Disclaimer: see my profile
A/n thank you all for your patience in waiting for this update. I have a nasty cold that's still lingering, so it will be awhile for the next chapter as well. Also, thank you to everyone that voted for my stories in the Profiler's Choice Awards. I won for Best Unusual Pairing with "Sleepover," and for Best Characterization of Reid for "Memoirs of a Godfather." Thank you all again, you're all the best fans a person can have. Thank you once again to my awesome beta REIDFANATIC for her support and her friendship.
March in Las Vegas meant sunshine so bright it hurt the eyes. Chriscelia couldn't believe how warm it was while the calendar still said winter, at least for three more days. The windows of their hotel room looked out over the city to I-15. Chriscelia turned away from them and crossed their suite to the bedroom. Spencer still slept even though it was almost eleven am. The red eye flight and checking into the hotel had taken what small reservoirs of strength he had left. She'd let him sleep for a couple of hours, and then they'd talk.
"Mom?"
The questioning plea of a child tinged Spencer's voice and drew her to his side. "Babe," she climbed into bed with him and curled into his side. "Hey, it's all right. I'm here, my love."
"Mom?" A lone tear slid from under an eyelid and down a cheek. "Don't go," he begged.
"Shh…" Chriscelia feathered her fingers through his hair. "Everything's going to be okay. I promise."
Spencer relaxed under her caressing fingers. She continued to skim her hand up and down his back and through his hair.
"I wish I could make it all go away, Spencer. You're too kind and gentle to deserve so much pain."
She leaned down and kissed his cheek. Her lips encountered the salty residue of his tears, and her heart jumped. Her voice shook with an ache she couldn't keep at bay. "I'll always be here."
She hugged him tight, and his warmth made her sigh. If only they were traveling for a reason other than saying goodbye to his mother. After a few minutes, she hovered in that place between waking and sleep when Spencer moved. She opened her eyes to see him staring at her with pain and relief in his beautiful eyes.
"I'm so happy you're here with me, Chriscelia. I was dreaming that I never met you and I had to go through this alone."
He shuddered, and she hugged him even tighter to her chest. "I'm not going anywhere, my love. How do you feel?"
He drew in a breath as though it hurt him to take in air. "I feel like I'm in the middle of a waking dream. I keep hoping every time I open my eyes, I'll be home, and my mom will be alive and well, or as well as she could be on any day."
"I do understand." Chriscelia kissed him. "I wish I could do more than listen."
"That's what I need, Celia. Someone to listen and to let me breakdown if I need to."
"You can break down as many times as you need."
Spencer lay his head on her shoulder. "I love you so much."
"I love you too, sweetheart."
Reid let go of her and pulled up to a sitting position. "I need a shower, and then I'll call my father."
"You sure? You don't have to do this right now. You need a few more hours of sleep."
"No. I need to get up, or I'll stay in this bed permanently."
"All right."
Spencer emerged about twenty minutes later to find Chriscelia on the couch in the living area. She was writing in a notebook. She looked up and greeted him. "Hey, you feel better?"
"I feel more awake, but not better. I still feel like I'm in shock."
He joined her on the sofa. She put aside her notebook and took his hand. "I think you feel exactly the way the way you do because it's what you need right now if that makes any sense." She smiled at him, and he sighed.
"Yeah, it makes sense. Everyone goes through the stages of grief at different times."
His phone rang, interrupting him and when he saw that it was Garcia's number, he nearly decided to let it go to voice mail, then he picked it up because she wouldn't stop calling until he answered.
"Hey, Garcia."
"Hello, my sweet cheeks. How are you?"
"I'm out of bed and functioning on about half-speed."
"I'm so sorry, Spencer."
"I know, Penelope. Thank you."
"I'm to tell you that the team has everything in hand. You're not to worry about us. We love you and want you to think about what's best for you."
"Thanks, Garcia. Right now, I can't make myself believe it's real. I'm in a bit of denial."
"Oh, Spencer. What can I do?"
"Nothing. Just keep believing that everything happens for a reason because right now I'm having a lot of trouble with that concept."
"I'll believe it for both of us."
He found the strength to smile. "I love you, do you know that?"
"I do, but it's good to hear. I love you too, sweet cheeks."
Spencer clicked off his phone and laid it on the end table. He wandered to the window that looked out on the desert. It was a sunny day with a brilliant blue sky overhead. He knew it would be at least twenty degrees warmer than DC and it wasn't right. It should be rainy and cold, and gray instead. He stood without moving until he felt arms encircle his waist. "Hey," Chriscelia kissed his shoulder.
"I guess I should call my dad, but I don't want to. I want to live in denial and pretend that we're here to visit, instead of saying goodbye to my mom."
"Oh baby, I wish I it were true. I wish I could've met her and had the opportunity to know her as your mother and as a person."
"I know," he turned to her and put his hands on her face. "I wish more than anything that she could've known you for all that you are. You're a kind, sweet, beautiful woman who doesn't let me get away with anything and knows how to take care of herself. Your writing is entertaining, and it has a soul that touches hearts, which is why you're so successful. I wanted my mom to see all of that."
