floo powder.
"And tell Snape we won't tell the Order…" added her husband. "You are safe here."
Angelica gave them a tiny smile and watched them go.
Moments later, she was in Draco's room. He was reading on the bed, legs flexed, the book on his knees. He shot his head up when the door creaked, alarmed. When he registered it was Angelica, he unstiffened.
"They've left… Nymphadora says she is sorry. She'd like you to stay the next time she visits us."
He snorted. She'd come back? Joy.
"Don't you want to have dinner?"
"I'm not hungry."
Angelica bit her bottom lip.
"Right… I just wanted to let you know I really appreciate the way you defended me… It meant a lot… And you are still my favorite cousin. Definitively."
Angelica didn't miss his victorious grin.
The Lupins kept visiting them throughout the winter season. The lab was Severus's perfect spot to hide whenever they came. Not meeting them meant no quarrels. That was everything he wanted. Sometimes, he stayed enclosed in a room with Draco, who didn't really feel comfortable around his hufflepuff cousin. Even though their visits were sporadic and brief, they were frequent enough to make Angelica see the Lupins as part of her new family, especially Nymphadora. They could talk about motherhood while Teddy, Ezra and Samuel played together. Hearing the twins squeal in delight when Teddy altered the color of his eyes or his hair to mirror theirs was Angelica's favorite part of the day.
Draco woke up and raised the blind. He cocked his head, eyes squinting, molested by the sunlight that came through the window. Eventually, his eyes adjusted to the light, and he looked outside. The tree from the garden was beginning to grow its leaves again. A few flowers were blossoming. The smell of recently rained grass harbored him when he opened the window. The weather wasn't as freezing.
Spring had come at last.
Many people were keen on spring. Yet, Draco could only think that he had spent another season without knowing anything about his parents. He just wanted everything to end, no matter how comfortable he felt with Angelica, how safe he felt with Severus, and how entertained he was with Samuel and Ezra.
Some hurried steps came from the corridor, and he knew Angelica was going to make her daily visit to the lab.
She found Severus writing something. Why would he use ink and parchment when simple pens and papers worked more efficiently? It was one of the thousand wizarding things she would never comprehend.
"Can you help me with the babies?"
He lifted an eyebrow and met her vivacious hazel eyes, only they weren't as vivacious as usual. Her palm was on her forehead. Was she overwhelmed? Did she have a headache? Either way, she had captured his attention.
"What's the matter?" he asked, setting the quill aside.
"They are feeling under the weather today. Andromeda's at Dora's place, babysitting Teddy. I don't want to bother Draco with ill babies… I don't really want to bother you either, but I am really worried about my sons. I don't know if it's grave enough to call the doctor."
Severus sighed. He just couldn't say no to her when she looked at him with those eyes of hers. He gave her an almost imperceptible nod and exited the lab.
Angelica watched in awe as he passed his wand over Samuel and Ezra in deep concentration and elegant moves. Like a dance. She was absorbed in his hands, large yet long-fingered. For a moment, she envisaged him caressing her cheek while his thumb traced her lips, then descended to her neck and cleavage and cupped her—
"They have a fever," he interrupted her fantasies and summoned a flask. "Two daily doses of this potion for three days will suffice."
A fever.
Damn.
"Is this potion safe for my babies?"
He wanted to snort. Did she believe he would suggest the potion if it wasn't safe? He may have killed a man, but he would never poison two babies. Until then, he had thought she was one of the very few people who didn't see him like a monster. But then her worried eyes pierced him, and any snarky remark he was about to make died somewhere between his brain and his mouth. She had merely asked because mother instinct had kicked in. He saw it then. He sighed and forced himself to speak soothingly, even if some firmness was still palpable.
"My mother used to brew potions and sell them as homemade remedies to the neighbors to earn a little money. I guarantee you, this potion is safe for babies. Muggles can't brew them, but they can drink them. Ezra and Samuel should be fine in brief."
He offered them some drops of a yellowish beverage that supposedly reduced fever. Suppressing a grin was a titanic struggle for Severus, principally when Samuel smiled up at him and wrapped his hand around his bony finger as if thanking him and telling him he was feeling fine again. At the end, he didn't smile. Leastwise, the dictionary's definition didn't describe the weird face he pulled with his lips painfully stretched out as a smile. But Angelica knew better. Here he was, a wizard hated by the entire wizarding community for killing a man and ex-spy on the run for trying to save his own godson being disarmed by an innocent baby. Life was ironic.
"Thank you," she muttered loud enough for him to hear.
He gave her a nod, his gaze fixed on the twins to ensure the potion worked accordingly.
"You'd be a good father, you know?"
He made a choking sound.
"That's a lot of hogwash," he finally replied, meeting her eyes.
Angelica frowned.
"Why do you think so? Samuel likes you, and so does Ezra."
"I'm a Death Eater," he muttered darkly.
"Former Death Eater," she stressed. "And so what? That has nothing to do with being a good parent."