"Perhaps she sees it now," Chriscelia said.
"A few years ago, I didn't believe in an afterlife. When Tobias kidnaped me, my beliefs began to change. When my heart stopped, and I was clinically dead, I saw something, light, and warmth that I wanted to embrace."
She put her head on his chest. "I'm glad you didn't because I need you, Spencer Reid."
"I need you too."
Spencer wrapped his arms around her and held her to him as though he were afraid she'd fly away like a gull over storm-tossed ocean waves. She kissed him where his neck and shoulder met. "You don't have to go anywhere or do anything, Spencer. Please just relax for a few hours and let me hold you."
"I wish I could," he whispered. "You don't know how much I want to sit here for the rest of the day and hold onto you, but I have to see my dad."
Chriscelia sighed and reached up to brush his hair away from his eyes. "I know seeing him now isn't easy. What can I do?"
"Will you go with me?"
"Yes."
"I wish you'd met him in different circumstances, but – "
"Shhh…" Chriscelia continued to stroke his hair back from his forehead. "Life doesn't grant us the right time for most things in life, babe."
He chuckled a little, and the sound made her heart lift just a bit. "You're right, of course. I just wish I had more time with her."
He sat up and Chriscelia adjusted her hold on him to just an arm around his shoulders and her head on his upper arm. "You said you'd become closer in the last three years."
"We have. I finally decided it was time to let go of the past. I know he never stopped loving my mom, and I know he loves me, too, but it was extremely difficult to see for most of my life."
"He left," Chriscelia said. "It's not easy to forgive abandonment."
"No," he agreed. "You're right, but for good or ill, he's all I have left now. I need to call him." He stood and reached for his cell phone. He looked at it and let out a bitter laugh. "A few years ago, I would have been too angry with him to reach out like this. Maybe, in this case, life got the timing right."
Chriscelia smiled. "I think you're right."
CMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCM
Chriscelia answered the door to their hotel suite when a server from room service brought up the brunch she'd ordered for them. She arranged the food when Spencer stepped back into the room after calling his father. "What's this?"
"I thought we could use some food."
"I'm not hungry."
"Please try to eat a little," she pleaded. "I don't want you to get sick."
"I'll try."
Spencer took a slice of buttered toast and bit into it. He chewed as if he didn't taste it. He ignored the coffee which Chriscelia took as a bad sign.
"Do you want to talk about your conversation with your dad?"
He shook his head. "There's nothing to tell. He wants to see me and meet you. I thought it might be easier if he came here. I'm not ready to go to his place with you. I hope you understand."
She nodded. "I do understand, Spencer. I hope we'll have plenty of opportunities to spend time in his home."
"Me too."
Her appetite suffered rather than increased as usual when she felt stress, and she couldn't eat more than a few mouthfuls of the scrambled eggs she ordered. She picked up a red grape from the fruit plate and popped it in her mouth, but the sweetness was cloying. She saw that Spencer ate half the slice of toast and some of the bacon before pushing back from the table and going to the sofa.
"Not a good idea," she said and picked up her glass of juice.
"I'm sorry, I'm just not hungry."
"Neither am I," she said and went to the sofa. "Sorry I tried to push it."
He moved back into her arms. "It's okay. I'm sure I'll have to take in calories at some point."
"Until further notice, you're not required to do anything or feel any way about anything," she said she a tiny smile.
"Thank you, Celia. I'm not entirely sure what I'd do without you here."
"Good, because I'm sticking around for as long as you need."
"Then forever," Spencer said and kissed her.
"That's the plan," she responded after he released her lips.
CMCMCMCMCMCM
Two hours later, a knock at the door signaled the arrival of Spencer's father. Chriscelia squeezed Spencer's hand and kissed him. "It's going to be okay."
He drew in a breath, blew it out, and went to the door. "Hello, Dad."
They shook hands, and William Reid stepped into the entryway. "Hello, Spencer."
After a minute, William seemed to some to some decision. He clasped Reid into his arms and thumped him hard on the back. "I'm so sorry," he said hoarsely, and there were tears in his voice as he spoke.
Spencer flinched, tried to pull away, then let his father hug him. For the first time since childhood, he felt comfort in the touch of his dad, and he stopped struggling to push him away. "I'm sorry, too, Dad."
William released him and pulled back. "I wish – "
"Don't," Spencer said. "We can't change what happened in the past. You and I have reached an understanding, and I want to move on from there, okay?"
"You're more forgiving than you should be, Spencer."
"No, but now that I have four little boys in my life that I love, I understand things more from your side."
"Thank you," William said and wiped at his eyes. "I'm so glad you found a way to forgive me. I can't imagine losing your mom without you in my life for a little ill-deserved support. I never stopped loving her, son."
"I know, dad. She never stopped loving you. I could see it every time she spoke of you."
"Thank you for telling me."
"You're welcome."
William noticed Chriscelia standing back from them, her eyes on him as if she were evaluating him as a possible problem. "Is this the woman you told me about, Spencer?"