Severus stared at her intently, reading her thoughts without drawing on legilimency. Angelica sucked in a short intake of breath, but didn't back down, not even a little. No. Ignoring her racing heartbeat, she held his gaze and waited for him to make a move.
"I am not their father. I'll never be, no matter how much you try to involve me in their lives."
His voice was unemotional, but the coldness didn't reach his eyes. If Angelica hadn't blinked, she would have detected a hint of envy in them.
"I know you aren't their father. I happen to remember with whom I sleep."
Did she have to lay emphasis on the last word? Now Severus pictured himself taking her to bed and undressing her, touching her, making her scream his name in an urgent need, letting her touch him until nothing else in the world existed but her and the pleasure she provided him. No matter how much he tried to control it, the heat rose to his cheeks. He hoped she didn't notice. He hated his pale skin. It made his blush much more evident. Anyhow, she didn't comment on his rosy cheeks. Only the babblings of the babies cracked the tense silence that had swept over them.
"Where is their father?"
Angelica froze. She stifled the impulse to tell him it wasn't his business. After all, she had told him they were friends and he had acceded to tell him about Remus and Nymphadora, even if grumpily. He had been helping her and the babies for months. He deserved the truth.
"I don't know."
Severus quirked an eyebrow at the vague answer.
She rolled her eyes. And people said women liked gossiping. Men liked it just as much.
"He seemed like a decent guy until I got pregnant. He left when I told him the news. He wants nothing to do with the children."
Her voice was flat, but her eyes looked slightly glittery. Obviously, she was still hurt, but was she hurt because she had been rejected, or because the babies wouldn't meet their father? Most likely both. He wanted to tell her that muggle that had done this to her and to the children was a bloody fool. He wanted to tell her that it was his loss, but he was only capable of mumbling three pathetic words.
"I am sorry."
"Don't be. He was a bastard. Apparently, it's a curse of mine. I always fall in love with bastards, mainly when they have black hair, skillful hands and a sarcastic sense of humor."
The golden grains in her hazel eyes seared. She was looking at him meaningfully, and Severus was at a loss. Was she insinuating something? He remembered the way she looked at his half-naked form when Draco disappeared in Upper Barnton, the way she had opened up to him after she got her scars, the way she stroked his cheek and touched his greasy hair with no trace of disgust on her face. He hadn't really given that much of a thought though. He had had a few flings, but when it came to romantic relationships, he was oblivious of the other's affections towards him. You are reading too much into insignificant signs, he used to tell himself. Nobody will ever love you. That didn't stop him from fantasizing or falling, if his rapid pulse and respiration weren't of any indication.
"What about you?" she wondered.
"Me?"
"You have never mentioned a woman, or a man, for the matter."
"I'm straight," he hissed, raising an eyebrow at the implication.
She smirked. She had intuited the answer before asking the question. She had merely teased him and dug up the bit of information she required, and he had fallen for it. Damn this muggle!
"So Mr. Straight, do you have a girlfriend? A fiancé? A wife, even?"
His eyes narrowed. So she wanted to tease him? Two could play at that game.
"Are you jealous of her?"
She trapped a curl of her brown hair and twirled it around her fingers mindlessly as her crooked smile enlarged.
"Would you like me to be jealous?"
His breathing was interrupted for a second. His tactic had backfired on him… or had it? Hadn't he looked for a bit of flirting when he asked that question? Was this even flirting? What was going on? For once in his life, Severus was speechless, unsure of how to proceed. Angelica giggled then, and Severus felt lighter despite his obvious embarrassment.
"There isn't a woman, is there?" she asked, the last gurgles subsiding.
"No," he replied flatly.
She made a humming sound and flashed him a content grin. Was that another sign she was interested in him? Was he reading too much into it again?
"Well, call me selfish, but I am glad you are single," she said as she moved forward towards him.
Their noses nearly bumped. His gaze focused on her mouth rather than her eyes for once. He shouldn't have done so. Angelica chewed on her lips. How he wished he was the one chewing on her lips. How dangerous that thought was. He couldn't even think clearly when her hot breath hit his face. He wanted to take a step back, but his body had another agenda and remained immobile. If he hadn't known any better, he would have suspected she had used a love potion on him.
"Why do you care about my civil status?"
"Because I can finally do something I've meant to do for a long time…"
Angelica tilted her head and leaned in, but stalled before their lips actually brushed. She wanted to give him a chance to back away.
He didn't.
That was enough to encourage the muggle to crush her plump lips against his thin ones. His whole body became rigid. His eyes closed, savoring the moment and tasting new feelings he had never experienced before. She moved her lips, but Severus remained fixed. Angelica poked the tip of her tongue and glided it across his bottom lip, willing him to kiss her back. He surrendered the moment her hand curled in his black hair. The sensation of her fingers in his hair, the object of mockery back when he was a teenager, the object that now this muggle seemed to adore, was undeniably exquisite. Hadn't she said she liked bastards with black hair earlier, or was it just his imagination? Who cared? He didn't want her to stop. This was so wrong. Severus knew it. But damn it all! It felt tremendously good. In fact, it felt like ages since he had felt so at peace, so warm. He still couldn't grasp why she'd do something like this. He still knew he should be pulling her away. That didn't stop him from opening his mouth and granting her permission to explore his mouth while he did the same to hers.