"Oh yes, I'm sorry, Celia. This is my father, William Reid. Dad, this is Chriscelia Moore."
"I'm pleased to meet you."
Chriscelia stepped forward and shook his hand. She looked at Spencer, and he nodded. "I'm glad to meet you too, Mr. Reid."
"Will you please call me, William? I'm sure you've heard all about me. Everything Spencer has told you is true. I did abandon him and his mother when he was ten. It was the worst mistake I ever made, and I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to him. I was so thrilled when he told me about you. He loves you very much."
"I love him, too."
"Why don't we sit?" Spencer said.
They went to the living room. William took one of the wingback chairs, and Spencer took the sofa with Chriscelia by his side.
"Spencer tells me you write."
"Yes. I've published two books, and another will be on the shelves in about six months."
"Spencer always loved to read. Dianna," he began, and his voice cracked. "She loved to read to you," he directed to Spencer.
"I remember, dad."
They sat in awkward silence for several minutes. "Have you spoken to her doctor, Spencer," inquired William.
"Yes, he said she had a massive stroke in her sleep. He said it was painless and – " He had to stop and clear his throat. "She didn't suffer." Chriscelia took his hand and held it tightly. "I guess that's good, right?"
"Yes," William said and swallowed hard.
"Dad, I'm sorry I took her away for all those weeks. I thought I was doing the right thing, and all I did was rob you of time with her. Will you forgive me?"
William stared at his son. "There's nothing to forgive, Spencer. I robbed myself of time with her by giving into selfishness and weakness. I'm to blame for losing precious years with her. You were doing what you thought was right."
Spencer sighed. "All I know is that I have to stop thinking about what if I'd just left her in Bennington where she was happy. I have to be grateful that she passed away in a familiar place instead of at the Anderson Clinic where she was so unhappy."
"As I said, you have nothing to apologize for, Spencer. I'm glad your mother was happy at the end."
"I wish I knew what to do now," Spencer said. "I feel like I've forgotten something, or that I need to do something important and I can't think of what I'm supposed to do."
"Son, you don't need to do anything but spend time with the ones that love you," he looked at Chriscelia. "I'm glad he has you. Thank you."
"You don't have to thank me, William. I love him. I'll stay here as long as he needs and support him in whatever he decides to do."
Spencer reached over and patted her hand. She laid her head on his shoulder. "I have no idea what she wanted for a service, dad."
"I know what she wanted," William said. "One thing we did right was planning our final expenses and what we wanted for a service. You mother asked to be cremated, and her brain donated to science."
"What? Are you serious?"
William took in his son's utter shock and thought about the first time Dianna had asked their lawyer to put it in her will. He too had been flabbergasted until he realized she was completely and totally serious.
"Yes, it's in her will. She specified it soon after her diagnosis of Schizophrenia. She said that the medical profession might be able to find an anomaly that explained her mental illness and therefore help others."
"Is her will binding? Doesn't a person have to be of sound mind?"
"There's no law that says a person must be of sound mind and body to make a will. All they have to have is testamentary capacity which means – "
"They know the nature of their actions; they know the natural objects of their bounty, know the nature and extent of their property and understand the disposition of their assets called for by the will," Chriscelia listed.
William and Spencer stared at her. "Yes," said William. "That's right."
"I learned about wills when I did research for my most recent book."
Spencer squeezed her forearm. "Nice," he said and smiled at her.
"I think it's a good idea," Chriscelia said. "If you don't mind my sticking my nose in where it doesn't belong."
Spencer shrugged. "I'm not sure, but it's what she wanted, so we do it."
"I've already looked into the best way to handle it. I have a friend that specializes in medical law and the donations of bodies to medical science. He'll handle everything."
Spencer nodded. "Alright, I guess that leaves the service."
"We don't have to to this today," William said.
Spencer looked at Chriscelia. "What do you think?"
"I think your dad is right. Let's leave it until tomorrow, babe."
William stood. "I think I better go."
"You don't have to go, Dad."
William surveyed the couple in front of him and how they clung to each other. He saw how Chriscelia could calm his son with just a touch and a look. He cleared his throat and tried not to think about when he was a young man and deeply in love with Dianna. "I do," he insisted. "You need some time alone. We'll talk tomorrow."
"I'll call you," Spencer said.
William nodded, then stepped over and bent to hug his son. "I love you."
"I love you too, Dad. Thanks."
"It was great to meet you, William," Chriscelia got up to see him to the door.
"Please take care of him," William pleaded quietly. "He needs you."
"I will."
She let him out of the suite and watching him go to the elevator before going back to the couch. "Hey," she said softly to Spencer as she cuddled up to him.
"Hey."
"I like your dad."
Spencer sighed and nodded again. "I do too, but it's hard to forget the bad times. I wish…" He shook his head. "If wishes were pennies, I'd be a millionaire."
"I think I know what you mean."
He pulled away from her. "Will you come with me? I suddenly want to get out of this room and breathe in some fresh air."
"Sure," she stood. "Where are we going?"
"It's a surprise."