Severus grew bolder as the time went by, and his spidery fingers traced down her spine. She responded to his touch, pressing harder into him, tugging at his hair. A low whimper was heard, and it took him a while to recognize it as his own. What was she doing to him? Why couldn't he control his body? He had been a spy, for Merlin's sake!
Angelica smiled against his lips, not really breaking the kiss, and nibbled his bottom lip. Now he moaned again. He had no doubt it was him, yet another throaty sound followed next, too high-pitched to belong to him. Did that mean she was enjoying this too? Afraid of the answer, Severus shut his mind and focused solely on her, on the bewitching smell of her honeyed shampoo and her fingers massaging his scalp. What if this never happened again? For all he knew, this could be a dream. He might as well enjoy it while it lasted.
A wail.
She broke the kiss with a groan. Severus cursed internally. Of course this was bound to happen. It was too good to be true. Angelica shot an apologetic glance and picked Ezra up. She rocked him, hoping he would hush and she could continue what she and Severus had started.
A minute later, there were no baby cries in the room. She smiled and spun around. Severus was no longer there. Her face fell.
Angelica found him not in the lab, but in his own room.
"Why did you run away?"
Not even a glance from him.
"Am I such a bad kisser?" she asked with a nervous laugh.
Silence. The vein in her neck was beginning to throb.
"Don't you dare ignore me. What's wrong? I thought we were fine."
She only got a scowl as a response. Far from giving up, Angelica approached him and lifted his chin to meet his eyes. Much to his dismay, he leaned into her, eyes closed, a hint of vulnerability that didn't last longer than a second. His jaw clenched. Their gazes locked.
"I enjoyed the kiss. Didn't you?"
Pain flicked in his eyes, but only for a second. It had occurred so rapidly that Angelica assumed her mind was playing tricks on her. He grew cold then, colder than ever. He jerked his head out of her touch as if she had burned him. A hand gesture to indicate she should go away, and the door slammed shut.
She would have banged until he let her in and then snogged the hell out of him until he gave up and kissed her back, but she knew it would only aggravate matters. Kissing him had been a disastrous mistake. They had come a long way from not standing each other to being friends. Dreaming about being something more had been hazardous, and actually giving it a chance had erased all the effort put into their friendship. She had screwed up.
Draco's attitude had been down since spring came, and he didn't open up to anybody in the house. Not talking to either Severus or Draco was sheer torture for Angelica.
One afternoon she entered her cousin's room. He was looking through the window, a pensive and nostalgic expression painted on his face.
"Hey. Are you okay?" she asked, getting close to him and putting a hand on his shoulder.
He flinched.
"I'm fine," he said more brusquely than intended.
At least he had spoken, but that didn't stop her from rolling her eyes.
"Sure, you are."
"Just leave me the hell alone!"
"No. Not until you tell me what's wrong with you."
He didn't speak. He didn't even look at her.
"I care for you, okay? I am worried. Severus doesn't talk to me. You don't talk to me. I have Andromeda and the kids, but I got used to our chit-chats. I miss them. So tell me what the matter is."
Draco felt a warm feeling when he heard Angelica acknowledging she cared for him. It was something that only his parents had ever told him. It meant even more to him since he was aware Angelica was someone who acted upon emotions but wasn't one to confess them much.
"I miss my parents. I miss Hogwarts. Flying. Quidditch."
"You don't like it here."
"I like you and the twins, and I always felt safe around Snape… Aunt Andromeda isn't half as bad as I thought. We are not so awkward. Still, I miss my life. It's been months since I last saw my parents. I just want this bloody war to end."
She kept mute for a long time, thinking thoroughly the right words to tell him.
"I missed my parents a lot when I was your age…"
He swallowed hard.
"How did you cope with it?"
She shrugged.
"I told myself that there would be brighter days and carried on."
"And now you are on the run, hiding from our crazy Aunt." He snorted, "You lied to yourself."
Angelica shook her head.
"It is true that these aren't the best conditions, but I didn't lie to myself. My days did turn brighter."
Draco met her gaze and raised an eyebrow.
"I have two sons and a new family, including a lost teenager who has an obsession with Disney films," she teased.
"I'm not obsessed," he stressed, but he couldn't fight back a grin.
It was tiny, but it was there, and he didn't feel so blue when Angelica let him hold Ezra. She had given him hope. If she had survived and found beauty even when everything seemed to go against her, he could follow her example. After all, they were cousins, and they had something more than blood in common: a sense to keep holding on, of self-preservation.
"You'll see your parents again, Draco."
A few minutes ago he would have snorted. Now he believed there was a little chance to see them.
